Welcome to the October Carnival of Natural Parenting: Staying Centered, Finding Balance
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they stay centered and find balance. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***
As crazy as my life has been of late, with the move (away from friends), the new job (the first time I’ve worked outside the home since before the kids were born), and the new home learning experience (we were in public school last year), I actually feel like I finally have a sense of balance. This comes as a total surprise to me and I really had to think about how this has been possible.
What am I doing differently?
This is what I came up with: I’m organizing my daily responsibilities and including mindfully spending time with my family. I have a set part time work schedule, we have a set date night, and my daughter is home learning and participating in set weekly classes outside the home.
The biggest change has been that for the first time ever (yes, ever!), I have been able to separate work from mothering. Before, when I did family child care, work and mothering were essentially the same thing. The lines were as blurred as the traffic lines to the eyes of a drunk driver. In the daycare I parented my kids and I essentially parented other people’s kids. Then the other kids went home and I parented some more. Now that I have a non-parenting type job that takes me out of the house three or four days a week, I can better cope with the trials and tribulations of mothering. It makes a huge difference to the quality of my parenting.
For the first time ever (another truth!), my husband and I go out on set date nights. Two people make this possible each week: our neighbour and my 17 year old step son (two people who weren’t in our everyday lives before we moved here). This is the first time I have ever lived with my step son and it’s the first time, since he was two years old, that my husband has had him full time. It’s a pretty big deal to my hubby to have his son with us for his last year of school, and for all the worrying I did about how it would work, living with him has been such a blessing. He has always been a great kid, he doesn’t get into trouble, he’s respectful, and he’s a good communicator, but on top of all that, now my girls have a real big brother. Not just one they were lucky to see maybe once a month and often get mixed up with the boy we did respite care for every two weeks, but every single day. So once a week we go out for a few hours and big brother feeds, plays with and puts his sisters to bed. And if he is out or has homework then our dear neighbour, who has become like family since we moved here, looks after the kids and puts them to bed for us. For free. It’s her pleasure, she says. We deserve it, she says. We love this woman. In fact, I have to say that since moving here I actually feel like we’re living in a little village because there are more adults here who love and spend time with our kids than we had in our other town. And I can’t even express how good that feels to have that kind of support. I can even comfortably nurse my 3 1/2 year old around them!
When I signed up to homeschool I knew it would be a challenging transition. It has had its moments, but more than anything it has given me the opportunity to be more present with my children and really think about how we are going to spend our time together. And when we spend time together we are actively being together, not just co-existing in the same room like we used to when I did daycare. When I get off work my time is theirs. Unless I’m looking up “How bees make honey,” the laptop is closed. And this helps me balance my blogging too because I need to find a way to fit it in when I’m not at work or schooling my daughter. This has inevitably led to less posts, and admittedly, thoughts of quitting, but it has given all aspects of my life a more balanced share of my time.
If you’d asked me last year how I find balance in my life, I would have said that a weekly get-together with friends was my secret. Now that I live in the city without my mommy friends, I have balance in my life by having a balanced schedule of activities, at work, with my kids, and with my husband. Oh yeah, and I think at the end of this month I’ll start taking pottery lessons again. (Because time by myself is an important part of attaining balance too).
There’s something about being really busy that lends itself to balance. It reminds me of the smart, popular, athletic kids in high school, who were on the local swim team, played trumpet, played basketball, sat on the student council and still managed to get straight A’s. When you’re that busy you need to schedule your time to do everything successfully. I think I understand that now.
How do you find balance in your life?
***
Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
***
Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated October 12 with all the carnival links.)
Tags: home learning, homeschooling
I agree that prioritizing and scheduling are two things that make me feel so much more organized and calm, even when I’m super busy. My problem is that when I start getting busy, the first thing to go is my schedule
(On a sidenote, I hope we don’t lose your blog! You add such a vital voice to our community – I’d be sad to see you go. If you do decide you want to end BMU, you know we’d be honored to have you as a regular contributor on NursingFreedom.org and NaturalParentsNetwork.com!!)
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last [type] ..Introducing the Natural Parents Network
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
You’re awesome. I’m 1000% on board with you: my job contributes to the balance and intentional time I spend with my family, and often, it’s because of the amount of plates I have in the air that I am successful at organizing (my time, not necessarily my house!).
I’m always more grateful for and intentional about my relationships when I’m working (ie, being on mat leave vs. working 2 days a week).
I fully admire your ability to homeschool and work. I haven’t known anyone who has done both! It’s good to now ‘know’ someone, albiet virtually, who does–if anyone else I know wants to try it, I can point them in your direction!
=)
Love the photo, too.
So interesting the hear the difference between in-home daycare and your new arrangement. It does sound more satisfying to have those definitive breaks. I know it helps me be more “on” with whatever task presents itself (parenting or work) if I’ve had enough time to commit to the other task.
I’m really happy to hear you have a little tribe, too! That sounds ideal. What a joy to have people around you can count on like that, and it sounds like it’s a great opportunity for your daughters to connect with and care for people who genuinely want to spend time with them.
What you said about being busy giving you more focus is sort of what I wrote about, too. It’s funny how it works that way, isn’t it?
And I’m with Dionna: I hope you still find time to blog, but don’t let being able to get up fewer posts guilt you into stopping. We’ll visit either way!
Lauren @ HoboMama´s last [type] ..Writing as a parent- October Carnival of Natural Parenting
I really needed to read this! Balance, as of late, is what I am sorely lacking these days. I think a weekly date night with the husband would be so therapeutic. Funny how we can often put such important relationships on the back burner.
Thanks for the inspiration! I’m loving this link up (although not a participant I really appreciate the fabulous reading material on such an important topic).
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Wordish Wednesday- The Skeleton Brothers
First of all, I’m so glad to hear that all those big changes you were understandably worried about have seemed to coalesce into something so positive. That’s so awesome.
I totally agree with this post. Sometimes you find balance out of the necessity of being super organized/scheduled with your time.
I had a similar experience when I went back to work after my first child was born. I didn’t return to work until he was 15 months old and then only part time. You know what happened? That was the moment when I finally stopped feeling like a “new mom” and felt like I knew what I was doing. I always say it’s because that bit of time apart to challenge my adult brain and remember who I am made me a better parent when we were together.
BluebirdMama´s last [type] ..Perpetual Calendar
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
I totally get you on this one: when you have a limited amount of time to do things, you handle your resources better for some reason. I always feel more balanced when scheduled and with deadlines; lost and awful when it’s just willy-nilly.
Jessica – This is Worthwhile´s last [type] ..Separation is critical
Your “village” is enviable, for sure! So nice for your children to be able to trust and bond with others while growing a community.
I also wanted to chime in some support for your blog. I never post, but always read, and hope you keep it up!
stefanie at very very fine´s last [type] ..highCentered
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
I am so glad that you’re finding some balance as your life shifts in a new direction. Yay!
As for me, I hired a nanny. I love her. She’s giving me the separation I need between work and parenting, and that rocks.
Amber´s last [type] ..Mothering- Choices and Consequences
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
Melodie, we are totally on the same wave length! I preach this stuff AND try to live by it — MINDFULLY SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY! Sooo good to read this post and hear about how a schedule and a tribe has contributed to your sanity. Funny coincidence, this week I felt the movement stirring from within me to finally put my Mindful Mamas 101 Talk out there. Now that my two little ones feel “settled” (for the time being!), I am drawn to go back to offering workshops, talks, retreats — adding one at a time veeeery slowly (mindful of my energy level and of staying balanced). It’s all about mom staying sane and balanced and centered! So it was a great delight to read this post of yours and hear about you (and the other folks from the Carnival…which I’ll have to be a part of some time!) and your quest for and arrival at “balance” (right here in this breath). Blessings to you, mama! Lisa
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
Sounds like you and your family are in a good place. It’s amazing how smoothly things can run for a family when they have a support system in place. You are so lucky to be able to find one so quickly in your new city. How wonderful!
Erica @ ChildOrganics´s last [type] ..SARKisms for Sanity
It’s funny what a big difference being so intentional with our time makes. I was one of those straight-A’s (well almost-3.8!) and in a million activities, and it’s such a switch being a laid-back sahm. I think I need to be more intentional with my time though too!
Maman A Droit´s last [type] ..Focus & New Blog Announcement!!
How do you find balance in your life? — still trying to!! i’m glad to hear that you’ve found it Melodie – despite your recent move
Jenny´s last [type] ..Celebrating Motherhod – a Blog Contest
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
[...] Finding Balance Amidst Change — It took a season of big changes and added responsibility, but Melodie of Breastfeeding Moms Unite! now feels more balanced and organized as a mama than ever before. (@bfmom) [...]
How wonderful that you’ve found the right balance for you! And what a great situation for you to have date nights! I, too, hope you’re able to keep up your blog and totally understand the need to post less with a busy lifestyle.
Deb Chitwood @ Living Montessori Now´s last [type] ..Take a 30-Minute or 5-Minute Me-Break
Thanks, Melodie: I’ve been working on creating a realistic schedule as a way of bringing more mindfulness to all that I do, and it is such an inspiration to hear that balance can indeed be found in the midst of busy-ness!
Rachael´s last [type] ..this moment
Hi Melodie
I love your recipe for balance! Reminds me of how organization allows for flexibility and presence. Thank you
Amy´s last [type] ..Test – Delete