I parent by nature because nature is the God in my bones. I cherish an ideal of parenting that keeps me close to the Earth and is as instinctive as the rooting mouth of an infant. While it is easy to find a community of mothers who also subscribe to natural parenting values — “crunchy” moms if you will — we mothers are no two alike. Just as nature is various in its design (leaves, seashells, galaxies), the patterns of natural parenting are equally diverse.
Take breastfeeding. I have breastfed for a little over five years. I breastfed my first daughter through toddlerhood, my second pregnancy and in tandem with my newborn. As she weaned on the eve of her third birthday, I continued to breastfeed my other daughter. Today I am still breastfeeding my now two and a half year old. As I had the luxury of a year-long maternity leave, and now run a family daycare that allows me to keep my daughters within arm’s reach, I have never had to pump. Additionally, I suffered only the most minor breastfeeding problems. After my first daughter was born, I had sore, cracked nipples as a result of a poor latch. I thought breastfeeding was supposed to hurt. (Why else would they make a product for chapped nipples if they weren’t supposed to chap?) But my midwife told me breastfeeding was supposed to be comfortable, helped me reposition my baby, and that was the end of my problem with breastfeeding. I am proud to be a part of the determined 9% of mothers in Canada who breastfeed past a year and the even smaller percentage that breastfeed past two years. However, it is the women who find their bodies or their babies seemingly not set up to nurse as nature intended, but who find a way to nourish their babies with breast milk anyway, who inspire me.
We human beings are a part of nature’s design. So I do not think it is a far stretch, for the sake of the point I’m trying to make, to compare us to other forces of nature. In the natural world, variety is fundamental to the survival of any species. Natural mutations provide stability for the species because they allow for adaptability. Thus, you find the occasional white acorn squash growing on a golden squash vine, or the sudden appearance of cat with two different colored eyes. You might say child prodigy Mozart could be likened, with respect to other four-year-olds, to the uncommon but perfectly natural occurrence of a white rose on a pink rose bush. These variations occur so that as conditions (e.g., climate) change, the species is able to adapt.
Mothers, too, can adapt to their situations of an ever-changing world. Personal stories of pumping moms and moms who have used breastfeeding aids never fail to inspire me. How a mom whose baby can’t nurse on the breast chooses to pump her milk for a solid year to give her child the best nutrition available [Source]. How a mom who had to return to work in the few weeks after her child’s birth and who went to school and ran her own business commited to pumping around the clock to ensure her baby never had to receive a drop of formula [Source]. How a mom who had breast reduction surgery and a tongue-tied baby used a nursing supplementer until breastfeeding was properly established [Source]. Even moms who struggled through the use of a nipple shield until their baby learned to latch correctly [Source] inspire me for their strength, fortitude and commitment to feeding their baby their breast milk, instinctively meeting nature’s circumstance with determination and resolve.
It disheartens me that those of us who are lucky enough to breastfeed straight from the breast might ever feel superior to moms who use a bottle. Perhaps it’s the image of the bottle that bothers us most, but in any case, sanctimonious attitudes in response to the sight of a bottle-feeding mom can ruin the natural sisterly relationships between women who share a special bond by virtue of motherhood. When some of those bottle feeding moms are feeding their child their hard-worked-for breast milk, instinctively doing what they know is best, I am especially saddened. These are the ones whose stories should inspire us the most, make us hold our babies tighter and embrace our friends closer. Just as nature adapts to a changing world with variations of design, let us adapt to accepting that breastfeeding does not have to look only one way to be natural.
This post is for Parenting By Nature’s Blog To Inspire contest.
Related posts:
- Breastfeeding: At One With Nature
- Nurse the Earth
- The B’s of Breastfeeding
- A Conversation About Breastfeeding in Mongolia and Jack Newman
- Why Nighttime Breastfeeding and Bed Sharing Is So Important
Tags: breast milk, breast pump, cracked nipples, formula, I Parent by Nature, natural parenting, nature, nipple shield, sore nipples, supplementing, working moms
That was beautiful! You have am amazing visual writing style. I am always amazed by the mother’s who pump while working. I wonder would I have had that dedication if I had to go back to work. I hope I get 5 years of breastfeeding! You have done an amazing job! I may have questions for you if I get pregnant in the next year or so while I still nurse my son. We wouldn’t wean him unless he is ready due to pregnancy.
And of course, glad you found inspiration from my story. Good luck!
“Let us adapt to accepting that breastfeeding does not have to look only one way to be natural” – hear hear! And thank you for your entry to our contest. Good luck!
Yeah!, Nice post.
Naomi´s last blog ..Changing of the Guards of Christmas
I am especially inspired by pumping moms, I’ll say it. Or moms who continue to offer their children the breast and their milk, but must supplement. It is one thing to nurse when it comes easily, it is another thing to struggle and overcome. And as for those who struggle and don’t overcome? They have my sympathy and my assurances that their work is a testament to their commitment to their children.
I think that voices like yours are so valuable. We need more support of breastfeeding in our society. But, like you, I don’t believe that support needs to be judgmental of others. It is my wish that all mothers would be satisfied with their breastfeeding relationships, no matter what that looks like. It is not my wish to make those who are not satisfied feel more badly than they likely already do.
Amber´s last blog ..Little Monkeys
You put this beautifully – you’re a talented writer. I agree that moms who successfully breastfeed shouldn’t feel superior to those who don’t. Women who pump and bottlefeed face significant hurdles. I think the challenge is that many moms who run into difficulty are left feeling judged, whether they are or not. But how do women overcome this – how can we reach a point where a mom who successfully breastfeeds is free to feel proud of herself, independent of those that could not? And where a mom who was challenged can see others’ successes as inspirational rather than adversarial. It would certainly be more of a community that way and maybe those challenges would result in more successes (rather than the 9% you mention).
But I suppose this is the case for working vs. at home moms, moms vs. women without kids, married vs. single women and all the other issues that divide us. One of the greatest aspects of these blogs is that they promote that sisterly relationship you are talking about. A new era of motherhood, no?
Kelly´s last blog ..Battle of the Boobs
This is really beautiful! I totally agree with the admiration for women who pump or have difficulties breastfeeding and yet continue on in the face of it all. It’s stories like the ones you linked to that keep me from judging from the outside and instead seeking to know mothers’ true stories. Thank you!
Good luck with the contest. It’s been so much fun to read all the entries!
Lauren @ Hobo Mama´s last blog ..How to have a waste-free Christmas
Thank you everyone. For me the most important part of this post is the links to those other mom’s stories. And I totally agree with @Kelly that our blogs do help promote that sisterly relationship between mothers. That’s my hope anyway. And I don’t think everyone is generally judgmental of bottle feeding moms but there is certainly an energy out there that needs confronting, which is what I wanted to do with this post.
I completely agree – it must take incredible perseverance to continue pumping for months on end.
It saddens me that the US effectively has a mandatory return to work policy 8-12 weeks post-partum. What little leave working mothers do receive is usually unpaid and too short.
I’d love to see breastfeeding mothers unite in the US to bring about sweeping social change that enables mothers to stay at home longer with their infants. Perhaps then we will see breastfeeding numbers rise – both initially and past a few months of age.
While it’s nice that more mothers are pumping, it would be nicer if they had the option of staying home longer, working from home, or having on-site childcare so they could nurse throughout their work days.
(But that is another post in itself!)
Dionna´s last blog ..Mama Milk Dance!
@Dionna – Absolutely Dionna. I completely agree. How could breastfeeding rates in the US not rise if moms were allowed to stay off work longer? Even six months maternity leave, although still not as good as a full year, would make a huge difference to increasing breastfeeding (especially exclusive breastfeeding) rates and I am sure it would cut down on the amount of parental sick days taken, boost worker morale and thus better benefit the economy. And on-site childcare? Well of course that would only happen inside large corporations but yes, it’s certainly something to shoot for.
Thank you for mentioning me. However strange it might seem, it feels really good to be recognized for my accomplishment. That was a rough year, but nothing I wouldn’t do again for any future baby. I’ve got many more years of school left, and we want more kids soon, so I’m sure I’ll be pumping in the stall at my law school all over again. Pumping Sucks (no pun intended) and I can say without a doubt that it was the hardest, most miserable part of breastfeeding for me. However, it never occurred to me to quit before I reached my goal. I just never entertained the idea.
I hope I can help change things for us in this country, but considering where our health care bill sits right now, I really have no faith that Americans will ever put up with paid leave for anybody. We can’t even give people healthcare, and EVERYONE needs that. It’s disappointing to be an American these days.
TheFeministBreeder´s last blog ..Perfecting the Art of the Knock-Knock Joke
[...] dedication and determination that mother’s share when it comes to breastfeeding their little ones (and older ones!) is [...]
Just another great post from you, I love it! I hope you win the contest. I believe that it was because of you an a few other blogging women out there that inspired me to try hard at breastfeeding and to not give up. {Than again I’m lucky because my son has not had much trouble}
You have also open my eyes to breastfeeding for longer than a year if baby isn’t ready to wean. I have been breastfeeding for 2 months and have no intention to stop anytime soon.
Good Luck
Chaotic Kristy´s last blog ..Jinx the Sleep
You are so sweet Kristy. Thank you! And congrats on the breastfeeding.
Thanks for those thoughts, I’m a breastfeeding mom who is always looking to be insprired to continue as my son is only 5 months old!
Just a random question. You say you never pumped… what, then, did you mix with rice cereal when your baby was ready for food? Wouldn’t you need to pump to have the milk for the mixture?
Thanks again. Happy Holidays!