We’re moving. I’m just starting to be able to say it out loud. You see it has happened so fast that it is taking some time for me to wrap my head around it. We’re moving. We’re leaving town. We’re moving.
I expected that we would raise our girls in this house. This house where I gave birth. That I would walk them to school everyday and when they got older they would walk themselves. I am surrounded by trees on two sides of this house and enjoy a gorgeous lake and mountain view. The lake in front of our house, accessible through the yards of our kind neighbours, doubles as a wild bird sanctuary. Birdsong and wind in trees is all around me here.
In the forest, in our yard, a previous owner built a treehouse with a yellow slide. The forest floor is a perfect spot for us to look for fairies and build fairy houses. In the fall our yard teems with all shapes, sizes and colours of mushrooms. We forage for wild edibles here. This spot is perfect for my kids to play and develop their imagination, and it Feeds. My. Soul. The road we live on is dotted with small farms where sheep, cows and goats greet us daily on our walks and flowers grow wild. Blackberry bushes offer a bounty for making jam. Apples are free for the picking. We know all our neighbours. We live close to town but far enough away that we actually live rural. Nothing could be more perfect about where we live, but we’re moving.
A friend of ours has offered us an amazing opportunity to live in the main house on her property while she resides in a little cottage in the backyard. Without going into private details, this move would eradicate our debts. We could even afford to send our daughter to a private school if we want to. We’ve already found one we love (where they do sun salutations and walking meditation every morning!) and are just working out the details. Logically, we would be fools to turn down this opportunity. Spiritually, we feel as though we’ve been blessed. Good karma has caught up with us. So we’re accepting this opportunity with gratitude. And trying to push our ambivalence aside.
I grew up being parented by worriers and low risk takers. People who believe that if something sounds too good to be true it probably is. My parents are worried. I guess it’s their job, but what they fail to realize is that I am a product of who they are. I have been swimming in a sea of negativity and worst case scenarios. I have questioned every step of this decision. And when the answers have been favourable I have found more things to worry and feel sad about. When I tell people that we’re leaving I have trouble doing it with a smile on my face. All I do is list what we’re giving up and fail to recognize all the good things that are coming our way. Including a beautiful house just two blocks from the ocean.
So how do I deal with all this negativity in my life? Well, I’ve talked to my parents about it. I’ve ensured them of my ability to make sound decisions on my own and with my husband. I reminded my dad that I’m 36 yo! I reminded them whose daughter I am and how I’ve already thought of every glich they have. I have talked about my feelings with my husband over and over and over again. With our friend we are sitting down and making boundaries. We also talk up the move with the kids to try to excite them about it. My oldest is a harder sell. She loves our home as much as I do. But as long as we’re all together, my youngest doesn’t care what we do. Which is a good lesson for me too.
In conclusion, I deal with negativity by talking about it as openly and honestly as possible. Sometimes the onus is on the listener to come up with all the positive attributes of the situation for me, but that helps me to put things in a new and often better perspective. Writing helps too. Sometimes it looks like a pro and con list, sometimes it looks like a journal entry or blog post. Like I said, I have just started talking about this, and the more I do, the easier it gets and the freer I feel when I say: We’re moving.
I often see the glass as half empty. Are you like this too? How do you deal with worrying and negativity?