This week while I was linking up my two giveaways (see below) I came across the blog Fairy Tales and Puppy Dog Tails that had a post about breastfeeding your preemie. I was surprised to see it, as in my experience, not many of the blogs that host linkys for giveaways have the kind of posts I like to read. Anyhow, it was a really well written and inspiring story of a mother who was committed to breastfeeding her five weeks early preemie son who wanted to share with her readers how she did it. I would recommend it to anyone.
However.
What I was dumbfounded by was the warning that preceded the post. In red upper case letters it reads: WARNING: THERE ARE BREASTFEEDING PICTURES IN THE FOLLOWING POST.
Is that really necessary?
I’m not judging her decision to include a warning. I’m sure she has her reasons. Perhaps her readers are the conservative types who think breastfeeding photos are distasteful or offensive. Perhaps her readers are the type who appreciate a warning like that so they can choose to read the post later when their children or husband are out of the room. While I don’t agree with that style of thinking, I can understand a person wanting to respect another person’s wishes. I’m pretty sure most of my readers don’t require a warning when I choose to post breastfeeding photos. This is a breastfeeding blog after all. But should non-breastfeeding blogs include warnings? Should we be catering to the sensitivities to our unknown readers?
I’m a people-pleaser. I like it when people like me, and I like to do things and say things that make people feel good. Instead of being black or white, I’m most comfortable in the areas that are shaded grey. It isn’t that I don’t have strong opinions on things. I do. But I prefer to be inclusive rather than ostracize. That’s genuinely who I am. So when I saw the warning, immediately after wondering “Is that really necessary!?” I thought “How sweet of her to consider her readers.” And then I thought, “Does thinking this make me a traitor to the breastfeeding cause?”
Here’s what I think. People need to see breastfeeding pictures. People need to see breastfeeding period. The more you breastfeed, the longer you breastfeed, and the more publicly you breastfeed the better. Let’s normalize it, destigmatize it, celebrate it, learn more about it, educate others about it and do it.
But do I want to grab the next pregnant mom I see and shove my breastfeeding dogma down her throat? No. (Well, to be honest, I’ve thought about it, but since I’m a people-pleaser and since some might consider that a bit rude and not be pleased, the answer is no.) Would I chastise anyone for formula feeding, stopping early or supplementing? No. I might write about the benefits of not doing those things, but anyone who doesn’t want to read about that can choose to click off my screen and go read about chasing rainbows with sextuplets instead. I won’t be offended. I won’t even know.
Anyhow. I’m not going to start inserting warnings on my breastfeeding photos. I’m not going to start wearing a nursing cover when my three year old wants to nurse and there are other people around either. I’m also not going to ask people in the room with me if it’s okay with them first. If I feel uncomfortable in certain company I will leave the room to respect their sensitivities and protect myself and my daughter from unwanted comments. But I will not hang a sign around my neck asking for people’s approval to breastfeed. I don’t think you should either.
But what do you think of someone else doing it? Is it a thoughtful thing to do? Is it unnecessary? Is it harmful to the breastfeeding cause? I’d really love to hear your thoughts.
Oh, and those two giveaways? You can win a Bravado Bliss Nursing Bra and/or My Baby Experts™ Simply Breastfeeding DVD and Breast Pumps and Briefcases CD. Contests close Wednesday April 21st.
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I honestly don’t think that there needs to be a disclaimer. I wouldn’t have one. Although, i’m going to just assume that she knows of conservative people that read her blog (like you mentioned) and maybe that’s why the disclaimer is there. For your blog on the other hand, a disclaimer would be just plain idiotic. I mean, people have got to expect at some point BF pictures…..since like you said it’s a BF blog.
.-= Ticia´s last blog ..Green Curry with Protein of Choice and Carb Of Choice =-.
What’s that saying – you catch more flies with honey than vinegar? If you lose your audience because breastfeeding pictures make them uncomfortable then you never get your point across. But on the other hand, who cares if they’re uncomfortable? I drive down Hillside here in Victoria frequently and there is an ‘adult’ shop with huge half naked pictures of woman plastered on the side of their building. Do they have a warning: Warning, half exposed breasts below?? Why is that okay and a picture of my toddler breastfeeding is obscene?
In certain situations I am more conservative then in others but any breastfeeding pictures that I share don’t come with a warning.
.-= Sara´s last blog ..on the mend =-.
Honestly, I think it is kind of hurtful to the breastfeeding cause – because, in my opinion, breastfeeding is such a natural thing. I definitely support the mentality that if breastfeeding offends someone they should put a blanket over their heads. Plus, with the amount of graphic sex, nudity, violence, etc. out their in the mainstream media (which those aforementioned conservative readers will most likely see) – seeing a breastfeeding parent (and their child) shouldn’t be that shocking.
The short of it being – I think that it’s totally unnecessary.
Just my two cents.
I don’t see any reason in the world that we’d need a disclaimer on breastfeeding pictures. Do they blur out pictures of a panda nursing her cubs? Nope! I’ve seen big giant udders of cows displayed front-and-center in movies. So why are human mammals supposed to hide feeding? I mean – turn on MTV2 and you can practically watch people having all-but-sex on television, and yet NURSING needs a warning? Nope!
.-= TheFeministBreeder´s last blog ..Another Step in Branching Out =-.
I think Sara hit the nail on the head – “If you lose your audience because breastfeeding pictures make them uncomfortable then you never get your point across”
.-= Holly Homemaker´s last blog ..Unfollowing. =-.
I can’t see the need of warning against breastfeeding pictures, I really can’t, but it might be something cultural in my case.
I remember to have seen pixelated images of breastfeeding Haiti mums on the news… However, the same news report showed piles of corpses being thrown away, and scarcely clad models on a catwalk a bit later. Sorry, something is really rotten IMHO.
I don’t think warnings and pixels help normalize breastfeeding at all.
I don’t think there needs to be a warning. Even if some readers find breastfeeding pics offensive, placing a warning lends credibility to that type of thinking.
Is is possible the blog writer you are talking about was being tongue in cheek by posting a warning, though? I recently put a bunch of pics on FB of my daughter’s birthday party, and I wrote “warning, there are a lot of photos!”. Obviously, I don’t think people needed to be warned, it was just a little humor.
I agree people need to see Breastfeeding pictures!
And honestly who IS offended by Breastfeeding pictures?? Other moms reading the blog?
I do think it is a little harmful to the cause. Its denotes that Breastfeeding is somehow X-Rated….instead of a natural way to nourish and nurture your little one.
Great Post
Hmmmm… well, I’m not sure there is a right and a wrong. I mean I get that the people who cover up with a nursing cover are to some extent promoting the stereotype that breastfeeding should be hidden. BUT if that is what someone feels comfortable doing then they should do it. If they are only comfortable doing it in private and feel the need to leave the room then they should. If they are comfortable to breastfeed sitting on stage at Carangie Hall then they should (well, assuming they are legally allowed to be there but you know what I mean). If someone feels like a warning is necessary because of their readers, or family members that read or whoever than go for it and put one. I do not think it is “necessary” as in I would not be offended to read a blog and see nursing photos – in fact they make me smile and make me realize how sad I am I never took any – but I also find no harm in placing one.
I figure it like this – I do not swear. I read blogs of people who do and I do not think twice about it. But if I am going to swear on blog – or in something I link – I warn people. Because that is what I am comfortable doing. Is it necessary? Probably not but it is how I comfortable so I do it. Okay, this is getting really long – I am being quiet now. :_
.-= Upstatemomof3´s last blog ..What Is Forgiveness? =-.
@Upstatemomof3 – I think I’m where you are with this. Not that I’m not with anyone else but you are coming at this the same way I did. People do things for different reasons. We are all unique in how we present ourselves. Sometimes we warn readers if we do something out of the ordinary. For instance, your example of warning readers there is swearing in your post is kind of likened to someone saying “excuse my French” before they drop the F-Bomb. Me. I warn people if I post a recipe that calls for soy. Because a lot of people who read my blog hate soy and I always feel the need to let them know if the recipe contains tofu. Kind of stupid, but after some soy-hate mail, it’s what I do.
I don’t think breastfeeding photos should come with warnings. I agree they go against the breastfeeding cause but obviously if someone doesn’t identify with the cause they’ll do what is most comfortable for them. I tend to think that the blogger who wrote her piece doesn’t identify as being a lactivist but wanted to share her personal story and perhaps felt slightly uncomfortable doing so because there were pictures involved. I don’t know. Unless she leaves a comment here I’ll never know.
But what is there about breastfeeding a newborn that could make it potentially offensive? Because that’s what such a warning implies. It wouldn’t be there if the child was being bottle fed; it wouldn’t be there either if the mum was wearing a sexy tank top with the baby in her arms.
If I was a mom to be, I don’t think a warning would draw me nearer to breastfeeding my child. It would make me feel there must be something abnormal about it: such a warning is there ONLY because the child is being breastfed.
.-= Aorijia´s last blog ..Puesta al día =-.
Unless we expect pictures of babies drinking from bottles to have warnings, no, I don’t think we need warnings for bf-ing pictures. What she does on her blog is of course her choice, but we’re talking about babies eating….
I’m in the “no warning” camp. Echoing previous commenters, a warning would make it seem like there is a need for one to be warned when looking at the normal, natural act of breastfeeding, and there is no need.
I read a post today from The Leaky Boob about she is raising daughters who are perfectly comfortable around breastfeeding. I loved her story, and I commented to her that it is always so discouraging to hear a mother say “but what am I supposed to tell my child when s/he sees you breastfeeding?!”
That shouldn’t be a concern! Nor should there be a concern with a picture online.
.-= Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last blog ..The Joys of Breastfeeding a Toddler #3 =-.
I would have thought the title “Breastfeeding your preemie” would be enough to warn off people who don’t like breastfeeding.
Whereas this was the strangest warning I ever saw, at http://caryn-baby-shower.blogs.....art-3.html:
“Warning: This post contains information about breastfeeding.”
It struck me as a sort of “trigger warning,” like “If breastfeeding makes you really mad, step away now.” It didn’t have any pictures, and it just reviewed some products like a nursing pillow.
As to whether you should post a warning about pictures and knowing your audience, etc., I will say that when I posted my birth video and pictures on my family photo website, knowing who would be seeing it (dad, FIL, brothers, uncles, etc.) and how comfortable they would be, I put up a huuge disclaimer at the beginning that the pictures were technically rated PG and I had blurred out/cropped out/otherwise obscured all “woman parts” so people could look at them and not be worried about catching stray glimpses. I also told them that you knew what you weren’t seeing, though, and if that made them uncomfortable, they could choose not to read further. That was for my comfort as well as theirs. If I posted the same pictures or video on my blog, I could see being much more open about the pictures. (Though I don’t know about all of them, since it is the internet!)
.-= Lauren @ HoboMama´s last blog ..Get dizzy on this carnival ride! =-.
I am going with NO!
Everybody has already made excellent points so I will just leave it at that.
.-= Alexandra´s last blog ..What a picture doesn’t tell you… =-.
Since the title of her post was Breastfeeding Preemies a reader might expect to find breastfeeding photos. I don’t think there needs to be a disclaimer. I agree with you, Melodie, that we need to educate, celebrate and destigmatize breastfeeding in our culture. It’s funny, when my child was born my in-laws came to stay and help out. I didn’t have a second thought about exposing my breasts to nurse. It was like the second he was born my breasts became de-sexualized and became nourishment for my son. I think back to just whipping my boob out in front of my father-in law and blush now (3 years later) – but he was cool with it and so was I. Would I whip them out now? No, I would be embarrassed if one fell out of my bathing suit b/c I am not nursing anymore. But once the milk is flowing there is no embarrassment.
.-= Pure Mothers´s last blog ..Book Review: Free-Range Kids =-.
@Hobo_Mama – Wow to the link you sent me. Yep. That one takes the cake!
Although I complete agree that there does not need to be a disclaimer I also agree with you about being a people pleaser! I love breastfeeding and do it publicly without thinking twice! BUT….I can always tell when I’m making someone uncomfortable and that makes ME uncomfortable. But when it comes down to it, what’s more important?
I don’t have a breastfeeding blog, exactly, but I don’t issue warnings and I wouldn’t. If someone doesn’t want to see photos of me breastfeeding, that’s fine, they can click on their merry way. Blogging is teaching me that not everyone will like me, and that’s OK. But also that other people will, and that’s even better.
As for someone else posting a warning, I don’t know how I feel. I suppose that if it’s comfortable for that blogger, OK. Maybe she has a relative who’s highly squeamish. But I still wish it wasn’t there, or that no one thought twice about breastfeeding.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Cultivating Cleaning Enthusiasm =-.
My mother is from a small island in Micronesia where it’s perfectly normal (or at least it used to be) to see women completely bare-breasted, nursing their babies. Breasts are not sexualized (thighs, however…) so there was no need for nursing covers or averting of eyes. It’s just natural. It’s too bad things aren’t that way in the rest of the world so that this wouldn’t be an issue. There shouldn’t have to be a warning for pictures of breastfeeding, but as someone who looks at all sides of an argument, I can understand why the blogger thought she should put one.
.-= Fran´s last blog ..Retinopathy In Premature Babies: Vision Problems Can Last a Lifetime If Not Caught Early =-.
When it comes to our breastfeeding mammals sisters (cows, cats, dogs, monkeys, dolphins…), nobody would think about posting a warning. The reason why she did it maybe is to avoid some ignorant (hence offended) people reporting her blog…
The more I think about it, the more the warning upsets me. It puts breastfeeding in the same category as violence, language, nudity, and other media components that require a warning. In general, things that carry warnings involve risk- eating undercooked shellfish, cigarette packs. A warning about breastfeeding insinuates that there is some risk involved in viewing the pictures, which I don’t believe there is.
If it were my own blog, I might warn about pictures containing a view of my nipple (because my brothers, FIL, grandparents, etc. read it), but the warning would be for nudity, not for breastfeeding. In reality, though, I think my husband would have the biggest issue with me posting photos of my nipple!
.-= Mama Em´s last blog ..The Miracle of (Breast) Milk =-.
I’m sure I’m repeating what everyone else has said, but here it is anyways:)….Breastfeeding should be the norm and breastfeeding pictures help people see what is a natural occurence in everyday life–feeding a baby! If I ever put a warning on a breastfeeding photo, it would be for my little brother. He is SO not comfortable with seeing my boob! But I keep telling him that someday when he has kids, he’ll get it.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Babywearing advocacy =-.
Maybe a compromise for any blogger tempted to post a warning about breastfeeding would to not call is a warning, but more of an FYI. That would give people a heads up, but not place such negative connotations on it.
The longer I breastfeed the less concerned I am about what others think. I used to watch faces to see if I was making others uncomfortable. I used a cover up and picked a spot discreet, usually facing the wall. Then, I started feeling like an outcast. I hated when my friends and family would leave me alone in a room to breastfeed my child. Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural and does not require privacy. I’m proud of my choice to nourish my child.
Besides, I’m not showing any more boob than some non-breastfeeding woman!