Me at 28, when I could still get away with braided pig tails and even take a satisfactory picture wearing a life jacket
Last night I looked in the mirror and was surprised by the woman looking back at me. She had lines on her face, the sunken, dark eyes of a person who could never get enough sleep, and a profile, that without needing to look at her body gave away the fact that she still couldn’t get rid of that last ten pounds of baby weight. Her boobs sagged a little from time (with no help whatsoever from that nursing bra she’d been wearing for two and a half years), and the clothes that once fit her curves and added a little sex appeal looked frumpy and laughable. The mummy tummy, a life preserver around her middle could no longer be hidden by “sucking it in.” All those cute, clingy summer dresses – what had she been thinking? She couldn’t even hide it under most of her dark shirts.
I slanted my eyes, trying to make the image in the mirror go a little blurry, in an attempt to get back the younger looking woman I related to on the inside. But symbolically, she was gone.
It made me sad, suddenly noticing being forced to accept that if I suddenly became single I wouldn’t be able to sign up to an internet dating service and pass off photos of the 28 year old me as a present day reflection. I suddenly felt embarrassed of the pig-tails I wore to the grocery store last week.
But on the inside I still feel the same as I did in high school. I’m still practically the same person I was then, minus the fact that I have a husband and kids and a house and responsibilities. I have the same values, the same idealism and optomism, the same crazy dance-like-no-one’s-watching enthusiasm for having fun. It doesn’t matter that I’m 35. I can still dance around the living room singing at the top of my lungs in front of friends, and I will happily run through water park spraying machines in my clothes, getting soaking wet, just to show my daughter that there’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m the crazy lady younger kids think is funny and the older kids think is weird. I know how to act my age, but when I’m not trying to impress anyone, I don’t. It’s no wonder that the one high school friend I feel the strongest bond with hasn’t changed much either.
I looked at myself again, wondering how I missed the shift. When did I suddenly lose the looks of a single girl and gain the looks of a mommy? I haven’t really “let myself go.” Even though I work at home, I have no desire to work in my sweats with my hair in a pony tail. I learned early on in motherhood that the secret to maintaining good mental health was to make myself look good so I could feel good. So I wear clothes that look nice and make sure to at least brush my hair and apply my lipstick before the first of my daycare kids and their parents come through the door in the morning. But somewhere along the way, the ability to not blush while walking downtown parking meridians as though they were balance beams and owning a good lipstick, stopped being enough.
This is when women up the ante with the skin care regimes. This is when the gym memberships get renewed and hair gets dyed. I have always wanted to age gracefully and embrace grey hairs (which I thankfully still don’t have), but as of last night I’m starting to understand the urge to buy into the marketing of age-defying products.
A faux commercial from Saturday Night Live comes to mind when I ponder my appearance now. That one about Mommy Jeans. Anyone remember that? I did find it, but I have to say that this one is even better. It helped me laugh last night off for awhile, glad of the fact that at least I don’t look like this!
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I realized something very similar just the other day, and it made me sad. Should I stop wearing striped boots and braiding my hair? Should my next pair of glasses be grownup? I don’t know. But it all has me thinking. Thoughts like, why does my 10 year old have a more $ature haircut than I do?
This article made me laugh. Mostly because it rings so true. I don’t have kids but am married and 35. My striped socks and army boots are still a part of my wardrobe. They are just paired with different outfits to be more discreet as I have to dress more my age and body type these days due to working in a high end boutique. That did not stop me from doing a “happy dance” in the aisle of the grocery store because my husband let me pick a cherry cheese cake for desert. Silly fun stuff. I do have grey hair and a bit of a belly but am happier with myself than ever before. Part of that is having a better wardrobe that is more flattering and the other part is not caring so much about what others might think.
@slee – I don’t think we should stop dressing a certain way or try to stop being the people we are inside, but it is interesting to suddenly realize that we are getting to an age when more people might start silently judging us for going against the grain, but I guess if one has always gone against the grain, maybe it’s not such a big deal. I don’t know either. I like myself and appreciate my quirkiness even if no one else might (which, okay, a few people do I suppose) -it’s just a shift that happens to all of us at some point I assume.
@ Kirsten! I think this is part of the reason I like you so much and why we always have a good time when we’re together. Thanks for leaving a comment!
Ah, mom jeans. WHY?????
I am definitely finding it odd that as I age, I don’t feel any different on the inside. I mostly feel just like I did as a teenager …
W-w-w-wait a second here!
I am not supposed to wear braided pigtails because I am 37 now?!
I am just going to have to forget that I read that and keep rocking my pigtails, because on a hot summer day it is the only thing that keeps me from chopping it all off, and also they make me really happy, so heck, I will probably be sporting them come Fall, too, less frizzily, and in the winter, with my funky toque.
I wager you rock your pigtails, too. Don’t stop unless you truly want to.
sincerely, me, president, the braided pigtail 30-something support group
I’ve been feeling that way today. I blame the summer. I’m wearing more revealing clothing (because it keeps me cooler) and all of the sudden all of my flaws stand out in sharp relief. No. Fun. I enjoy warm weather, but I think I need the camouflage of my sweaters back before my self-esteem is irreparably damaged.
I’m going to be 40 next year and I’m sure I’m breaking all kinds of rules!
Found you via MBC and am now following. Enjoyed your post and am looking forward to reading more!
@Jane and @Amber Thanks for the comic relief! @Jane – I’d LOVE to join your support group. When do you meet? ; )
This has me cracking up! I just put the video up on my facebook. Incredibly funny! I am by far the oldest and i have tapped into some of the age defying products… Like Amber, I blame summer.
A funny story is where two ladies of age are out for a sunny day drive in a convertible… Thelma and Louise style. One puts her arms up to enjoy the great free feeling. They suddenly hear a funny noise that sounds like something has come loose on the car! Then to her horror…. she realizes the sound is that of her arm flesh flapping in the wind!
What I hate the most is my arms. I have that now..
Thank goodness that the older I get the more comfortable I am in my own skin. But, like you, I still feel pretty much that same “girl” I was in my teens, or 20′s at least. And thanks for sharing that video! Too funny! But does that mean I have to get rid of my Keds, too?
Thank you for posting the Mommas jeans video! I was laughing so hard my family came in to see what was up–and now my 3 year old won’t stop singing “Shake that jelly booty.”
I really needed that today!
I really like to get silly and I don’t think that will change with age.
sally
Embrace your inner child, always be silly, pony tails never go out of style… laughter is the key to youth… happiness is the best makeup, but most importantly make sure your friends correct you if you ever try to wear Mommy Jeans… what a great post Thanks ladies! I agree that at some point you realize that we used to think 30 was old… I think 40 is the new thirty, I think we are aging very well, & love to be playful ~ like my mom used to say ~ you’re only as old as you feel & if they don’t like it they can lump it… she’s right, I am so grateful that she dared to have fun, I like who I am, & I am more at ease with myself & my body than I’ve ever been… these hips brought life in this world, these breasts nourished that life, these pig tails remind me to laugh a little more often, & as Dr. Seuss so wisely said, “You are you. Now isn’t that pleasant?”
Laugh on ladies, when’s the first meeting, I’ll be there too ~ wearing my striped socks, & braids!