I do not like the first nursing session of the day.
I wish that it would go away.
Some say that it’s the last to go,
And I wish this wasn’t so.
For it makes me crazy, oh.
Morning nursing starts around 6:30 AM here. My bed-sharing 34 month old daughter wakes up and sleepily asks for “milkies.” This nursing session lasts about 10 minutes. Then she wakes again at 7:30 and we nurse for about 20 minutes. If I’m lucky I get 10 more minutes of sleep before my alarm goes off and then we both get up. Downstairs, the first thing she asks for is “milkies.” So we sit and nurse for up to 45 minutes or until her daycare friends arrive, whichever comes first. Half an hour later I call her for breakfast but she isn’t hungry. She isn’t hungry until around 10:30, at which time it’s “snack time” for everyone else. Of course, she wants what they are having.
“I want crackers and cream cheese, Mommy!” or “I want fruit leather!” or “I want rice pudding!”
“But those are snacks,” I tell her. “You still have to eat your breakfast. Look there’s your yummy oatmeal!”
“Nooooo!” she cries, and the battle of wills begins.
My oldest daughter is like this at lunchtime. She eats so much breakfast and snacks in the morning that by the time lunch is ready she isn’t interested. So I pack it in her snack bag hoping that she will eat it at school. (She attends afternoon kindergarden). But usually she doesn’t and we get into a battle of wills on the way home when she tells me she is sooooo hungry and that “I’m not going to eat what you packed for me!” and “I want chips and salsa when we get home!” Oh, really?
I do feed my kids relatively healthy snacks, but they aren’t as healthy as the meals I make, which always contain fresh fruit or vegetables, grains, and sometimes beans or dairy foods. Compared to the average child they don’t eat much processed food at all (and the processed foods they eat are the “healthiest” ones possible), but I still have a hard time letting them eat the amount that they do.
The main issue here I think is my desire to control meals. I like to make the mental check mark on my imaginary Good Mother Memo Pad. Breakfast – check! Morning snack – check! Oops, no breakfast? – Big black X. Bad mother! I know it’s wrong. I have always known this, and I even have a clipping from a magazine posted on my fridge that is supposed to serve as a reminder. It says,
Sharing Responsibility for Food Tasks:
Parents Decide:
- WHAT to offer
- WHEN to offer food
- WHERE to offer food
Children Decide:
- WHETHER to eat
- HOW MUCH to eat
If I can borrow this template when it comes to breastfeeding and the morning nursing session then it seems as though I can refuse/not offer the breast when we get downstairs. Perhaps optimistically I can tell her “You can have ‘milkies’ after you eat some breakfast,” and then she can decide whether to nurse after breakfast and how much milk to have. But oh God she’s going to scream! And it’s morning and I really, really don’t like to listen to crying and screaming in the morning.
See, this is the thing I am worried about. I’m probably allowing her to nurse for such a long time in the morning out of sheer laziness and the need for peace. And a nursing toddler is just so quiet. And I like quiet. Yes, let it be known here and now - I am not a morning person.
I do not fly out of bed with the colourful finesse of a super mommy whilst pulling out craft supplies and puzzles to get busy playing with my kids. After the painful energy exertion it has taken me to remove myself from the comfort of my warm bed and move my body downstairs, I need some major downtime! I need tea and some breakfast and at least 5 minutes of groggily staring into space while trying to remember the nice dream I had before my nipple was grabbed and shoved into a small person’s mouth.
So while I’m happy that in writing this post I have reminded myself (yet again!) about how to share responsibilities with one’s children at mealtime, I also am wondering what your thoughts are on this. Do your nursing toddlers or pre-schoolers like to eat breakfast? How do you ensure they eat what you serve them? Or is this just one big lost cause?
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My almost 21-month-old will nurse for upwards of an hour first thing in the morning, if we have time (I’m not a morning person either, but sometimes we have to be up). I look on it as being her breakfast… unless we don’t, for whatever reason, and then she generally chows down on something solid. But one reason I’m not eager to wean completely is that then I’d have to get her real food in the morning!
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I just love daddies for things like this. I’m not a morning person either, so I can definitely relate. Why not have her get up with dad and start a new special tradition, like making a morning breakfast smoothie? The first few days are always a difficult transition, but after that things get so much easier.
If you can’t have dad involved, get her up after the first nursing session and make pancakes or French toast together, something fun she can help with. My kids love helping me cook and they’re always much more willing to try something they’ve helped make.
Food wise, we’ve been working on a good family routine for dinner so everyone sits and eats at the same time, and it’s been a balance between cranky hungry kids and ones who refuse to eat until they’re suddenly hungry before bedtime because they filled up on snacks. Thankfully breakfast is usually an easy one around here- they wake up hungry and if I’m not quick enough to bounce out of bed, the 5yo can happily get yogurt or even cereal for himself and his brother. And the 2yo has been known to fend for himself if I dally in the bathroom and brother is busy (once caught him trying to make himself eggs).
My daughter’s much younger (16 mos) and still primarily breastfeeding, so I don’t have much experience on which to answer, but she usually nurses off and on for the last hour or two before we get up in the morning, and then isn’t interest in “chewin’ food” for a while.
I have to remind myself that she’ll be fine – she just ate!
Would you feel better about the situation if you thought of it terms of her having breastmilk for breakfast?
After all, it’s at least as nutritious, or more so, than oatmeal!
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wow! I guess I’m lucky that naima nurses only 1x a day now (but 3-4 times at night). she doesnt’ ask to nurse in the morning since she is also in a rush to get to school on time and just asks to nurse when i get home from the office at evening. during weekends, when we’re together, she nurses 2-3x during the day though. i don’t think she considers breastmilk as food because even if she nurses just before dinner, she still joins us at the table and eats, eats, eats!!
I think if you want her to eat breakfast instead of for you to be breakfast, Daddy has to get up with her and make the oatmeal.
But the morning feedings have always been my favourite. I’m not a morning person either, but I’d just so rather stay in bed then get up to make oatmeal.
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I guess it really depends on whether you actually want to stop or not
At the beginning you say you wish you didn’t have the morning nursing session, but then further down you say that you’d rather stay in bed, nurse the toddler and have a quiet life (totally with you on that one!).
As for the nutrition side, try to tot up what she’s eaten over the whole day rather than focusing on each meal individually – you’ll probably find she’s eating fine.
I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re both happy, there’s no need to worry, stick with the easy road and things will gradually change on their own
As for meals, I don’t like to look at meals as a daily thing. I look at what we’ve consumed over the course of a week. If all the apples and broccolli and beans, and wheat pasta is gone, that we purchased at the grocers that week, then we’ve probably been doing a good job of eating it. I hugely limit their intake of processed foods, and know that we only have healthy snacks on hand, anyways. If they skip a meal, or want to nurse, instead, I know we’ve got good foods in the house to make up for it later.
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My daughter is considerably younger than yours, but I have moments where I worry about her solid food intake. Yesterday, we stayed home sick and her solid food intake included some crackers, a little bit of leftover goulash, a tiny bit of chicken broth, and some meatloaf and roasted vegetable. She also nursed about eleventy-billion times during the day.
For me, I have to remember that nursing counts as a snack or a meal, particularly if she’s nursed for more than, like, two minutes. I try very hard to make sure she gets a little of everything over the course of the day, which really does limit my freaking out over her refusal to eat standard meals–other than dinner, which is the one meal she’ll reliably eat, even if she’s nursed beforehand.
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@Whozat – I think it would help if I thought if the breastfeeding as breakfast. I think I’m going to have to.
@Betsy @Lisa – I can’t rely on daddy to get up and give her breakfast. He can’t/won’t. I won’t go into it here but that lovely scenario is not going to happen in our house.
@Betsy and @ibby – Another thing I can’t do is stay in bed and nurse because I need to get up and look after kids to run the daycare. I do get to sleep until practically the very last minute before people come over, but once they’re here I’m up.
@Lisa – I like your idea about making breakfast with their help. I think that might be the way to go. A new routine that gets us cooking together. They do help sometimes but not generally.
@Sally – I try to do that. But overall I’m not sure she *is* eating enough of everything she needs through out the week.
And I’m worried that if I take her to see the nutritionist at our local public health unit she’ll tell me that she needs to stop nursing and that I should feed her meat. Because I’ve seen her before for my other daughter at age 1 and she disapprovingly raised her eyebrows at me and got me so worried I bought a can of formula and practically started force feeding her iron-fortified rice cereal to make sure she was getting enough iron. I never used the formula though.
@Saisquoi -This has been an issue for me since introducing solids. Neither of my kids were interested in solids until late but the second one even more so. And what she does end up eating is less than healthy. For instance, she’ll refuse food all morning and then when daddy gets up and makes a can of soup for himself and sits down with a bag of potato chips, she has him giving her chips and noodles! We’ve talked about this but it continues to happen. We also have pretty different ideas about healthy food.
Hugs!! I find this one of the most aggravating and worrisome things. I try to relax and then catch myself thinking “if he gets cancer at 62 it will be my fault because he had some cheetos when he was 2″. Nutsy, I know. Remember (and I know this is hard for me) breast is best at all ages. My 26 mo old son nurses for 10 – 15 mins when he wakes then wants to “get up” and have hot chocolate and this is by 6:15 am everyday. We don’t have anything requiring us to wake up early except his internal clock and I’m so not a morning person. I do get him to eat something small, ie veggie sausage link or homemade muffin, early on and then we have breakfast around 9:30 am. All meals were becoming a battle because he just couldn’t/wouldn’t sit still for more than 5 mins and refuses to eat during that time. I’m now trying to remember to let him do more himself. I’ll load the fork and then remind him to shovel it in. I’m also trying to switch up snacks so that they are mini-meals. ie cranberries, cashews, raisins, crazy smoothies frozen into popsicles, and lots of homemade “cupcakes” (they’re muffin recipes with whole wheat flour, bananas istead of eggs, applesauce instead of oil/butter and anything else healthy that I can stick in and he comes running for the word cupcake). I try to look at the week as a whole and remember that their belly is super small. My hubby is mostly required to have his chips and candy at work not home. Much luck!!
Oh, I so would not go to a nutritionist. There are so many ways to get whats needed that most seem really uninformed unless its “their way”. (I, too, had the ever so helpful one at the health dept who offered me coupons for McDonalds and then frowned at me when I told her we did not go there.)
This site has great info, gives me ideas, and calms me when I begin to worry: http://www.vrg.org/index.htm
I agree wih Whozat that, yes, she’s eaten – she had breastmilk for breakfast. If you really want to get away from this trend, the only thing that worked for me was to try to get into a routine of presenting chewin’ food before she asks to nurse. (Man, I HATED the discipline that took. I much prefered to stay in the nice comfy bed as LOOOOOONG as possible.)
Is there anything that she just loves to eat and is not likely to refuse? It doesn’t have to be traditional breakfast food, just something nutritious, that she is likely to want. If so you might be able to head her off with it before the big nursing session. The idea of something that she could help you make is also a great one.
Another thought is to continue the morning nurse-in, but modify that mid-morning snack to something that you are more comfortable with her eating at that point. Just remember that when she is nursing, she is getting breast milk, essentially the perfect food, not soda pop or something that is not building her body. No, at almost three it doesn’t meet all her nutritional needs anymore, but it does meet most of them. I would just pay attention to making sure she has some iron rich things at other times.
As to Daddy and soup and chips, is there any chance you could have something delish and nutritious ready for him when he gets up? It just might win you a best wife award and if he shares his food with her (and that might be a special time for both of them) then it will be good food.
My daughter has never been a breakfast eater. When she was a toddler I never fed her breakfast before daycare, because she wouldn’t eat it, I only nursed her. Then, when I started weaning her by limiting her to 3 nursing sessions a day she dropped the morning one without comment as soon as I stopped offering. Even now, at 5 years old, she’ll eat maybe 1/2 a toddler-sized bowl of cereal for breakfast. Lunch and supper, though, she eats a LOT.
My husband is the same way as my daughter. I am not, I am a big breakfast eater. I have had to give up on my kid, though. She will eat later, so all I can do is try to keep the food on hand as healthy as possible and follow her lead.
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@Shelly – Thank you so much for your lovely comment and the link. I always feel better reading someone else’s story. I love your “cupcake” idea too. I need to bake so maybe I’ll do that and it can be her “special breakfast.”
@LadyKay – I have tried making the hubby his lunch/breakfast but he never eats it. I guess he just prefers his cans of soup. But a good idea nonetheless. Thank you.
@Amber – This is good to know. I guess we all have our own rhythms when it comes to eating. I like breakfast too, but my husband and daughter I guess, just do not. Something I have to get used to I guess.
I don’t really eat breakfast, either, and I get plenty of calories. lol
I think letting go of your perfect mother checklist is the right step, and I really like Whozat’s advice to consider the breastmilk her breakfast if that’s what she’s having. What a nutritious (and quiet!) start to the day. I am not a morning person either, so I totally understand your need to veg for a it.
I wonder — and this is said from someone who does not have a child your child’s age, so ignore if it’s not helpful — if your tussles with her over food are giving it more power than it needs. My 2.5-year-old seriously eats practically nothing in solids, still. (I’ve been able to compare his eating with other kids his age, and he really eats far less — and nurses far more, of course.) I keep trying to stop myself from “pushing” food on him, because I don’t want it to become a battle of wills. I figure I know a lot less about healthy eating than he does, given that I wasn’t breastfed this long and so never had that chance to learn to regulate my own hunger and nutritional needs. You’re giving your daughter a great start, so I would just say to continue to trust her. And if you’re really worried, serve things like oatmeal for the snack!
Then she won’t be tempted by something lighter but maybe less ideal.
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super can relate!!! i usually get to office late because of morning nursing… and during weekends, Joaquin dont eat “breakfast” because “milkies” is his breakfast. when i try to make him eat breakfast, he plays then nurse again! i have to disappear so that his nanny can give him his breakfast which also becomes his morning snack – combined…
Don’t be so hard on yourself. However you handle it is fine. I’m sure the nutrition is there, no matter how it’s split up. Just relax and trust that whatever you decide at whatever given moment is fine. Maybe somedays you enforce breakfast. Maybe some days you don’t. Is it really worth the argument? Maybe it is sometimes. Other times not. You don’t have to be perfect, and your ideal goal doesn’t have to be an all the time thing either. I would think that nursing is just fine as a substitute for breakfast. If you want it to be. Could you maybe make the oatmeal more special by turning it into a snack? A little hot chocolate powder mixed in can make it taste like an oatmeal cookie!
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My nursing toddler doesn’t eat breakfast, either! My mom says that a 2 year old can receive up to half of its nutritional needs from breastmilk [I'm not sure what study she got that from, but I could ask her for a reference if you'd like!], so that makes me think that my milkies are a pretty nutritious breakfast for my toddler.
Maybe even more so than porridge and raisins?? I still offer him breakfast, since eating is social as well as nutritional and sitting at the table with his siblings and parents is probably good for his vocabulary, social development, and ability to learn table manners!
I hear you on the early morning slog, though. Ick, I HATE mornings. I just can’t seem to make myself do anything faster than first gear until after 8:00 or 8:30. It makes me feel sorry for my second son, because he is the only morning person in a family of five!!! All he wants to do is chatter at me a million miles a minute, and all I want him to do is SHUUUUUT UUUUUUP [in nice, AP parenting language, lol]!!!
I can’t sleep through his nursing, these days, so that’s irritating. He lets his latch slip and it’s uncomfortable unless I am really on top of it. So either I’m awake because I’m readjusting and relatching, or I’m awake because I’m in pain from a lazy latch! Grrr…
Hang in there!
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p.s. my mom is an LC, that’s why I trust her statement re: toddlers and bmilk
Melissa´s last blog ..Prepare yourself for some emotional whiplash
p.p.s. It’s my third son’s nursing that I can’t sleep through…that wasn’t clear in my comment…
Melissa´s last blog ..Prepare yourself for some emotional whiplash
p.p.ps. (on a different day :p) Don’t second guess the vegetarianism. It is a super healthy gift you are giving your kids, and just because public health may not agree doesn’t make it the best choice for you! There is tons of research to support what you are doing. Meat isn’t nearly as healthy as we like to think it is!!
[...] successfully. Healthy vegetarianism depends on how committed you are to eating healthily (I could take some of my own advice here), and then it takes work. “Must enjoy chopping vegetables” is a requirement for the [...]
I am DREADING my 2 year old son discovering that breast milk, dry cereal and maybe a box of raisins is not breakfast!! And it’s a million times healthier than MY breakfast (Diet Mountain Dew!)
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I say that as long as food and meal time are both happy subjects, and the choices are healthy, don’t sweat it. Maybe you are breastfeeding out of laziness in the mornings. Good for you! You’re taking a moment for yourself and (gasp!) your daughter is being nourished by the most complete and nutritious food on this planet. (I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek here, but you get my point).
[...] what goes into their body, this can help pave the way towards preventing future eating disorders. This is something I need to practice as much as I preach too, because being such a health nut I do have control issues over the foods my kids eat. Having a [...]
I’m a breastfeeding mom of a 24 month old and our am schedules are similar to yours.
I’ve been trying to jump out of bed and offer food before nursing. He has a couple of bites and then starts tugging at my shirt. I offer juice and leave him in the the room with my 4 yr old who’s eating and daddy. He’ll eat a few more bites and then comes to look for me.
We sit to nurse and then I try to cut his nursing short by saying I have to use the bathroom or that I’m thirsty. Then I can get him back at the table to eat more of a meal(sometimes). He starts playing and will leave me alone til I sit down.
I’m trying to slowly ween but not doing very aggressive. I too have the SCREAMing. Good luck.
I think if you try to cut the nursing session off then maybe she can too get back to eating soon.
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