Welcome to this month’s Breastfeeding Carnival, “Share a Story.” Since this Carnival falls on the day of my regular Monday Musings, I thought I would combine the two. My contribution is called “Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices?” and within this post are two stories, as told from my then outsiders point of view. After you have read my post, take some time to comment and then make sure you read the other bloggers’ stories that I have linked to below.
I didn’t see a lot of women breastfeed before I became a breastfeeding mother. Breastfeeding women of my childhood breastfed in back rooms away from the disapproving eyes of my Grandma and those of us she might be traumatizing with her lactating breast. If my memory serves me correctly, my earliest decision to breastfeed was spawned more because it was the “natural way” to feed an infant than because a bunch of books I had read said it was superior to formula. The books were just the icing on the cake I had already decided to make. It is interesting to me after I have completed writing this that my earliest public breastfeeding sightings didn’t scare me away from public nursing all together.
The Dairy Queen Nipple
The first breastfeeding woman I can recall seeing was at Dairy Queen. I was in my early 20’s, standing in line to order an ice cream cone when a woman in her 30’s came in with a toddler attached to her breast. Me, being the renegade woman I am, mentally high-fived her for rocking the establishment a little. Then her nursling unlatched himself. But rather than cover her breast up, she left it there with the nipple fully showing in all of it’s milk-giving glory for all the ice-cream goer’s to see. Even I was a little shocked. Men looked away, women physically turned their staring children in the other direction. I waited for someone to ask her to cover up or leave, but no one did. It wasn’t until she got to the front of the line that she nonchalantly covered herself like it was no big deal and made her order. The poor embarrassed kid at the counter! This was the only breastfeeding story I really had to tell for the following few years before I became a mom.
~~~
Even though I was raised to be modest and was pretty shy about my body throughout many of my adult years, I was determined early on to feed my baby whenever she was hungry despite what anyone might think. I guess everything I had read about breastfeeding and had been told to me by my midwives sold me on the benefits to the point that I just knew in my soul it was the best thing and the righ thing to do, no matter where I was. But for the six months or so I didn’t have a lot of mother-to-mother support so my self-assuredness really did come from within. When I breastfed my daughter in public I tried my best to take on an air of confidence so no one would dare to toss a mean remark my way. I have often wondered if I hadn’t seen that women in DQ if I would have even considered breastfeeding in public. Maybe she deserves some credit for my vigilante ways. However, I was always very careful to shield my nipple from view and cover up when I was done!
The Too-Cool Hippy Tandem Nursing Mama
One day, I was at a toddler gym drop-in center. I was pregnant and still breastfeeding my two year old daughter. I had noticed a pretty hip looking woman with two kids when I came in and immediately felt an energetic pull towards her. Maybe it was the scarf wrapped around her dread locked hair or her European accent, but whatever it was I wanted to befriend her. I was sure we would have lots of things in common. While I was trying to figure out how to approach her, I happened to look over and see her sitting on the floor nursing her newborn and her toddler, at the same time, without a cover, just as comfortable as you please. I assumed I would tandem nurse my children too so I thought this was my “in.” I caught her eye and smiled approvingly. She looked back and gave me a surprisingly wan smile. She appeared completely non-phased. “She must think I’m an amateur,” I thought, and suddenly I was too shy to want to try any further. In retrospect, maybe she felt uncomfortable that I had smiled at her. Maybe she took my smile the wrong way. In any case, I never met her, although I think she still lives in my community, and I wish I had said something instead.
~~~
While I did go on to tandem nurse, I don’t think I ever did it out in public, even though I nursed my oldest daughter in public until she was 2 and I started to show, and nursed her little sister. Was it my inbred modesty? Was it my concern over being “too shocking” like the DQ mom? Was it because I was worried that someone might see me as a seemingly snobby self-assured mom of tandem nurslings? I’m not sure. Partly, I think it was realizing that while I might be a renegade woman with alternative ideals and a desire to change the world and help create a breastfeeding culture, I am human. I am sensitive to criticism and the threat of criticism, and rejection too. I have my own personal limits and also never wanted my daughter to hear her mother being criticized for doing something she loved so much. She had already heard it coming from a family member and I was very sensitve to needing to shelter her from more of the same from strangers. In all likelihood it was a combination of things. But I do believe other people’s breastfeeding stories and our experiences of seeing other women breastfeed publicly, can and do shape our own breastfeeding practices, for better or worse. I hope some of my stories and the stories of other breastfeeding bloggers can help shape yours. Hopefully, for the better.
What do you think?
Check out these other great Breastfeeding Carnival posts:
Amber at Strocel. com on The Story of Hannah’s Weaning
Laura of Laura’s Blog on Weaning A Toddler
Reiza of Stepping off the Spaceship on Life, Death and Nourishment
Desiree Fawn at So Fawned on Sticking With it
Judy from Mommy News and Views on How Breastfeeding Changed My Life
Sarah from All That Sazz on Flying Breastmilk
Nicole of Grudge Mom on Breastfeeding Failures and Success
Steph of Baby Carriers Downunder on Kandy
Cristina of Massachusetts Friends of Midwives on The Best Breastfeeding Advice From the Least Likely Source
Crystal of Crystal Gold, No not the porn star on Found Memory
Angela from Breastfeeding 1-2-3 on The I Told You So
Tanya from Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog on They Said the Latch Was Fine
Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: on Breastfeeding is Not Easy But it is Definitely Best For Baby
Sinead at Breastfeeding Mums on Breastfeeding Made Me The Mother I Am
Layla at Zen Mommy on Celebrating my chest in honour of breastfeeding
Lori at The Towells on For women in my situation (about breastfeeding after breast reduction surgery)
Elita at Blacktating on Nursing in Public
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[...] Melodie @ BreastfeedingMomsUnite: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices? [...]
I don`t think I was aware of too many women breastfeeding growing up. I`m sure there were women but I just couldn`t tell. I knew I was going to breastfeed but for the first few months I would pump before hand and take bottles. Then I realized it was silly and started breastfeeding but I would usually go to a quiet room. With my 2nd I had a much better cover and would nurse anywhere. My oldest self-weaned at 13 months when I got pregnant but my youngest is still breastfeeding at one year old. I probably won`t feed her in public too much because she is very distracted even just at home.
Kelly’s last blog post..1 Year Ago- Waiting for Labour
For me it wasn’t so much experiences in real life that changed my views, as online experiences. Reading blogs and message boards where moms talked about breastfeeding and extended nursing before I even had a baby of my own changed my viewpoint considerably. It helped me to understand the need for a breastfeeding culture, and exposed me to a world I hadn’t seen before.
Which is one reason that I think your blog is so great. I think it serves as an example to many more women than you could ever encounter in your day-to-day life.
Amber’s last blog post..Wrap Me Up Mama
What an empowering post! I wish to be that DQ mom (sans nipple). I am getting more comfortable over time though. My little one is 4 1/2 months now and I can feed her with a blanket just over her (not over my shoulder). She can still look around and breathe (I feel like I’m smothering her to completely cover her). Thank you for writing this post. It is inspiring to me!
Nicole’s last blog post..Judgmental World
I was never around any breastfeeding women growing up. I also wasn’t around very many babies either. My extended family lives far away and family friends had kids the same age as my sister and I. When I was also in my 20’s I had an encounter very similar to your DQ story. I applauded her breastfeeding, but was a little shocked by her letting her breast just hang out for all the world to see. And that was about all the experience I had with it.
Once my husband and I decided to have a baby, I knew that I would breastfeed. I knew very little about it, but knew that was the only choice for me and all of my research, since I am one to research and read up on everything I am interested in, supported that idea. It was really hard, but I stuck with it and am currently nursing #3. Each baby has let me get more and more comfortable NIP and with all that goes with it.
I definitely think that the more positive exposure we have to breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public early on, the more positively we will view it later.
Brenna’s last blog post..What Lasts Forever?
[...] Breastfeeding Moms Unite!: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices? [...]
Crazy enough, I think the first woman I really saw breastfeeding was also when I was in my 20s! Once my cousins and friends and sister started having children, it became more natural for me to see breastfeeding.
As for nursing in public, I would love to nurse my daughter whenever, wherever, but she’s so interested in everything when we’re out and about that she won’t eat! I make it a point to be home every 3 hours or so to make sure she’s getting plenty of milk since the solids are hit-and-miss!
Kim’s last blog post..Ring, ring, ring – remotephone!
I saw your link on the Carnival email, and I’m glad I stopped by your blog. Those are interesting stories. My DD was so alert/distracted by everything, starting at about 4 months, that I could never do the nursing in public thing. She wouldn’t eat that way.
Lori T’s last blog post..Huggies Rewards Codes (72 More Points!)
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I don’t remember seeing breastfeeding growing up, but I’m sure I must have at some point. My mother breastfed all of us, and she liked to hang out with the natural types, so I am sure I saw breastfeeding as a small child. But the first time I actually remember seeing a woman breastfeeding was in church, and on the stand no less. She was up there with the rest of her family, waiting to give a talk, and her baby was so fussy, she finally threw a blanket over her shoulder and nursed her right up there in front of everyone!!
I thought to myself how brave she was, and I could never do that! But I was also impressed at how confident she was about it. I was in my late 20s at the time, and my DH and I were TTC. I planned to breastfeed myself, and I was very determined to succeed. I had an older child from a previous relationship that I switched to formula after some breastfeeding obstacles that I didn’t know how to overcome. I didn’t have any philosophical ideas about breastfeeding, it just seemed like what I was supposed to do – what were my breasts for anyway?
After I failed with the first child, I started doing research to find out why I had failed, and how I could improve the next time. I successfully bf my second until she weaned herself during my pg, and am currently bfing my 11 mo.
Emily Jones’s last blog post..Travel Day #3
[...] Was Fine” Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Breastfeeding Is Not Easy Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices? The Towells: Breastfeeding after Breast Reduction Share and [...]
I don’t recall seeing breastfeeding growing up in the late 60s early 70s. I remember hoping, though, that the young ladies who observed me breastfeeding my little ones over the years, at parks and such, that they would think about it and be somehow influenced when their babies are born.
Opus #6’s last blog post..Memorial Day
I think the generation of kids being born now won’t have our hang-ups about nursing and nursing in public. Many of them will have been breastfed and they will grow up seeing breastfeeding. Bottles are still the norm, but I see breastfeeding more and more. I definitely think seeing it before you have children of your own makes a difference. When it becomes a regular part of our lives, more and more women will breastfeed and for longer periods of time.
[...] Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices? at Nursing Moms Unite [...]
[...] Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite: “Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Practices?” [...]
I absolutely think early b/f-ing sites influenced me. I remember seeing relatives lift their shirts about a half an inch and revealing a sagging, drooping breast that was about to be plunged into the mouth of a squirming infant.
It was frightening indeed.
And that was ALL I had to go on! The images that we have available now of mommies stylishly and comfortably nursing are SO important!
I had SUCH a different “idea” about nursing with my first child, than I do now.
There is so much more support and encouragement out there, thank goodness!
Blogs like this are a part of that “arsenal” of support. Keep up the great work!
~L~
I was 14 when I watched the birth of my youngest sister and then watched my mother nurse her for 22 mths. When I became a mother 20 years later there was no question that I would breastfeed. I saw it with my own eyes: that’s how you fed babies.
Hamilton Doula’s last blog post..Check Out Orgasmic Birth Movie For Free!
it was more of research and friends’ testimonials that influenced me. at this time, i am able to nurse my 1.5y.o toddler in public.. i have started to get comments like.. isn’t she too old? but i always point them to that caveat/disclaimer which comes after milk ads or printed on our milk cans (at least in the philippines) which says: “breastmilk is best for babies 2 years and beyond”. usually, that shuts them up
Okay, first I have to tell you something I keep forgetting to tell you each time I comment. Your posts are appearing in a frame that I’m not able to scroll back and forth on, so I can’t read a lot of your posts. I can only read until almost the end of a sentence, but I miss at least 3 or 4 words at the end of each line. There’s an up and down scroll bar, but not one that goes across in the frame, so it’s all cut off. It looks like a table/div tag issue.
Moving on….
Yes, the first (and only time) I ever saw a woman nursing (before I started nursing) totally and completely put me off nursing all together.
I come from a long line of serious mountain hillbilly/white trash types. I remember we visited my cousin’s family once when I was around 10, and this aunt of mine, who was a gigantic, dirty, obese slob, pulled out a 10 lb tit covered in toilet paper, and stuck the boob, toilet paper and all, into the baby’s mouth.
All I remember after that was my grandmother saying something really derogatory about that aunt and her “nasty titty.”
That was all I knew of nursing, so when the first nurse at the clinic asked me if I was breastfeeding, that image popped into my brain and I said “Hell no!”
Of course, things changed for me and now I’m a huge lactivist. But yes, that initial encounter is an image that is burned into my brain to this very day. It has a lot more to do with my white trash family than with nursing though.
TheFeministBreeder’s last blog post..Because Babies in Hats are Ridiculously Cute
The only time I remember seeing someone nursing as a child was when my aunt was nursing her younger son. I remember she was sent out to her car (because ya know it would have been terrible if the rest of us had seen her nurse the baby). This has had a huge impact on me as has the fact that my family is horrified at the idea. I fee pressure to run and hide every time I nurse.
Upstatemomof3’s last blog post..So How Do You Tackle Running A Daycare?
breastfeeding is good for the the baby health, but i do’t think anyone should breastfeed their baby in public.
[...] I would do it at DQ. [...]
I think breastfeeding a two year old is gross.
Once they have teeth and can talk. I think its just the mother craving attention. Woman who want to shock people or get a reaction out of them by doing this in public. It’s a mental thing. Why can’t you just cover up, most babies are distracted and need quiet to feed. I just pumped into bottles for public outings.
[...] exposure for breastfeeding, especially for the young women who aren’t moms yet whose perception of the normalcy of breastfeeding and future paractices might change upon seeing a large group of happy breastfeeding mamas. The one year we held it at the [...]