Have you ever been disappointed by the lack of response about a post you wrote that you were really excited about? If you have, can I join your club? Here’s what happened. Last Monday I contributed a post to the Nursing in Public Breastfeeding Carnival called Nursing in Public: A Fresh Perspective on Nurse-In’s. It was actually one of the first three posts I ever wrote for my blog but I’d decided to save it up until I had gained some credibility as a breastfeeding blogger and then to wait for the perfect opportunity that would give it the extended viewership that comes with participating in a carnival. So I did just that. And then I got disappointed.
That post was one of my favorites because I thought I had a pretty neat idea about a fresh way to celebrate breastfeeding. Not just by nursing in public, but by nursing in public with a lot of other breastfeeding moms – like a protest, only when passersby would ask what we were protesting or what was our purpose in doing this, we would reply that we weren’t protesting anything. We were just celebrating our right to breastfeed in a public place and by doing so were hopefully educating, encouraging and empowering other women to do so.
Am I the only one who thinks this is a neat idea? Or am I just waaaay too idealistic? Or on the other hand, am I making this a bigger issue than it needs to be? Okay, here’s a little background info on yours truly.
Problem 1. I’m a rule follower. Practically to a tee. Even though other carnival participants were posting their carnival pieces days before the actual day of the carnival, I waited like a good girl until it was the “right” time to post. That means that my post ended up being the second to last one posted even though I posted it a few minutes after midnight on the day of the carnival, which resulted in losing readership from the followers of the blogs who posted before me. It was a shitty deal (ooh! I think that’s my fist ever swear on my blog!) and I was very annoyed by my own concreteness in following carnival dates for posting.
Problem 2. I couldn’t just be happy with the responses I received. I was hoping for something different. Out of the 170 readers I did get the day of the carnival, only Kim from Kim Through The Looking Glass and Kim R. from Dirty Diaper Laundry and Melissa from Stork Stories left the kind of comments I was looking for. And what was I looking for, you may ask? A) Excitement. “What a great idea! I want to do that too!” B) A paradigm shift. “I never considered that before.” C) Support and/or Encouragement. “You should totally do that!” Or even D) “I’m going to organize this in my own hometown and get back to you on how it went!”
Problem 3. It’s all too obvious I set myself up for disappointment by having unrealistic expectations. Sigh. I’ve done this before. Likely we’ve all been guilty of it at some point in our lives, which is probably why I feel comfortable enough with sharing my oh-woe-is-me moment with you all.
Okay, so where do I go from here?
Remedy 1. Make myself a good strong cup of Earl Grey tea (or maybe a G&T?), pretend to crack my knuckles (for the sake of show), think back to the days when I depended on no one else for motivation and start planning my first non nurse-in nurse-in.
Remedy 2. Once the logistics are figured out, call on my girls and all the local Breastfeeding Moms Unite! troops i.e. the local breastfeeding community and do it.
Remedy 3. Blog about how great it was (even if no one showed but my girl friends) and maybe motivate someone else to do one too….oh, but that would involve having expectations again….
Have you ever been disappointed by the reception or readership of one of your blog posts that you were really excited to share? If so, I want to hear about it so make sure you leave a comment.
Related posts:
- Monday Musings: Do Public Breastfeeding Moms Nurse Longer?
- Monday Musings: Changing Culture
- Monday Musings: What Were Your Misconceptions About Breastfeeding?
- Monday Musings: What Are You Doing For World Breastfeeding Awareness Week?
- Monday Musings: Mannequin Mommy Breastfeeds!
Tags: lactivism, Monday Musings
Yes, I have felt the way you did/do. I don’t want to say what posts but there was a few that I put a LOT of time into and barely got a read and only a couple comments. I figure it’s just the way it is for me. I’m not well known in the blogger community so you know – everyone shy’s away from the new kid. lol. Have fun with your non-nurse-in nurse-in. I’d come if you were doing it in my community
I am apart of different grassroots endeavors, and one in particular last fall drove me around the bend. I was working to get a campaign under way to end voter apathy in Canada, and it needed to start in the community and grow. Umpteen people signed on thru facebook. However, those umpteen people never read the group closer to see that their participation was mandatory to make this work. Once we got to the point of setting up, I ended up shutting it down. Yes, it is frustrating and bloody irritating when people do not share the same passion even if they are apart of the same issue. But this taught me to believe in my ideas, number 1. Number 2, it taught me never to compromise on my integrity or people would not be able to depend on me, if in reverse shoes. Oh and number 3, ultimately it was a reflection of those umpteen people, that they were not prepared to read all of the information and also did not know how to balance their time. I am not a babysitter for adults when it comes to those who cant manage their schedules. It is not my responsibility. Know your availability or deal with the consequences, it is as simple as that.
I have to be honest and say that I totally do not understand the concept of “Carnivals” so pretty much anytime I see a post that’s part of a “carnival” of some sort, I pretty much ignore it. I know people have attempted to explain this concept to me, but just like sports, I can’t help but tune it out.
I’m not saying it’s an awesome excuse, I’m trying to illustrate why I won’t get involved in any post that has any “carnival” wording. They scramble my brain and I can’t process any of the type on the screen.
TheFeministBreeder’s last blog post..A Message to my Boys about Michael Jackson
I’ve just learned that people are totally unpredictable! When I first started blogging I thought that just because it was on the internet that meant that a million people a day would see it (lol). Now when one post does well, I’m almost always surprised. And the posts that I take all sorts of time writing and thinking about are the ones with no views or comments. So it goes…
Cara’s last blog post..Busy weekend
This may not be the response you were hoping for either, but you give me strength. After reading that post I had the “courage” this weekend to walk down the streets of a local small (in size and mind) midwest town during their Summerfest while breastfeeding my 21 month old very tall little boy. I’ve never been one to organize group events because I get too frustrated when other’s enthusiasm isn’t what I think it should be, but I wanted you to know how much your blog means to me.
I don’t remember if I commented or not, but I thought it was an excellent article. I even linked to it on my facebook page…I might have tweeted it as well, but not sure, since my computer is being impossible lately…might have tried to and then given up.
Keep writing your ideas. I know how frustrating it is when you pour not just your time but your heart and soul into a post and no one responds, but that doesn’t mean that you haven’t touched someone’s life that day.
Shelly’s last blog post..Loaded Up With Curriculum
I’m with @FeministBreeder – I don’t really get “Carnivals,” but I do get what you’re saying.
It happens to me a lot. I remember the first time I ever got a lot of response (a lot for me is 5 or more comments) on a post and I was totally shocked. The post itself was frivolous and nothing I’d put any effort into. The posts I actually work on *sometimes* garner reactions/comments, but I can’t count on it.
I can’t figure out my readers in the least. Still doesn’t keep me from getting disappointed in lack of reactions, though. And I think people keep reading my site due to my tracker reports, etc.
It’s all a big mystery to me and I just try to stay focused on what it means to me and not that it feels like no one is showing up to a party I put a lot of effort into – ha!.
Jessica – This is Worthwhile’s last blog post..Quickie
I feel for you =( I wish I had more comments than I do on all of my posts, even simple acknowledgments of agreement or disagreement, or of sharing something that might normally be personal.
As for your nursing post, I love the idea! I asked on Twitter if any of my local Tweeps would be interested, and of course, got no reply. So when I go pick up my husband from downtown Calgary, I will gladly sit and nurse my little girl where everyone can see, in my own silent protest and in celebration of being ABLE to nurse her there. If any Calgarians want to join me, please jump over to my blog and drop me a line!
Nicole’s last blog post..My birth experience
Well, to answer your original question, I guess I never expect anyone to read my blog. In fact, I kind of assume that nobody is reading it, until I look at my stats and comments and realize people are. When I first started my blog, NOBODY read it, and I liked it that way. It wasn’t until I posted my birth story that my blog blew up. I got 20,000 visitors almost overnight. I guess it was quite a story. The response was crazy. I know it seems strange, because if I didn’t want people reading my writing, then why am I putting it on the internet? But I find that I never get around to keeping any type of journal unless it’s the internet kind – and this blog is mostly to chronical my journey for my kids to read when they’re older. It being available to the public (even if no one reads it) motivates me to write more. And it seems that the posts where I’m doing nothing but venting are the posts that get the most attention. Who knows why. I’m just expressing myself. Somehow that connects with people.
I’m okay with people not commenting, it makes me feel like my thoughts are private – except when a see a ton of visit to my site and no comments – then I just feel stalked.
TheFeministBreeder’s last blog post..A Message to my Boys about Michael Jackson
Yup…been there…felt that! Basically my entire blogging experience. It’s a mixed battle. I really WANT to have a well read blog, but I also want to stay true to who I am and have that person be what is interesting to people. I don’t want to mis represent myself in anyway online and I am also not overly apt to shameless self promotion! That’s just me…a little bit of a hide in the corner and wait for someone else to seek me out in real life, and I guess I’m that way online too! But that doesn’t stop me from being disappointed when they don’t (online and IRL).
In all honesty, I haven’t even read your post yet even though I am a regular reader and even have you linked to from my blog! Its a good idea, but I wouldn’t have necessarily commented because it isn’t something I would be likely to do. Does that make sense? Kudos to you for putting your ideas out there though!
Heidi’s last blog post..
Well, now I feel kind of like a jerk, because I thought it was a great idea, but I had kind of gotten tired of trying to comment on all the other carnival posts, and by that point was just reading, linking, and going on to the next one.
But, yes, it think that’s a great idea, and I would love to do something like that.
In my small, conservative town, with our very small LLL group to spread the word among, I’m not sure how many people we could manage to gather in one spot, but again, given the area, more than one would be a spectacle.
(Hell, I am probably a spectacle in and of myself!)
I definitely agree, though, that proactive is better than reactive.
Maybe an effort should be made to organize a series of such nurse ins (or “nurse outs” – in that it’s not a protest of the sit-in variety, but a celebration and visibility event) for World Breastfeeding Week, August 1 – 7.
Even groups that aren’t doing a big fundraising event that week could still set a time and place to meet up – and let our babies eat up
Whozat’s last blog post..Cardio Report – 3.5 Months Post-Op
What I have learned is that you never can tell what will or won’t get a good response. Sometimes I post things and think to myself, “They can’t all be winners,” and the response is through the roof. And the converse is true, too, of course.
What I try to remember is that just because people aren’t commenting, doesn’t meant that they’re not reading or interested. My most popular posts don’t actually have many comments. They’re more informational, and they don’t necessarily invite comments. It doesn’t mean they’re not worthwhile.
Comments are only one small piece of blog response, after all. This is what I try to tell myself, anyway, when no one comments.
Amber’s last blog post..Maternity Leave Manifesto
@Shelly – Your comment pretty much made up for any former lack of response. Thanks you for your kind words. It means a lot to me that I am able to help/inspire/educate even one person, so if that person is you then it’s all worth it!
@FeministBreeder @Jessica – re: Carnivals – I doubt I have to say this but in my desire to try to clarify things for people, carnivals are when a bunch of bloggers plan to write something on the same topic and then post it on the SAME DAY (grr) and it helps give blogs new readers.
@Sue – That would drive me crazy too. I’ve had that kind of thing happen in my old job where I was trying to get a new program going and had all this support for it, everyone loved the idea, yaddayaddayadda, and then there was no funding. Too bad, so sad, they said. But that’s the way of the world of social programs:(
I admire your passion and your wisdom and your spark!
I wholeheartedly feel your disappointment, especially because you have such an important voice that needs to be heard.
Unfortunately, we can only control what we put out there not what we receive and often, when we are this passionate, we neglect to realize that we are the only ones that are 5000% fully invested in our vision while others skim the surface. On this note, this is why it’s a blessing to have good friends and like-minded individuals join hands to amplify your vibe. You are doing an amazing job and it will only get better and more influential.
I have learned in life that you just have to put your faith out there and hope that people will hear you, that they will remember your efforts and will apply them to their own lives. Sometimes they do, even if you don’t know about it because they didn’t tell you by posting a comment.
I think that the “protest” was a bold move and I appreciate your courage. However, in this day and age you cannot be certain of how people will react, which is sad, really. I believe that many mothers have that fear or discomfort to nurse in public because of the craziness out there. It’s a different story when you’re a group of strong women protesting, but when there are little children involved- I personally can’t help but feel a little weary- not because it’s wrong but because you cannot control other people’s reactions; which may at times be distasteful and maybe even scary.
Nursing my child was a peaceful and beautiful time and just like when I carried him in my womb- I know that he could feel my energy, same goes for when he nursed. I would never have wanted him to be frightened or traumatized while we bonded so peacefully. Although I have nursed him in public- it was done in modesty not because I felt any shame but more so because I felt a protectiveness towards the serenity of the moment altogether. My first instinct is to keep my child out of harm’s way. So, I personally would probably not protest publicly and maybe some other mothers feel the same way!
=)
I did read it and liked it but honestly my group does this all the time at parks and malls and local eateries.It is a good idea just a familar one to me. In the carnival I found this neat woman who lives in the Phillipines who was telling in the blog about a state santioned breastfeeding bus! Now that was something I have NEVER read about! Regardless, I like your blog so keep blogging!
Naomi’s last blog post..Sleep (CIO), Dueling Bloggers and More! Yee-Ha Get Your Hobbit Stead!
@Nicole @Krista @Heidi – thanks for your support regardless of your geography.
@Anyone I missed – It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who can sometimes get disappointed with lack of post response. Even though I’ve put more work and been more proud of other posts (w/ varying levels of response) it was just this one I allowed myself to get disappointed with. I think it was because I had been saving it up for so long. Oh well. I feel a lot better now though. Thanks lovely women of the blogosphere!!
@Naomi – Thank you! And hey, was that Jenny’s blog at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom? She’s great!
in truth, when i read your original post i rolled my eyes and thought, “meh, they already do that with the Breastfeeding Challenge”… but, the even deeper truth is the fact that i’m really jaded about how our Breastfeeding Challenge has been run here in the past few years… great concept, but it’s basically become a venue for the people who are active in the AP community here to set it up to win the door prizes… but that’s my own problem…
also, i often don’t comment on posts simply because i read everything in Google Reader…
Our Life With Two Boys’s last blog post..for today…
Wait – there’s a club for this?
I SOOOOOOOOO wanna join.
I’ve been blogging for a while, but evidently I’m just not contraversial enough to garner a large amount of blog notes/comments. I just enabled Google Analytics so I’ll gave a better idea of my visitor to commenter ratio, but on the whole I just don’t get the notes.
Glad to have found yours though – I’ll add it to my Google Reader.
Annie’s last blog post..Time 4 Learning – Review
I just reread my response, and what I meant to add and failed too, was that I support remedy # 3. Because no matter what we do, if WE as an individual dont believe in it, then it doesnt matter who else comes on board in participation or follow up comment. I know I wrote from the political endeavor end of things but I think there is some parallel.
Have I been disappointed by the reception or readership of one of my blog posts that I was really excited to share? Yes. I just eat some chocolate and move on.
Still haven’t got to your Carnival entry yet, but I will. Suffering from BMS lately–Busy Mom Syndrome.
I’ve totally had that happen — my advice is just to post and post and post! Things pick up at the weirdest times
desiree fawn’s last blog post..Five Months
@Mary – I’m not sure if you read the post correctly though so I will just summarize here in case. My idea is not one of protest but a celebration. True, it would be in public and true it might not get 100% postive attention. However the strength in numbers and the fact that all of the women gathered there (hopefully) would be doing it with an energy of love and teaching and respect and not a “me vs you” attitude or with any picket signs, I *think* would eliminate a lot of the negative reaction you mention. I too have been afraid of nursing in public at times, depending where I am, most especially nursing my toddlers, and I too have worried for their sake about what other people might say to confuse or upset them. My Grandmother did this a few times when I was nursing my firstborn as a toddler. It was horrible. I had to stop nursing her in front of her and practically stop all together. For the last year I lied to her about it until we weaned at age 3. So I get what you are saying.
hey melodie! i agree with you on the “posting on the day itself” thing.. i’m on an advanced time zone than most of the participants but i try to wait until it is closer to the North American time zone before uploading. As for the comments, I really don’t expect a lot of comments on my blog – but i do get excited if a post generates comments. Before I started actively blogging, I often just visit interesting sites, bookmark them and keep reading – without leaving a comment. I only leave comments on blogs whose authors I personally know. But now, I’ve started to become more *liberal* and try to leave comments. But still, I’m hesitant to leave comments which I feel adds nothing to the post
Jenny’s last blog post..Jaundice and the Pinoy Baby: A Follow-up
That is a cute picture of you in the back of the car!
I never thought anyone would read my blog actualy. There are soooo many blogs and I don’t spell well, am not particuarly contriversial and don’t bother putting on tags. I never figured out how to use ‘Blogher’ properly. I did do the ‘Carnival of play’ and got a few hits and a ‘Wordless Wednesday’ thing and I get 8 or 9 comments for that most times. The most satisfying is getting comments from other bloggers that you have connected with. I have about 50 blogs on my bloglist liks and that is my reading for morning coffee. One well read lady “Hot Belly Mama’ linked me in one of her posts and I got SOOO much traffic from that.I have that Feedjit live Traffic jam thing that is interesting to see who visted and from where.
Naomi’s last blog post..Litotes is a Real Word
Hi Mel– I totally understand what you are saying here..I feel kinda funny sometimes when I DON’T make a comment on someone’s wonderful post.. I am so far behind on the huge volume of great great well researched inspiring posts..that sometimes i move on to the next one.. I simply run out of time. On the other hand, I agree with a lot of these comments on how YOU really inspire people and give people strength or maybe touched their lives in some way by your gentle guidance, your passion for breastfeeding and your beautiful girls!
I love what @TheFeministBreeder said…so true for me as well..ecept for the 20,000 hits overnight..HA! i haven’t gotten that many in the history of my new blog. But the thought process of the ideas..I agree. I like the quiet at times.
Krista (@Luvschweetheart) Has the same idea i do also…I get disappointed sometimes..Especially if you spend a lot of time on a post! Seems you need to write something that stirs up peoples gumption to get a lot of response..
Sometimes I feel really misunderstood… I almost think i want to be in the same league as those i respect with a huge readership….but i don’t want any pressure to write every day!
I will keep telling stories when I have time and when I don’t..I’ll try to read all the other’s and catch up on comments.
Birth_Lactation’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday… 1950’s “Good Wife Guide” and more…
Yes— I have a typing problem..spelling errors abound!
Birth_Lactation’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday… 1950’s “Good Wife Guide” and more…
Just read this now Melodie. I was out of town for 5 days when all the internet frenzy with Michael Jackson, Farrah, your carnival was happening
Still haven’t read the Carnival post. But to answer your question. YES. I expected a ton more comments on my “Homebirth Isn’t Just For Hippies” post, as well as, others. (You commented – thank you!) But, hey – not many people know about me. I blog for me right now. I woiuld love to reach others and help people make more green changes in their lives. Someday.
I think your idea is a good one. I agree that you should just do it and then blog about it. Sometimes when we write about big ideas it doesn’t prompt a comment. But when action is taken – look out! Go for it! Spread the breast feeding celebration!
I breast fed my son in public all the time. I never got any looks, stares or comments. I was ready for them though! My son will be 2 next week and only nurses in the mornings now. I have been gently weaning but am now holding on to this last special time. Bittersweet growing up.
Pure Mothers’s last blog post..Plastic Packaging Awareness
Hah! I just found your blog, and subscribed to it, and actually read your carnival post before this one – and left you a comment
I know what you mean – I totally fit the hat too!
In fact, I might be guilty of having expectations regarding my said comment right about now… Hopefully, you WILL like it.
@whozat – Don’t feel like a jerk. Those Carnival posts take forever to get through!
@Jenny – I have noticed you always post on the actual date of the Carnival too. I think I might talk to Elita to see if the instructions for the Carnivals can get sent the day before rather than a few days before. I think it would make a big difference.
Melodie’s last blog post..Foodie Fridays: Cheap Food Makes It All Worthwhile (Sometimes)
I know what you mean but I am glad I was one of the commenters. I am also surprised at the posts that get lots of comments on my blog. They are normally just the picture posts, never anything meaningful.
I did a few lonely protests this week, most notably BFing in the crowded park, coverless, with hundreds of people around me! Oddly enough, another woman was bfing with a cover behind me. Does that count?
But I think you have a loving audience! I know I enjoy your writing immensely. Judging by the comments here, so do lots of people!
Kim R.’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday- Fireworks and Babywearing!
I wish I had found your blog before today – I would LOVE to do a “nurse out” (and I did today in the park with some friends as a celebration of World Breastfeeding Week!). I think it’s an incredible idea. My hubby happened to be with us while we nursed and he was a bit weirded out at first (he’s not nearly as comfortable as he *will* be) but once he realized that other people took little notice (or were positive with smiles and waves) he relaxed. I love your blog!
@Jessica – Welcome to the blog! And hooray for your nurse-out! I’m so glad someone is out there doing it this week.