I’ve nursed both of my kids to sleep. At naptime and at night, which means I’ve spent a lot of time in bed when I could have been doing other things. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t started this habit.
My first daughter took up to an hour or more to fall asleep when she was a baby and things didn’t change too much as she grew into a toddler. It was a cross I chose to bear though. She had a very challenging temperment and nursing her was one of the very few things that guaranteed our household some peace and her some contentment. She transitioned into her own bed very easily at the age of two. But when the second baby came along I wanted to do things differently. She had an easier temperment and I remember when she was about three months old I thought “okay I’m not going to do this this time.” But I loved breastfeeding her down for sleep when she was so small, so I kept it up, and then later, due to laziness (or was it busy-ness?) I never ended up changing anything. And now as it stands I feel like nursing my baby to sleep has bitten me in the butt.
I’m ready to put my kids down for bed at the same time and then go about having an evening without them. But that doesn’t happen. Instead, daughter #1 goes to bed, with minimal complaints, and then daughter #2 stays up with me until I go to bed. I was putting her to bed at her own bedtime for awhile but that stopped working. I would lie in bed nursing her for an hour or so until she fell asleep, but then I would be too tired to get up. I would also be too annoyed to fall asleep.
A few nights ago was the worst. I tried putting her down at the regular time, but I had plans to get up and do some computer work. I was up for five minutes when she awoke and started crying. So I nursed her back to sleep and then got up again. Again she sensed I was gone and cried. This time she even rolled out of bed and met me at the door as I was coming into the room. So we had a talk. I told her I needed to leave the room and she needed to go to sleep. She could have “milkies” for a minute then I was going to go. She wailed. I gave in. I told her I would stay but that tomorrow we were going to start this new routine. She nursed for about an hour before she fell asleep again. But it was a light sleep. Everytime I moved she stirred and reached for me. For another hour she snuffled and sighed. In tense annoyance I lay there until 3:00 am. I even ended up having to plug in my emergency nightlight for when I get these weird sudden panic attacks in the middle of the night. The next day she didn’t nap until 4:30 and was up late again. Nighttime parenting shouldn’t be this hard.
This all feels awkward to write, like I’m admitting to being a bad parent not putting my two year old at 7:00 sharp like all the good children of the world. And that I FAIL in achieving independence from my two year old and having a life of my own when the sun goes down.
I know I will be able to wean dd #2 from nursing to sleep at some point. I assume I will practice some gentle child-led weaning for the nighttime like I did with dd #1. I think I’m just reluctant to get started. The anticipated wails of protest decrease my motivation substantially. Crying-it-out is not an option but neither is giving in once I get started. That means work! A huge part of me wants to leave well enough alone. A part of me is quite content with the laziness of the breastfeeding to sleep method. Maybe I just need to get everyone back into a bedtime routine. It’s been off the rails in a big way since our holiday, so maybe that’s the only problem. I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted. Any advice appreciated.
Who else nurses their kids to sleep? Who has nursed more than one to sleep? What about those of you who don’t? How did you get them to fall asleep?
Related posts:
- Monday Musings: Would You Nurse Another Woman’s Baby?
- Transitioning a Breastfeeding Toddler To Her Own Bed
- When Not Breastfeeding Breaks Your Heart A Little
- Monday Musings: Is It Okay To Advertise Baby Bottles To Pumping Moms?
- Monday Musings: Do Public Breastfeeding Moms Nurse Longer?
Tags: child-led weaning, crying it out, nighttime parenting, weaning
I nursed both to sleep for a long time. There came a point with number one that he would NOT GO TO SLEEP after nursing. So, after 1/2 hour or so, I switched with DH who would snuggle and walk with him until he fell asleep. We also had him in his crib in our room for a long time. He would get pulled into bed with us at about midnight and nurse the whole night through.
Finally our renovations were done when he was 15 months old and “his” room was ready. So, that night the crib got moved and we put him to sleep in his room. He slept for TEN HOURS STRAIGHT. The night before he waked up FIVE times in bed with me.
We decided that he just needed his space. I nursed him at night though until he was almost two. He just wasn’t asleep and dad would come in and sing songs and put him in bed.
So, with this baby, at 5 months we put him in a crib in his own room, which is the guest room. I have my rocker in there, and most of the time I sit up and nurse him. I do nurse him to sleep (he is six months now). And then I lay him in his crib. I have noticed that if he naps in our bed (most of the time) and I lay down with him, he NEVER stops nursing. I have to sit up with him. Then he will pop off after he is done and I can lay him down.
Maybe with your 2 yo, you could start a new routine. Nursies then maybe dad could come in and do some books and songs or something. Then when the nursies quit, she still has a routine.
Kimberly’s last blog post..Things….
My 2 yr old would only nurse to sleep for the first year. She prefers to fall asleep this way, and sometimes still does.
Last night they didn’t get to bed until after 11pm.
We are going back to our routine of bath, books and bed because it worked so well for us.
My problem now is her nursing through the night. We still co-sleep so I’m sure that has a lot to do with it.
Some nights when she doesn’t fall asleep nursing, I’ll put her in the wrap and that does the trick.
Darcel’s last blog post..Marriage is work – Marriage Monday
Great post! Great musings!
My DD is 13 mo and I’ve nursed her to sleep pretty well since the start. She did, however, learn to fall asleep lots of ways – in the sling, in dad’s arms, being patted, etc.
Since I’m pregnant again, I’m hoping that we can move away from night nursing gradually over the next few months. Currently, we change into pjs, read two or three books, then I nurse her to sleep and put her down in her crib (it’s around 7:30) and she stays there until 1 or 2am, when she wakes for a nursing and comes into bed with us until morning. Some nights she nurses once, some nights she nurses 3 times between 2am and 6:30am. It all depends.
The last 3 nights, she hasn’t fallen asleep while nursing – she’ll be wide awake after nursing on both sides. Night 1, we were away from home and it had been an overall frustrating day, so my mom got her to sleep for me (it took her like 10 minutes). Night 2, I tried for an hour to get her to sleep after nursing her until I thought she was asleep (she’s learning to walk, so she was pulling up in the crib and walking around), hubby got her down in a matter of minutes. Last night, she was wide awake AGAIN after nursing, and she was asleep within 10 minutes of me leaving her with daddy.
I’m thinking about transitioning away from nursing to sleep for night-time, since this seems like I good time and might be easier for me with the new baby come February! I think our new routine will be: mommy does pjs, nurse, daddy does books and sleep. That way if she falls asleep nursing, fine – if not, daddy gets to take over.
I still nurse her to sleep for naps. I love that time and I’m not hoping that she gives that up any time soon!
Kim’s last blog post..What I’ve Been Up To
I definitely feel like they sleep better after they are nursed to sleep and when they are old enough to go to their own bed on their own that they are easier to put down with minimal fussing, if any at all. My oldest is the only one afraid of the dark and hates going to bed alone or without being tucked in,… he comes up with any excuse for me to go back in to him and he was the only one I “sleep trained”. I have also learned that it is better to let the baby nurse until they are in such a deep sleep that they stop and fall off the nipple – at this point it is safe to leave them asleep without them waking, if you try to get them off before then you will (most likely) arouse them out of sleep enough to take even longer than they would have to get into that deep sleep… Even if it takes over an hour, it is worth it to not be up until 2am.
I also found that cosleeping gives me more sleep than nursing in a rocking chair and even though baby will wake up more throughout the night if he stays in my bed, he will learn on his own to stay asleep, will be easier to put to sleep when he is older wihtout nursing and will be easier to transition to his own big boy bed without problems.
I guess I should add that I am currently nursing my 4th son who is 10 months old.
I did the same thing with my first who exclusively nursed to sleep until he was 3. I was then pregnant and my nipples were sensitive so I told him it hurt and he would just nurse for a minute or so.
With my second I knew I didn’t want to go that route because it was frustrating to me. So I will nurse, but then we employ other ways of going to sleep: walks in the stroller, ergo, me out of the house etc. He still night nurses and sometimes nurses to sleep but it’s not with the intensity of my first. He is much more flexible.
We are no cry-it-outers but when we did night wean there was crying and I was right there feeling very compassionate and we did it slowly. It takes 21 days to create a new habit!
hillary’s last blog post..Charmed
I just wanted to say that I have totally been there, and done that. I remember silently screaming to myself, nursing my 2-year-old to sleep. Spending forever in her room. Although she would usually actually sleep and stay asleep, it could take a very long time. Could she be ready to lose the afternoon nap? My child dropped it pretty early and had a lot of sleep disturbance around that time.
As for our sleep arrangement, we set up a double bed in her room when she was 18 months so that I could comfortably sleep with her. It’s still the bed she sleeps in now. That got her out of our bed, and allowed me a restful sleep if she needed me. In retrospect this sounds much warmer and fuzzier than it felt at the time. At the time I was worried she would never sleep without me and pulling my hair out because I couldn’t get 3 minutes to myself.
These days I find that taking a five minute break and saying, “I need to XYZ, I will leave your door open and I will be right back when I’m done,” works well for us. It can give me time to collect myself, use the bathroom, brush my teeth, or whatever. I’m much less impatient when I can take a breather. A 2-year-old might not go for this, but she might accept some time with Dad briefly.
Hang in there. This won’t last forever. And you’re not a failure – you’re trying to meet your child’s needs in the most natural way imaginable.
Amber’s last blog post..Announcing the Carnival of Maternity Leave
I just finished writing my very first blog post (about nursing and thinking of weaning). I have to say that nighttime parenting is the most frustrating aspect of my life sometimes. And when I stopped nursing dd to sleep, it may have gotten harder. But I’m not positive about that, because it was partly frustration that had me looking to make a change.
I nursed both my girls to sleep for a long time, 12-18 months each. (It’s a little fuzzy now.) Somewhere along the way, I stopped middle of the night nursing, probably around 18 months. At that point, daddy nights began for a while. Neither of my girls wanted anything to do with a mommy who wouldn’t nurse during the night- it just made them mad to see me if they woke up and I didn’t nurse them. And I understand, but it made me a little sad, too.
It’s funny reading your post and the comments, I thought how I feel like a bad mom no matter what I do sometimes. Nurse to sleep or not, feeling impatient at my results, wanting time to myself (or alone with hubby).
I try to remember that I’m dealing with people when I’m loving my girls. Sometimes I forget that they have their own sense of how things work, and I’m supposed to be the flexible one. (I don’t always feel flexible at 9pm when the 2 yo is still awake and I’ve been rocking her for an hour.)
Thanks Amber, for the reminder to be gentle with myself too. My kids didn’t come with a manual after all. I’m working out the kinks as I go along.
hey melodie! during the day, when I’m at work, my nanny is able to put naima to sleep without nursing. she just burrows around the bed till she finds her “position” and dozes off. but if i’m at home, it’s always “mik-mik” (“milk-milk”). she’ll soon be 20months and we’re still nursing to sleep at night. the reasonable little girl who listens to instructions during the day seems to disappear in the middle of the night. as my husband says, from 9pm-630am, naima doesn’t recognize anyone or anything else except mama + mik-mik
Jenny’s last blog post..Po-Ge-Lai and Breastfeeding
I nursed all my children to sleep at night….I too had those annoying times of lying in bed nursing my children to sleep and wishing they would go to sleep quickly so I could get on with my evening. I had to change my expectations around that quickly! Just like other annoying things that happen in the world of parenting this is a stage and it does end. Both my older children transtitioned to going to sleep without nursing very quickly when they were ready. They both fall asleep with no problems and no nursing (one is 5 and one is 3) I think when you push them before they are ready that is when you get major resistance….just like you do with toilet training and all kinds of other loving guidance/discipline things. A lot of children have a real biological need to nurse to sleep at night…you know your baby best and what they need…follow your instincts. When mother’s ask me about weaning their children from the breast I often give the advice to start with the child’s least favourite time of nursing. The nursing to sleep and the wake up nurse are children’s MOST favourite time of nursing so I usually advise to leave these nursings in until the very last moment. So bedtime nursing tends to be the last nursing session to go. I find that the key to getting kids to go to sleep and staying asleep is how routined the child’s day and bedtime rituals are. Having a bedime routine and sticking to it as well as keeping your routine naps are really important. As for grinning and bearing it, I made the time I was laying in the dark a little more bearable by bringing a book and a little book lamp to bed or I borrowed my hubby’s palm pilot and played backgammon or solitaire in the dark
than the time went by faster 
I nursed my son to sleep until he weaned at 20 months. It was getting longer for him to fall asleep, but that was nothing compared to how long it started to take him when he wasn’t able to nurse!
Now, with dd, I do the same. I don’t think I’m creating bad habits, or worry that it will never end. Because, some day it will, and I will miss it greatly.
It’s very tough. It’s tough not to have an evening sometimes, or to feel most of it is spent getting the kids to sleep. But, it’s a very short amount of time.
good luck, enjoy the time you have
Rebecca’s last blog post..Recipe: Potatoes and Leeks drizzled with Balsamic Vinegar and Vanilla
I nursed all 6 of mine to sleep, and practiced shared sleep with all 6. It just made more sense to have baby next to me at night than to have to get up and grope through the darkness, and sit, unsleeping in some chair, nursing a baby. I have lost a LOT more sleep now that they are teenagers than I ever did with babies and toddlers. All transitioned easily to sleeping with their next oldest sibling. I never rolled over on one, neither did my husband, none ever fell out of bed.
Read “The No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantley! Recommended by Dr. Sears, my Bradley class teacher, midwife, doula AND best friends, it gave great advice. And the best part? You can start it anytime and you can just take what works from her, molding it into whatever works best for you and your baby. Finally someone who understands babies temperments seem to guide their sleep habits!
I read this when mine was only 2 months old. He would NOT nap, literally. 8 hours stretches which weren’t unhealthy, but he certainly wasn’t happy & I was one tired mama. And yes, I had been nursing to sleep. I didn’t want to miss any cluster feedings or growth spurts, but then I realized I did nothing else. Reading it I was able to acknowledge that most of that time he was comfort sucking, not eating. This made breaking the seal, thus breaking away that much easier. Now we’ve reducing the sucking-to-sleep association (almost completely, he pulls of on his own now) and established routines which tell him ‘now we’re sleeping’. We’ve never once had crying it out, as I’m firmly against that as well. In fact, we’ve never even had crying before bed. Just laying him down, well fed, changed and drowsy and he does the rest with my hand on his chest. Soon I’ll be able to get farther away with little complaint and it’s a great feeling having me AND adult time with my husband after his set bedtime.
OH! And let me add that Pantely’s guide applies to hardcore co-sleepers and part-time ones as well. It also can be started at 2 years plus.
Good luck! I know it seems like work, but 3 weeks of work is better than another year or so of frustration, annoyance and ultimately resentment for what truly is a short and blessed time with our children.
Hello! I nurse my 15 month old before bedtime. Sometimes she falls asleep (or ALMOST falls asleep)… then I walk across the hall with her and lay her in her crib, where she usually snuggles up and falls asleep. I don’t mind nursing her before bed at this age. She goes to sleep at daycare or for my husband without nursing so if there is some reason I cannot nurse her before bedtime, I know she is fine with Daddy!
She has a lovey only for sleeping and we use a white noise machine in her room so those are two very good sleep associations which have helped us get to this point. We both enjoy our pre-bedtime nursing session! I definitely advise any Mom to nurse your baby to sleep starting from birth.
I’m currently nursing my 5 month old to sleep for naps and nighttime. Sometimes I’m frustrated that she wants to nurse for over and hour before bed, but I do love to have that time with her.
I do worry that she’ll never be able to sleep on her own — she was at my gym’s daycare for the first time today and fell asleep in the arms of the caregiver. When I came down the woman said she tried to put Gretchen in one of their cribs to nap and she woke up, and I said, “heh, well, she’s never slept in a crib before!”
The woman seemed to think this was a little strange, but she also made a confused face when I told her that Gretchen didn’t have a cup/bottle to take, that it was ‘just me’.
I suppose that’s a little off topic now, but I guess my point is — I love nursing her, but I’m afraid she’ll never sleep on her own.
I just don’t know what I want to change.
desiree fawn’s last blog post..The Play In Closet
I also became so tired of B.F to sleep at nights. It seems endless & my body just ached still does.
DD is 3 1/2 and the transition to her own sleeping area has been tiring also.
But now this year her 3rd year she will fall asleep to reading books or if daddy puts her to bed by herself.
DD still has B.F before bed & as soon as the sun rises. This has been a constant verbal reminder. When a bug has her I’ve found she will comfort suck more during the nights.
Exhusting but worth it.
I never ever read how tiring & exhusting b.f long term would be. I have no other friends nor aquantances that have accidentially gone down this pathway either.
It’s been a long journey that has been hard especially without having any immediate relations of my own to fall back on.
I take my hat off to you that you can manage also a baby.
For i think i may have lost the plot.
All I know & can pass on is that ‘This too Shall Change’
Blessings – Mrs MW
MrsMW’s last blog post..This Grand Designs Home to be given away on Twitter October…
What a great post!! Some nights it feels like I’m the only one in this boat. DS is 21 mos. I don’t mind the nursing to sleep at night (if he just would actually go to sleep). For the past 6 – 8 mos unless he is completely exhausted, he will nurse for a while, we get up to potty, back to bed, nurse for a while, pull off, and flip and flop until finally going to sleep. He also nurses to sleep at naptime. And he will not sleep by himself at any point. If he is not physically touching someone, he will not sleep for more than 30 mins at a time, tops. I tried again this past weekend during nap. At times this is extremely frustrating!! I think of all the things I could be doing or even just resting by myself, but then I try to remind myself that the day will come all too soon when he is older and will cringe at the thought of me just touching him. This is my first and only child, but this mom thing sure seems like quite the double edged sword with way too much guilt. One sleep item I would love to have any help on is getting him to sleep in. Regardless of what time we go to bed or how the naps run, he will not sleep past 5:30 a.m. This to me is the most exhausting part of the whole thing!!
Anyway, my advice is to try to enjoy the snuggle time and remember that everything else will wait, but babies grow up way too fast. I also know this advice is easier said than done sometimes.
Hey Shelly, My son is like yours….no matter what time he goes to bed he always wakes up at the same time every morning…no chances of sleeping in for me
If he doesn’t go to bed on time its very hard work for me the next day….you’re not alone!!!!
Fascinating to read, as most people I have spoken to say that their children just grew out of nursing to sleep at some stage. My DD is only 10.5 months and I nurse her to sleep for her naps and at night (actually, I usually walk her to sleep in the sling once a day as well). When I am nursing her, I put her in a ring sling so she is cosy and wrapped up and I can still watch the TV (on very quietly) or read, or use the computer. I was kind of assuming that eventually we would just figure out how to get her to fall asleep on her own, but this post is frightening me! I know everyone gets there in the end, though. Melodie, it might be hard at the moment but your children must be benefiting from the time you spend with them. I hope you manage to resolve your situation or reconcile yourself to seeing it through.
Cave Mother’s last blog post..The Language of Co-Sleeping
@ Kimberly – I remember the first time my oldest slept through the night as a toddler. Hallelujah! I can’t wait til that happens again!
@Hillary – Pregnancy does help them wean! That was what helped my first nightwean. This time I won’t be getting pregnant though. Gotta do the hard work all by myself!
@Amber – I second the double bed! My oldest went from our queen to her own double and it helped a lot. This time I’m hoping to get a double/single bunk bed set and nurse youngest to sleep below in the double while big sis sleeps on the top bunk. Gotta find the bunks tho!
@Christy – Pushing them before they’re ready you get the most resistance. So true. Thanks for the reminder. Not that I’m pushing anything right now. I just *wish* htings were different and that she was ready. Although I do think it’s okay to test the waters. I’ll find out soon enough if she’s not happy with my change of plans!
@Peggy – My neighbour tells me the same thing. That she loses more sleep now that they are teenagers. Argh! I take my hat off to you for nursing 6! Wow!
@Gillian – Thanks for the recommendation. I’m a pretty big fan of Pantley’s too. I haven’t fely desperate enough to pick it up again thoguh. Someone else on twitter suggested “Sleepless in America. I might try that one too. It sounds comparable but a new take might be nice.
@desiree fawn – I’ve had children like yours in my daycare. Not many, but a few. And I KNOW if my kids were in daycare they’d be exactly the same. Crib? Huh?
@MrsMW – I’ll be your community! Anytime you want to talk drop me a line. I’m happy to offer an ear, support, anything you might need.
@Shelly – I really appreciated your comment. Thanks! As for sleeping in, I’m not sure. Maybe he doesn’t need as much sleep as other kids? My step-son was like that as a baby/toddler.
Is the room he sleeps in dark enough? My girls sleep later on cloudy days and in the winter. I installed black-out drapes like they have in hotels and it helps us all sleep a little longer. Sounds like his biological clock is getting him up with the sun.
@Everyone else – it is so good to read everyone’s else’s stories and know I’m not alone and have so much great support out there. I hope you find that too. You all rock!
Melodie’s last blog post..Breastfeeding and Biting
Other than occassionally conking out on the car, my 8.5 month old always nurses to sleep.
(And if I’m riding in the backseat w/her, she’s likely to nurse to sleep in the car, too. Mama’s getting pretty good at the hang-over-the-carseat method
)
Theoretically, it would be nice for my partner to be able to get her down, but in reality, I’m the one with her all day, and we all go to bed together at night, and it’s damn effective.
It might be more of an issue as she gets older, but for now, my theory is that if we were not meant to nurse our babies to sleep, and then sleep with them, breastfeeding would not put baby and Mama to sleep!
Whozat’s last blog post..The Latest in Ergonomic Home Office Seating
Wow, there’s another mommy out there in the same boat! I too have some envy of those parents who put their toddlers to bed at 7:00, after a brief bedtime routine, with some calm lullaby music, and the child lays down and falls asleep peacefully. Yes, I often feel like I’ve brought this whole night nursing “habit” upon myself and now this “habit” is something that is going to drive us all nuts. My daughter goes down absurdly easily for naps (nurse, nurse, zonk), but at night it’s a process. She nearly falls asleep and then she bounces up like a weeble-wobble wanting more stories and refusing her milkies. Oh it makes me crazy, especially when the night nursing gets dragged out over an hour.
I just read some more reassuring articles this evening suggesting that we’re not alone and that this isn’t entirely abnormal behavior. Toddlerhood is fleeting and our wee ones will be big all too soon. Someday we will have our evenings back!
It’s 9:00 and my wee one is out and I am still functioning so I might snuggle up with some popcorn and a fiction novel…
Happy thoughts to you!
Audiobooks on my MP3 player are the only things that save my sanity! Otherwise, I’m not able to relax enough for ds to relax and go to sleep.
I was able to transition my ds to his own bed and room at 12mo. I was nursing him to sleep then leaving to get into my own bed. After the first couple of nights, he stoped waking up to nurse and was sleeping all night in his bed.
Then, at 18mo I got pregnant and ds developed and EXTREME case of separation anxiety. I had some complications, but when I got pregnant again four months later, ds was still nursing and sleeping in my bed. I was able to gradually wean him as my milk supply went down, and he’s been completely weaned for the last 7 months, but I didn’t transition him back into his own bed first.
Now with the new baby here it’s really hard to cuddle ds1 while bf the baby. Unfortunately between adjusting to the new baby and teething and being 2-yrs old I can’t start the transition for a while yet
It’s really nice to know I’m not the only one feeling “trapped” by my night-time parenting methods. I do agree that pushing too hard about their own bed is like toilet training and that forcing it too soon won’t work.
So I’m stuck too.
And stressing about what to do with baby number 2. He falls asleep nursing too. I can still put him down after he’s asleep (which I could never do with my first). But am I starting out on the same road all over again?
SO nice to read so many others are in and/or have survived this phase. My son is 7 months old and he nurses to sleep every night. I never intended to start this habbit…it just ended up this way. I work during the day 5 days a week
so late-afternoon/nighttime is the only time ds and I get to spend one-on-one time together. My husband is a stay-at-home dad. When I’m at work, ds will fall asleep for a nap either on a walk in his stroller, or on a bottle (but only when he’s exhausted!). Some days he barely naps at all. When I’m home with him on the weekends, he’ll nurse to sleep and take great naps. At night, he’ll nurse for an hour before he falls asleep…then, once he’s in a DEEP sleep, I will gently transfer him to his crib (right by my bed). I’m not too worried about nursing him to sleep at his age, but I do worry a LOT about him needing to nurse to get to sleep forever…(ok, not really “forever”, but you get what I’m saying).
He was a great baby and started sleeping through the night really early…but, now that he’s teething, he’s started waking up again in the middle of the night to nurse. I don’t mind doing it, except that it’s hard to get up to go to work being so tired. I don’t think that he even needs to nurse to go back to sleep…but, when he wakes up in his crib and catches a glimpse of me, he starts to fuss and will only be comforted nursing. If I’m not in the room, occasionally he’ll go back to sleep on his own. I know this could be solved by putting him in his own room…but it makes me nervous to have him in the other room alone (paranoid), so I just deal with it.
It’s nice to know that others have been down this road nursing older babies to sleep and they were, eventually, able to transition out of it semi-easily. Thanks to all who posted!…you made me feel better!!
Hi! My name is Melissa, and I’m from W. Canada. I JUST found your blog and am reading backwards in it because I love it SOOO much. Thank you!!! I wanted to introduce myself as a new follower, and I felt compelled to respond to this post despite the fact that you wrote it in July!! I hope you get your comments emailed to you, otherwise you might not get this! I just wanted to add my story to the pile;
I have 3 sons. ds #1, similar story to yours; nursed to sleep ONLY, took over an HOUR, woke if I left, drove me CRAZY! I love breastfeeding, but that nighttime slog left me resentful. Eventually, he grew out of it, but it was extremely frustrating for me at the time. Especially as he was my first, so I knew my hubby was enjoying over an hour of leisure time downstairs while I slogged, and I was afraid it would never end!
ds #2 couldn’t sleep if we were in the room, but would cry if we left…it confounded us, until we tried the Ferber Method and found that if we left, let him cry for 5 to 10 seconds, and opened the door to reassure him, he would then promptly fall asleep. We also had a CD of classical instruments playing lullabies that played softly in his room while he fell asleep. I am not an advocate for babies crying while sleeping but darn it if a little 10 seconds of crying was what worked for him! They’ll always confound your hard and fast beliefs!!
ds #3 is 13 months now, and I knew when he was born that with 3 kids I couldn’t afford the hour to breastfeed him to sleep that I had given ds #1, so I tried to keep bfing separate from sleeping. I fed him when he woke, and put him to sleep when he indicated he was tired with that same classical lullabies CD and some back patting. This worked for 5 months, until he developed bronchitis (poor baby) and then of course I nursed him round the clock. After that he resisted going back to the back patting, and I didn’t want to fight it, so since then I’ve nursed him to sleep. But I wait until I’m CERTAIN he is pretty tired if my hubby isn’t home, so it will take 10 minutes or less. If my hubby is home, I will take longer but I don’t resent it as much because hubby has his hands full putting the older 2 to bed! It’s actually kind of nice to ‘get out of’ the chaos and retreat to our bed to nurse the baby!
I think ds#3 is much more easygoing than ds #1, but needs more touch and milk than ds #2. They really do all have different sleep personalities!
Lately sometimes I will breastfeed #3 and he will finish, pop off, and want to PLAY! If my hubby is working (he does shift work, so some nights), I immediately get up and wait 1/2 hour or 40 minutes until he is more tired, and try again. If hubby is home, we switch. Magically, it takes him less time, which seems common amongst the women who commented above!
I definitely need some kid free downtime after they go to bed adn before I go to bed. I can function pretty well with less sleep, so I’ve been known to stay up too late just to get that hour or so without kids, and then just be tired the next day. I’m tired all the time anyways, what’s a little more?
It drains me MORE to have no time to myself (introvert) than it does to have less sleep than I need.
Hang in there! This, too, shall pass, as several women have commented!
And it’s so nice to have found your blog. I’m seriously here every day, reading back, or looking for new posts. I need this site!! I have very few friends who breastfeed longer than their year maternity leave, and those who do seem to all be long distance friends, so it can be lonely being the only extended breastfeeder around! Thanks so much!!
p.s. my mom’s an LC and I forwarded her your post about Lansinoh and WHO violations. Thanks for making us aware! We thought the same as you–bfing product, must be bf friendly!!
Hi I’m a first time mummy and I read this blog with interest my little one is 8 months and I nurse him to sleep. But since he was about 5 months he wants to nurse every hour all night. And sometimes if he is comfort nursing and he doesn’t want the milk he can be awake for 2 hours before falling asleep again. I worry because he doesn’t sleep enough.
I have tried pantleys techniques from 5 months but it seemed to make things worse. Because when I whispered the trigger words it would wake him up. And I had always done a night time routine. His longest sleep used to be 4 hours now that’s a rare occurrence. Usually its 1 to 2 hours. My health visitor wants me to make him sleep through the night.but I don’t want him to cry it out. Don’t know what to do I work 4 days a week and I am a single parent as my husband left any help appreciated please….. we co sleep already but some nights he is on the breast every 10th minutes on off on off just keeps us both awake .thanks in advance for any help
[...] Not Breastfeeding Breaks Your Heart A Little I’ve recently started working towards not nursing my youngest daughter to sleep. She’s two and a half and I’m at the point where I’d like to be able to go [...]