Your friend just had a new baby and you are wondering what you should get her. Those sweet little booties? (Look how tiny and cute!) Some cozy pajamas? (Look at the cute trucks! See those sweet ladybugs?) What about some diaper cream and baby shampoo? (Always practical!) Oh I know! What about a special baby blanket! (They’ll keep it forever!) Yes, shopping for newborns is fun, but if you really want to impress the new mom in your life, and possibly even make her cry with gratitude, I’ll tell you from personal experience what she really wants:
1) A nap
2) Someone to make her meals
3) Someone to do her housework
4) Someone to take the other children so she can get a break (and another nap!)
5) Someone to run errands
6) Someone to listen
You can’t go wrong with these. Yes, she will appreciate your store-bought or handmade gifts, but stop and think who you are buying these presents for before you go and spend your well-earned money. She’ll be gracious enough to thank you no matter what you give, but be forewarned – not all moms use soothers for their babies (my mom bought me a set for my second daughter and I thought “who are these for?”) and some moms like to pick out their own brands of baby care products. Some moms like to clothe their kids in natural fibers only. Some moms don’t like Disney. And some moms have enough Robeez to outfit quadruplets. And when the mom is on baby #2 or #3, it’s likely they have enough receiving blankets and sleeper sets to use as hand-me-downs. One new outfit is nice but ten will go unused. However, a gift of service is always welcome.
Here’s how to do it:
Schedule meal deliveries
If you are a close friend, offer to schedule meal deliveries for her. Before the baby arrives, arrange with her circle of people (friends, family, co-workers, church, etc) who can make her a meal and pick a day when they can drop it off. As long as the planner stays in touch with the new mom to let her know who to expect with a meal, this works well, and the new mom won’t be inundated with visitors. If you are one of her visitors, while you’re there doing your delivery and meeting the baby, jump in and do her dishes or sweep her floor. Make sure to bring her a glass of water when she’s breastfeeding too! New moms *love* that!
When I had my first baby one of my best friends and her sister (also a relatively new mom at that time) went to work and made me about a dozen meal-sized lasagnes (enough to feed both me and my husband at one sitting). A neighbour came over with soup and bread and another one brought us a casserole. I was so grateful I cried. It was so nice to not have to worry about cooking every night. With baby number two I planned ahead and stocked my freezer in advance. But the meals and muffins from friends that followed in the weeks after my second daughter was born were the special ones. Enclosed recipes were an added bonus so I recommend doing that too.
Money in a jar
At the new mom’s shower or Mother Blessing, instead of a present, or as an add-on, have guests bring anonymous cash gifts and toss the money in a jar. This is a great way for the new mom to pay for some housekeeping or errand-running services, or alternatively help pay for any big ticket items the family needs for the new baby.
Offer to take the kids for the afternoon
New moms need naps. If she has older children naps can be hard to achieve, so it is a welcome relief to have someone offer to take the kids to the park or over to their house for an hour or two (or three). Family or friends with other young children to act as playmates can be the best sources for child care.
Heading to town? Give her a call!
Next time you’re heading to the grocery store or the library, give her a call and see if she needs anything. It can be hard to get out of the house with a new baby in the early days. Some moms like to keep the baby away from public places during the first few weeks and others find it daunting to pack up a new baby up and get out, especially if other children are involved. I was so scared to venture out in public when my second child was born. I thought that there was no way I could handle buckling up a newborn and a toddler. It just seemed like too much work! What if she needed to nurse? How would I watch the other one? What if the older one didn’t hold my hand in the parking lot and took off? Post-partum hormones, new mom jitters and baby blues all contribute to making some moms a bit of a mess. It took a couple practice runs with my husband before I felt confident enough to do it on my own.
Support and listen
The early days can be hard. Whether it’s the first baby or the fourth, a new baby brings new challenges and changes that can be overwhelming. Your job is to support the new mom however you can and listen. Don’t criticize and don’t offer advice unless you are invited to.
Is she having trouble with breastfeeding? Hook her up with her local La Leche League leader, or bring her your favorite breastfeeding book or internet resource like Kellymom. If the baby is having trouble latching, offer to come over and observe and help (if you know how). If she is still struggling check to see if there is a lactation counsellor a the local health unit, or call an out of town LLL leader. They do phone consults all the time! If she is considering using formula because she is having a hard time, help her regain her confidence, gently educate, or get some professional help to succeed. It’s just so worth it! It is only a very small number of women who cannot produce enough milk to feed their babies. Women often quit too early because of wrongful advice or information. But once you have done all these things it is important to stand back and let her make the decisions that are right for her and her family.
Husbands, moms, sisters and mother-in-laws are the traditional folks to pick up the slack for new moms in the early days, but with so many families needing at least one parent to work and young families who live far away from their parents, often it is us, their friends, co-workers or congregation who can make the difference in those early adjustment days. And then when we get pregnant, guess who will repay the kindness?
What did you appreciate most when your baby was born? What didn’t you like? Do you have any other suggestions for helping out a new mom? All comments are welcome and appreciated.
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Tags: kindness, La Leche League, new baby gifts
You have hit the nail on the head! Here’s my wish list:
I’d like someone to make me a cup of tea AND hold the baby while I drink it. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve put the kettle on to make tea and either not had chance to make it or it’s sat and gone cold.
Similarly, I have (on rare occasions since my son was born) managed to gather a load of laundry, sometimes even managed to start the machine but would love someone to help me hang it out or iron. I am single-handedly killing the environment with the number of loads I’ve had to re-wash because it’s sat for long enough to fester.
OK, now I’m on a roll so come on and spoil me. I know that time for a long soak in the tub is never going to happen until the kids have grown up and left home but perhaps cuddle my kids while I brush my hair and teeth.
I know these dreams are selfish so here’s one for the older kids. Maybe instead of a baby gift, bring a toy or book for the older siblings.
Ok thanks Santa, I’ll make sure my chimney is clean. Let yourself in….
Great post!!
Throw in a massage and it’s my list. lol
Mon’s last blog post..March in Review
Brilliant. If only you wrote this post nine months ago, then I could have forwarded it to all my friends. Instead, I’m still working on donating a bunch of stuff given to me that I don’t need!
Jennifer’s last blog post..Cooking
Great post! I always tell my new moms going home from the hospital to allow a lot of “just the 3 of you” time in the first couple weeks. Dads….take on a protective role and tell that friend on the phone that you’d be happy to see them…2 weeks from Wednesday! I also suggest things like stay in you pj’s with bathrobe, if someone comes over, invited or not, they tend to hang, visit and party if you are all dressed, make-up etc… A polite well-wisher, seeing you in robe, should get the hint, drop off gift and leave. But send that person with the grocery list before they go! Ha ha..
Melissa Yetter’s last blog post..The 1970’s Maternity Ward
Wonderful list! When my baby was born a neighbor brought me a cheap, frozen pizza that night and I was so distraught. I think “healthy, wholesome meal” is on my list. Although I appreciated her efforts, a new mama needs lots of good nutrients!
I will have to keep this list and post it on my fridge next time I have a baby.
Sally Jackson’s last blog post..A House of Love
Great idea to post about. I had a food shower with my 2nd and 3rd babies and it was great. Everybody brought me something to put in my freezer. It was a really great idea, especially for subsequent pregnancies as you usually have all the cute baby gear already and you don’t have any time to cook or clean or nap or rest…
The cleaning gift reminds me of being 9 months preg with my second and having molly maid (local cleaning service) show up at my house. I almost cried with gratitude to think that one of my friends had sent me house cleaners when I was so tired and worn out. I cried for real when I found out that they’d just gotten the wrong house and then left.
C’est la vie!
While this obviously came a bit late for some of you – sorry!
I do hope that other pregnant or new moms reading this *might* just forward it to friends and family. Then they can say “hey, someone else wrote this and I thought it was interesting and I just can’t help but agree.” And then leave the ball in their courts and hope they catch your drift!
Oh! The needless gifts! I remember!
One of the BEST gifts I got, however, was a SnuggleWool blanket from http://www.snugglewool.com/shop/index.php
Check them out! Great stuff!
OK, late to the party again! Two teenagers, a two year old, and another due in Aug/Sept is my excuse….
This will be my second home birth. Folks seem to think that the postpartum is different. Its not. Anyways, food is always welcome. But don’t forget things like, offering to go to the grocery store or pick up fresh vegies (that stuff that falls off the list, or happens when hubby gets distracted by the sale on steak….). Wet wipes.
And did anyone mention doing some yard work so that you can spend a few moments with your husband? Or bringing in a nice meal from a restaurant? Both of those rock as well. A wonderful friend also loaned me an airbed (air matress?) so that I could lie down downstairs during the first uncomfortable week post partum and wasn’t stuck in my bedroom….
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