Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public
This post was written for inclusion in the NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public (“NIP”). See the bottom of this post for more information.
As of today I have decided that I prefer a smile to a positive comment when nursing in public.
Tonight I was out for dinner and my daughter bonked her head on the table. She was crying pretty hard so I thought it would be best if I took her out of the restaurant so she wouldn’t disrupt any of the other diners. I knew she would want to breastfeed but I had forgotten to bring the car keys with me. I wouldn’t normally think of breastfeeding in the car but it was a chilly evening and I was wearing a sleeveless blouse. Rather than take her back inside, still crying, I spotted a bench in the village square across the street and headed there. It was a quiet evening. There were a couple shops still open but other than the workers inside there was no one around. It looked like a good spot to nurse.
I mostly have stopped nursing in public. My three year old is the height of a tall four year old (she was taller than one of the girls in my other daughter’s kindergarden class), and while I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding an older child I do tend to be much more discreet these days. I also don’t want to be on the receiving end of negative comments when my daughter easily would understand what was being said. But when she is hurt I will nurse her wherever I need to to calm and comfort her.
So I’m nursing on the bench in my sleeveless shirt (did I mention I wasn’t wearing a bra?) and I’m kind of exposed breastfeeding from above the top. So I have one arm wrapped around my daughter’s head, smoothing her hair and my other arm covering the part of my breast showing, with my head down so my hair blocks any angle I’ve missed. But you can still tell I’m breastfeeding. At least I think so. Anyway, I see this woman coming towards me and I get that defensive posture (do you know the one I’m talking about?) ready, but I keep my head down. I think I’ve alwasy escaped negative comments with the combination of the I-know-what-I’m-doing-so-don’t-even-think-of-saying-something-disparaging body posture and the I’m-going-to-avoid-eye-contact-so-you don’t-feel-challenged-for-your-personal-opinions head down posture. But as the woman passed I couldn’t help but take a peek at her. Sure enough she was looking at me, and had done a double take just as I would expect of someone seeing a woman breastfeeding an older child, but she was smiling. And it was a genuinely nice approving smile. I felt my shoulders relax immediately.
This got me thinking. If she had approached me and had said,”Wow, that’s just so great that you’re breastfeeding. She’s such a lucky kid,” I would have felt kind of embarrassed I think. Or patronized even. Of course it’s great that I’m breastfeeding. Of course I know I’m giving my child the best start in life. I wouldn’t be breastfeeding out in the open if I didn’t believe that this was true. Especially not my very large pre-schooler!
Even if I was breastfeeding a small baby I wonder if I would appreciate a positive comment or if I would feel slightly uncomfortable that someone had brought attention to me for doing something I already value. I do think positive comments have a place though. Personally, I would feel more comfortable saying something nice to a mother who was using a nursing cover. If last year’s poll results, based on questioning if moms who use a cover nurse for a shorter length of time than moms who don’t, are true, then perhaps my show of support for breastfeeding will help give her the confidence to nurse longer.
But for me, that smile I saw today possibly made me feel better than any comment I could have heard. That smile was literally worth a thousand words.
Don’t choose not to say something supportive to a mom breastfeeding in public if you want to based on my musings, but know that when you don’t want to to say something because you’re shy, or don’t know what to say, or maybe can’t, your smile will count. I guarantee it.
Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public
Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.
Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.
This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts – new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 – Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It
No related posts.
I sometimes want to say something to a nursing mom, but I’m afraid that they’ll feel put on the spot or something, so I don’t. I do try to smile, though. And if I can, I’ll ask my DD if she wants to nurse as a sort of “Hey, I’m right here with you!” gesture. Unfortunately, DD has been refusing the breast when the environment is too interesting and I don’t always get to join in the solidarity.
TopHat´s last [type] ..In which I make life harder on myself and then give up
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That’s a really great idea Heather! I’m going to do that next time the conditions are right. My daughter would probably love it too!
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I honestly would have no idea what to say that wouldn’t sound weird, so I stick with the smile. It’s really due to shyness, but it works.
Amber´s last [type] ..Life Crafting Role Models- Sue
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Love it! I think a smile is perfect =)
The Coconut Mama´s last [type] ..GLUTEN FREE SPROUTED TORTILLAS
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You hit the nail on the head, yet again, Melodie. I’m with you all the way! I feel 100% better about smiles than comments, even if they are positive. And I feel far more comfortable handing out smiles than comments, too!
I’m so disappointed I missed this carnival. I would have loved to contribute to it!!! Maybe next year?!
=)
Melissa´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday on a Thursday
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That’s a remarkable action of a mom trying to calm her kid. Not all mom do that. I salute you you for breastfeeding your kid.
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@Coconut mama – Thanks!
@Melissa- If you take a look at the website they had to create to hold all the submissions (I’m so glad I didn’t come up with this idea. I would be dead by now), my guess is that they very well might have another NIP Carnival next year. I have never seen such a popular carnival – ever!
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I like this. I’ve never seen someone nursing in public that wasn’t with me (unfortunate, I know!) but I would be afraid I’d be perceived as awkward or pervy even for making a comment. I just can’t think of something to say that wouldn’t feel weird coming out. So, when I see someone nursing in public, I will certainly send a smile her way.
Erin W. / Beatnik Momma´s last [type] ..Confrontation vs Censorship
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Yeah, I can see how someone approaching for a little chat could be stressful! Most days I’d welcome all positive comments and/or smiles
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last [type] ..Toddler Nursing Under Cover
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smiles are clearly the way to go unless there’s something especially worth commenting about going on. it seems easier for all involved.
i’ve had a few smiles in public, i really does feel like a ray of sunshine.
the Grumbles´s last [type] ..its summertime
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I wonder if the preference for a smile to words is because we’re participating in an intimate act when we nurse our children (especially older, verbal children, ime)? To me, having received comments from strangers when my boys were in early infancy and when they were older, I felt like I was almost “cat-called” because it was interrupting a shared moment of intimacy when I was nursing a verbal toddler/preschooler. But those words of encouragement–even from strangers–when I was struggling with the constant demand of a newborn, the engorgement, the frustration of a teething baby…that was priceless as well.
Raegan´s last [type] ..My Vow to NIP Nurse in Public
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Oh, I know that defensive posture, ha ha! I got it when I was nursing at the public library and an older gentleman was walking straight towards me down an aisle of books, looking right at me… turns out he wanted to ask me to please take my foot off the chair, ha! I was relieved!
You are so right that a smile can make all the difference. A warm, friendly gesture that says that you are not shocked and appalled by seeing somebody breastfeeding in public!
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[...] for breastfeeding mamas in public can be shown in many ways. Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! prefers a warm smile. ˝Don’t choose not to say something supportive to a mom breastfeeding in [...]
Ah, so glad I finally read this one! I was wondering from your intro if someone had said something weird to you instead of smiling — glad it was a positive experience! I have trouble even smiling at strangers; my mouth tries to smile, but I honestly have no idea if it looks more like the rictus it feels like.
But I’m going to try harder to smile encouragingly at nursing mamas, and have no fear — I will never say anything, because a smile will be challenge enough for me!
Lauren @ Hobo Mama´s last [type] ..Bring cooking down to your childs level
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