My daughter nursed all through my second pregnancy. Some of my friends thought she would wean when my milk dried up, like some of theirs had, but I wasn’t surprised at all when she just kept going, and going, and going.
There was a time I thought my oldest daughter would never wean. I was certain she would still be nursing by the time Kindergarten rolled around, and I was even trying to imagine what it would be like to be the only woman in the world nursing a high school student. It’s an understatement to say my oldest loved to nurse. She would have nursed if my breasts leaked motor oil.
My milk did change when I was pregnant, and I think it dried up near the end, but this didn’t stop her. She went from nursing numerous times per day to about three or four times per day, but always before bed and always when she was hurt or needing some extra attention. I didn’t mind. I knew she was nursing for comfort and that was okay with me. She was 22 months when I got pregnant and she fully stopped breastfeeding five months after her sister was born, the night before her third birthday.
I probably would have let her go longer but the physical sensation of nursing an almost three year old felt strange to me. While I had handled her nursing throughout the pregnancy with practically zero complaints of sore or sensitive nipples, suddenly the physiological sensations of nursing two children of different ages were too overwhelming. I literally got the heebie-jeebies. Luckily she only nursed for short periods of time (1-2 minutes) and she respected my wishes when I asked her to finish up.
As her third birthday got closer and closer I began conversations with her about weaning. We made a plan that the night before her birthday she would have her last nursing session. It came and went quickly without any problems. She asked me to confirm if it was our last session and I said it was. Then she said goodnight and went to sleep. For the next few weeks she got caught up in coming over to me and saying “We’re not nursing anymore right Mommy?” I think it was her way of making sure it was over and coming to terms with it. She had been told that being three equaled being a “big girl” now and she was trying it on for size. For the most part she was pretty happy that she was growing up.
I admit during the first couple months afterwards, I did nurse her a couple times. But I chose not to see them as setbacks. The situations just called for it and I didn’t know what else to do. My baby needed me and I was there for her in the best way I knew how. She seemed to understand that this didn’t mean we were back to our old routine, and I know she was grateful for my allowances.
Many months later when we were playing she asked to nurse again. I knew it was a test. Nonchalantly, I told she could and waited to see what would happen. She looked uncertain but moved towards me to nurse and then at the last minute she drew her head back and laughed and said, “I can’t Mommy! I don’t nurse anymore!” I had passed the test. I made her feel welcome to try it again and in doing so made her feel loved and secure in that knowledge.
Sometimes I think that if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with baby number two she would still be nursing, but I guess I will never know. Now her sister has taken up the ownership of my milk supply and I wonder how long she’ll go. She won’t be stopping anytime soon, that’s for sure, and I am quite content with that. I know that we won’t be having any more children, so her weaning story will be quite different.
If you have questions about breastfeeding during pregnancy a couple of wonderful resource books are Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner and Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond by Hilary Flower. They helped me immensely to feel safe and comfortable with my choice to breastfeed during pregnancy. You can also click here for more information.
Related posts:
- The Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding a Toddler
- Transitioning a Breastfeeding Toddler To Her Own Bed
- Breast Milk or Food? A Breastfeeding Toddler Dilemma
- Questions For You About Nursing Your Toddler
- A Bike, A Beach and A Nursing Toddler
Tags: child-led weaning
Posted by Attachment/Natural Parenting, Breastfeeding Toddler, Pregnancy & Birth, Tandem Nursing Subscribe to RSS feed
What a great article!
I nursed my toddler through a pregnancy and went on to tandem nurse them both for quite a while. I definitely got “touched-out” and squeamish a bit towards the end, but my daughter was only 14m when my son was born, so I really wanted to continue.
Thanks for your comment! It’s funny because I never really felt “touched out” until I tandem nursed, even though breastfeeding just one also occurred many many times throughout the day.
Lovely weaning tale. I can relate to the “nurse-aholic” child for sure. I really love the way you viewed your daughters needs and kept in mind that you were offering her your love in a way she could understand. Thank you for sharing.
Reading this story brought tears to my eyes. I am in the thick of it right now. I am nursing a 7 month old, a 2 year 8 month old.
I loved that you talked about how you weren’t rigid. I felt reassured. That’s the way I weaned my 5 year old. I just did it as I needed to and people told me I should be clear and just set a date and stick to it… that just wasn’t our way. We had to meander through it and figure it out. It was a process. Some days I would love my 2 year old to stop nursing…some days I am still wanting to keep this closeness.
Like I said I am in the thick of it and the forest is a jungle!
Love this post and your whole blog!
I have 5 children ages 11 to 8 months and have nursed all of them through all the pregnancies and experienced just what you did, not likin it so much after the baby was born. seems the mowing jaws of the toddler were so harsh compared to the tickle tickle of the new baby….but we continued and I am currently nursing my 3 y/o and my 8 month old. sometimes i want to force him to wean (the 3 year old) but the others all did it on their own more like 4 years..with little set backs or returns here and there, I know it means so much to him and so I am still doing it but am not afraid to say no when I just *cant*.
Keep up the great blog!
Mamajoy aka Housefairy
Great stories… thank you ladies.
I nursed my toddler (AJ) until I was 7 months pregnant with my second baby… he weaned himself really & he was 2 1/2 years old. He knew that another baby was coming & that the baby would be nursing a lot… I just kept telling him that he would be sharing mama & that the baby would be drinking my milk, just like he did, but that it would be too small for big boy food.
Now that the second baby (another boy) has arrived, AJ has asked to nurse a couple of times, & I always let him. The first time he asked, he only drank a little bit & said “yummies”, the second time he laughed & said, “it’s not for me it’s baby Olivers”, & the last time he said, “it’s yummy, it’s for baby brother,”… I could easily see that he was so happy to be allowed to nurse, & that he was reassured of my love when I welcomed him onto my lap.
I am so happy & proud that I was able to nurse during my pregnancy, (despite the comments that some said like – are you allowed to do that, & won’t it harm the baby), because it gave me the extra snuggle time before the babe came, we still snuggle, AJ likes to lay across my lap & have his back rubbed while I nurse his little bro, & this helps us both enjoy a little closeness through out the day :0)
The weaning for us was also a slow, gentle process, we stopped one feeding at a time… & set no time lines for when the next nursing cut would be…. we just let nature & AJ figure it out.
We are all so lucky to have this bond with our babies… cherish these moments, I sure do!
[...] day, I was at a toddler gym drop-in center. I was pregnant and still breastfeeding my two year old daughter. I had noticed a pretty hip looking woman with two kids when I came in and [...]