I express myself much better in writing. I always have. Perhaps most people do, but it was glaringly obvious to me after being a guest speaker on The Feminist Breeder and Friend’s Blog Talk Radio Show. Even when I can prepare what I want to say, put me on the spot and it doesn’t come out like I want it to. I guess I did okay though. People said I did. Maybe I should just stop being hard on myself. I know. Welcome to the club, right?
Anyhow, one question Gina, aka, The Feminist Breeder, said she might ask me, which we didn’t get around to, was why I think breastfeeding moms should unite. I realized I’ve never addressed this before and since it didn’t get any air time, I thought I would answer it here.
Why I want breastfeeding moms to unite is why I started this blog.
I have seen attitudes that exist within the breastfeeding community that make some breastfeeding moms feel uncomfortable, in relation to other breastfeeding mothers, about their breastfeeding choices or life circumstances. Usually this is because someone significant in their lives doesn’t support what they are doing or the mom herself doesn’t think it’s the norm or socially acceptable. This could include early weaning, child-led weaning, breastfeeding a toddler, breastfeeding an older child, holding off solids (or introducing them early) and/or breastfeeding in public. Sometimes their feelings of discomfort come from something else completely unrelated to breastfeeding, like having a hospital vs. homebirth experience, or a doctor vs. a midwife-attended birth, and/or parenting beliefs and values that aren’t mainstream (or maybe they are but the values of the people around them aren’t).
A breastfeeding mom may or may not belong to a circle of breastfeeding mothers. Maybe she doesn’t have any breastfeeding friends or she’s the only woman in her family to breastfeed. The members of one’s local La Leche League is often the beginnning of creating a breastfeeding community. However, some La Leche League groups have been accused of not making some moms feel welcome. I have heard this from women of colour, single moms, working moms, lesbian moms and other moms who fit into any of the above categories who just don’t feel like they could be accepted into the perceived clique of their particular La Leche League group.
La Leche League is an organization that makes itself available as a breastfeeding resource and support group to all women. Leaders are trained to ensure that all moms regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, life circumstances, etc. feel welcome to attend meetings and/or call for telephone support. As a worldwide organization it has helped countless breastfeeding women (including me), but as it is with any group, if someone feels like they don’t belong, for whatever reason, she will not likely return. And she’s definitely going to complain! Enough of these kinds of complaints put people off and further widens the gap between all the different kinds of breastfeeding moms.
That’s where Breastfeeding Moms Unite! steps in. While some of you might not always be able to relate to all of my experiences, know that it is my objective to make you feel comfortable here.
Breastfeeding moms should unite because
- we need each others support.
- we give each other strength to nurse in public and nurse full term.
- when we can’t breastfeed as long as we would like to we need to know that we’re not failures, and/or that we did the best we could do with the information that was available to us at the time.
- the presence of a breastfeeding mother goes a long way to normalizing breastfeeding and helps to break down misconceptions that breastfeeding is gross or hurts. When people get used to seeing breastfeeding they can then be more open to learning about it.
- positive breastfeeding images will help send positive messages to teenage girls, especially those who become teenage moms. This is especially important because breastfeeding rates are so low within this age group.
- nursing in public is a right regardless if one chooses to do so. A public breastfeeding mom should know she will be supported by her breastfeeding sisters, even those who choose not to nurse in public themselves.
- diversity needs to embraced and celebrated. We are all different. Some of us work and pump, some of us stay at home, some of us breastfeed exclusively, some of us want to but can’t.
But if all of us who breastfeed are passionate about doing what is best for our babies, then breastfeeding moms should unite.
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I love all of your bulleted points! Normalizing bf’ing and making it easier/acceptable for the next generation are two of the main reasons I blog about nursing. So happy to have made the connection with you
.-= Dionna´s last blog ..Toddler Activity Schedule 2 =-.
I just wanted to take a moment to say how much I enjoy your site! I look forward everyday to see what new thing you have posted and to get the lastest news on breastfeeding. I repost a lot of links to your blog on our breastfeeding support group on Facebook for Aviano Air Base. I know everyone enjoys reading them! Thank you!
Jenn-O
I think it is fabulous about the union of breastfeeding. My MIL for some reason was appalled that we would not give either girls a bottle. I always felt uncomfortable when I needed to breastfeed around her. Luckily my family was so supportive and didn’t even bat an eye when the boobs came out for duty. I am so thankful that I have that support group unlike many others. I have to admit we have come along way compared to even 10 years ago. So we still need to give ourselves a pat on the back for how far we have come even though there is still a long road ahead.
I thought you did GREAT on Gina’s show.
And I agree with everything you wrote here. I would also add an additional point, which is that we need to share information. Support is so important, but the flip side of that is sharing our knowledge and experiences to help others overcome and avoid problems. This is the premise that LLL was founded on, but isn’t always communicated so well. If we know how to address issues as they arise we are better able to meet our personal breastfeeding goals.
I think you’re doing amazing work, Melodie, and I’m so proud to be a part of this community!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..On Asking for What You Want =-.
I would take it one step further and say that people need to unite and support each other. Period. Support each person’s right to do what they feel is best. I have been writing about parenting styles and I have seen so much frustration because of different views. And the same is true in breastfeeding. My decision not to breastfeed my daughter (she gets breastmilk in a bottle) makes me quite the outcast but under our circumstance it was the right decision.
.-= Upstatemomof3´s last blog ..MY Type Of Parenting =-.
Love your site, love your intent, love what you say here. (And I don’t know that I’d ever feel safe going to an LLL meeting, even though I’ve never been, because of the people I’ve interacted with who urged me to, things I’ve heard, and the feel I get from the schedules and such. There may be some wonderful people there, but….)
You may know, but given the phrasing of your post you may not, but your blog talk radio widget is auto-playing any time I load a page containing it, which isn’t happy for me (I had to scroll down quickly to get my computer to stop talking at me), and could be a problem for anyone reading at work / in a public library / whatever.
Seriously, you were awesome on the show. Really – you kept it going when I was losing my focus. I promise, you were great. You didn’t sound sick at all and I thought you got across a lot of great points.
I think those moms should be unite to help promote that breastfeeding is the best for babies. I agree with everything that you wrote.
Well said! This is exactly how I feel and I am so glad there are others that are doing work like this that can put things into words so well. I really enjoy your blog – the title of it attracted me initially and I have found it to be educational, inspiring and amusing!
Blogs like this assure other moms that they aren’t the only freak out there going through whatever breastfeeding angst they are going through.
Incidentally I just took my newborn to Las Vegas (wedding) and breastfeed her all up and down the strip for 5 days. Nobody batted an eye except for one stink-eyed old granny there with 2 little boys. She seemed to be giving me the universal how-could-you-so-flagrantly-corrupt-such-innocent-young-minds-by-exposing-them-to-nusring-in-public look, which is ironic because there were billboards for titty shows everywhere!
.-= Betsy´s last blog ..That’s funny! You should blog about it! =-.