Nursing my oldest daughter in hammock (while pregnant) at 24 months
Welcome to the Carnival of “This is what a nursing toddler looks like,” organized by @TopHat8855 from The Bee in Your Bonnet. Please see below for more great posts! Here is my contribution entitled “The Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding a Toddler.”
The Pros
I love breastfeeding my toddler because it is a great way for us to connect. Whether it’s upon waking from a nap, after getting hurt, or just because she wants a snuggle, breastfeeding gives me an excuse to slow down and focus my energies on my child, while enjoying this precious time that is all too fleeting. It also continues to increase our bond which I know will have a lasting effect in her years to come.
Breastfeeding a toddler is a great parenting tool. What else can calm a tantruming, sobbing toddler better than breastfeeding? Nothing that I am aware of comes close. Also, after my second daughter was born my first still needed nursing so I tandem nursed for five months. I wasn’t sure how it would be, but I was pleasantly surprised that the oldest liked sharing me with her younger sister and would hold her hand and comment on it when the younger one was nursing. And when she cried, my oldest would say “mommy, feed her milk, she wants milk!” It was a beautiful start to what I hope continues to be a loving sibling relationship.
To top it off, the breast milk I am producing now continues to nourish her while specifically providing antibodies to fight illness and toughening her immune system to ward off future allergies. When a toddler is sick and won’t keep anything down or refuses to eat all together, moms can feel relieved that they at least can get some breast milk into them. This helps ward off dehydration and provides some nutrition. Because even when a toddler vomits breast milk, it is providing some nutrients because breast milk is so rapidly absorbed.
The Cons
Toddlers generally don’t have the best manners. They get what they want by physically using their body in not necessarily the nicest of ways, and they shriek and cry and demand. So breastfeeding a toddler can be a challenge in dealing with inappropriate behaviours. My 24 month old daughter is just starting to learn that she needs to ask to nurse nicely. When she says “please milk” she gets what she wants. When she yanks at the neck of my shirt shrieking “milk mama, milk!” she is learning that I will stand up and walk away. She is still also too young to distinguish between when it is and is not appropriate to ask. Now that she is older I prefer to only nurse her in front of family and good friends, so it can be a bit embarrasing when she’s reaching into my shirt and whining for milkies whilst flashing my bra (or worse!) to a waiting room full of people at a doctor’s office. While on one hand I don’t really care what strangers think, I also don’t like raised-eyebrows arching in my direction.
It can be a bit worrisome to moms when your older nursling still has a very small appetite and prefers nursing over eating. My daugher usually skips breaskfast and then by mid-morning only wants a piece of fruit. At lunch time I am lucky to get a 1/4 slice of bread, a piece of cheese and two slices of cucumbers into her. Dinners are often wasted too. But she’s in the 95th and 97th percentile for weight and height so I know she’s not starving. And my oldest daughter did this too. Now she eats like a horse, so I assume the youngest will come around to larger portions when she’s ready too.
Some background information: I breastfed my oldest daughter until the eve of her third birthday and I continue to breastfeed my 24 month old daughter.
Now it’s your turn. Did I miss anything? What else are some pros and cons of breastfeeding toddler or older child?
Make sure you also check out these posts (to be updated throughout the day):
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The Bee in Your Bonnet on Comfort in sick times
The Prudent Woman on I never thought I’d nurse a toddler
PhDinParenting on Nursing a toddler in a ring sling
Musings of Mommy Bee on Nursing an (older) toddler
BabyREADY on My nursing toddler story
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Three Girl Pile Up on This is what a nursing toddler looks like
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Tags: breastfeeding benefits, siblings
Posted by Attachment/Natural Parenting, Breastfeeding General, Breastfeeding Toddler, Tandem Nursing Subscribe to RSS feed
Great pros and cons. I also get worried sometimes about how much my kiddo doesn’t eat. I guess he nurses enough that solids don’t matter yet!
Mallory’s last blog post..The Joys, Humors and Struggles of…
I think a major benefit of nursing a toddler is that, when you DO come to weaning, you can talk about it and reason with them through the process, so they are more likely to wean gently rather than it being a traumatic experience.
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The nursing acrobatics were both funny and irritating to me. As my toddler got older she would try to nurse and watch TV, or nurse and play. The contortions were hilarious, and not always comfortable. We did a LOT of ‘getting back to basics’, just unlatching and reminding her to use a big mouth, or that she needed to nurse or play, but not both at the same time.
I sort of miss it, sometimes. Although we’ll see how I feel when my 9-month-old is doing his own nursing handstands.
Amber’s last blog post..My 33rd Birthday
A pro in my life is that it encourages my friends to (at least) try nursing. In many cases, friends have told me that I have inspired them not only to try, but to keep going beyond one year!
My con– at almost two and a half, I find myself exhibiting signs of weaning. I thought I would allow The Boy to wean himself, but lately I am finding that I am more ready to stop than he is. The con of that– trying to deal with my own emotions about weaning.
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Great post. As a member of La Leche League off and on since 1999, I can say I have an accepting view of extended breastfeeding. I think it is a benefit to families, if you can keep going.
Opus #6’s last blog post..I joined the NRA
Great list! We are coming up quickly on my daughter’s first birthday and then I know I’ll be among the minority still nursing their babes. I’m definitely looking forward to continuing to nurse my daughter and the changes in our nursing relationship while she grows into a toddler!
I’m so glad that your daughter is in the high percentiles! I’m having a hard time believing that my daughter is getting enough nutrients from the small amounts of solids she eats since she’s in the lower 10% (and my ex-doctor gave me a hard time about it). My little one eats more than yours, though, which I find shocking!
Kim’s last blog post..Super Busy!
Great post.
Like you, I chose not to nurse my children in public after a certain age. My reason was that I never wanted my boys to ever hear someone make a rude or uneducated comment to me about something that was a fundamentally natural to them as breathing. I never wanted them to wonder if it was something they should be doing.
Thanks again for another great post.
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Oh, me, too! My super-huge toddler eats less than yours most days (but he’s 23 months and 36-ish lbs), and I am so glad that he’s still nursing so much so that I don’t have to worry he’s not getting enough nutrition. I’m glad to hear of your experience with your older daughter eventually catching up, because I keep wondering when he’s going to eat like a normal person.
Thanks for sharing.
Lauren @ HoboMama’s last blog post..Consumer Reports helpfully shows attachment parenting is dangerous
As a sort of con- I have a friend with an almost 25 month old who still nurses very regularly. She was very upfront with nursing in public until a few months ago. She’s afraid that someone will say something and her daughter will hear it. She doesn’t want her daughter to be self-conscious about breastfeeding and wonder whether or not she’s “too big.” I can definitely see that as a dilemma: you want to normalize breastfeeding by doing it in public, but you’re afraid of hurting your child’s feelings as they get older and can understand what other people are saying. Not sure how I’m going to handle that when I get to that point…
TopHat’s last blog post..Comfort in Sick Times
@Sam @TopHat – very good points about the kids overhearing rude comments. I have had my Grandma say hurtful things to my oldest when she was two and stil nursing and it was horrible for me. She just appeared dumbfounded and confused, but I was so hurt and angry. I tried not nursing in front of my Grandma too much after that. BUt when you’re so accessible at home and elsewhere and then not around one person it gets confusing to little ones. It’s a tough situation.
@Lauren @Kim @Mallory – I think it has to do with genes too, whether a toddler can thrive on practically nursing alone. I have a friend who nursed her little guy just as much as me and he ate more than mine but he was just so tiny!
I couldn’t agree with you more. You have listed all my exact pros and cons of nursing my 2.5 year old son. He didn’t eat any solids for breakfast until very recently, he can be very very grabby but when he was sick or when we are both frayed from tantrums I am so thankful!
Allie’s last blog post..Elegant and Educational too
These are great! I agree with them all, and have one more con to add (although it’s actually pretty hilarious). Now that my daughter (13.5 months) is old enough to really get what’s going on with the whole nursing business, she wants to run the show–you know, be the one to remove the bra, position herself, etc. All that would be fine, but she just CANNOT limit herself to one breast at a time! She sees them both and she just can’t choose, so she goes back and forth, one suck at a time. It means I CANNOT nurse her in public anymore (and I’ve never been at all bashful about that). But it’s so cute…one of the things that make me marvel at how much I would have missed if I’d weaned at a year. Can’t wait to see what the coming months and years bring!
Nursing a toddler is so rewarding! I found it amazing! The only con I see is for those of us that had our fertility delayed until we weaned. I nursed my son until he was 30 months. He had weaned significantly on his own and then I encouraged the complete weaning so that I could regain my fertility. Not an issue for most, but it is for some. But I also look at it as a blessing too… god and earth’s way of making sure we didn’t have children too close together because dear son needs lots of personal attention right now!
Crystal’s last blog post..Flu and Breastfeeding
Great article!! Here is a link to where you can read about my experiences breastfeeding my toddler/preschooler: http://mommynewsblog.com/gentl.....stfeeding/
Judy – Mommy News Blog’s last blog post..A Father’s Love
Great post. I am still nursing our 23 month old and we both still enjoy it. My Husband is starting to put a little pressure on me to wean, but I really want to nurse as long as she needs me in that way. I love the bond that we have.
Really sorry for the length of this – I started writing it, and it turned into an epic!
I think you’ve about got it covered with the pros (I’ve seen lists on attachment parenting sites claiming that extended breastfeeding does everything from making kids smarter to making them more emotionally secure, but when I’ve looked up the studies that these claims are supposedly based on, I’ve invariably found that they show nothing of the sort – either the studies are about babies and not toddlers at all, or they’ve been quoted out of context, or they’ve been flat-out misrepresented as showing something they don’t show). I would say the main advantage is simply that mother and child can keep doing something that they both enjoy, and that they shouldn’t have to stop purely because some arbitrary age has been reached.
Potential cons that I can think of:
1. Possible risk to teeth. Studies on this seem to be conflicting – some show extended breastfeeding to be related to increased risk of cavities, some don’t show a link. At some point, I really want to dig out the actual studies and read them (all I’ve read so far is the abstracts), to try and form the most informed opinion I can for myself. However, there did seem to be enough studies showing a link to give me pause. My guess is that probably the best compromise is to breastfeed twice daily at times when you’re going to brush the child’s teeth anyway – that should hopefully give the best of both worlds in terms of minimising the risk to teeth while still providing whatever immune protection the breastfeeding might provide.
2. Ironically, one I wouldn’t even have thought of if I hadn’t read mommybee’s comment on weaning being less likely to be traumatic; I think that for some children the reverse can happen and weaning can be *more* likely to be traumatic once they’re at an age where they’re used to nursing and have very clear ideas about how the day should go. Obviously, any statements about ages at which weaning might be easy or difficult are going to be huge generalisations and not apply to all children by any means. But, if I remember rightly what Kellymom and Norma Jane Bumgarner have written on the subject, there seems to be an age around the 9 – 15 month mark where babies are just so into exploring the world that they tend to lose interest in nursing and it can be very easy to wean them just with simple techniques of distraction and don’t-offer-don’t-refuse, without them even noticing anything is happening or becoming upset about it. (Which, of course, is something to be careful of if you *do* want to keep nursing for longer – the reason those two write about it are to warn against doing that accidentally!) I do think that, of the children who would wean fairly easily and naturally in that kind of age group without anything much in the way of fuss or bother, at least some are going to find it much *more* difficult if weaning is left to a stage when they’ve become much more aware of what an important part nursing has come to play in their life.
3. This one is not so much a problem with toddler breastfeeding in itself, but with using breastfeeding as a way to comfort a child: Although breastfeeding is much more than just a food source to those (both mothers and children who enjoy doing it, there is no doubt that it *is* still a food source. And I do just wonder about what kind of message it gives children to link ‘food source’ and ‘comfort source’ continually in such a way as they get older. When I read about the benefits of nursing as a way to comfort a toddler through any woes, at first I thought it sounded great; but, when I thought about it more, I realised that there were no other circumstances in which I would *ever* want to give food as a comfort, because that isn’t the attitude towards food I want to instil in my children. So, should I really be treating breastfeeding as an exception, in that regard? I decided I preferred not to. This is entirely my own opinion – I don’t know of any evidence either way as to whether using breastfeeding for comfort in an older child would make them more likely to turn to comfort-eating as they got older, so for all I know it wouldn’t make any difference. I just felt I’d prefer not to risk it, and that, as my babies got older I would try and keep breastfeeding as a food or drink and to comfort them in other ways.
4. Again, one that’s more about using breastfeeding as an all-purpose comforter rather than about toddler breastfeeding in and of itself; If children are used to always being comforted by breastfeeding, it might be particularly difficult for them when Mummy’s not there. I know my husband felt we had this problem with my son (my efforts to avoid using breastfeeding for comfort obviously hadn’t been good enough!) – while I was still breastfeeding him all through the day he got really upset when I wasn’t there, and when I cut the breastfeeds down to just nap and night-times he accepted staying with Daddy much more readily.
5. Time. Now, a few months back, if I’d seen someone else give that as a con of breastfeeding a child of any age I’d have wondered what the hell they were talking about – after all, surely breastfeeding is something that can always be fitted in by combining it with other stuff? But… my daughter, being a second child, gets very little chance for my undivided attention, and about the only time she does get this apart from when I’m rushing through her bath/bed routine is first thing in the mornings on the three days a week I’m at home, before her big brother gets up. And I was spending 20 – 30 minutes of that time snuggled up breastfeeding her. As she moved into the toddler stage, I started to think that, in fact, she’d probably be getting more benefit from using that time as a shared playtime which she wouldn’t otherwise get to the same undivided extent – so that meant giving up the breastfeeding, and was a large part of why I chose to do so.
As with anything else in parenting, I think it’s really a horses-for-courses thing. I’m glad that, these days, people are becoming much more aware that extended breastfeeding is an option; but I do get fed up with the way that that gets turned into yet another parenting commandment about The Way Things Should Be Done.
Sarah V.’s last blog post..Weaned
Hi, Melodie, I am glad you found my blog and left a comment! I love your blog and will add it to my blogroll.
We do have a lot of interests in common, and I also write about bf my toddler: http://dagmarbleasdale.com/200.....reastfeed/
Please stay in touch!
(I love the font for your header, can you tell me the name of it?
Best,
Dagmar
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SarahV,
I’ve thought long and hard about the comfort nursing thing since I have food issues I do NOT want to pass on to my son! But it seems so instinctive on his part. I finally decided it makes since and is a good thing on 2 levels– 1) to cement the contact with the most important poerson in his life and 2) it makes sense to me that mother nature would send babies/toddlers looking for an immune boost in times of stress and illness. And I think I’m right, at least in my sons case, because when he encounters situations where he would comfort nurse if I was around at the grandparents or the sitters he looks for a lap to snuggle in, not the refrigerator. And believe me the boy knows all about refrigerators– he’ll climb clear in to get to the yogurt when he wants it!
–SarahC
Sarah’s last blog post..Breastfeeding Toddlers
Another PRO– for those of us doing Weight Watchers– extra points! (5 a day for a toddler or infant who also gets solids or formula, 10 a day for an exclusivly breast fed infant) I do NOT think I could live without those extra 5 points a day!
I’m happily nursing a toddler (23 mos) and my 4 1/2 year old will also occasionally ask to nurse. I agree the contortions while nursing are very uncomfortable and distracting. I’m so grateful tho, to have the opportunity to communicate with my girls what I want when they’re nursing. “Please don’t twist while you nurse.” “Please, let’s snuggle close when you’re latched on.”
I can ask for what I want and be an example of the behavior I’d like them to display, even while nursing.
I also found a lesson in setting boundaries with them. I had such a time releasing the idea that mothering meant doing for them, giving to them, without thinking of me. It was thru nursing a toddler (the first time) that I was able to consider and set limits around nursing that I was comfortable with. For me, that meant nursing at home, because I found more enjoyment in the closeness, and in taking time out together. It also meant weaning at 6 months pregnant b/c it was uncomfortable/painful and I didn’t want to give my dd mixed signals about giving. (I didn’t want to nurse b/c it hurt, and I didn’t want to set an example of nursing/giving when I didn’t want to- children pick up on this energy.)
It’s ok for me to set limits about when and where I nurse my toddlers. They didn’t protest when I gently said one day- “We’re going to nurse when we get home. We’ll play at the park.” They each just agreed.
I’m so lucky to be nursing still. I had no idea it would last this long when I started.
Thanks for your post.
Karen
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Another pro I have been seeing…relief of congestion and pain while teething. My daughter is 15 months. When we started this, I never thought we would still be nursing at this age. Everytime I consider weaning one reason or another delays it. A big challenge for us is nutrition. Currently her and I are gluten and dairy free. If she isn’t nursing, where will she get all the nutrients she needs? We are regularly experenting with other milk option (soy, rice, goats…). As a working mom, I only nurse morning, evening and during the night 1-2 times. I have been establishing more and more boundaries around when and how. The latch especially. Three times, at 9 mos, 12 mos and again now, her latch has gone bad and it hurts. When it hurts I stop and retry the latch. If we can’t get it right after a few tries I call it quits. She potests, but I tell her it hurts mommy. We then cuddle. If her fussing continues, I set her down, since I don’t want to encourage whining. It is far to irritating. Momma has needs and limits. I am finding out it is best for all fore to clearly know and honor my lits up front and early. This goes for my husband too. Good luck to you and thanks for the blog.