Welcome to the October Carnival of Breastfeeding. The theme this month is “What I wish I knew then.” Make sure you check out the other carnival participant posts linked at the bottom of this one. They will be updated throughout the day.
Grinning but not "bearing it" with daughter #2.
I wish I knew that cracked and bleeding nipples weren’t something a breastfeeding mom needs to live with. I assumed it was all part of the deal. When my midwife asked me in the first few weeks following my daughter’s birth how it was going, I smiled and told her it was going perfectly well thank you. I wasn’t about to admit that I was in pain, because then she might tell me I was doing it wrong, and if I was doing it wrong, what if I couldn’t do it right? My baby had enough wet diapers and she wasn’t starving so I thought I should just leave well enough alone. I was bound and determined to breastfeed. After being forced out of medical necessity to have a c-section instead of my planned homebirth, I knew I could suffer through anything to ensure my baby was breastfed, and I wasn’t about to complain in case it led to answers I wasn’t prepared to deal with. Oh, we are all such infants in our knowledge about breastfeeding in those early days aren’t we?
Finally, around week three, I couldn’t hide my wincing any more. My daughter was gaining weight like she was supposed to so we all assumed everything was fine. But when my midwife saw me wince she wanted to know why.
“It’s not supposed to hurt, you know,” she told me.
“What?”
But that was what everyone had told me. All those strangers in the grocery store who asked me how I was planning to feed my baby. “Good luck!” they said with an all-knowing smile. “It hurts you know.”
Those books I’d read where the mom tells the straight-up truth about becoming a mother… “Breastfeeding hurts” was all that stood out for me. Why hadn’t someone given me better breastfeeding literature?
I showed the midwife my poor, tender, cracked and somewhat bleeding nipples.
“I’ve been using the lanolin,” I told her. Now why would someone make a product for cracked or bleeding nipples if you aren’t supposed to get them? That alone made me assume I should expect nothing but the worst.
“It’s your positioning I think,” she said, and then showed me how there should be an imaginary line straight from baby’s ear to her shoulder to her hip so she wouldn’t have to turn her head to nurse, which makes swallowing more difficult and can interfere with a proper latch, thus causing nipple pain. By shifting her bum up and around my side a little, the pain subsided substantially. Within a few days I was weaned off the lanolin and I’ve never looked back.
I wonder what would have happened if I let my ignorance and pride stand in the way of getting help? (Thank goodness for excellent post-natal midwifery care). What happens to all those other moms who just assume they’re supposed to grin and bear it? I am sad just thinking about it.
What I Wish I’d Known Back Then About Breastfeeding by Christina at Massachusetts Friends of Midwives
I wish I would’ve known! by Maria at The Starr Family Blog
What I wish I’d known then – My list for next time at Momma’s Angel
If I’d known then by Whozat At Lucy and Ethel Have a Baby
What I wish I would have known about breastfeeding by Robin at Birth Activist
Things I wish I’d known about breastfeeding by Barbara at Three Girl Pile Up
I wish I’d known then that it wasn’t up to me alone by Adria at Happy Bambino
What I Wish I’d Known Then: A Poem by Lisa at My World Edenwild
AP Principle #2: What I wish I’d known when I started breastfeeding by Lauren at Hobo Mama
When breastfeeding begins badly, and what I should have done about it by Christina at The Milk Mama
Breastfeeding: Wish I’d heard more good things by Fancy Pancakes
15 Breastfeeding Facts I Wish I’d Known as a First Time Breastfeeding Mum by Sinead at Breastfeeding Mums
When Breastfeeding Feels Wrong by Rita at Fighting Off Frumpy
Nursing Wisdom by Cave Mother
Breastfeeding is life changing by Elita at Blacktating
Trust yourself and your body by Angela at Breastfeeding 1-2-3
Breastfeeding: What I wish I’d known then by Claire at Mom Unplugged
Related posts:
- Support for Breastfeeding Can Make All The Difference
- Monday Musings: What Were Your Misconceptions About Breastfeeding?
- Happy Birthday Baby! A Birth Story
- Effects of Medicated Birth on Breastfeeding
- A Successful HBAC, A Failed Birth Plan.
Tags: c-section, cracked nipples, homebirth, lanolin, midwifery care, midwives
Posted by Breastfeeding General, Breastfeeding Infants, Health Care System, Our Children, Pregnancy & Birth Subscribe to RSS feed
I’m glad you had an awesome midwife to help you.
[...] You don’t have to grin and bear it by Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! [...]
[...] Breastfeeding Moms Unite: You Don’t Have to Grin and Bear It Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Womb With a View: Confessions of a pregnancy nerdBreastfeeding Benefits [...]
@strwberryjoy – I’m so grateful to have had the option of midwifery care. Every woman should receive proper post-natal care regardless of their health care provider and the option to midwifery care if they want it.
[...] You don’t have to grin and bear it by Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! [...]
[...] I Wish I Would Have Known! – The Starr Family Blog [...]
[...] Breastfeeding Moms Unite [...]
Great post and a really important message for new moms. I know I was SERIOUSLY committed to breastfeeding, but when I tried to ask for help and got nowhere, I gave up and figured it out on my own with the help of Dr. Newman’s videos on YouTube. Thankfully it worked out, but I should have insisted on help, even if it meant driving back to the hospital where I gave birth or paying the exorbitant rate for an LC out of pocket. Don’t be scared to ask for help if you need it. It doesn’t make you less of a mom or less of a woman. I’d wager that most of us had some difficulties in the beginning.
I saw my lactation consultants at day 5 because I had bruised nipples. I thought maybe that’s just what happened when you first start breastfeeding… no, I was putting TOO MUCH NIPPLE in the baby’s mouth, thereby bruising myself. Um, duh.
My hospital’s LC consult for free- it has been AMAZING and has saved my butt- er, boobs- so many times!!!!
Fancy Pancakes´s last blog ..Breastfeeding: Wish I’d Heard More Good Things!
awwww! i missed joining this month’s carnival! i wish I had known that there was such a creature as a “breastfeeding friendly pediatrician”. I thought that all pedias were supposed to support BF — then maybe Naima wouldn’t have been diagnosed with breastmilk jaundice.
Also, I wish I had known that there are formula-friendly LCs! The LC I went to (and paid $130 for 1.5 hour session) gave us 12 bottles of enfamil liquid to “top off” naima after breastfeeding!
Jenny´s last blog ..All about L.A.T.C.H.
I am glad that you got that help relatively early on. There are so many moms who really suffer and then give up, because it’s just that awful for them. And you know what? If I’d been in pain and then dealing with infections and whatnot for weeks and months I’d probably feel discouraged, too.
I really wish that there were better breastfeeding information available in popular culture. The main messages are negative and unhelpful – it hurts, it ties you down, you might not make enough milk. This is why I think sites like yours are so important, you’re changing the message and creating a breastfeeding culture.
Amber´s last blog ..Field Trip to Dad’s Work
Thanks Amber!
Wow Jenny – That’s pretty crazy! And something I wish no one ever needed to know about! That just shouldn’t happen! “I wish I had known that there are formula-friendly LCs! The LC I went to (and paid $130 for 1.5 hour session) gave us 12 bottles of enfamil liquid to “top off” naima after breastfeeding!”
[...] Birth Activist: What I Wish I Would Have Known About Breastfeeding Breastfeeding Moms Unite!: You Don’t Have to Grin and Bear It Momma’s Angel: What I Wish I’d Known Then: My List For Next Time The Starr Family [...]
Yep – new mums need to know how and when to get help, but they do not need to be made to feel like they are sitting a breastfeeding exam. It’s so hard to ask for help in those early days, and I admire anyone who is determined enough to seek it out. I’m glad things went so well for you in the end.
Cave Mother´s last blog ..Nursing Wisdom
How nice to have such a great supportive midwife!! I, too, thought it was supposed to hurt until you “toughened up” or at least thats what I had been told. Unfortunately, ds was losing weight. At yet another weight check at 2 1/2 weeks his pediatrician handed me formula and a lab note to have my breastmilk tested because she was sure it was inadequate since I’m a vegetarian. I left in shock. On the drive home I became furious through the tears and thought that women in third world countries who didn’t eat had healthy breastfed babies. I immediately called the LC when I got home. She saw us the next morning for no charge. Ds was screaming crying. She took one look at him and said that he was tongue-tied and had thrush. She then looked at my nipples and said she had never seen any so red. She got us diagnosed and we both got medication and ds got his tongue snipped and have been successfully breastfeeding since. He’s 26 mos today. I can’t thank that LC enough!!
[...] Lucy & Ethel Have a Baby: If I’d Known Then Momma’s Angel: My list for next time Breastfeeding Moms Unite: You don’t have to grin and bear it Birth Activist: What I wish I would have known about breastfeeding Three Girl Pile Up: Four things [...]
This sounds a lot like my experience, and thank goodness I wasn’t afraid to get help. I firmly believe it’s MUCH more difficult to breastfeed with a C-section and that’s a huge reason I had so much pain – it was hard to hold him correctly while everything else was hurting.
I loved your post!
Megan´s last blog ..Menu Plan Monday, October 26
@Shelly – I’m vegetarian too and waited for a comment like that. Luckily it didn’t come and if it had I had good lab results to back up my health. I’m so glad you got diagnosed as early as you did! Yay for 26 months of breastfeeding. High five mama!
@Megan – I wondered if it was partly due to my c-section too. It was tricky holding her those early days for sure.
Melodie´s last blog ..You Don’t Have to Grin and Bear It
I wish I’d known that antibiotics during delivery set you up for thrush later–I woiuldn’t have waited 2 days to see if it would get better! I got an AWESOME doctor at the walk-in clinic though– took one look and said that’s thrush. I promptly whined that it COULDN’T be, I did everything right (air dried, changed nursing pads frequently, etc) and she said “you must have had antibiotics during delivery!” Sure enough, I had!
I have three boys, and have had two LCs – one with my first son and one with my last. Sadly to say, neither of them were very helpful. With my oldest, my nipples blistered and bled. Thankfully with my youngest, I had learned that wasn’t normal – despite the unhelpful LC – and like Elita, actually learned to improve his latch via YouTube.
Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy´s last blog ..Open Wide! … Or Not.
I had the opposite informational problem. I thought it wasn’t going to hurt at all, and it did tremendously. I was so overwhelmed and couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I read a breastfeeding manual, I took a breastfeeding class, watched videos, but nothing prepared me for a baby that wouldn’t latch properly! Anyway, you are one awesome mama for being willing to put up with all that pain for your baby!
Lisa C´s last blog ..What I Wish I’d Known Then: A Poem
Sarah, I think sometimes you can still do everything “right” and still get thrush. I had absolutely nothing during labor, not even an aspirin, and we ended up with it 3 times during his first 3 mos. I even got to the point of cleaning “the taps” with vinegar before and after each feeding. I may be wrong, but I still think some things just happen.
Definitely a great topic. I actually put up a very similar post on my own blog a while ago. Echoes a very similar statement… if only we knew!
http://kstownsend.blogspot.com.....-know.html
Thank you for your post! I have three boys all of them breast fed. I always had sore, cracked nipples and assumed it was all part of the process. My husband and his mom – from India – all insisted it was not normal. Something was wrong he was always fiddling with the baby as he was eating to make his *position better*. My mom nursed as well and said it’d take some time to toughen up but definately shouldn’t hurt.
Well, I realized just now its the positioning. My third will scoot himself into the proper position – described by you as a line from ear, to shoulder to hip. And, I scoot him back properly nice and straight on the boppy. I always wondered why he’d scoot his butt out and am thankful I’ve started letting him do that, no more pain.
Crazy because I can’t tell you how my LCs, RNs, docs and the like I’ve asked for help will say – Oh, he has a great latch!! But, my nipples are truly torn in half and forever scarred by bfing my three boys. Probably why they weaned themselves early…
Thank you, for posting. I’m so glad I found this. Perhaps this will be the bfing relationship I’ve always wanted.
(should add, my littlest is five weeks on Monday. So, I’m hoping I’ve found the key to our issues === your title is why I clicked on your blog. I’ve felt that way, grin and bear it. No joy…and how are you supposed to bond through that pain?)
[...] and painful and I knew that, but every midwife and health visitor insisted nothing was wrong, it was meant to hurt, it had hurt for them, this was why people stopped, this was why they’d stopped, this was why [...]