The following post is by Glenda from Me and Mine in a Small Town. Glenda is a Christian, Bible reading, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, soon to be homeschooling, co sleeping, stay at home, married mother of 4 children. She recently wrote me telling me about some problems she was having with breastfeeding at church, and I suggested she write about it in the form of a guest post. If anyone can offer some kind words or advice, I know she would be grateful.
I know a lot of places that are uncomfortable with women nursing, but don’t you think your own church should be one of the ones that aren’t?
When I was pregnant I knew I wanted to try with all my might to breastfeed my baby. I didn’t get the support with my first two and in a matter of a few weeks I stopped. My son was preemie so I pumped for a few months and that was it. Already I was worried about how I was going to feed my new baby daughter in public.
I talked with my former Pastor’s wife (they transferred to another church) after my baby was born. She said that she could nurse in the nursery and such. Ok, I thought that wouldn’t be a problem. I avoided church and any other outing since I was still worried. I finally got the guts to go to church. While listening to the sermon I saw that my baby was getting hungry she started to whine a bit. I grabbed my cover and took her to the nursery. I knocked on the door. One of the workers opened it and said “there will be no feedings in the nursery now since it will disturb the other kids. You need to feed her in the bathroom. We put a chair in there for you.” I was still on the emotional side after having her and I could feel my cheeks get hot and my eyes tear up. I took her to the bathroom and yes, there was a chair but it was one of those metal ones! In the nursery they had the rocking chair! I don’t understand why I can’t just feed her in church, I mean I do wear a cover. For awhile I wore a cover even in the bathroom. It is real hot in there so I stopped not too long ago.
I feel like I have a disease sometimes. I get looks when some ladies go in there and some ladies that used to talk to me all the time won’t even make eye contact or say hi. When my Pastor left the Pastor that was supposed to be ours was delayed so we had another one come in for a few weeks. His wife was also pregnant and passionate about breastfeeding. During service one day she went to the bathroom and saw me there. She asked why I was in there. I told her and she was not happy! She said that is just silly to have me in a stinky bathroom feeding my new baby! She is now gone to their church and yes, I’m still in there. There have been 2 other ladies that said they will try to get me into the nursery, but nothing has ever come of it. There are 5 more babies under 1 but they are formula fed and they are in the nursery so they get to eat in there. I don’t put my baby in the nursery so I have to feed her in the bathroom when she needs to eat.
A few weeks ago someone opened the door. You really couldn’t tell I was feeding at all. A lady asked and I said “yup, she is eating” and another lady almost screamed (scared me!) and said “hurry shut the door!!!!” LOL. I said “it’s ok,” and she said, “no, there are men sitting out there. They can see her!!!” I then said, “you can’t even see anything!” I looked in the mirror and really, you couldn’t, since I was wearing my jacket, my shirt was lifted, and she was eating. My jacket was zipped up to the point where her head was.
There have been so many times when I go in to feed her and someone just went to the bathroom and it stinks! I think poor baby! I wouldn’t want to eat smelling this!
Someone suggested I go to another church. There is no way I will. I was saved there so I’ll stay…I really can’t do the church hopping thing since nobody will ever find the perfect church.
Do you have any advice for Glenda? Alternatively, can anyone explain to me how churches operate around this kind of thing? Who’s in charge of these kinds of rules? The Pastor/Reverend/Minister/Priest/Rabbi/etc? The congregation? Shouldn’t it be the mother?
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Tags: breastfeeding at church, breastfeeding in bathroom, Monday Musings, nursing cover
I can’t offer any direct advice, since my church has both a rocking chair room and a separate “quiet room” where I can nurse. I also used to nurse the baby when he was very young in the sanctuary during the service – with a sling or a Moby wrap absolutely no one was aware or disturbed.
I think your best course of action would be to go directly to the pastor and ask that the nursery rocker be made available for you – either in the nursery or in another room like an office. Tell him you would very much like to continue attending church but that the attitudes from the congregation are hurting you and your child. Although he might not be the person technically in charge of this situation I can’t imagine he wouldn’t want to help.
And if you need a little extra help with your argument, remind them that Jesus was breastfed.
That’s so sad – on the flippant side, I would be tempted to remind people that Mary breastfed Jesus, and something tells me no one told her to go nurse him in a bathroom.
I wonder if you could get a lactation consultant with a religious bent to come speak to your church at an informal time (we always had laid back Wednesday night services). She could talk about why breastfeeding is important, maybe talk about what they did in Biblical times, why it’s unsanitary to bf in the bathroom (see my post today – GROSS), and what to do if you see a mother bf’ing in church (smile, offer her water).
I love hearing stories of women who are working to make bf’ing easier for the next generation – your work at that church may encourage other young mothers to nurse their babies instead of feeding them formula, and to nurse out in the open unashamed. Good for you!!
.-= Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last blog ..Breastfeeding and Bathrooms Do Not Mix =-.
I am so sorry that you are having these problems and hope that you will reconsider talking to the current pastor, warden, or other lay-leader about your concerns. I’m not sure of your area, but where I live, the law allows me to nurse my baby any place she is allowed to be. The pastor may have to talk with your nursery staff or he or she may have other ideas. I would encourage you to make very clear how this experience is distancing you from your spiritual community.
I’ve brought my now 16 month old daughter to church with me almost every Sunday since she was 2 weeks old. In the early days, I was very uncomfortable feeding her publicly, so I would look for an unused room–one of the religious education rooms, the coffee hour room, etc. and nurse her there. As time has gone by, I’ve gotten more and more comfortable about nursing in the sanctuary if I don’t feel like hauling her out. We simply go to a back pew where she’s less likely to be distracted (and where there are more mothers with older children) and we nurse. I nurse her in a sling, so it’s pretty discreet. I’ve also nursed her during Sunday school because, well, she needed to eat. No one has ever said anything to me.
Then again, I’m the director of Children’s Christian Formation, so I doubt anyone would say anything unless they wanted an earful. Oh, and a job teaching and running the Sunday school program.
I understand that you don’t want to leave your church: it’s a community and we work really hard to find communities that work for us. But you might try visiting other churches…just for a Sunday…to see how you are treated and to see what their policies are regarding nursing mothers. I know that I would not want to be a part of a community that did not accept my daughter and I with open arms, and that even though I love my current church such treatment would possibly be enough to make me want to look and see what else was out there. Like you said, no place is perfect, but I wonder how you find God in a place where you are treated “like you have a disease.”
.-= Saisquoi´s last blog ..Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls — A Review =-.
This breaks my heart. I’ve breastfed at the church where my sister-in-law is pastor and it was never an issue. My son started to fuss, I covered myself with a blanket, and he quieted down and ate and I could go back to focusing on the service. But this was in a church that currently had 7-10 infants, half of whom were breastfeeding so I think they were pretty comfortable with it.
I would go talk to the Pastor in charge (or if there is a church council) and privately ask them if you could feed your baby during the service. Since you are doing it quite discreetly there really shouldn’t be anything to complain about. The bible talks quite blatantly about breastfeeding as something positive and not shameful.
.-= the Grumbles´s last blog ..adventures in the life of jude =-.
That is terrible! I am so sorry you have to deal with that.
Not being able to nurse…in a NURSERY. That is so dumb. And you were even using a cover!
Do you think they told Mary to take Jesus to the latrine so he could nurse in private? I bet she didn’t even use a cover.
Breasts aren’t just sexual, and people can’t get over themselves about it.
It’s really a shame. I’d just say talk to your pastor and other nursing mamas who go there to hopefully get some change!
.-= Kacie´s last blog ..I saved on camping gear by splitting a purchase into 3 transactions =-.
I am a Christian too and honestly, I would go ahead and feed in the church during the service. Chances are only whoever is sitting next to you will notice anyway, especially if you are able to wear easy access clothing. By the sounds of it, no one would say anything to you during the service, but might approach you after which gives you a good opportunity to actually talk about it. (if someone said anything during, I’d just mouth ‘talk about it later’ with a big smile!)
However if someone said something to me I would simply reply with something like ‘isn’t it amazing that God gave us this way of nourishing our babies? I am blown away by the mercy of a God who could supply life and the means of sustaining it – wouldn’t it be just terrible if I squandered this gift?’ Say it without sarcasm, but with sincerity and it will give them something to think about.
To the argument of there being men around, I would approach it the same way. “And isn’t it wonderful of God that He gave men the logic to know that breasts are there for nourishing their children? How blessed are they that God gave them the ability to avert their eyes, to conquer ‘temptation’ and to wisdom to appreciate the difference between feeding a child and being a temptress”
As said above, i would also remind them, if need be, that Jesus was a breastfed baby, and that this is how God intended it.
I understand that you do not want to change churches over this, and I respect that – bringing change from within will open the door for other young mothers, especially first timers who are simply to scared to even try. I would ask whoever is giving you a hard time, however, whether they felt it was more important for you to go to church, or to stay home. I would say that I simply refuse to feed in the bathroom any further, and (can you hear the service in the nursery?) that you come to church to participate in the service – would they prefer you just stayed at home? Honestly, if they said it would be better for you to stay at home, I would seriously reconsider my membership there. If your soul is less important than their traditions, there’s a deeper problem. And I’d say that too.
Finally, if none of the above worked, I would tell them that quite frankly, you have the support of God, the World Health Organisation, and the constitution of your country to breastfeed your child wherever and whenever you need to. Jesus himself prioritised the little children, and what’s more, God has seen your breasts. He made them. For this.
I do hope you get this resolved. Do let us know how it turns out, and I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless!
.-= Luschka´s last blog ..Why Baby Led Weaning? =-.
My heart is breaking for you. You have so much strength to continue to attend church and to continue to nurse!
If you do talk to someone within your church, you might go with some scriptures ready. There are some from the Bible at http://www.texas-midwife.com/breastfeeding.htm or http://parentingfreedom.com/verses-breastfeeding/. A few verses in particular: “And it happened, as He spoke these things, that a certain woman from the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, ‘Blessed is the womb that bore You, and the breasts which nursed You!’” [Luke 11:27, NKJV], and “’For you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts; you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance.’ For this is what the LORD says.” [Isaiah 66:11-13 NIV]. If you do speak to someone, remember that you’re not just making this argument for yourself, but for other future mothers of the congregation who will nurse. It will also benefit the church to find a solution, because a congregation unwelcoming to nursing mothers is making itself undesirable to a large population.
Please know that not all churches are like this. There are many where nursing is celebrated as the miracle that it is. You don’t have to choose between church and nursing. I hope you’ll post an update here, or come back for more support when you need it!
.-= Mama Em´s last blog ..Solar Powered Tea =-.
Glenda- I think it is really unChristian and unkind of your church family to be treating you in this way. Along with what the others have said, I think it’s important that you are your own advocate. It seems like you are waiting for someone to come and fight this fight for you. Nurse where you want to nurse. If you want to nurse in the sanctuary with a cover (or even without), do it. If you want to sit in the back row next to the wall, do it. If you want to nurse in the nursery, do it. If a volunteer in the nursery tells you that you cannot do it, talk to the head of the children’s education and ask what the policy on adults in and out of the nursery is. If there isn’t one, suggest one and help them get started. If the policy is that once service has started they don’t allow adults in and out of the nursery, let your church know you need an alternative nursing area. Don’t ask them if they’ll do it, let them know it’s a need in the congregation.
While I do know a few people who are so “modest” (not sure that’s really an accurate word for it) that they can’t even be in the same room as a woman who is nursing while completely covered, I think that is their issue and not yours. The laws that allow a woman to nurse do not stop at the door of a church even if the church’s definition of sexuality, modesty, or anything else differ from culture. If you want to nurse your baby somewhere, get yourself comfortable and do it.
Melody- To address your questions on how this all works, I thought I’d add my two cents. It sounds like the poster goes to both a smaller church and a more conservative church. This is likely difficult for her for a few reasons. One, in a smaller church it’s less likely that there will be someone else who shares the same parenting philosophy as Glenda does. It’s definitely in the minority in most regions of the country and hard enough to find someone who is like-minded in a town of 5,000. Imagine the chances of finding someone in a church congregation of 75-100 people. Second, in certain churches modesty and covering one’s body is a *big deal*. Should knees show under skirts? Should women be wearing sleeveless shirts? What about collar bones? Aren’t they one of the most evocative parts of a woman’s body? After hearing this for years in church, home, and Sunday school many women worry (sometimes to a fault) that certain clothes they wear or things they do, like breastfeeding, may be interpreted as immodest. Also, they assume that because they want such a high level of privacy others want it too. It sounds like the women who closed the door while Glenda was feeding thought they were helping her out.
In many churches there is no guideline or rule dealing with nursing. Many medium and larger sized churches offer nursing rooms off the sanctuary where moms can take nursing babies and small children during the service. I know many moms feel as though they are expected to use these rooms instead of invited to use them. I have used them in the past when my first son was using a nipple shield and it took quite the contortion to get him nursing. I also used it for a while with my second when it took him a good 7-10 minutes of off/on to get him latched and nursing at each feeding. Some moms like them because their babies are distracted in church or are loud nursers. Great. Some moms find even these rooms hard to use because there are other mothers and babies in there and it makes them uncomfortable. While I don’t necessarily feel that way myself I can understand how a mom might feel that way.
No matter the reason a mom chooses to nurse in the sanctuary, the nursing room, the nursery or wherever, I think that is her choice and it is okay. If a mom feels uncomfortable nursing in any of the following places or lacks a place in her church where she does feel comfortable, I think it is her job to persue finding a comfortable place. Talk with the head of the children’s education or childcare committee. Talk to the deacons and elders. Talk with your pastor and your pastor’s wife. No matter what churches are for the people who attend them. Nursing is not on the list of activities that are non-compatible with spirituality or church. If a church isn’t meeting that need, ask around. How are other churches in your area dealing with this issue? Is the issue space? Misplaced modesty? Mother’s desire to have a more private area? Whatever it is, if you are making a long term commitment to nursing and to that particular church it’s well worth it to figure out who can help you find a solution to that situation.
I am so sorry you are going through this! You’ve gotten some great tips here. My daughter is 8 months now and we started going to church around 3 months. It’s a very small church. I will either put her in her sling to nurse then fall asleep. Or sit at the back and nurse. We don’t use a cover because it’s too much for DD. No one know what’s going on and if someone does walk back they smile and go about their business, sometime asking if I need anything. I would start nursing in the sanctuary. You’re there for the service and should br able to enjoy like anyone else. I doubt anyone will even notice. The bathroom is no place for you and your baby. Good luck!
A friend pointed me to this post via Twitter. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with nursing your baby. Anywhere. Whenever he is hungry. If that means the middle of the church sanctuary in the middle of a sermon than that is what you should do. Wear two piece clothing so you can just nurse under your shirt. Tuck in around. Nothing needs to show to preserve modesty.
I have some research, scriptures and biblical word studies (see footnotes of this letter) to back up my position which I expressed in a letter to a church that we left over this very issue. Their illegal harassment of me and my child was the last straw.
Doh! Hit enter too soon – the letter I wrote and hand delivered to my church is here:
http://themanyhats.blogspot.co.....eding.html
I hope it’s an encouragement to your guest poster. Who, by the way, is welcome to contact me off list if you want to pass my email along to her.
Blessings,
Angela <
.-= Angela England (@AngEngland)´s last blog ..Don’t Get Ripped Off by Home Improvement People =-.
WHAT? It’s not like she wanted to nurse in the sanctuary, which I do think is a bit tacky. But in the NURSERY? That is bizarre and insane. I wish I had advice, but I can only offer support. I wouldn’t leave the church either, but I don’t think I’d attend till my baby was past needing to eat during those hours. And I would NOT feed my baby in a stinky bathroom. Good grief.
It’s sad that someone would rather her leave the church, than to feed her baby the way God designed. I just think it’s beyond sad.
.-= Angela England (@AngEngland)´s last blog ..Don’t Get Ripped Off by Home Improvement People =-.
Sounds like your church would be a good place for a nurse-in!!
I feel that anyplace that is appropriate to feed a child from a plastic bottle is also appropriate to nurse in. After all, I think thats what God gave women breasts for to begin with.
Much luck and many hugs to you. This post just made me sad and mad.
Thank you soo much ladies for your advice and support! Next time we have service I’m just going to nurse out there. My husband (if I might add) is VERY upset about this he keeps telling me just to do it and if anyone says anything he will take care of it. If someone notices then they weren’t paying attention to the sermon. When going to the nursery they have the door locked and she opened the top half and told me this and then shut the door. So I never was able to step foot in there. Thank you for the scriptures also and I love the way Luschka said
“However if someone said something to me I would simply reply with something like ‘isn’t it amazing that God gave us this way of nourishing our babies? I am blown away by the mercy of a God who could supply life and the means of sustaining it – wouldn’t it be just terrible if I squandered this gift?’ Say it without sarcasm, but with sincerity and it will give them something to think about.
To the argument of there being men around, I would approach it the same way. “And isn’t it wonderful of God that He gave men the logic to know that breasts are there for nourishing their children? How blessed are they that God gave them the ability to avert their eyes, to conquer ‘temptation’ and to wisdom to appreciate the difference between feeding a child and being a temptress”
I will have to use that! I will post an update on here if it is ok with Melodie. Thank you for your comments and I will be back to read more!!!
.-= Glenda´s last blog ..Better Homes & Gardens Crossed the Lines with Us Breastfeeding Moms in this Article! =-.
Absolutely nothing. Jesus wasn’t fed with Similac.
In my church buildings we usually have mother’s lounges: a private room with several comfy rocking chairs with arms, a sink and changing area, all with the audio piped in from the chapel. The lounges are an option, not a requirement. I liked going there when I knew I’d pass out nursing the baby and wanted to get a few extra winks
Other than that, I’ve nursed through all my LDS church services, and have seen my friends and neighbors do the same. I’ve nursed in a sling and just holding the baby. I’ve never had a comment or a rude word, most people just didn’t care. It was great! I can’t wait until I have another baby to nurse–she’ll be nursed in church, too.
I say go for it. There’s nothing like nursing to contradict the world’s assertion that breasts are decorative only.
.-= Azucar´s last blog ..I Love The Constitution =-.
p.s. I don’t think it’s “tacky” to breastfeed your child anywhere – including the sanctuary.
.-= Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last blog ..Breastfeeding and Bathrooms Do Not Mix =-.
Oh, Glenda, I am so sorry that your church has acted this way! Shoot, Jesus was breastfed! What is wrong with these people!? I breastfeed in church, in the sanctuary. In front of other people! And you know what? If anybody is uncomfortable with it, they never say a word. In fact, most people don’t even know I’m breastfeeding. And truth be told, they would much rather me nurse my little one than hear him screaming during the service.
Please don’t feel that you have to go to the bathroom to nurse. Nurse your darling child whenever and wherever you are. At this point, you’re probably comfortable with the mechanics of how to nurse, and your daughter is a pro, so there is nothing to worry about. If anybody gives you crap about it, you could always quote scripture at them, even if it’s something like “Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” I know you’re not sinning by feeding your child, but they need to quit judging you.
My husband pointed out that in Exodus, Moses was nursed by his mother, and Pharaoh’s daughter called on her to nurse him.
You are doing the very best thing you can for your baby, and the rest of the congregation can just suck it (pun intended.)
) If you ever need a breastfeeding buddy, come visit our church, and I will breastfeed with you! 
)
@Glenda – You are more than welcome to update us here. I was thinking of you yesterday (Sunday) and hoping it went better. Maybe this coming week, with all this helpful advice, you’ll have a better experience.
The first place I saw a woman breastfeed was in church. My mother did not breastfeed so I could not see it at home. I was four years old and completely bored by the sermon but this woman nursing caught my eye and 43 years later I still remember the mother smiling sweetly into my wide curious eyes. I was fascinated and her ease with it stayed with me when I breastfed in public so many years later.
I can’t understand wanting to remain a member of a spiritual community that doesn’t value your parenting. The church doesn’t want you or your child. Why would you want to stay part of that church? It shouldn’t be your responsibility to explain this to them.
.-= Jake Aryeh Marcus´s last blog ..According to HHS, the Average U.S. Mom is White, White or White =-.
I’d like to congratulate you for continuing to breastfeed your baby even when it’s hard. You’re doing a great job!
Glenda, it sounds like you’re not getting the support that you need from the people you need it from the most. These people are supposed to be representing Christ to you and they’re really not.
If none of the suggestions (from the other comments) get you the fair treatment that you deserve, then I think you should find a new church that welcomes you and how you choose to feed your baby. Just because you were saved there doesn’t mean you won’t still be saved if you go somewhere else. Jesus is everywhere.
Good luck!
Here’s some links that support your stance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....r_embedded
http://momotics.com/go-eat-you.....-bathroom/
I think you have received some great ideas here. I wanted to point you to a post that specifically relates to the “men watching” issue, from a Christian father’s point of view.
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/05.....stian.html
I do think that it is, unfortunately, the burden of us nursing moms to help our communities become accommodating. I think a lot of it is ignorance. The VAST majority of Boomers were formula fed, so our generation is really the vanguard in terms of breastfeeding acceptance. Sometimes it is only the squeaky wheel that gets the grease, know what I mean?
.-= Kimberly´s last blog ..ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz…….. =-.
Oi. Wow.
I’m unfamiliar with Glenda’s blog, and I am wondering how much supports she gets for public nursing *outside* her church? Are the attitudes confined there or are they part of the culture of the surrounding community? I don’t suppose it makes a huge difference but I am curious how much of this has to do with the churchiness of the situation.
I’ve nursed my kids everywhere at my church– in the sanctuary, in the nursery, in a vestry meeting where I was the only woman in the room– and no one has ever been anything but kind and supportive.
I never asked anyone’s permission, either. I just went ahead and did it. And hardly anybody noticed, and when they did, they just gave me a smile and went on their way. I’m sorry her church community did not give her the same kind of support. I hope this gets positively resolved for her soon.
.-= Sherri K. Edman´s last blog ..week 1 notes =-.
there doesn’t seem to be some compassion about your situation. to have to deal with the smell of a bathroom while nursing your child isn’t right. talk to your pastor or if that doesn’t result in change, then whoever is over him. god bless rose
.-= rose´s last blog ..MONDAY MEETING WITH MS.MOLLOY =-.
Glad to see the poster getting such awesome support. I doubt my comments are even needed but I would agree with just feeding your baby in service if you feel comfortable doing so. However, this is going to be a problem for another mother at some point, so if you are so inclined I would suggesting asking for a meeting with your pastor (and his wife if it applies). You and your husband can attend together and speak to him about the situation. Since he is new to the church I’m sure this is not something he is aware of. I don’t understand how they can “close” the nursery and not make another space available for parent to care for children. Even if you choose to nurse in service there may be those who don’t prefer to, or times when the child is fussy or needs to be changed. What then?
As a side note, I attended a church once that had a row of rocking chairs in the back and it was just expected that all manner of caring for children would take place there. How awesome is that? Have not seen the same type of setup again but I wish it was encouraged more!
.-= Cilla´s last blog ..P90x Yoga – Daddy & Me Edition =-.
Glenda,
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. Let me first say I understand, respect, and AGREE WITH your staying at your church. GOD calls us to a church and GOD calls us away, not hurt feelings. God bless you for your choice.
But you need to stand up for not just yourself but any other woman who may want to nurse there in the future. I also attend a small church in a small town where no one nurses more than a couple weeks if at all, so I understand some of your situation. If your church has a Ladies Fellowship group or something similar that makes decisions, then speak with them. Or the Pastor’s wife or whoever is in charge of the nursery and/or children. Explain why nursing is so important and bring up scripture (lovingly) to support your position. See if there is anyway you could use the nursery or at least the rocking chair in another room (pastor’s office, Sunday School room, etc.) If your church absolutely refuses to accommodate you, go to your car rather than the bathroom (but only as a last resort) if you have to.
I personally do not nurse in the sanctuary at my church (although I would not mind if another mother did), but not because I think it is inappropriate. I just feel people hearing God’s Word and finding salvation is the most important goal on this Earth. Nursing is so uncommon here that people would notice, and I’m not concerned that someone would be offended/upset but rather that my baby and I would distract someone from hearing a message that could lead to their salvation. I do not have a problem nursing at church functions (dinners, Easter Egg Hunt, Trick or Treat at church, etc.) if it is purely social or if the “preaching” is over. Just some food for thought. I hope you are able to come to an agreement with your church. My prayers are with you! Please let us know how it turns out.
.-= Holly´s last blog ..What "Bugs" Me About Children in Public =-.
Glenda,
One additional thing – check out the breastfeeding laws for your state. If I’ve read your profile right, you’re protected and have the right to nurse anywhere you are “otherwise authorized to be” (they can’t throw you out because you’re nursing, though they can make you uncomfortable). It’s not that you want to throw the law around (that’s good for annoying fast-food restaurant employees, not so great for fellow members fo your church, in my experience!), but that knowing you have that right and what the extent of the law is can help bolster your confidence.
The reference I use for laws by state is at http://www.ncsl.org/issuesrese.....fault.aspx
I just want everyone to know that I have been reading all the comments. I have taken all your comments to heart and a lot I really want to comment and thank you individually so I will come back and visit you all if I am able and send you a message/comment. I will keep coming back to read other comments as well.
I actually had to stay home since my baby has a cough. EVERYONE got sick except for me. I’m thinking baby got sick since I didn’t. When I get sick she NEVER does. Does that sound right everyone sick but the mother and her nursling catches what everyone has since the mom didn’t get it? I’m thinking that’s what happened. Anywho I will be there on Wed night!
@Melodie I will update here! And thank you for thinking of me Sunday
.-= Glenda´s last blog ..Better Homes & Gardens Crossed the Lines with Us Breastfeeding Moms in this Article! =-.
I’m late but just wanted to offer my support, too. I have breastfed in church many times, and I think it’s better to have a peacefully nursing baby in church than a sad, hungry one. I was talking about it with a single woman friend of mine (a nun, actually) and wondered what her response would be. She exclaimed, “But Jesus loved children and wanted them to come to him! Church should be the most welcoming place for mothers and children.” So, yes, some people are loud and negative, but there are many of us supporting you. I wish you the best!
.-= Lauren @ HoboMama´s last blog ..Calling for submissions for the June Carnival of Natural Parenting! =-.
This really saddens me that the other members of your Church seem so close-minded about such a natural and God-given act. I honestly can’t believe that they have you set up in a bathroom either! And I agree with Erin, that you should be getting the support you need from them, and nobody seems to be able to give that to you. I understand not wanting to leave the Church that you were saved in, but honestly, if they continue to treat you like this, would you really want your children to grow up in that kind of a spiritual enviroment? Reminds me of this poem:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for a reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a season it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
- author unknown -
I think you should take a stand, and if they are still unaccepting or unable to give you the kind of support that you are there for, to bring you closer to God (while also being able to BF your child), then it may be time to say they were there for you for the reason you needed, to be saved, and it’s time to move on to a place that can.
This is really heartbreaking! Please, Glenda, keep us updated. Unfortunatelly I can’t be of help; I’m from a Christian Catholic country; here there are hundreds of representations of Virgin Mary breastfeeding Jesus. I have breastfed in churches and convents without problems (and my daughter is not a newborn).
Please, let us know! Good luck
Unacceptable! I realize she was “saved” there – but the former Pastor and people who gave God’s message SAVED her – not the 4 walls of that church and it’s members. I would walk right into that nursery, plop down and nurse and if anyone said anything I would say “JESUS WAS BREAST FED!” But that’s me. I pray this woman finds the strength and support to feed her baby as nature intended!
Perhaps she could talk to the Pastor to do a sermon that surrounds breastfeeding or took passages from the Bible referring to nursing. I am very upset with this. Another reason I stepped out of the Catholic Church and do not ascribe to organized religion any longer. LOVE and ACCEPTANCE is my religion.
.-= Pure Mothers´s last blog ..Earth Day Exploration =-.
And I agree – it is not *tacky* to feed your child anywhere!!! Anywhere a mother feels comfortable pulling out a bottle to feed her baby and breast-feeding mother should feel the same. It’s what breasts were designed for. Some people are so puritanical and have THEIR own hang ups.
.-= Pure Mothers´s last blog ..Earth Day Exploration =-.
I’m late, but I want to add my voice of support. It sounds as if this has been a very difficult experience for you. It’s not fair of your church family to place this obstacle between you and your opportunity to worship. For right now, your baby needs you. You should not somehow be made to choose.
It sounds like you have a plan now, and I hope that it works out for you.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Antibiotics and Agriculture =-.
I am late too, but wanted to add that I’ll be praying for you and to encourage you to pray about it lots too. I’d also encourage you to be firm and to approach the pastor or whoever you feel is appropriate, but to do it gently as well. I am sure none of the people making you feel uncomfortable are trying to make you feel unwelcome at church, but rather that you are making them uncomfortable too and they have responded to their discomfort inappropriately and without regard for you or the baby. I think you absolutely are right here and that the rights and needs of babies to be fed when they are hungry or need comforted come ahead of any “right”, real or imagined, of other adults to not ever feel uncomfortable or offended. But I think that proceeding gently will yield better fruit- you catch more flies with honey!
@Pure Mothers-Sorry you had a negative experience with the Catholic Church. My experience with the Catholic Church is that acceptance of breastfeeding in church varies widely from one parish to another. Officially,the Church is very supportive of breastfeeding, and in my experience more “traditional” parishes are more open to large families and babies and nursing in church.
.-= Maman A Droit´s last blog ..Tuesday is Newsday =-.
[...] was surprised when I heard Glenda’s story of not being supported by her Church family around her breastfeeding her infant daughter (with a nursing cover no less!), but I am usually never surprised when I hear [...]
I just wanted to let you all know I haven’t been to church since this post. One by one we have gotten sick and I know I was well enough to go to chuch yesterday, but I got these butterflies and felt like I was going to vomit! I just wanted to keep you wonderful mamas updated! Thanks!!
I’ve nursed in church almost every Sunday since the baby was born! That makes three different Catholic churches. No one ever objected, if they even noticed. I suspect few did; you can be very subtle and usually people are too busy praying. We would sit in the back, on the end of a pew, and my husband would sit between me and anyone else.
My mom nursed all of us in church also, and has never gotten a comment about it that I know of. She’s had six.
I’m with those who say to try it in the sanctuary. You might find you call LESS attention that way. Besides, if you don’t ask permission, you’re not giving them the impression that it’s okay to say no. It’s not okay to say no — you need to feed your baby, and you need to go to church, so you need to feed your baby IN church. I don’t know why that’s hard to understand.
So mad at anyone who made you feel uncomfortable for nursing in a church!
Sheila´s last [type] ..Mark discusses current events
[...] haven’t made up my mind on how I’m going to nurse at church. But at least I know I am not alone. Mary nursing Jesus with some saints looking on, as well as the many visitors to [...]