When my daughters were babies I made it perfectly clear to all my lactating friends, that if there were ever a natural disaster and they had my babies, and I couldn’t get to them, I would expect these friends to nurse them, and I, of course, would do the same for their children. Some of these same friends made a loose pact, at a time when they had babies within months of each other, that if any of them ever died, their husbands had strict orders to make sure their child received breastmilk from the other nursing moms. Of course, none of them died. And we have never breastfed each other’s children. We have not asked nor been offered, but the opportunity exists, if only under dire circumstances.
I think almost everyone knows someone who has breastfed another woman’s child. I actually know a handful of women who have admitted doing so. Two separate women nursed a friend’s baby when the friend asked them to because she was not able to at the time. Two girls I went to school with boasted about being breastfed by each other’s mother’s, thus making them, they felt, like sisters. Another mom expressed breastmilk for her nephew. And of course there’s the now somewhat notorious story of the blogging mom who nursed another woman’s baby after it was offered to relieve her painfully engorged breasts. For all sorts of reasons, “sisterly” ones in my experience, women cross-nurse.
This week I am writing a series of posts about wet nursing. Today a poll, Tuesday, some history behind wet nursing, Wednesday, a video, Thursday, present day wet nursing, and Friday, a recipe. You may choose to wait to read all of them before deciding if you would ever nurse another woman’s baby, but if you feel strongly about this one way or another I’d love to see you vote on this poll. I decided to leave the poll answer “Yes,” without further explanatory reasons to choose from, but I am sure everyone who might choose to cross-nurse would do so under different circumstances and for different reasons, or only in certain situations, (i.e., for pay, to help out a family member in a coma, only if you first passed a health screening, etc). Some of you might not choose to nurse another woman’s baby but might be okay if someone else nursed yours. Although that option is not on the poll, if you are comfortable you may wish to leave a comment explaining your choice.
So, would you choose to nurse another woman’s baby? Why or why not? To keep “abreast” of my updates please subscribe by email or RSS. Not only will you never miss another post, it will make my day!
Related posts:
- Monday Musings: Do You Nurse Your Baby To Sleep?
- Monday Musings: Do Public Breastfeeding Moms Nurse Longer?
- Monday Musings: Is It Okay To Advertise Baby Bottles To Pumping Moms?
- Present Day Milk Outsourcing
- Monday Musings: Breast Friends
Tags: cross nursing, Monday Musings, wet nursing
I think I cast the first vote.
I would and I have.
Looking forward to the series and hoping you make a clear distinction between “cross nursing” and “wet nursing.” The histories and cultural traditions connected to nursing for pay (wet nursing) are quite different from mothers helping each other as part of a community (cross nursing).
Jake Aryeh Marcus’s last blog post..What to Do When a Woman Breastfeeds Near You on an Airplane
I would nurse someone else’s baby in an emergency and with the mom’s consent. I would not let anyone else nurse my baby unless there wasn’t another safe alternative.
I know that the chances of diseases being passed through milk are low, but they still exist. There are few people who I would trust enough (and trust their husbands enough) to be really certain that there is no way they were engaging in activities that could put them at risk. I’ve been shocked recently to hear of people that I thought wouldn’t have affairs having affairs and while I don’t judge them for doing that (we’re all human), I don’t want them nursing my baby and I don’t want to borrow their pump (or lend them mine).
I agree with the above poster. If necessary, I would nurse another woman’s baby (with permission, of course, if it was able to be granted … in an emergency situation in which the mother could not be consulted, I’d probably do it anyways!) and I would hope that any number of women I currently know who are breastfeeding would nurse my child as well … although I’d prefer to be able to ‘pick’ who I’m most comfortable with.
One of my husband’s cousins and I joked once that we could leave our infants with the other and be certain they were still getting breastmilk … however, they parent very differently than I and I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my baby with them.
Kim’s last blog post..New Family Doc!
I’d nurse any woman’s baby in a heartbeat. I’d let other women I trusted nurse mine. I asked my SIL to please nurse my baby if she would not accept my bottled breast milk when out on an overnight trip, and she did nurse her. I am very grateful that I had that opportunity. All babies deserve breast milk.
Emily Jones’s last blog post..Monday Munchies
My friends and I (we call ourselves the breast friends – new meaning to bffs) have the same pact. Let me tell you, when you have a toursed ovary, you’re in the emergency room being pumped full of drugs for surgery prep, and think you’re going to die, there is no calmer feeling than knowing your baby is going to be taken care of and will be able to have breast milk.
I would cross-nurse if I had the mother’s permission in advance or if there was a disaster that required it. My own son– it would depend. If it is someone I know and trust I would allow it. If it were a disaster, I’d allow a stranger. If I knew in advance I would need someone else’s milk, I would ask for screening, but it’s not always possible.
Maria’s last blog post..Dulce on Spanking
I had my first child in 1979. I was breastfeeding when my 2 younger sisters in their teens wanted to know what it was like. My son snuggled and suckled at their breasts and they thought it was so wonderful and cool. Later my other sister and I switched babies to see what it was like! So natural, none of thought anything wrong about it.
Melissa Yetter’s last blog post..An Amazing 1970’s Hypnobirth
@Jake – Yes I will be making the distiction between cross nursing and wet nursing. Thanks for pointing it out for me and the other readers here, as there is that important distiction I don’t know if everyone understands.
@Annie – You raise a good point about really needing to know a person before allowing them to nurse your baby. It gets to be almost impossible to know someone (and their partner) that well. I’m going to talk about some of these issues in Thursday’s post.
@Kim – You raise a good point for me about feeling comfortable about the person behind the milk. Personality traits aren’t passed through breast milk like folks once believed a long time ago, but I don’t think I’d knowingly want someone I didn’t share certain values with nursing my baby. But of course pick and choose situations in emergencies aren’t necessarily available.
@Emily – You have a very nice SIL! You are so fortunate to have such supportive family members.
@Katy – I love how much you and I have in common!
@Maria – Me too.
@Melissa – Thank you for sharing your story here. I think that’s really cool.
Melodie’s last blog post..Monday Musings: Would You Nurse Another Woman’s Baby?
I would do it and I have done it. My challenge, in that I couldn’t have someone do it for me in an emergency, was that my youngest had infantile colitis (quite common) and I was totally casein and gluten free to protect him. Anyone who wanted to nurse my son for me, if had been necessary, would have had to be GF/CF as well.
Love reading here that people are at least open to the idea. Babies deserve moms and families to be open-minded just in case we end up needing something different than we had planned.
Thanks for this intriguing poll. I am curious to see what you do with the information once all of the results are tallied.
[...] poll I ran a poll on Monday asking “Would you breastfeed another woman’s baby?” So far the number of women (I assume they’re women!) saying “yes” far outweigh the [...]
I would like to confess to having been an awful prude until my daughter was born. I had never even seen anyone breastfeeding until I was pregnant. If you had asked me four years ago I would have said ‘ewww no way’. But now I’m wiser and if it were possible and requested I wouldn’t hesitate. I am no scientist but I know there’s something so vital in breastmilk, it would be the best gift I could ever give.
I would nurse another baby in a heartbeat. Even though my son is now 2.5 and nurses only once a day I still often let down in stores when I hear a new born wailing. My son will often say “Baby needs booboo “( his word for breast milk) while I have to fight the urge to nurse them myself!
All that said, unless it was an emergency I don’t think I would allow my son to be nursed by someone else. I can’t really put an intellectual reason to it, although I agree with the points from previous comments. To me it’s my job and I don’t want anyone else doing it.
Allie’s last blog post..Don’t Throw Them Away!
I have nursed other friend’s babies. A friend had just returned to full time work, and her baby was soo inconsolable. I did check with her before I did this, but once her little one latched on, the *eyeroll* happened and she drifted off to sleep. I also tandem nursed my own (who was just a month older than this one) and her baby. I give HUGE KUDO’S to SALMA HAYEK for nursing another woman’s infant.
Ok, I know this is late in the game, but my mom offered to nurse my cousin when my aunt had such a hard time (my cousin is 8 weeks older than me).
And I’m in the process of donating to a milk bank. My son has never been a fan of the bottle. He’ll snack throughout the day just to keep his hunger at bay and then nurse heartily on my lunch break & all evening (and most of the night, hooray reverse cycling! j/k). When my step-son’s mom had her baby at 25 weeks I knew the most important thing the baby could have was breast milk. I did offer all of the milk I had stored to them (rather than donating it to a bank) as well as my pump. Unfortunately the baby died 3 days after he was born. She never did answer whether she would take me up on the offer. I also offered my stores to a co-worker who was supplementing with formula. She was weirded out by my offer. I told my sister-in-law that if she hurried up & had a baby I could give her all of my milk. She thought it was funny, but her hubby thought it was weird.
To put it in some perspective, I am the only under 30yr mom I know that exclusively breast fed their child beyond 3 months. Heck, beyond the 6 weeks we get for paid maternity leave! Even the SAHMs I know used formula (crazy talk, in my opinion!). Of the over 30yr moms I know of 5 that exclusively breast fed. One is my OB, one is a nurse, and the other 3 work a 9-5 job like myself. In my opinion that is REALLY sad.
Ellyn´s last blog ..Pocket Diapers for Sale