After a long day away from home and 57 comments on yesterday’s post Has Breastfeeding Hurt Your Marriage? I arrived to find a letter in my inbox from a representative of Rabbi Shmuley’s website. It turns out they’ve been receiving a number of comments (oh, really?!) and I appear to be the source of these comments. It turns out this article that The Feminist Breeder found yesterday was actually written a number of years ago. Since there is no date on the article, I was only alerted to this fact when Elita of Blacktating and a couple others mentioned in my comments section that they’d read this quite awhile ago (I assumed weeks not years). However, it was back in 2006, which is when Rabbi Shmuley actually wrote a retraction and new article, which was sent to me to post here for you to read.
Dear friends, Over the weekend our office received many emails from angry women saying I had attacked breast-feeding. One woman even said I had equated breast-feeding with adultery, which has to be one of the most flagrant acts of misrepresentation I have ever encountered. In truth, the article they were quoting, which they said was new, was written four years ago in June, 2006. Even then it was severely misrepresented, so a few months later, in August 2006, I wrote this response below, portraying my real views on the importance of both breastfeeding and marriage. Should the need arise, I will write an even newer response so that my views are in no way misrepresented. Thank you. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach My Real Views on Breastfeeding Children By Rabbi Shmuley Boteach This past June (2006) I wrote a column and became the anti-Christ, which, in itself, is quite a feat for a Jewish rabbi. To be sure, in my life I have not hesitated to be controversial when the situation warranted. But to become, in the eyes of my devoted readers, the twin brother of Saddam Hussein over a straightforward article on breastfeeding was, to say the least, unexpected. But OK, if I was wrong, I’ll admit it. True, as many of you will point out, I’ve never been wrong before. But I am, after all, human, that is, unless you’re one of my breastfeeding critics, in which case I am a bushy-bearded, one-eyed Cyclops. But first the facts. The column I wrote was in response to a New York Times report on the benefits of breastfeeding for babies. I noted that while no one disagrees that breastfeeding is much better for a baby than formula, as a marital counselor I had seen that in some marriages, admittedly a minority, breastfeeding could come between a husband and wife, its incessant demands serving as an impediment to romance. For many couples it meant not being able to go out on a date without the baby for months, and having the baby sleep in the matrimonial bed, with the inevitable deleterious effect on the couples’ love life. My solution: if breastfeeding created distance between you and your husband, don’t feel guilty about supplementing the breast with the bottle. Sounds innocuous, right? But the suggestion opened the floodgates of hell. Women who admired me as a lifelong champion of women’s rights, in books like ‘Hating Women’ and ‘Kosher Sex,’ felt betrayed. They were now calling me a misogynist because, in their mind, I took the side of male chauvinists whose selfish claim on their wives’ time imperiled their children, and whose need to eroticize their wives’ breasts took precedence over the role of the breast in feeding a child. Commentary on the article exploded all over the internet with the inevitable misquotation and misrepresentation. Suddenly, I was reading how I had dismissed breastfeeding as unsexy and destructive to marriages. Women’s breasts’ don’t belong to their husbands, was how critics castigated the article. One woman wrote a Blog saying, “Breastfeeding does not hurt marriages. Selfish fathers hurt marriages.” Less charitably, one blogger claimed that I had equated breastfeeding with adultery, which is one of the stupidest things I have ever read. My article, of course, said none of these things. So here is my real position. Firstly, I absolutely believe that women should breastfeed. My wife has breastfed every single one of our nine children. It was good for her, it was good for the children, and it good for our marriage because it endeared my wife to me to see the extent of her devotion to our children. When we took a cross-country RV trip this summer, I told my wife repeatedly that she should avail herself, on the long daily drives, of breastfeeding our baby completely rather than giving him the occasional bottle which she had begun. I believe that a woman’s first choice should always be to breastfeed So why did I write my article? Because when we make breastfeeding an outright obsession, we cause harm to those families for whom the practice is a hardship. For instance, many families are absolutely dependent on a wife’s income for their basic sustenance. So a few weeks after having a baby, a mom will often be forced to return to work. She will feel extremely guilty at not being able to breastfeed during the day. Should we dig in the knife by telling her that she is harming her children? Since formula, albeit as a lesser alternative, exists, should we make her feel that quitting a necessary job must be prioritized over her rent and food money for her children? To be sure, it would be much better, of course, if she were to stay home with her baby. But for many women, that is simply not an option. And yes, I realize that she can express milk. But for many women, who are already overrun with too many job and household responsibilities, the added chore of having to express milk prior to rushing to work, after getting their other kids ready for school and making lunch, becomes the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Then there are all the women who simply cannot breastfeed do to medical considerations. Many moms simply don’t have enough milk. And every time they read one of these article about how cruel it is not to breastfeed, they feel like inadequate mothers. Furthermore, however much people will disagree with and condemn me, I have counseled many marriages where breastfeeding became an impediment to romance. We can criticize those husbands all we want for not being understanding about their children’s need to be suckled. And in those counseling sessions, I did. I made it clear to the men that love and romance is holistic, encompassing a spouse as woman, wife, and mother. But in the final analysis if a husband and wife both agree that the little time they have together is being compromised by the constantly demands of breastfeeding, then it is for them to make the choice of an alternative, without those wives being made to feel like they are horrendous moms. In my article, I gave the example of a couple who appeared on Shalom in the Home, even though the breastfeeding aspect was not included in their on-air story. Their marriage was passionate and their attraction strong until the birth of their baby boy. This should not surprise us since a Harvard study indicates that sexual activity between a husband and wife decreases by about 74 percent in the first year after the birth of a child. What increased the loss of eroticism for this particular couple was that the mother nursed her baby constantly, so much so that the husband no longer felt he even had a place in their marital bed and moved into a spare bedroom. When I met them the baby was already a year old. The mom told me that her sex and romantic life with her husband had atrophied because of her being constantly on-call to breastfeed. I told her that in her case, having nursed the baby for an entire year, there was nothing wrong with putting him on the bottle some of the time and that the family would be better served if the marriage was brought back from the brink. Many readers assailed me for that advice, arguing that I should have told the husband to stop being so selfish and put the interests of his children first. I would respond that the husband felt that he had done so for an entire year, but now wanted to share intimacy with his wife and felt unable to do so because the baby was always in their bed. I believe strongly that children should have their own beds and should not be sleeping with their parents. I am adamant about this advice, what hatred is shown to me for it. In this couple’s case, the wife would nurse the baby in bed and both would fall asleep. I am, in general, a great opponent of children sleeping in the matrimonial bed because, first, it is inappropriate, and second, it prevents parents from being lovers, and a bad and loveless marriage is ultimately detrimental to the children who are a product of that marriage. Giving up breastfeeding was the right choice for this couple because the wife herself complained that she was too tired for sex since she was up most of the night feeding. She also said that she and her husband had stopped going out together on dates because she had to be back to feed the baby. In the first year after the baby’s birth, they did not go out alone together even once. When she put the baby on the bottle, her love life was restored and she and her husband were happier. Who has the right to judge this couple, and condemn the parents for being selfish, when their only desire was to recapture the affection that had produced the baby in the first place? While I am a staunch advocate of breastfeeding, and would not recommend the above advice for most couples, including myself, if forced to choose between a couple’s romantic life and supplementing breastfeeding with the bottle, I would advocate the bottle. Period. And I will endure the withering criticism that I have of late to stand by this advice. I am in the business of saving families and reversing the out of control American divorce rate. The best thing for children is to see their parents in love rather than the children becoming yo-yos of a divorced household, pulled between Mom and Dad every other weekend. Even so, breastfeeding remains the correct decision for the vast majority of couples and husbands should go out of their way to support and encourage their wives in making that choice. However in a case where both spouses agree that breastfeeding has come between them, then the baby will survive perfectly well on a bottle. I have written many times that the greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother, and the greatest gift a woman can give her children is to love their father. In a healthy marriage, horrible as it may sound, the relationship comes before the children. In an unhealthy marriage, the parents put the children before each other. This, as an marital counselor can tell you, simply doesn’t work. Husbands and wives with small children should feel no sense of guilt getting a babysitter once a week so that they can be a man and a woman on a date again. And they should try and go away at least one, and perhaps, twice a year together, even though it means leaving the children with family or friends. Marriages have needs to, and if you starve your marriage it will not survive. Period. As for the many women who were puzzled by my advice that when they breastfeed they should do so modestly and try, even a little, to cover up, this is consistent with my advice, given in my book ‘Kosher Adultery’ and elsewhere, that even after marriage husbands and wives should not parade around the bedroom naked for fear that overexposure to each other’s bodies could invite erotic boredom. Yes, the breast is an organ beautifully designed by G-d for the nurturance of a baby. But even as it becomes an infant’s milksource, it should always retain its erotic allure. Surely every woman is, and wishes to remain, attractive in every phase of life, and surely a husband who truly loves his wife will always show her how indescribably beautiful she is to him – as mother, wife, and woman.
My reaction: He just said the same things only more respectfully this time.
While I disagree with many of his views 1.) that bed sharing is not safe and that it prevents parents from being lovers – um, I’m living proof that this isn’t an issue in my household, and 2.) that breastfeeding or pumping is not an attainable goal when a mother returns to work – for some moms it can be too difficult, but anyone who makes breastfeeding or providing their baby with breast milk a priority can make it work!) I appreciate that he highlighted (it was completely lost in his first article) that this is the advice he gave to this specific family who had their own specific set of issues, and that he wouldn’t necessarily give this same advice to everyone.
Personally, I agree that the relationship between a husband and wife needs to come first. Children need to see that their mom and dad love each other in order to learn how to love and be loved when they are older. However, this doesn’t have to mean make time for sex every night and screw the breastfeeding, and I do think that husbands need to suck it up for the first year or two while their child gets the best start in life. MIne has and he’s just fine thank you. Also, a baby doesn’t see anything outside of himself during the early years anyway. I’m not talking about witnessing abuse because I do think that can have a major impact on a child even when it’s an infant.
Other Ways To Be Intimate
A mother can decrease the amount she breastfeeds and ensure time with her husband. One way tot do this is to start putting the baby to bed at the same time every night. This is how I finally got my girls into a bedtime routine that allowed me to have time with my husband in the evening. But before either of them was two I was going to bed at the same time they did (usually 10 or 11 PM) because I was so freaking tired! It’s possible to do it when children are younger, but it wasn’t a priority for me or my marriage at the time. Another way to ensure intimacy is to be spontaneous! Sex doesn’t need to take place only at night in the marital bed. It can happen any time of day or night as long as you have time and anywhere you have privacy. Intimacy encompasses more than sex too. A gentle loving touch, love notes, sexy phone calls, sweet emails, a surprise make out session in the hallway, hugs and kisses and doing thoughtful things for each other that make each other’s lives easier and sweeter knowing that the other person did it because they love you.
It seems to me that Rabbi Shmuley’s first article passionately vented his personal opinions about breastfeeding and women and his second article was written after he’d composed himself a little. It’s too bad he didn’t write the second article first. I think he could have saved himself a great deal of negative press.
Related posts:
- Update on Lansinoh’s WHO Code Compliance
- Update: My Long Lost Love
- Has Breastfeeding Hurt Your Marriage?
Tags: breastfeeding, Rabbi Shmuley
I think I saw this article hit Twitter around the same time that you did.
Honestly, I still disagree with the second article. It is somewhat better, yes. But it still undermines breastfeeding. I think it is completely possible to support breastfeeding without being judgmental. And conversely, it is completely possible to recognize the struggles of mothers who don’t breastfeed, for whatever reason, without overlooking the importance of breastfeeding.
Amber´s last [type] ..Of Potties and Puddles
[...] to tell me that Rabbi Shmuley wrote a retraction of this article. To read it please see my post Update: Rabbi Shmuley’s Retraction and My Reaction. Share and [...]
Yowza! I didn’t think it had been that long since I visited you last, and lookit! A veritable hurricane has erupted on your blog!!!
I was much incensed by his initial letter, and had a similar reaction to you wrt the second one: nicer tone, same message. I find it interesting that at 12 months a child still couldn’t be separated from its mother at all because it needed to nurse every 2 hours. I just find that unlikely. At 12 months it is fairly easy to say, “Here, grandma! This is his/her supper, here is a sippy cup with water/juice/pumped milk in it, see you in three hours!” Voila: date time. If that child had a special need or something, that could be different, but then it’s the need, not the breastfeeding that is the deterring factor.
Anyways, I mainly wanted to say (a) that breastfeeding hasn’t negatively impacted my marriage nor my sex life. Interestingly, when I was bfing my first son, I couldn’t share my breasts with both my hubby and my baby, so they were off limits. We still had lots of sex! Just with a bra ON. Which seems ridiculous now, but it was a mental thing for me. Then with my next breastfeeding experience, I was much more relaxed about the whole thing and I totally share. I have this aversion to of letting down milk for dh, so if they’re full I don’t like too much play. But if they’re empty, they are fair game.
I also wanted to say that (b) I agree with you about spouses putting each other first. It’s a gift to the children you have to nurture your marriage. BUT that doesn’t translate to putting a husband’s erotic desires above or beside or anywhere near your child’s need for nutrition and nurturing. Jeepers. It just means that you pay attention to your marriage as a high priority!
Having kids has made our marriage stronger. And we rarely feel the need to ‘get away’ from our kids in order to strengthen our marriage. It’s nice, but what really strengthens our relationship is the team effort required to raise our 3 boys with love. Not everyone finds this to be true (as one of my oldest friends vehemently drove home to me last week when we were discussing this), but it is absolutely so for us. Our kids consolidated our marriage by making us work as a team with each other in mind. And by each watching the other sacrifice and work hard for our family, our respect for each other has also grown.
Quite the discussion! Thanks!
Melissa´s last [type] ..The Rainy Italian Festival
I would have to agree with him that if you’re choosing between a few bottles and divorce, the bottles are going to have far less negative impact on the child. But hopefully a wife is able to give her marriage enough priority before and after the birth of that child so that it doesn’t come down to that particular choice.
Starving Student Survivor´s last [type] ..Dealing with Too Many Toys
I won’t even concede he was more respectful in the second article. He was completely condescending to the women who had written him and gave the typical non-apology “IF I was wrong, I’ll admit it”.
It was completely innappropriate to address an article to all breastfeeding mothers based on a few examples. It was insulting to women and to the men who love them.
I remember that weak retraction. I wonder what he thinks parents should do when their one-year-olds wean yet they continue to wake at night?
And spare me his commentary about the dangers of making women feel guilty.
Hannah @ A Mother in Israel´s last [type] ..The Best Last Minute Pre-Aliyah Tips
After reading this I think that he is just coming from a different set of assumptions. He said that breastfeeding is best and that formula is inferior, but that is still a perfectly acceptable choice of a good parent, if they feel too busy or whatever.
The reality is that formula is not an acceptable choice for all but the most dire medical conditions. If the choice is no food at all, then formula is better, and that’s about it.
My brother has bad allergies and asthma and I don’t have any. He was breastfed until only 6 weeks including supplements, while I was breastfed until 6 months. Coincidence? The stats say it’s not. And those allergies and asthma have caused emergency room trips, a serious alteration in his lifestyle and tons of consistent medicine starting from a young age, that include side effects.
The way I look at it, formula is NOT an acceptable choice just because you are busy or want to be able to afford an extra car payment. So his advice doesn’t make any sense. To him, where formula is clearly an ok choice (does he have all the facts?), it is more acceptable to advise to quit it.
This is my first time seeing this, maybe I’d heard rumblings about it a few years ago but it’s my first time really hearing what he said. Funny- in our house, the bed is not the only place to be intimate. Just sayin’. I’d encourage families that are in disagreement about how they are raising the kids (bed-sharing, breastfeeding, not wanting to separate from baby) to get on the same page and talk about it, understand why it’s important to each other, and show respect for all parties involved (including the baby/child.)
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing´s last [type] ..Pick your battles, and other tales from my time in prison.
i read his response, i won’t deign to call it an apology. he makes some points that i can agree with but his whole attitude is what disgusts me. he calls his critics “stupid” and barely admits that the first article was at best poorly worded, at worst, very rude.
as steph says above, parents need to come together and make their choices, and make their relationship a priority in order for it to be a success. sure, forumla IS ok if it’s going to save you from a divorce. but that’s not what was written in his first article.
(and as a returned-to-work pumping mom of 9 months- yes, it’s possible.)
the Grumbles´s last [type] ..the great outdoors
Mel, It has been a long while since I breastfed my two girls, but I was a huge advocate of attachment parenting and had to endure the scorn and outright disgust of many people. Folks simply do not understand that a woman during the early stages of a child’s life is there for the BABY and not the husband. EVERY other animal in existence ceases sexual activity until after weaning. Weston Price also discussed this in his studies of primitive cultures and that most healthy ones had prohibitions on sex during nursing and also a proscribed year difference for children in order to protect the health of the mother and the baby. While I dont advocate no sexual bonding between parents during early childhood, a man should certainly understand that a woman is doing her best for the health of his child when she nurses! People like the rabbi need to get a life and take care of the spiritual aspect and leave the breasts to the women!
alex@a moderate life´s last [type] ..Two for Tuesday Recipe Carnival Is Finally Here!!
I agree with you, BMU. While marriages have issues, issues caused by the new challenges of being parents, I don’t think you can blame it on one set of behaviors AKA = breastfeeding/co-sleeping or whatever. Marriage is complex. Is it miscommunication, rigidity, body issues…etc. Stopping one thing is not a solution, it just masks it until later. A friend saw the episode of the show where the mother needed tobe back home to nurse her 1yr old and she thought the mom was having serious issues with her husband and was purposely avoiding time alone with him. If that woman did not want to spend time with him stopping nursing will not make her want to or improve her own mental health or make it less of a chance they will get divorced. There is not “get divorced” or “bottle feed” choice unless you have a determined spouse who puts that in a marriage contract. It is never that simplistic.
Naomi´s last [type] ..Breastfeeding is So Gross
I question one thing about what you said….so since my daughter’s father died before she was born will she never know how to love and respect another because she may or may not see her mother doing this? As a single mother, not by choice – I respectfully disagree.
@Brenda – You are right in that I should have phrased that slightly differently. I didn’t take single parents into consideration at the time, so for that I am sorry. However I do believe that seeing two parents openly love each other helps teach children how to love and be loved in romantic relationships when they get older. When a child only has one parent I think it is possible to learn this but I think it might be harder. My parents divorced when I was 5 and I saw my mom in a couple different and intimately cold relationships. My dad remarried and still is whereas my mom got divorced. However, in watching their relationships I never felt like I wanted to have one like either of theirs. Instead, I wanted a relationship like my Grandma and Grandpa had. Lifelong and outwardly loving. In the end that is what I feel I got. I’ve always thought my husband is more like my Grandpa than any other male figure in my life although not at all like any other boyfriend I had, who were more like my dad or step-dad, interestingly enough. Anyhow. I think that kids will model themselves after the relationships they experience most closely around them. If not mom and dad then someone else. And if they have a parent who openly talks to them about love (mine didn’t) then I think that will help too. Thank you for your comment.
[...] a response to the slightly sanitized rephrase of the original essay retraction, which you can read here (along with the full text of the retraction), and kindly gave me permission to post a portion of [...]
@Melodie – Thanks for the very thoughtful and thought provoking comments. Made me think about my parents and how miserable they were, never divorced but should have been. We had plenty of happy times, but they were not a couple to emulate. I really didn’t have any familial relationships that were optimal. I plan to raise my daughter to understand what a good strong relationship is whether I am in one or not. I may have to use movies, tv, or other couples I know to help her understand – but I will do it as best I can. Thank you for your post & comments!
I had the same thoughts you did! He didn’t really retract anything. He just stated the same opinion in a nicer way.
And I wonder what exactly he tells people in counseling. My husband and I recently went through a rocky time in our marriage and it had nothing to do with breastfeeding or our children. We did blame them at first, but after counseling started realizing the deeper issues. I would venture to say that the couples that are on the brink of divorce and must choose between divorce or breastfeeding (which I find highly unlikely) have some much deeper issues that need to be worked on.
Alexandra´s last [type] ..To cover or not to cover?
this is going to sound bad, but I kind of understand what he means when he says: “Yes, the breast is an organ beautifully designed by G-d for the nurturance of a baby. But even as it becomes an infant’s milksource, it should always retain its erotic allure. Surely every woman is, and wishes to remain, attractive in every phase of life, and surely a husband who truly loves his wife will always show her how indescribably beautiful she is to him – as mother, wife, and woman.” (in reference to the original thought of women covering while nursing even at home)
Part of what makes something erotic is the sense of mystery that surrounds it, kind of like how orthodox Jewish women cover their hair when out in public, with the thought that only your husband and God should be able to see you in all of your glory. Now, I am Catholic, who veils at Mass, butI rarely cover when nursing, even in public (mostly because the Dragonfly hates being covered) but I can see his point there.
Thought you might enjoy this. Assuming you haven’t seen it already.
http://www.cafepress.com/+cosl.....h,83311961
Claire´s last [type] ..Reading Between the Lines
I’m in the camp of “My GOD, that’s what passes for a ‘retraction’? Seriously???” I actually think it’s WORSE than the first. He reiterates every point he makes in the first piece of work, only even more verbosely, with examples. Oh, and takes every opportunity to hyperbolically mock his martyred status in a lame facsimile of self-deprecation. Ohhhh, because I dared speak a word against breastfeeding, the harpies have descended and I am now the Antichrist, a mean feat for a Jew, HYUK HYUK.
You’re hilarious.
I appreciate that everyone has already responded with explanations about how their sex lives are just fine, thankyouverymuch, and that a healthy sex life does not have to exclusively occur in bed at night. Other worthwhile points have also been shared rebutting his restatements. Right on, y’all. I’m still tempted to debate it point by point, but it’s mostly been covered.
One thing I’ll disagree with Melodie about, though. You write: “Personally, I agree that the relationship between a husband and wife needs to come first.” I actually disagree with this. Of course it’s ideal to have a strong relationship along with meeting the needs of your children – the hope is that this never becomes a conflict. And I know there are others who agree with you – it’s a matter of opinion. My opinion happens to be that when you have children, your first obligation should always be them.
Full disclosure: this does hit a personal sore spot for me. My sister and I were mistreated for years by our father and a stepmother who didn’t really like us. Dad’s defense was that he was sorry, but what could he do? His marriage had to come first. He defends this stance TO THIS DAY (only to me, on the rare occasions when it comes up, as my sister no longer speaks to him due to the years of emotional abuse), and states it as though it is an immutable natural law: when you have to choose between your wife and your kids, you choose your wife. No matter ow many times I point out to him that that not everyone feels that way and that this was his CHOICE, he never, ever gets it.
Sorry that got personal and tangent-y there. Maybe I should move it to my own dang blog? ;O) Anyway, I pledged long ago that if I were ever lucky enough to have a child, he or she would be my first priority.
Dou-la-la´s last [type] ..S2S as the Standard That Should Be
Hi Anne,
Thanks for your comment. Your disagreement actually brings up similar issues for me and has me re-thinking my statement. Not to retract it, but to mull it over here with you.
I think a part of my problem lies in the fact that I lack some of the writing skills that some bloggers like Annie of PhDinParenting have in saying exactly what they want to say exactly how they want to say it. Ugh. I have troubles with my words sometimes.
Anyway, I felt the same way growing up but with my mom. I wasn’t mistreated but I never liked my step-dad and I felt like he was more important to her than my brother and me. She basically said that he came first and as a child who was the product of a divorce and a father who battled her for custody and lost (read: wanted to make us his first priority) I felt very insecure about her love for me. To this day I feel that way – although she does continue to put all of her own needs first, this time before her grandchildren. Anyway, what I want to say is that I understand this part of what you are saying. Selfish self-centeredness should NOT come before children. Personally I put my kid’s needs above my own all the time, but I am trying to learn how to take care of myself too and make sure I take time to kindle my relationship with my husband.
I think what I am trying to say is that making time for one’s self (and that will mean one’s marriage for some people) should come first because if you don’t look after yourself you’re not going to have anything to give to your children. And I can attest to mommy burnout and resentment. I have a high needs child who isn’t quite on the ASD spectrum but who had the professionals stumped for a diagnosis when she was tested who has been pressing my buttons since she was born. I have been the most loving and patient parent ever, but I have given her my all, sometimes to the detriment of me and my marriage. Of course a child’s needs should come first but I just think parents need to find a way to make themselves a priority too. Does that make sense? (I need to figure out this Achille’s heel to get back into university I think)
Melodie´s last [type] ..Vegetarian Foodie Fridays: Cabbage and Beans Au Gratin
Melodie, that makes a lot of sense. :O) And I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I know just what you mean, too (well, as much as anyone can). Interesting that our experiences were so similar! And I can definitely agree that parents do need to spend time tending their relationship, absolutely.
Dou-la-la´s last [type] ..S2S as the Standard That Should Be
[...] As it turns out, the article was a few years old (written in 2006), and the good Rabbi wrote a clarification piece in response to the initial backlash, but that’s not the point of my [...]
I would say that I completely agree with the concept that if it is breastfeeding or the marriage then give up breastfeeding. However, I guess I feel like it is never (or rarely) that simple. There are ways around it. I also hate when people say that you have to go out once a week and you have to go away once or twice a week in order for your marriage to work. I disagree with both of those thoughts. I think that if you take the time and make a point of loving each other how you do it is irrelevant. I would have suggested – as you did – that the mom wean back a little on the breastfeeding. A little more scheduled – especially a scheduled bed time. Not all out stop breastfeeding. At least try it first.
And as for the being modest around each other. Well, it’s a theory. I guess I understand it. However, I want to be comfortable in my home. And that means not having to worry that my husband might get a glimpse of me as I’m on my way to the shower. All in all I’m still not sure I like the guy but the second article was better than the first.
Upstatemomof3´s last [type] ..What Are We Really Teaching?
Just wanted to say I sure enjoyed your response to the Rabbi’s “retraction” and the comments are great!
Mommypotamus´s last [type] ..Letter to Daddypotamus
While I found these comments interesting, as a lifelong Jewish bachelor I am not qualified to comment.
I do want to pose this response, however: How many rabbis would talk about this subject in the course of a D’Var Torah?
Not very many, I think we can say.
And that is a problem.