Update: This essay is one of the winners of the co-sleeping essay contest. It won in its category “How I intended to use a crib and chose not to.” It will be published in the upcoming book Are You Co-Sleeping? Me Too! This will be my first publication in a book!
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Before my first child was born I assumed she would sleep in a crib. I even remember feeling racked with anxiety that we didn’t have one for her months in advance.
“What happens if I go into labour early?” I would moan. It was especially important to me because I already had chosen the most beautiful crib set for my newborn. Boy or girl, this baby would have the prettiest blue floral quilt, sheets, bumpers, and decorative pillow ever!
Then, after she was born and a three day and night stay in the hospital with my baby sleeping in the nursery, I couldn’t bear to be apart from her. We got home and as soon as I put her in the crib I felt like my heart had been pulled from my chest. I immediately took her out and spent the following two years sleeping with her by my side every single night. When my second child was born I never even considered a crib. And I have spent the past five years advising families either not to buy a crib at all or to consider it only after their child is born.
To think about all those expensive and unused cribs (not to mention crib bedding!) out there makes me cringe a little. What happened to ours? It got stained the first time I put my daughter in the crib. Even though it was otherwise brand new, I didn’t get a dime for it.
This is my entry for the co-sleeping essay contest based on the topic “How I intended to use a crib and chose not to.” If you are interested, today is the last day to submit your entry so hurry, hurry, hurry because time is flying!
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Tags: bed-sharing, co-sleeping
Oh, the unused cribs! I feel you.
And good luck!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Inherited Anxiety =-.
My pregnant friend made me do her registry for her because she was too overwhelmed, and I told her I didn’t think she needed to register for a crib! She ended up getting one for free from a friend, but she’s such a hippy in all other areas of her life, I think she’s going to find out that she wants to be an uber-crunchy mama too and I bet my bottom dollar that she’ll end up a co-sleeper. Luckily, her friend also gave her an Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper too, so I think that will ease her into it.
.-= TheFeministBreeder´s last blog ..I’d Like to Speak at BlogHer 10 — Will You Help Me? =-.
We have the most beautiful toy bin ever. Sure, it’s called a crib, lovely as it is, but no one’s ever slept in it
Not for me… I am expecting our first child any minute now. I’m excited and I can imagine that you want to have it with you all the time. But it’s not my toy, it’s a person that needs room and space even though it doesn’t look like it.
And I will not want it in my own bed. I know people say I should just wait and see, but I discussed it with my husband and we agree that we don’t want that.
Plus our bed is over a metre above ground, I’d be scared the wee one’s gonna fall out once he starts moving.
We found an old crib in the attic of our building, cleaned it and gave it new bedding. It’s beautiful and the wee one will have all the space he needs to himself.
Do you get much unwanted negative feedback about this choice? I have also never used ours- I even opened it up sidecar style and the only use it gets that way is by me or the cat. Though I believe our choice to cosleep is the best one for everyone involved, I am tired of the family criticisms. Like nursing my toddler, increasingly I feel I have to keep it a secret.
. Thankfully all of my close friends support and even have made the same or similiar choices but just the same, I cannot wait for the day that I speak to family and don’t get passively aggressively asked if my son is in his own bed yet.
Out of curiosity Melodie, are both girls cosleeping with you?
We didn’t buy a crib and still don’t have one now that my baby is almost a year old. Part of the decision was because we didn’t feel like we had room. Then once we started bedsharing my husband and I loved it so much we decided we wouldn’t need a crib at all. I think our sitter thought it was a little weird at first, but no one has been critical.
@Chantelle – I used to. Now I don’t talk about it with family anymore. And they don’t ask. Luckily. As for both girls sleeping with me, no. My oldest moved into her own bed at age 2, but the youngest (almost 3) is still sleeping with me. The youngest has been much easier to sleep with which is why I haven’t tried moving her into her own bed yet. We’ve had the odd night apart when we’ve been on holiday, and it went okay, but since we’re both enjoying it and she still wakes to nurse I am not in any hurry to move her out.
We never even tried a crib (much to my mother’s dismay), just an Amby sometimes for naps, and I still totally got that feeling of my heart ripping out when I even laid him down without me next to him. Sleeping together was so totally what he wanted and what made him feel most at peace — helpful that it made me feel that way, too! Good luck in the contest.
@MadameHilmar — I would make absolutely sure that the old crib you found meets safety standards. A lot of cribs are recalled, and, for instance, the measurements between slats have changed a lot over time.
.-= Lauren @ HoboMama´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Toddler collage =-.
Our crib is beautiful and we never had plans of co-sleeping. Ds had very different ideas. At 2 1/2 he still co-sleeps at night and naps in my arms during the day. We’ve used the crib to store toys, as a snuggle nook for reading, as a trampoline, and when friends stay with little ones. Just last month I realized how tired I was of dusting it and washing the sheet, so I took it apart and its in the closet.
Sleeping apart may sound sensible now, but I feel its best to follow your child’s needs.
Besides, think of all the money we’re saving by being able to turn the heat down during naps and nights. I know he hasn’t kicked the covers off or gotten cold, either.
@Shelly – You make an important point that sometimes it’s not us who choose to co-sleep or bed share but our kids! And ditto for saving on heating bills!
Enjoyed the article Melodie! We tried co-sleeping and not. My son has always shared a room with us. Co-sleeping feels so natural and I sleep better with my son in arm’s reach and he sleeps better too. I don’t think I could have it any other way for our family. When he is ready he will have his own room and bed. In the mean time he is happy as a clam and I think letting co-sleeping be a part of life is a contributing factor in that.