Picture this.
A mother leans over and kisses her wiggly baby on the forehead. She kisses each rosy cheek, each tiny hand, and each squirmy foot. She smiles sweetly at her exquisite child, leaving it with a favorite toy, and then moves on to continue her daily activities.
A little while later the baby starts to cry. She goes to see what’s the matter. She changes its diaper, but the baby is still crying. She offers it a pacifier but it spits it out and cries harder. She checks to see if the baby is too hot or too cold, and she checks for anything else that could be causing discomfort, but the baby is beside itself in tears.
Someone suggests she give the baby a snuggle but the mother shakes her head no.
“It’s not time for hugs and kisses. We just did that half an hour ago.”
*********
If this sounds ridiculous, then good. It’s supposed to.
How are kisses and breastfeeding the same you may ask?
“Scheduling nursing, like scheduling kisses, would just make life harder.”
I am currently reading La Leche League’s newest and 8th edition of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. On page 12 it touches on the practical reasons for breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding helps mothers with mothering by being a cure-all for “hunger, tiredness, overstimulation, fear and pain.” The more we breastfeed, the more milk our breasts produce. The little nursing sessions we have throughout the day keep our milk supply in tip top shape and our baby growing well.
When we schedule breastfeeding in the early days, every two, three or even four hours as I have read that some doctors recommend, something is almost certainly going to fail. Firstly, most likely our babies won’t be able to wait as long as they’re supposed to; however, we also will be in a position of needing to schedule the other parts of our life around our baby’s schedule. In this situation it is doubtful that our babies will be able to gain weight and keep our milk supply in good shape. Like Womanly Art says, ” Setting up a schedule risks an underfed baby and early weaning – and a more complicated life.”
Breastfeeding needs to be about flexibility. Breastfeeding babies have been around much longer than clocks, when life was truly hard. Nursing had to fit into an unpredictable day of finding food, tending animals, and avoiding sudden dangers. Breastfeeding the way nature intended, is meant to happen when a baby gives us cues that he or she wants to nurse.
Breastfeeding is an intimate dance.
The more time we spend holding our babies close to our bodies, next to our skin and clothes, the better we get at reading their cues. The emotional connection that occurs as a result of breastfeeding is a strong one. Not only does it become hard to leave our babies emotionally, but physically, it can make our breasts go crazy! With pain from plugged milk ducts, and leaks produced just by hearing a baby cry. This is the way it’s supposed to be. These instinctive cues remind us that we need to be close to our babies to ensure their very survival because our milk supply is based on supply and demand. The more we nurse, the more milk we will have for our babies.
The best thing a mother can do if her milk supply is low or begins to wane is to nurse her baby frequently. If that means every half an hour, 45 minutes or hour for a little while, that’s okay. Your baby will only drink the amount he or she needs to, and your breasts will start producing more milk. It is okay to offer your child the breast. When I’m feeling unsettled, my husband brings me snacks to help make me feel better. If I really don’t want to eat I decline. But usually l accept. Your baby is the same way.
Moral of the story? Breastfeed based on your baby’s cues. Additionally, offer to breastfeed whenever you feel your baby might want to. And kiss, hug and snuggle your baby frequently to help you learn those cues.
Much of the information provided in this post was taken from The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.
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Tags: milk supply
LOVE THIS! Anytime my baby fusses, she gets fed. Sometimes she doesn’t eat. Sometimes she is ravished. Sometimes she will nurse like her life depended on it within an hour’s time. I can never tell when a growth spurt is coming on. If she doesn’t want to nurse, she simply turns her head up to me and smiles. She just wanted attention. I have never been worse off for offering her food
Lisa G.´s last [type] ..Hide and go seek
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This is great! I figure my baby knows better than the clock or even I do when he is hungry or in need of comfort or connection. I’m so glad that I have what he needs and can provide it for him whenever he wants it. I meant to buy that book at my last LLL meeting! Next time….
Amy´s last [type] ..Child-Led Weaning
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great post!
Alexandra´s last [type] ..We Play – We Eat – We Ride
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Really? Seriously? Why schedule feedings? C’mon! It’s ridiculous to compare lavishing affection on your child to feeding your child. I breastfeed and have done so for a long time but it makes for a much better day if I keep track of feedings for SO MANY reasons. I really don’t want to pull my breast out to comfort my baby’s every whine and whimper. A breast is for feeding. Pacifiers, blankets and snuggling and LOTS of kisses and hugs are for comforting.
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stubber Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 12:10 am
Yes really, amy, seriously. Why would it be ridiculous to lavish nursing the same way you lavish kisses? That’s the point of the article: nursing IS a way of showing affection, and it wasn’t until artificial feeding became the “norm” that we began to think of breasts as bottle substitutes, ie. for food only.
Our society accepts the fact that our husbands may freely enjoy our breasts with lavish affection.
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Sonja Reply:
September 16th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
It is ridiculous to compare scheduling feedings with scheduling kisses. Babies should not become the center of anyone’s family. They are welcome members, and they are not more important than any other member. This includes the mother. The world does not need more selfish, self-absorbed children. We need productive members of society who realize the preciousness of others.
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Erin Reply:
October 7th, 2010 at 12:50 am
Sonja, I have to say, I am a little shocked to read your post as I am not entirely sure how feeding a baby and showing them affection and bonding with them in the way my body was designed to, is making them the centre of my family?
I have fed my babies on demand, as much as they have needed and they are not self absorbed at all. They are kind, compassionate children who empathisize with the needs and feelings of others.
I think that kids who have their own needs met so fully, have so much more to give to other people because they don’t need to be concerned with getting what they need. They have it and it gives them freedom to not be self absorbed because their needs are met. The ability to understand the preciousness of others starts with understanding the preciousness and self worth of yourself. If you don’t value yourself and others don’t put you first sometimes, how can you be expected to know how to do that for others?
Also, I don’t always feel like eating at the same time everyday – depending on my activities, sometimes I like an extra snack and sometimes I like less. I listen to my own body about being hungry and full so I try and allow my baby to do the same.
Trust me, it has not harmed them socially, physically or emotionally in anyway and they are growing up to be very productive members of society who do realize the preciousness of others and also the preciousness of themselves.
I never went by a clock or schedule, I always fed my daughter when she was hungry or fussed. Nursing is awesome & amazingly helps many issues besides just hunger! We adults eat when we’re hungry, why shouldn’t babies? I’d much rather my daughter receive comfort and be attached to me then a pacifier or other item.
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I obviously need to read that book – what a great analogy! We wouldn’t schedule affection, and breastfeeding is so much more than just nourishment, it is comfort and love.
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last [type] ..When Toddlers Pick Up Adult Phrases- Part 2
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breastfeeding is for NOURISHMENT, primarily. some wonderful bonuses: comfort,love and connection with our young ones. i don’t agree that we as adults should eat to feel comforted and neither should our babies. it isn’t a good habit for adults to eat to fill a void; so neither is this notion to allow our babies to eat just for comfort alone. it is neither healthy for them or for us as mothers. i do think that a mom giving her child a breast for each offense or injury might be doing this more for her benefit than the child’s.
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Amy Reply:
August 17th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Breastfed babies stop eating when they’re full. Some of the sucking that they do at the breast is “non-nutritive,” meaning they suck lightly to satisfy their need to suck (and their need for comfort, connection, etc.) while not stimulating a letdown. I think it’s easy to forget that babies are neurologically immature, and thus don’t have the same coping mechanisms for stress (pain, fear, tiredness) as adults do–this is where “comfort nursing” comes in!
I’d be interested to see if there’s any research that shows whether or not babies who are allowed to nurse for comfort turn into children/adults who use food for comfort.
Amy´s last [type] ..Child-Led Weaning
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Melodie Reply:
August 17th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
You know what? Sometimes offering the breast to comfort a child *is* also for the mother’s benefit. And those around her. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. It is also for the child because babies and children are so wonderfully soothed and comforted by breastfeeding. Breastfeeding provides mothering hormones, which are stimulated when a child cries, which can lead to a milk let-down. Nature is amazing. Milk let down is nature’s response to our innate desire to comfort and nurture our babies. Breastfeeding meets that mothering goal beautifully.
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St. Louis Smart Mama Reply:
August 18th, 2010 at 10:49 am
For some women, breastfeeding is simply a method of feeding a baby. Amy, if you see it that way, and your baby gains weight well and you are able to comfort her in other ways when you don’t wish to nurse, then that’s great. You’ve figured out what works for you.
But sometimes for babies who are gaining slowly, the small amounts of milk that they get from the so-called “comfort-sucking” can be the difference between breastfeeding success and the need for supplementation. Scheduling can cause problems, and a lot of unneeded stress for new mothers who find it difficult. In the case of my first baby (who was high-need), nursing frequently was the only way to comfort her. If I had even attempted a schedule the results would have been disastrous.
Nursing is a relationship between each individual mother and baby. For some women (like me), breastfeeding is about a lot more than the milk the babies get; it’s an entire way of mothering and meeting so many of your baby’s needs all at once.
You made the connection between babies who nurse for comfort turning to food for comfort in later years – personally, I don’t see it as a food issue at all. I think that these babies have learned to turn to people for comfort, and to trust that somebody like mom will always be there in times of need. I think again that’s just because I see breastfeeding as so much more than just a feeding method.
And that’s what I also really love about the new edition of The Womanly Art — that the authors devote the entire first chapter to talking about the realtionship between mother and baby before they ever go into the specifics and how-to’s. I could go on and on about what I liked about it – I’ve been wanting to review it but you beat me too it!
St. Louis Smart Mama´s last [type] ..True Mom Confessions- I Sent My Daughter to Kindergarten Because She Watches Too Much TV
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I heart the new edition of the Womanly Art. With great and fervent passion. It is so, so awesome. That is all.
Amber´s last [type] ..Routine- Schmoutine
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If you are bottle-feeding, then the bottle is for food, and the pacifier is for comfort sucking, and cuddles are something else entirely. But breastfeeding encompasses all of that, it’s NOT just about the food. I think that it is our modern bottle-feeding culture that tells us that breastfeeding is just about nutrition, and therefore only needs to happen every 3 hours (or whatever the schedule).
Alicia´s last [type] ..Bambi Needs Mommy’s Milk Too
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Mel~ This is a truly beautiful and well written post! I also love the analogy! I am not following which Amy is which because I am gathering there are more than 2? Regardless, I wholeheartedly agree with St Louis Smart Mama. Breastfeeding is a wonderfully unique relationship between a mother and child (children)and it IS great that the one AMY found what works for her. The truth is that each breastfeeding couple has their own rhythm. The importance of close touch (esp STS) on an infants development regardless of feeding method is well documented and continues to be researched.
Breastfeeding’s vital nutrition is only a portion of the relationship! It is a great way to calm babies or children and transition them toward emotional growth which sets the tone for a future relationship with the child. What a fabulous additional tool for mothering!!
You can not MAKE a baby breastfeed!!! the worries of overfeeding are unfounded. Babies who feed effectively have a unique ability to self regulate, which teaches healthy eating habits and the breast then responds accordingly. They are 25% less likely to become obese than their nonbreastfed counterparts.
(Those babies who need the extra calories for whatever reason will need to come to the breast more frequently as SLSM said. That’s a whole other topic.)
For the healthy baby… unlimited access to his mother’s breast is natures intent and design.
StorkStories´s last [type] ..Our new NICU policy–>Breastmilk IS our babies food!
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I totally agree with you about not scheduling feedings! I remember in the hospital they came in to make sure I nursed my son every 2 hours. I just nursed him whenever he wanted, and once he latched on and stayed latched on for over 2 hours-the nurse was amazed when she came in for my next reminder and he was still attached! Anyway, I agree with above commenters-I’d much rather my son learn to turn for me for comfort than any objects, even if it is a little more work for me!
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I love this reminder. Nothing felt so right, and so UNcomplicated, as simply answering my baby’s calls for comfort with my breast.
Jessica – This is Worthwhile´s last [type] ..2-05 pm- My nursemaid is SO unprofessional
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Both of my girls got fed whenever and where ever they were hungry and they both grew up healthy, happy and have wonderful relationships with me. If you think about your tummy during the day, you get hungry at odd times or thirsty and you dont hesitate to listen to those cues, but with a baby, withholding the breast isnt just about going hungry, its like withholding love! Great article mel!
Alex
alex@a moderate life´s last [type] ..Two for Tuesday Recipe Blog Hop-Volume 10!
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This article makes me want to breastfeed my little boy even more often!
I wish I can always stay at home and nurse.
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have to get myself a copy of the new LLLI book. new moms really need to throw out the clock when breastfeeding. seriously, a lot of complaints i hear from moms new at breastfeeding is that their babies are (1) always at the breast; (2) want to feed again after a 30 minute rest; or (3) have been at the breast for ages!
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Research suggests that when you starve your body, the next time you give it food it will store all those calories away for the next famine. Perhaps a childhood spent without the possibility of food on demand is what makes us spend our adulthood trying to fill that void.
I’ve always had the hardest time with doctors, nurses and other people asking me “How often does the baby feed?” I generally try to remember what is normal and say that number. Because in reality, who knows? When she wants to, is the most truthful answer. I always have to hold down the urge to say, “She’s gaining weight, right? So obviously she’s eating enough.” Scheduling would turn something effortless into a giant pain in the neck.
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I cloth diapered. I loved our sling. The time we spent co-sleeping was so sweet. And, I admit it: I scheduled my babies’ nursing times. For my family, it was awesome.
I nursed DD1 for 14 months, til I was pregnant with her sister. DD2 is now 2yo, and we still share one early-morning nursing. Both girls nursed on-demand for the first 2 to 3 months, then when it became clear they were naturally wanting to nurse every 3-or-so hours, I introduced a schedule. We’d stick with the same daily schedule for 8 weeks or so, and then space the nursing sessions out a bit further as their bellies got bigger and appetites changed. Each time we’d transition, we’d ease into our new schedule over the course of about a week. Of course, when there was illness or other upsets, we’d set the schedule aside for a few days, and nurse more often, enjoying the comfort and snuggles.
Our schedule was set, but not rigid. Many days, any given set nursing time might shift by 20-30 minutes depending on what was going on and what signals I was getting from DD. Scheduling nursings helped us with sleep, too.
By using a schedule, we progressively weaned over the course of a year+, we made space in the schedule for solid foods, and I was able to return to work and to pump (on more-or-less the same schedule) so the girls could have EBM when we were apart.
And for me, emotionally –and this was HUGE for me– having a schedule was a tremendous relief, letting me know when, without worry, I could run errands on my own, or get a little self-care or girlfriend time, while my daughters got some good daddy time.
I teach prenatal and postnatal yoga, so I spend a good amount of time with mamas-to-be and new mamas. Of course I have my personal biases for what an ideal birth story sounds like, how to help soothe baby to sleep, how long mamas ought to breastfeed, approaches to parenting, and all the rest, like all passionate mamas do!
What I’ve come to respect is that among women, how we do it is how we do it. When a mama asks me for advice, I offer my experience, and I point her to helpful resources. If I see something that concerns me, I gently ask a question, without judgment, or share a personal story that might resonate. Mostly, I look for happy, healthy mamas and happy, healthy babies. That’s usually a good sign of good mothering.
I loved nursing my babies. Both girls loved being nursed. Both love “nursing” their dolls that they carry around in slings. So I think we might’ve gotten a few things right, even with a nursing schedule. I have absolutely no idea, however, how I’ll wean my 2yo from that final ‘milky time’ we share every morning. In fact, I won’t be surprised if I’m still pondering that when she’s 3!
thanks for sharing, mamas! it’s *awesome* to see so much passion for breastfeeding!
xoxoxo
jenni
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Not sure if anyone mentioned this about breastfeeding on baby’s cue is that the baby is also using breastmilk for thirst, not just hunger. Would we tell someone that they had a drink of water 30 minutes ago and they can not have another one for two hours? We don’t know, when the baby cries, if they are hungry, thirsty or just in need of comfort, so why would you deny them any of those things? My daughter at 18 months now asks for milk in any of these situations and I never deny her and she is not overindulgent in nursing. In fact, there are times when I ask her if she wants to nurse when I just want her to sit down with me for a few minutes.
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