Do shyer or more modest moms breastfeed just as long as less modest moms?
This question popped into my head when I saw these pictures on welcome to my brain.net, one of which is posted here today. Take a look. They are pretty powerful. Even though these moms are breastfeeding - yay – I’m saddened by them. They leave me feeling hollow and disappointed. Not with the moms, but with society. That our social “norms” are so powerful they create an almost comical adherance to them among some women. I’m guilty of this myself. While I generally do not feel compelled to make a big production out of covering myself and my baby/toddler when she nurses, based on my earliest experiences with public breastfeeding ~ see The Evolution of my Modesty (or Growing Up With My Clothes On), I will cover up (with my jacket or a handy throw blanket) when I am around certain people. But don’t these photos and the act of covering up draw more attention to the action taking place because of the covers used to screen them? I know that many of the nursing covers made today are stylish and a lot of women happily use them for different personal reasons. But they’re an unnecessary accessory.
My hypothesis is that moms who are more comfortable breastfeeding in public or not as worried about what other people think if they glimpse some breast flesh will breastfeed longer than other moms. I am guessing there is a correlation between moms who breastfeed in public and moms who practice extended breastfeeding.
Or maybe there is no correlation. Maybe there are just as many moms who practice extended breastfeeding who instead choose to breastfeed privately or covered up.
This is why people do studies. To find out if their hypotheses are correct or not.
I would be interested in reading a study on this. And before that happens these are just my ponderings. So if you disagree with my hypothesis feel free to tell me so. That’s why Monday Musings is called “musings.” Let’s generate a discussion! All comments are welcome.
P.S. Once I figure out how to make a poll on my blog I will set one up and we can figure this one out together!
Related posts:
- Poll Results: Moms Who Don’t Cover Do Breastfeed Longer
- Monday Musings: Do You Nurse Your Baby To Sleep?
- Nursing in Public: A Fresh Perspective on Nurse-In’s
- Monday Musings: Would You Nurse Another Woman’s Baby?
- Monday Musings: What Were Your Misconceptions About Breastfeeding?
Tags: modesty, nursing apparel, nursing covers, society
Great post! And something I’ve wondered as well. When you add that poll, please let us know!
When I see women nursing with covers, it reminds me of women in the middle east who wear burkhas. American women scoff at their culture and their repression of women, but do not seem to recognize that we repress ourselves and each other right here in this country.
I refuse to wear a cover because I am not ashamed of feeding my baby.
Emily Jones’s last blog post..Monday Munchies
By my 3rd baby I was quite comfy nursing in public and we extended breastfeeding until he was 2.5 and only weaned mainly because I was pregnant and it became painful for me. I’m nursing the new baby and plan to continue until we both mutually decide to stop. I think maybe some Moms feel the pressure to cover up and that it’s still something “bad” to do if others are around and I definitely can see them weaning sooner.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..And Then I Laughed Until I Cried
Great Post! I’m also intrigued by this question. It stands to reason, at least in my head, that those who are more conscientious of people watching them nurse would be less likely to continue to do it when society tells us we should be done. It seems to me that mom’s who would be so modest as to cover their heads as well as the nursing child would also be too embarrassed to be seen nursing a toddler. I think you’re right and I agree that it would be interesting to see a study on this. I’m saddened by those pictures. Breaks my heart to think someone would be that embarrassed about being seen feeding a baby.
Razzberry Momma’s last blog post..Otters and Penguins and Whales, Oh My!
Wow, that picture and the ones on the site you linked to really are sad. I can’t imagine being that uncomfortable that I would fully cover my own head and the head of my baby to nurse.
I think your hypothesis is interesting. I remember the first time I nursed my son in public was at a restaurant and there were a few people who kept staring at me and I was so mad. I wasn’t embarrassed about nursing my son, but I didn’t understand why they felt the need to try to MAKE me feel uncomfortable. I vowed right then and there that I was going to feed my baby whenever he needed to be fed and everyone who didn’t like it could kiss my big black butt.
Elita @ Blactating’s last blog post..New feature: Video of the Week
Like the other commenters, I would not be at all surprised if women who BF in public nurse longer in general. I’m currently nursing my 3-month-old and getting the hang of BFing in public again, but with my first baby, I was surprised to find that nursing her in public ended at about 9 months. I was totally willing, but around that age, she started refusing to nurse if we were out and about in the interesting world. I couldn’t get her to nurse unless we went home or somewhere else boring and familiar.
Our BFing relationship continued until she was 2 and a few months, but it was pretty much all at home, in our car, etc.
Julia’s last blog post..A Craftier Post Than Usual
Interesting hypothesis. I’ve honestly never really thought about the correlation between “discreet” breastfeeding and duration. I, myself, am an extended breastfeeder (4 yrs, 3 1/2 yrs and 2 1/2 and counting) and also lack the genetic capability for modesty.
I have joked that I have the most famous breast in the valley because I’ve been in the newspaper enough times with most of my breast (and sometimes both of them) exposed at various different baby related events.
Those pictures made me sad and angry. I can only imagine that that kind of embarrassment/concern/awkwardness that would cause a mother to shroud herself while nursing would also make public nursing more and more challenging as her child grew. Anyone whose has tried to nurse a toddler in public will know that stomachs (fat rolls, stretch marks and muffin tops alike) will be put on display along with wet nipples, scrunched up breasts and that ratty old bra you never wanted anyone to see but is the most comfortable one you own. There have been moments in my nursing life that have left me blushing (no mean feet in my case) and I can’t help but think that these would be breastfeeding enders for moms with a much higher level of modesty or at the very least would severly restrict the way they would nurse their children.
I’d like to add a small pro-quo here. I have covered my babies occasionally during that distracting time around 3 months old when the world is so much more fascinating that mommy but the need to nurse, nap or recharge quietly was paramount. Sometimes moms aren’t so much hiding their activities as providing a calm oasis for a distractable baby. Of course, I’ve never climbed under that blanket with my baby.
I hope you do get that poll up and running.
[...] are more shy, modest or uncomfortable breastfeeding in public who do use a nursing cover? Check out Monday Musings: Do Breastfeeding Public Breastfeeding Moms Nurse Longer? for more thoughts on [...]
@Elita, You rock girl! Your comment made me laugh. Thanks!
@Everyone else – the poll is up! Go and vote. Despite what I predict to be less than a statistically significant sample of voters, I can’t wait to see if this hypothesis is “correct” or not.
What a great question. My son just stopped nursing this week after 12 amazing months and I loved every minute of it! When in a public setting, I did cover up. Not because I was ashamed of what I was doing at all. It was because I live in a Jewish Orthodox community and I respect that people, both men and women, might be uncomfortable. When I am in the comfort of my own home or with other close family in friends, I did breastfeed in front of them with a cover up (have you seen how cute these things are?)That is just the me, I am more comfortable that why. That does not mean it is wrong for a mommy to nurse differently, it is just that I am more comfortable that way. I have never been insulted or yelled at in my neighborhood while breastfeeding. However, I was insulted by a woman sitting next to me on a flight from NYC to Chicago. I even asked her if she would be okay if I nursed my son next to her, with my cover up already in place. She rolled her eyes and in a very rude voice replied, “do whatever you want”. And, that I did!
Esti’s last blog post..A Day In The Life Of Many A Mommy
@Esti – thanks for your comment! You bring an excellent perspective to the discussion, and one that most people would not have experience with. You are right to point out that “That does not mean it is wrong for a mommy to nurse differently, it is just that I am more comfortable that way.” Although I personally don’t care for nursing covers, although you are right there are some very cute and stylish ones – just like the selection of fabrics for baby carriers, I think the most important thing is that the woman underneath it is nursing her baby. If a cover makes someone more comfortable to contine nursing or to nurse at all then all the more power to her. We are all different, we all have different needs and different tastes, and I completely respect that.
Melodie’s last blog post..Poll: How Long Did You Breastfeed? (Covering Up Vs. Not Covering Up)
Interesting question. I would imagine there is a link between how shy a breastfeeding mom is and how long she breastfeeds, but I’m not convinced its a strong one. I nursed both my sons until 10 months when they weaned themselves. They were busy boys and didn’t sit still long enough to continue. Although I rarely nursed in public and definately was not comfortable doing it it had no bearing on how long I nursed. I would have continued had they still been interested. Most places…malls, ferries etc have nursing rooms for mom and baby to have some privacy so there’s almost always a place to get out of the public eye.
Good luck with your survey, I’m interested in hearing the result.
Sheri
Interesting question but I think it is a culturally biased question to begin with… and the survey pool much too small.
I breastfed both my children for 18 months each. Usually I didn’t cover up. But sometimes I did. When I did cover up it was for a variety of reasons: it was cold out, I was especially leaky that day and a blankie nearby was convenient for wiping up, because I wanted baby to not be distracted and fall asleep, there was no other shade, or because the public situation suggested cultural sensitivity on my part. All valid reasons and in no way did these reasons influence the length of time I breastfed.
My concern with the survey is the underlying suggestion that unless you let it all hang out you aren’t as empowered or free. When I look at the photos of women covered up I’m not left with “hollow and disappointed” feelings at all.
Unfortunately I didn’t get to see the actual poll questions… but I have to wonder how both culture/demographics played into the questions and results.
Hi Lani,
Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog today. You bring up some good points and I am happy to tell you the poll questions that you missed however please check out the results post which can be found at the top of my home page that cover that also. There were two polls, one for moms who seldom or never covered and one for moms who usually or always covered. Covering being defined as using a nursing cover specifically used for privacy. Both polls simply asked the length of time moms nursed before weaning. Less than 3 mos, 3-6 mos, 6-12 mos, 12-18 mos, 18-24 mos or over 2 years.
I did say in my poll results and when the polls were out that I wasn’t conducting the most scientific study in the world. It’s not going to get published anywhere, no mater’s thesis will be written on its behalf. I just wanted to get an idea of how many moms covered and didn’t and who nursed longer. I did take into account the fact that more moms who read my site might be the moms who don’t cover, and quoted 2 moms from each catoegory, those who did cover feeling that covering didn’t have anything to do with how long they nursed just as you shared.
I think everyone’s story is differnt and since we are all unique my little poll isn’t going to cover all moms. I didn’t expect it to. But I do think it might generalize my hypothesis.
Like I also said at the end of my results post, I in no way meant to ostracize any moms or say one way is better than another. What is most important is the breastfeeding part.
But I sincerely thank you for your input. All comments are valuable to me and appreciated.
Melodie’s last blog post..Poll Results: Moms Who Don’t Cover Do Breastfeed Longer
I am a heavy duty supporter of breastfeeding. I nursed all 7 of my kids varying lengths of time from six weeks for my first one (had to return to active duty), to five years two months. I learned so much about nursing from reading, and reaching out to the La Leche League. I became an LLL Leader at one point while nursing my fifth child. My daughters have nursed their children as well, quoting the time they spent watching me, and the fact that they grew comfortable with it during LLL meetings. If any of us can help another mother give the best of themselves to their babies, it’s time well spent.
[...] got your belly covered.” This is interesting for me because of one of my past posts, Monday Musings: Do Public Breastfeeding Moms Nurse Longer? that resulted in the Poll: How Long Did You Breastfeed? (Covering Up vs. Not Covering Up) had a [...]
Still nursing at 22 months and I rarely covered up. But I did in certain situations; never with a special nursing cover – just threw a light blanket over us. Sometimes to protect from the sun or if someone was so close to me we were touching. I wanted us to have privacy- for our sake b/c nursing to me was a very special, intimate time – not just food. I wanted to respect that when we were out.
Deborah’s last blog post..Toxic Paws?
I am really enjoying your blog and the carnival of nursing but I did want to point out that some moms like me just aren’t comfortable nursing in public and that’s why I covered up. Not nursing in public wasn’t because I didn’t want people to see my boob, it was because I was having trouble latching my kids and I felt incompetent under the gazes of other women.
I am totally pro-breastfeeding, but I just want to leave the door open for those women that want to feed but aren’t as open or comfortable as some. I wrote more about this on my blog last weekend: http://www.concept9.ca/blog
Raj Thandhi’s last blog post..Hair Accessories Coming Soon!
I agree that nursing covers are beneficial for some breastfeeding relationships. I knew I had said that somewhere in another post – the one on the results of the covering vs. not covering poll – so I have pasted it here for you.
“One thing I want to say before I close is that I didn’t make this poll to further ostracize some breastfeeding moms. I don’t think it matters so much how a mother chooses to breastfeed her child. What is most important is that she is breastfeeding. And if using a cover can help a mom to breastfeed longer than she would have otherwise, then I applaud her for doing what she needs to do to give her baby the best start.”
I would never intentionally make a mom feel bad for using a cover just because I don’t. I do think their existence is a reflection on the type of society we live in though. The fact that you felt incompetent breastfeeding around other women/people while you struggled to latch your baby is both the most understandable reason to cover and also, again, a sad reflection on the reality of our culture, that we are so worried about being judged by others, because sadly women do judge! If only we all supported one another in a way that made all of our problems with breastfeeding accepted. More education in our health care system as well as continuing education and support for breastfeeding in the media, education in schools for young girls learning about menstruation and sex – why not breastfeeding too?
All of these things can add up to more confidence and understanding about breastfeeding and the trials and difficulties that can arise. So women like you wouldn’t need to feel ashamed or embarassed by your struggles and other women wouldn’t be afraid to speak up and kindly offer you help or support.
Thank you for your site and promotion of nursing covers for those who prefer or need them. You do wonderful service to breastfeeding moms.
[...] but I love her Magical Milk-Pic-O-The-Week, one of which prompted a popular Monday Musing post Do Public Breastfeeding Moms Nurse Longer? as well as her posts about her adoptions. 8. Mother Mary’s Soapbox is the [...]
Hello Nursing Mamas,
I nursed my first for 2 1/2 years & I used a cover up while out in public, mostly because I cherished this time with my baby & enjoyed a private snuggle. I think the cover gave me more confidence to nurse in public, although I am a very successful nurser, the cover allows us to be in our moment, I can get lost in the happy milky moments without having to deal with anyone’s issues, it’s us, my focus is on my baby. I was 7 months pregnant with my second when my first weaned himself. We too happily nurse all over the place, & I have a beautiful nursing cover which I usually use in public, mainly because this babe is so easily distracted, especially by his brother… it helps keep him to the task, it helps me keep modestly covered as I am also handling a three year old too… I enjoy the privacy of the cover, I proudly meet gazes & I smile as I rock with my 7 month old while I bounce my toddler on my knee. To top it all off my family is not pro breastfeeding, especially after 6 months, & I have had many “conversations” about my right to nurse as long as we like… as if they could stop me! The gawking was annoying to say the least, & I am grateful to be able to nourish my baby with a bit of privacy ~ it shuts them out of my beautiful moments…helps me remain in control of the situation. So I would still nurse without the covers & often do, but I enjoy how easy the cover has made it for me to nurse without having to defend my rights… this is not an issue that I would like to fight on a daily basis, I am happy to support public nursing, so I will continue to nurse wherever I need to, with or without a cover depending on my mood & the vibes of where we are…so I say enjoy your nourishing mama moments ~ I sure do