I was raised to be modest. I was always being reminded to close the door, cross my legs, suck in my stomach and sit up straight. Mini skirts were out and turtlenecks were in. The only thing I knew about breastfeeding was that it was distasteful and to be done behind closed doors, if it had to be done at all. I wasn’t breastfed and neither was my mother.
Nudity was for the bathtub. Indeed, I was sure it was the only place people were allowed to be naked. Babies came from storks, the doctor gave you a pill to swallow to make a baby boy or girl grow in your tummy (you wouldn’t know which pill you had swallowed until the baby came out), and who knew how they got out of there for the stork to deliver them. Gym class was a nightmare. I don’t know how the other girls managed to dress and undress in front of each other. I was scared to use public bathrooms for fear someone would stand up on the toilet in the stall next to me and peer over the wall. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s and had female roommates that I learned that my body wasn’t something that needed to be hidden all the time.
I had a friend who used to go hiking topless. She also exercised in the nude in her shared living room and had naked dinners with her boyfriend. Although I didn’t share her naked pride, I was proud she was my friend. I didn’t realize it until much later but her confidence (some would say exhibitionism, but she would disagree) made me a lot more comfortable with my own body. My modesty was evolving.
When I had my first child I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I honestly wondered what I would do when she got hungry in public. I couldn’t imagine offering her my breast where other people might catch a glimpse of some socially non-acceptable flesh. But I surprised myself. The other side of me, the activist, and the new side of me, the proud and fierce mama bear, joined forces to do what needed to be done.
At first, I started off being as discrete as possible, but all the fussing around to get comfortable and drape a blanket over us and respond to her cries while she tried to remove the cover seemed to draw more attention to what I was doing and made me feel even more self-conscious. Not just of breastfeeding, but now my baby’s behaviour and my mothering skills.
I had to toss the props. Without them we were much more comfortable. And then finally, the day came when a woman in a mall food court came up to me and asked if I would be more comfortable nursing my daughter in the mother’s room. “We have a chair there,” she said. And I confidently looked up at her and said “No, thank you. I’m more comfortable here.”
A woman’s confidence to breastfeed in public comes from somewhere, whether it’s her upbringing, positive images of breastfeeding in the media, seeing other women breastfeed in public and experiences with friends, and intimate relationships. If a woman grows up with her clothes on, like I did, and is never exposed to an alternative before having her baby, what are the chances she’ll breastfeed? What are the chances she’ll breastfeed in public?
What do you think?
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Mel, you’re such an inspiration. Thanks so much for doing this and at such an opportune time, you know, for me
I’m looking forward to starting breastfeeding, which may be a bit optimistic. I’ve been reading as much as I can about it, and tomorrow I’m going to go interview a birth centre where I will be checking out their policies on skin to skin after birth and whatnot. I’m optimistic, but questions must be asked.
I figure though, that if I’m optimistic and informed, it should go well. Another few months of planning before it comes to anything.
Hmm.. I never thought that i would be commenting on this subject.. I found your blog actually in the wordpress forums and came here to see what your webdesing troubles were.. And then i got sucked into your article here.
I am not a mom, and always said that I would make a much better AUNTIE than a mom.. Although i have to admit, the thought has came into my mind a time or two.. I am 26 and newly married, so i have time.
Anyways, I think that moms breastfeeding is, well, it is what it is.. I dont think there is anything wrong with doing it when and where you NEED to. Its not like you WANT to, you need to.. And so long as you didnt make a huge fuss and whatever, then more power to ya!! The one thing that kind got me was the lady who made the fuss about the facebook/breast feeding picture.. I never saw the picture, but in my mind, why do you have to post that picture? I understand the need to breast feed when and where you need to, but why would you ever NEED to post a picture of you breast feeding on the net?? Now, again.. in my mind.. There are stipulations as well.. Nudity is bar none not allowed on those types of sites.. They dont allow it in any shape or form.. I dont know WHAT that picture looked like, but if it was JUST breast feeding and you could not see the nipple (which is what constitutes NUDE) then whatever, keep it up.. If it shows nipple, then its nudity and I understand then requiring her to take it down.. Facebook is not real life. Nudity is not allowed in public, but if you have a bee in your pants and needed to get them off as soon as possible, then i DOUBT you would be chastised for doing so.. Having a hungry, crying baby is like having a bee in your pants. You NEED to feed your baby, and that is how you feed your baby.. so you do it..
Personally, i have no idea if i would breast feed, because i have not had a baby.. I dont THINK i would because i am SUPER sensitive in that area (even a shirt rubbing will HURT).. But i have never been against it.. But i also strongly feel that people put WAY too much of themselves on the internet, and people do also need to value their privacy as well.
Hi Lindsay,
I hope you will check back to read this. If you do ever decide to have children I wanted to tell you something that might help you to decide to try breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is just that – breast feeding, it’s not nipple feeding. And if the baby is latched on and positioned correctly then you likely won’t even feel your baby nursing. When I am nursing my daughter to sleep I usually have to look down to see if she has come off my breast because most the time I can’t tell. And I have sensitive nipples as well. So I hope that won’t deter you.
And as for why women post breastfeeding photos of themselves on Facebook, you can read about the myriad of answers to that very question right here: http://www.breastfeedingmomsun.....ng-photos/
And if you still aren’t convinced then I leave you with something you might have heard other moms say before: “You just won’t get it until you have kids of your own.” And that’s okay. No one is ever fullt prepared for what motherhood brings and all the choices we have and how hard it is to choose what is best. But breastfeeding is best. It is what nature intended for our babies to drink – the perfect first food.
Thanks for your comments.
What a great blog…and terrific resource. I am going to link up with my blog, Momtrends ASAP. This month I am devoting posts to helping expecting moms and I’ve done a few posts on breastfeeding (I’m an advocate). Do you have a button I can put on my blog?
[...] my baby/toddler when she nurses, based on my earliest experiences with public breastfeeding ~ see The Evolution of my Modesty (or Growing Up With My Clothes On), I will cover up (with my jacket or a handy throw blanket) when I am around certain people. But [...]
[...] number of years ago, when I was a single gal living with my slightly exhibitionist roommate, we had one of her friends stay with us for a week or so. In exchange for a roof over his head, he [...]
[...] though I was raised to be modest and was pretty shy about my body throughout many of my adult years, I was determined early on to [...]
[...] I had was about myself and my ability to breastfeed whenever and wherever I needed to. I grew up in a very modest household and couldn’t see myself nursing in public or around other people. But I surprised myself [...]