Recently I had a reader ask me if I could post something about nursing an adopted baby. Since I have no experience in this area and feel that personal stories are worth far more than any research that I or anyone else could drum up, I decided to go on a little search. Luckily, I had a hunch that Upstatemomof3 from Our Life Upstate might be able to help, and I was right! I am happy and grateful to share her story with you.
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I knew as soon as I got pregnant that I was going to breastfeed my baby. Actually I knew before I ever got pregnant that if I ever did I would breastfeed. However, that is not the only child I knew I would breastfeed. The moment I knew I was pregnant I knew I would breastfeed the child I was in the process of adopting as well.
I was so sure about this that as soon as I gave birth I started pumping like a mad woman to build up my supply. Because I knew that I would be breadtfeeding both girls at the same time. It took longer for us to bring our new baby home and both of my girls were older than I had originally expected. I had a freezer full of breastmilk by the time I got on the plane to pick up my baby.
I was well prepared. I had spoken to a few moms who had done it. They told me how possible it was. The two things that people told me to do over and over was to get a supplemental nursing system(SNS) and once I had switched to the breast to not go back. The SNS would make the milk come faster and easier. The refusing to go back to the bottle would ensure her to quickly get over any nipple confusion. It seemed like good enough advice. I bought the SNS and brought it with me. I was determined. I was ready.
The only thing that I was not counting on was the fact that my new baby was already seven months old and stuck in her ways. I was not counting on how hard she would take it. I switched her to breastmilk before I tried to actually breastfeed. That went well enough. She did not seem to mind. She was quick to accept it. So, after three or four days I tried breastfeeding. The first few times went okay. She took about half of a feeding through the breast and then would get so tired she could not eat anymore. So, we went back and forth on the bottle a few times.
Then finally one day I decided to try the breast and only the breast. And for one glorious night she only breastfed. For three or four feedings. I thought everything was going great. I know she was actually eating. I could feel it. Having one child who breastfed for over a year I know she was actually eating and filling her belly. It is hard to describe how I knew that but I knew it. Then the following day she simply refused. I have no idea why she just did. All I can think is that way too much was changing for her. She could not take the stress of having her bottle taken away as well.
I tried on and off for a few days after that. It got so bad that if I ever took my shirt off she would start crying. I tried simply holding her skin to skin and she had started to hate that as well. In the end I gave up. Life was hard for her. It was a time for bonding and even though many believe that breastfeeding is the ultimate bonding experience for us it was having a very negative affect. So, in the end aside from a handful of times she did not breastfeed.
I am mostly okay with that. It disappoints me but I am mostly okay with it. I think I could have tried harder. I could have tried again after we were home for awhile. I could have seen a lactation consultant. I could have kept trying. I wish that I did. I wish that I had not given up so fast. Had not felt like it was now or never. And that is my advice for any mama adopting who is hoping to breatfeed. Just keep trying. You can do it.
Who is Upstatemomof3?
We are a pretty typical, all American family. We love life, each other and talking about it all. We enjoy going out and doing just about anything and everything. On a typical day you can find us exploring new things, enjoying a walk outside and then rushing off to the next fun activity we have planned. Life is busy, a little hectic and oh so fun!
To learn more about Upstatemomof3 please visit her blog Our Life Upstate. To subscribe to her blog go here.
If you have a story about breastfeeding an adopted baby I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment here or contact me directly at bfingmomsunite AT gmail DOT com.
Related posts:
- A Successfully Breastfed Adopted Baby Via Induced Lactation
- Happy Birthday Baby! A Birth Story
- Extended Breastfeeding: Melissa’s Story
- How New Dads Can Bond With Their Breastfeeding Baby
- Daylight Savings 2009: Why Breastfeeding Moms Will Lose Even More Sleep Tonight
Tags: adoption, nipple confusion, SNS
I don’t think you should feel bad AT ALL. I think she gave you the loud and clear signal that she wasn’t interested and you did what was best for her. I think continuing to try may have been best for you, but not the baby. A baby who has been bottle fed for 7 months would be really hard to get to the breast even if she was interested. Anyway, I think you did the right thing, don’t feel any regrets. I’m sure when she gets older and you tell her about this, you two will have a good chuckle over it.
Thank you so much for posting this!! Many women do not even realize that breastfeeding is even an option for adopted children.
You did what was best for her at that time. That’s all you can do! I think you made a loving and hard choice but it was probably the right one for your situation. It makes me tear up just to think you got one absolutely special night with her. How wonderful!
Honesty, I probably would have done the same thing as you. Of course I have no experience in this area at all, but if I were wanting to bond with my new 7 month old adopted baby who didn’t want to nurse and was starting to reject me all together, I would have disappointedly but happily given her back her bottle and feed her my pumped breast milk. Yes, like you I would have questioned not seeing a lactation consultant but sometimes a mom just knows in her heart what is best. I know you didn’t mention it here but I do recall that you have been pumping this whole time. And I have so much admiration and respect for pumping moms. That’s a labour of love if I ever knew one.
.-= Melodie´s last blog ..Poems About The Joys of Breastfeeding =-.
Thank you everyone!! Your words are very very kind! I doubt and question regularly. But I mostly feel it was the right decision. I did pump the entire time I was waiting. And you are right Melodie, it was a labor of love.
If she had been younger – especially if she had been a newborn – it would have been easier and I want other moms out there to know that it can be done. That even though my story is not a “successful” one it can be done.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I can’t really say what I would have done for sure, but I’m pretty sure it would have been similar to what you did. Your daughter was going through a huge transition. Respecting her wishes and preferences is the best thing you could have done. Of course, in retrospect, there is always something we could have done differently, but we don’t live life in retrospect. We live it in the here and now, doing the best we can, and it sounds like that’s exactly what you did.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Inherited Anxiety =-.
Thanks for sharing this great story! I love that this mom tried so hard, yet knew when it was time to listen to her baby. I’ve been thinking about breastfeeding adopted babies a lot lately. Were thinking about/planning on adoption in 3 or 4 years..and I will definitely be trying to breastfeed too.
Thank you so much for this story and letting mothers know that this is an option. My sister and I were both adopted as newborns and my mom was shocked to learn it was possible to breastfeed, even if you have been pregnant. She was such an advocate for me and her breastfed grandchildren! I hope to soon close that circle and breastfeed my own adopted baby.
And also for reminding us as mothers that we breastfeed to do the best by our babies – but we also know them best and our goals can’t cloud their needs.
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