Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing about how a co-parent has or has not supported us in our dedication to natural parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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My husband always says that if we had a million dollars our life would look a lot different than it does now. (No crap Matlock). But he actually means that if we had a lot more money than we do now our lives would be that much crunchier. We don’t always agree on parenting tactics, but I do agree with him on this.
What? More crunchy than breastfeeding a toddler? Babywearing? Bed sharing? Being vegetarian? Wanting to save the Earth? Wearing handmade clothes from Etsy? (All of which we agree on by the way).
Why yes. We could do so much more.
Of course all of the above would still apply. That goes without saying. We’d still practice attachment parenting principles (and hubby would still question whether they really apply to our specific children), but having a million dollars would give us the freedom to do it really well. Oh, perfection, how I love thee! And I would have that many more resources (one being time!) at my fingertips to further convince him that attachment parenting is relevant to parenting toddlers and older children. And I’d argue that it would give a number of other families the freedom to do the same, and breastfeed longer too. You know that darn lack of maternity leave in the United States that ensures moms have to choose between pumping or weaning? Millions of women wouldn’t need to make that choice if they got paid time off for a year. But I digress….
For starters, if we had a million dollars, we’d definitely homeschool/unschool. Right now, for a number of reasons, our oldest daughter goes to public school. Mainly because, although I’m a stay-at-home mom, I’m a working-at-home mom who takes care of other people’s children. This means that if I were to homeschool I wouldn’t be able to do it the way I think homeschooling needs to be done. She wouldn’t be able to attend all the extra-curricular activities I think homeschooled kids need, like music, art, and a sport. We wouldn’t be able to attend the homeschool meet-ups with other homeschooling parents and their kids or go on the naturalist field trips I heave heavy sighs over missing every time my homeschooling friends go. No, I need to stay home and be concerned about the nap, feeding, and school-attending times and creative and cognitive development of children who aren’t my own. However, if I didn’t have to contribute to our income, and my husband had a way better paying job, or someone were to give us a million dollars, we’d be teaching our kids the way of the world from the back seat of a dusty jeep, the top of a tourist bus, or the bow of a boat; on the Serengeti Plains, along La Champs Elysses, in The Gulf of Mexico.
My husband feels that if we had a million dollars, he would feel differently about how we spend money on food too, as this is where we differ. Ninety percent of the time I do the grocery shopping, and even if the figures in my bank account are dangling somewhere below zero I buy organic. That’s just the way I am. I want my family to eat as healthy as possible and I’m very committed to shopping as locally as possible and reducing our impact on the environment. My hubby, on the other hand, who has the burden of carrying the male gene that’s in a chronic tizzy about the financial state of his family, will buy the cheapest non-organic food there is. It’s not that he thinks it’s just as good as its organic counterpart or that we’re not worth the extra $2.25, he just wants to save money. And he says he doesn’t like to support a system that decides it’s okay to make the healthiest food more expensive, or even decipher between organic and non-organic. “It should all just be called food,” he says. “And it should all be organic.” So who’s wrong? Me for putting my family’s nutritive health above our finances? Or him for putting the finances before saving Mother Earth? I’m sure that depending on your own beliefs and values you’ll have a different opinion.
Now I know that some of you are thinking that this is a total cop out. If we all had a million dollars, all of our lives would be better. But since we don’t, we do the best we can. And it is possible to live your values and dreams without being rich, isn’t it?
Some homeschoolers will tell me that if I really valued homeschooling then I would find a way to do it. Well, what they fail to realize are all the other reasons I send my daughter to public school. The thing is, what I most value are the unique traits of my particular daughter and how to best school her.
As far as food goes, I could just make my husband not shop. Yeah right! Or I could grow my own veggies (check) or tie him to a chair and force his eyelids open and make him read about how he’s poisoning our family and the Earth with every non-organic loaf of bread he brings home. Um. Didn’t I already say yeah, right?
Moving right along then. Doesn’t everyone know someone who found a way to travel to foreign countries with their family on a shoestring budget? I know it can be done. Some people even travel the world with their families, unschooling their children all the way. I suppose we might be able to find a way to do this if we really, really tried to come up with a portable way of making lots of money. But since we both got the wrong kind of degrees when we went to university it’s not going to happen anytime soon. Although I did just apply to do my Masters degree, partly for this very reason, so I guess we’re already on this one.
I think what a million dollars could do for us that our current financial situation doesn’t do, is give us time and authenticity. Right now, like many families, we’re riding middle class on the coat tails of credit, which means we’re constantly paying off debt and squashing any likelihood of traveling to even see our relatives let alone the European countryside. Being in debt makes us argue and disagree on parenting issues, when at the root of them, we really, mainly agree on everything. So that’s why I think having a million dollars would solve our parenting disagreements and help us reach our parenting goals. Financial freedom equals less stress, less stress equals more happiness, more happiness equals living authentic lives.
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated Feb. 9 with all the carnival links, and all links should be active by noon EST. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)
- A Thank You to my Husband — Lactating Girl at The Adventures of Lactating Girl thanks her husband for keeping her grounded and giving her unwavering support in the face of discouragement from within and without. (@lactatinggirl)
- My Reverse Traditional Husband In the Wild — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries gives us a lesson on how dads in the wild parent their young. Can you guess which male animal actually nurses its young? (@babydust)
- February Carnival of Natural Parenting — TopHat at The Bee in Your Bonnet tells us how the patience of a partner can make a difficult breastfeeding relationship succeed. (@TopHat8855)
- Parenting Together — For Alison at BluebirdMama and her husband, parenting is simply an extension of the way they live. (@childbearing)
- If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom)
- February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Co-Parents — Dionna at Code Name: Mama has written a letter to her husband, thanking him for his incredible support in every aspect of their natural parenting journey. (@CodeNameMama)
- Natural Parenting Fathers — Sarah at Natural Parenting is balancing being all there for her son with being present for her husband. (@considereden)
- Just Wonderful: Love and Partners and Natural Parenting — Zoey at Good Goog let her husband lead her to babywearing and cosleeping. (@zoeyspeak)
- All that stuff I don’t get comes so easy to him — The Grumbles is taking this opportunity to say thank you to her husband for his mad parenting skills. (@thegrumbles)
- The Power of Having a Supportive Co-Parent — Chrystal at Happy Mothering and her husband started with vaccinations and moved on from there. (@HappyMothering)
- February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners — Lauren at Hobo Mama makes do with babbling incoherently about how her husband practices natural parenting in such an effortless fashion, with bonus video. (@Hobo_Mama)
- Love and Partners — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog shares her husband’s moving account of her birth story, and his testament to the power of a woman. (@myzerowaste)
- labor support… — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children is thankful that her partner has provided her immeasurable labor support through each of their last three unassisted homebirths (and will again for their upcoming fourth!).
- What co-parent? On prams, routines, ideals, sickness, and finding my way alone. — Ruth at Look Left of the Pleiades describes life without a present co-parent: making new choices and taking care of things herself. (@brightravenmum)
- Parenting With Support — How many people can say that their husband talked them into cloth diapering? Darcel at The Mahogany Way can! (@MahoganyWayMama)
- Co-Parenting Support — Summer at Mama2Mama Tips knows the importance of being supported in the face of criticism. (@mama2mamatips)
- Natural Parenting Carnival: Love and Partners — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has been blessed with an incredibly involved partner. Her husband loves to take part in every aspect of parenting! (@pchanner)
- Daddy’s Little Girls — Kate Wicker at Momopoly finds her husband right at home in a tangle of girls. (@Momopoly)
- How do I love my parenting partner? Let me count the ways. — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker is thankful that she and her partner co-parent fluidly and gracefully. (@mamamilkers)
- Interview with a Daddy — NavelgazingBajan brings us a highly amusing peek into her husband’s perspective.
- Being Supported in Natural Parenting — Sarah at OneStarryNight has witnessed both ends of the parenting spectrum, and is grateful she found a father who is comfortable with natural parenting. (@starrymom)
- Moments in time: a love letter — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick will make you cry with the beautiful way she describes the complete relationship between father and child. (@RaisingBoychick)
- Natural parenting converts — Jen at Recovering Procrastinator brought her reluctant husband around to cloth diapers, bed sharing, and time-ins as a discipline method. (@jenwestpfahl)
- Breastfeeding Father — Amber Strocel at Strocel.com describes how her husband helped her overcome the breastfeeding challenges she encountered with her premature daughter. (@AmberStrocel)
- A Natural Parenting Village — Acacia from Art, Body & Soul, in a guest post for Jamie at Suddenly Stay at Home, broadens the term “coparents” to embrace supportive extended family on both sides. (@SuddnlyStyAtHme)
- A Natural Dad — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest doesn’t have a husband who merely supports her — she has a husband just as dedicated to natural parenting as she is.
- Love and Support From My (sometimes pantsless) Man — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma describes life with the sometimes bumbling but always lovable Pantsless Man. (@kitchenwitch)
- G-O-T-E-A-M! — Jessica at This Is Worthwhile made sure her future husband agreed with her parenting choices early in their dating. (@tisworthwhile)
- how we come to parenthood — Michelle at womanseekingmother dances with her husband around the subject of cosleeping. (@seekingmother)
Related posts:
- Inspiration Goes Both Ways
- Mindfully Loving My Children
- Monday Musings: Becoming An Attachment Parent
- Seven Reasons I’m Sending My Child To Public School And The Three Big Reasons I Wish I Wasn’t
- A List of Carnivals For Crunchy Mamas
Tags: babywearing, bed-sharing, homeschooling, organic, unschooling
We’re having the same dilemma over home/unschooling vs. not, and it’s money-based at its root as well. (I think you really summed it up well in the last paragraph, about how financial freedom would bring freedom so many other places as well.) We both work from home, and we’re really feeling challenged keeping even a 2-year-old sufficiently entertained while we also earn a living. But we really WANT to unschool. As I said, it’s a dilemma! Sam’s coming down more on the side of public school now, and I’m still wanting to unschool if we can figure a way to swing it. Who knows!
Lauren @ Hobo Mama´s last blog ..February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners
[...] If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]
The food thing is a big issue at our house. There are so many better things and better foods I’d like to invest in but besides going to our local farmer’s market (which I love) buying excellent foods can get REALLY expensive. It’s frustrating that premier nutrition is out of reach for so many people.
Jamie´s last blog ..All that stuff I don’t get comes so easy to him; he doesn’t even have to try
[...] If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]
“It should all just be called food,” he says. “And it should all be organic.” That is one smart man!! If someone ever gives you a million dollars, will you send them my way next please?
Dionna´s last blog ..February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Co-Parents
[...] If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]
I have come to a place of voluntary simplicity, and I love it. For me, appreciating what I have is better than thinking about what I don’t have. But I will admit, it is easy for me to say that as I am debt-free outside of my mortgage.
I am currently living on my severance, and I have enough to last me for some time, presuming my husband’s employment situation doesn’t change. But I sort of wonder what will happen when it DOES run out. Will I have found a way to make money that doesn’t involve going back to work? And how would I feel about going back to work? And, what if I couldn’t FIND work? That last one really gives me pause.
Anyways, I’m with you on the organic food. Although I will admit I have a weakness for cinnamon hearts, which are pure evil but oh-so-good.
Amber´s last blog ..Breastfeeding Father
In the absence of the million bucks, it’s all just one tiny step at a time. Do a little here, a little there. Keep focused on where you’re walking and you might find youself living that life in 10 years even without the lottery.
I’m with you completely. You bring up a lot of great points – especially the food and of course, given my lately obsession with schooling, obviously the financial issues surrounding homeschooling are pretty key in the decision making process.
BluebirdMama´s last blog ..Parenting Together
Aw, Mel, this is lovely. You summarize a lot of our challenges too. So much conflict is rooted in money – we have additional obligations to send remittances back home to DH’s family as well.
I wish I’d known about this carnival before today: I have soo much to say on the topic. Every natural or AP thing I bring up, he fights, I demonstrate, and he eventually grows to love. It’s so funny. And as much as my MIL is a loon and has wacky ideas about nutrition and religion, she actually supports most of my AP positions. Funny stuff.
May we all get what we need! Good luck with the grad school app.
CaroLyn´s last blog ..Woe of the WOHM
[...] If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]
Yes – ditto on the food thing. My husband is EXACTLY the same way. If he had his way, we’d be eating nothing but frozen dinners and cans of beans because that’s the cheapest crap out there. He does NOT get it. The man NEVER eats vegetables unless I harp on him about it. There was a point in time a few years ago where we lived on a $200 per month grocery budget. You can imagine how many Tuna Helper meals that buys. That’s pretty much all we ate.
Then, when we got out of our bind, I told him we were upping the grocery budget to $400 a month, and that AT LEAST means we can buy some fruits and vegetables. We do okay on that $400, but if I had my way, we’d be spending $800, and everything would come from Whole Foods.
That’s never gonna happen though. If we had an extra $400 to spend, the husband would insist that it went into savings. *sigh*
TheFeministBreeder´s last blog ..You Guys are Making Me Cry
[...] If We Had A Million Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]
This is such an honest and necessary topic. Money does play such a role in the choices we are able to make about parenting. My husband does all of the cooking in our family and fortunately supports local, organic, vegetarian and is wildly conscious of just about everything when it comes to what we put into our bodies so our food budget dominates all expenses other than housing. He’s been this way since we met in college, and was I thought the healthiest man alive until he was diagnosed with leukemia. This has upped our commitment to natural living. But each year the budget seems to expand and expand as do our needs and the cost of supporting organic.
Finances are such a sore spot for me right now. We waited to have children until we were in a better place financially. I was a work from home writer with no maternity leave and my husband was in medical training and we thought we’d be able to do everything just the way we wanted without compromise if we waited, but along comes illness and there goes the best laid plans for finances and family. Because regrets suck and I have too many of them right now, I am trying to stop putting money before what I really want for our family. Most of the time this is easier said than done and I can completely relate to trying to find a way to keep the family going AND stick to what we want for our children. I think a million dollars sounds like a wonderful plan but until then, I am always searching for ways to make it work now and down the road.
I am glad to know that others are walking this same road.
Michelle´s last blog ..how we come to parenting
I hear you on the million dollars. I tend to stick to the Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen when I shop for organic and I always buy organic milk but I just can’t afford organic meat. It is sad when we have to compromise something that important for money. I always tell my Dh that he needs to think of it as giving to charity. Yes, we pay more for organics but we are contributing to a *movement* not just buying food.
Also, I’m sure you “homeschool” in your own way by being involved. I went to public school but I feel that I was homeschooled and that’s why I had a great education.
Paige´s last blog ..My Reverse Traditional Husband In The Wild!
I could have written this same post. I think it’s important to spend the extra money on the things we value, and to do it as much as we can afford to. Life is just better that way, in my opinion. And you buy less crap that way, too.
Lisa C´s last blog ..In Charge of His Food
I often think about what we would do if had a million bucks. The other night I told hubby we should buy an RV and travel the country. He agreed, but then we wondered how we would support ourselves. Such is life.
Darcel´s last blog ..Parenting with Support
I’m happy that my husband has finally figured out that organic food really IS better for us and the planet. He has a rule that if it tastes 75% as good as it’s non-organic counterpart, it’s fine by him (though I will mention that most organic food tastes BETTER than non-organic in my opinion).
I can kind of relate. I spend so much time and effort on our food- and then the huz will go out and blow fifty bucks on twinkies.
Joni Rae´s last blog ..February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and Support From My (sometimes pantsless) Man
Oh I hear you – would love to travel the world with my family! And I’m so sure that I would use a million dollars exceptionally well. I ws homeschooled for a period of time, and for that reason I’m not into it for our daughter. Although I’m sure homeschooling looks entirely different now, than my experience of it twenty years ago.
Zoey @ Good Goog´s last blog ..Pure Joy
UGH! We’re right there with you. I actually just looked at a property online that costs 865,000 dollars, so a million would do just perfect.
It’s 20 acres in Hawaii, right on the ocean. It has a waterfall, three nice houses, and 100 avocado trees, plus OTHER fruit trees. Solar powered, and almost completely self sustainable. Now, I could live with that. If you come up with any million dollar ideas, let me know! 
Sarah´s last blog ..Best Food Deals In DFW Area This Week
[...] If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom) [...]