Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Learning from children
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared the many lessons their children have taught them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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What you are about to read is the hardest post I’ve ever written in the 2 years I’ve been blogging.
My kids have taught me a brutal lesson in reality. It’s something I’ve known for a very long time, but instead of doing something about it I’ve been happily burying my head in something else. What? My blog. Why? Because when I started blogging two years ago I had finally found a hobby worth pursuing. My blog has been a place where I could come and write and say things that actually make a difference in other people’s lives. Where I get immediate feedback for my efforts no less. It has also been my place of solace – where I get away from it all – the place where I get to stretch my brain cells for a little while and socialize with women whom with I have enough in common to create our own crunchy mama commune! But in the two years I’ve been blogging I’ve been letting a lot of things in my personal life slide. Rules about TV time for one, spending more quality one-to-one time with my kids for two. When I have a self-imposed blog deadline or find myself busy with other “blog things” I am low of patience. Everyone suffers when I can’t cope with all the people I’m trying to please. My kids, my husband, my friends, my readers and myself. What I have learned from my kids is that I can’t do it all, and in order to be the kind of mom I want to be I need to reorganize my priorities.
Let’s be honest. Blogging takes up tons of time. As any blogger knows, blogging isn’t just about writing your own post, it’s about reading other people’s posts, socializing on Twitter, Facebook and other forms of social media, replying to comments, and if you do giveaways, advertising your giveaways on other sites everyday. I’m also not one of those people who can whip out a post in 15 minutes and call it a day. I’m not a speed reader either. In the past year or so I have tried to cut back on blogs I read and comment on, but not socializing gives me a guilty conscience. The people who read and comment on my blog feel like friends so when I just can’t acknowledge them or comment on one of their posts I feel like I’m letting them down. Every once in awhile I decide to do more to promote my blog too, so I go around finding new blogs to make an appearance at and the hours tick away.
I don’t make a lot of money from blogging. The money I do receive doesn’t even pay for blog upkeep. So I’m not blogging to make a living. If I was I wouldn’t even be writing this. Jobs take us away from our kids and that’s just the way it is. But my writing is a hobby. So every time I blog, unless I do it while the kids are in bed, it is taking time away from them. I think it is important for a parent to have a hobby, even more than one! But most hobbies don’t take 5-8 hours a day and don’t include sitting in front of a computer. My time at the computer makes it look like so much screen time is okay, and that’s just not something I am okay with. This is not the type of role model I wanted to be. There are numerous many reasons why I think screen time is bad for young children. For a comprehensive list go here.
And yet….
I currently submit my children to approximately five hours of television a day (that includes when they spend time at other people’s houses). This is well beyond the national average and breaks my heart that I have strayed so far from my values. I used to pride myself that when my oldest was 2 1/2 she still didn’t know who Dora The Explorer was. Now they know all the names of the Disney princesses and have watched Snow White and Aladdin more times than I have ever watched anything. Sometimes I don’t even know what they are watching and find out later that they have been exposed to things that I would never let them watch at 3 and 6 years old. This just makes me want to cry.
Guess when I introduced screens as a babysitter? Yep, right around the time I started blogging. It became a convenient way to get posts written. My oldest would watch a video while I nursed my baby at the computer. I knew better, but I excused it away with the fact that three hundred pairs of breastfeeding eyes per day were counting on me to come through for them. A little bit of Backyardigans or Wonder Pets couldn’t hurt my kids too much.
But oh, they have.
My kids would rather stay home and watch Disney re-runs than go to the beach with me. Instead of the fun adventure it used to be, a walk in the forest is now boring and met with tantrums and tears. My kids regularly engage in bad behaviours (i.e., not listening to me, teasing and/or hurting each other) and I think it’s partly because they think they can get away with it because over time they’ve worn me down and now I don’t react as fast as I used to. I usually finish typing my sentence before I come and deal with them. Walking to town is fun for my youngest who literally runs the entire way but my oldest cries the whole way whining that we’re supposed to drive to town because that’s what cars are for. Somewhere along the way, I’ve stopped being able to teach my kids about my values. Or rather, I haven’t stopped talking about them, but I have certainly stopped showing them. There is never enough time in the day because I allow my spare time to be taken up by the computer. Instead of riding bikes or walking to yoga lessons or the library, we drive because I leave things to the last minute. When I did daycare I used to get up early with the kids and have no TV all day. Now that I start work early in the mornings they get up and watch cartoons for two hours before their dad gets up.
Some of you know that I’ve been grappling with what I should do about my blog. I have really loved writing here, but I put so much pressure on myself to try to be a “good blogger,” and I just don’t feel good about doing things in a half-ass fashion. So I’ve decided to use this carnival as my jumping off platform to say farewell. Instead of just cutting back on posts (because that doesn’t work for me) I’ve decided to make a clean break. If I’m really itching to write something I’ll post as a guest somewhere. I plan to follow up this announcement post with one or two more posts to close up shop, but after that I will be done.
Why did I just push myself under the bus? Why did I just share all of my failings as a mother? Because I think it’s important for everyone who reads blogs to know that none of us are perfect, plus if I didn’t write down my shortcomings for the world to see it wouldn’t be out there in black and white reminding me why I have decided to do this in the first place. I chose this blog carnival as my platform because a) it makes me liable for my decision (when I send this to the moderators a week early), b) it gives me a week to digest my new reality, and c) the carnival topic was too perfect to pass up.
It’s a New Year, and I want to spend more time with my kids and get back to living my values. I want to learn to knit and take long walks in the forest. I want to try hot yoga (because I need to lose the 30 pounds that I have gained while blogging – not to say they go hand in hand, but blogging certainly doesn’t give me time to do anything about it) and play board games with my family in the evenings. In the Spring I want to build and plant a garden and in the Fall learn to can vegetables. Right now, blogging doesn’t give me enough time to do these things. And one thing that’s been reinforced by reading and writing so many blog posts is that childhoods fly by and life is short.
I am comforted by the fact that all the breastfeeding posts I’ve written will remain on line. I get 50% of my traffic from Google, which means that approximately 6000 people per month will still be able to benefit from them. I will also stay on Facebook and Twitter because it doesn’t take much much of my time and I am looking forward to sharing old posts with new followers. But for the rest of it, you and they are just going to have to go through the categories or learn to love my search bar. Having helped numerous women and having made some amazing connections along the way I am ready to embrace what I have accomplished here and move forward.
Deep breath. So here I go.
Epilogue:
I wrote this a little over a week ago and finished up my last post (coming in a few days) a couple days later. I just felt like sharing that after two years of writing an average 3-4 posts per week, this “not blogging” thing is hard. At first I seriously didn’t know what to do with myself in my spare time. I would turn on the computer and just stare at the screen, hopping from Facebook to Twitter to my emails and my Reader, wondering what the heck my life would look like without this daily routine.
But the past few days have been wonderful. I took my kids for a walk in the woods by the beach and they went from whining that walks are boring to skipping along the trails yelling back at me what fun they were having. We went to the museum and spent almost three hours there. Not once did I get that anxious feeling that in the past has told me “I have to get back to check my emails and finish editing that blog post!” I haven’t yet turned off the TV completely. After the number of hours they’ve had everyday I am cutting back slowly. But I’ve been able to sit down, monitor, and watch TV with them, cuddled in a blanket on the couch. I have more patience and the kids seem happier too. I will miss telling all of you about my life and my thoughts on breastfeeding, natural parenting, bed sharing, vegetarianism and my homeschooling experiences, but I look forward to this new chapter. Life is good.
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 11 with all the carnival links.)
- Affection — Alicia at I Found My Feet has finally become a hugger and kisser, now she has someone sweet and small to snuggle with. (@aliciafagan)
- Learning from Daniel — Amy at Anktangle hopes that she and her husband will always be open to learning from their son. (@anktangle)
- Kids Cultivate Awareness of Universal Truths — From forgiveness to joy, Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness has become aware of deep truths that come naturally to children. (@InnateWholeness)
- What the Apple Teaches the Tree — Becky at Future Legacy has learned about imagination, forgiveness, and strength.
- A Lesson in Slowing Time — Bethy at Bounce Me To the Moon revels in the chance to just be with her baby.
- Learning From My Children: I Am So Honored — WAHM Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey is learning to choose tea parties over work. (@MyMotheringPath)
- P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E — Now that she’s a mother, Danielle at born.in.japan is finally learning about a personality trait she lacked. (@borninjp)
- Top 5 Homeschool Lessons My Children Taught Me — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares what she learned from homeschooling her (now grown) children. (@DebChitwood)
- Learning to Live in the Present By Looking to the Future — Dionna at Code Name: Mama finds the patience to be a gentle parent, because she knows how fleeting childhood really is. (@CodeNameMama)
- The watchful Buddha boy — At Dreaming Aloud, they are learning to cherish their thoughtful, sensitive child in a action-driven, noisy world. (@DreamingAloudNt)
- What My Children Taught Me — Dulce de Leche‘s children have taught her to value herself for the wonderful person and mother she is.
- Lessons from the First Year — Having a child made Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama realize that her decisions affect more than just herself. (@CrunchyishMama)
- Lessons from Loss — Erica at ChildOrganics learned so much from the love — and loss — of her sweet Bella, five years ago. (@ChildOrganics)
- The Socratic Baby — Erin at Multiple Musings has so-called “identical” twins to serve as a daily lesson in nature vs. nurture. (@ErinLittle)
- Learning to be a Mother — Farmer’s Daughter learned the type of patience that enabled her to calmly eat one-handed for months and change clothes seven times a day, before noon. (@FarmDaughter)
- A Few Things Being a Mom Has Taught Me — Heather at Musing Mommy shares the curious, hilarious, and sometimes Murphy’s Law-like tidbits we learn from our children. (@xakana)
- I Feel You — Motherhood has taught Jamey from At the Bee Hive empathy, and it extends beyond just her child. (@JameyBly)
- Lessons From My Child… — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy shares the inspiring ways she’s learned to expect the unexpected — and have a camera ready! (@imaftmummy)
- My child is my mirror — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama has seen herself in her children – and it’s not bad. (@crunchychewy)
- There is enough to go around… — Kellie at Our Mindful Life learned that love doesn’t diminish when it’s shared.
- Learning From Our Children, Every Day — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia, Canada is continually inspired by her children. (@UsborneBooksCB)
- Life Lessons From My Children — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood has learned that every slug is fascinating, doing the dishes is fun, and sharing a banana is a delight. (@crunchymamato2)
- Things I’ve Learned From My Children — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings uses pictures to share what she has learned from her children. (@sunfrog)
- Beyond the questions lies the answer — Lauren at Hobo Mama stopped wondering and started knowing — loving and liking our children comes naturally. (@Hobo_Mama)
- Learning from Children — Lily, aka Witch Mom, finds out just how enchanting balloons can be. (@LilyShahar)
- Lifelong Learning — Lindsay at Living in Harmony has learned that what works for one kid might not work for another. (@AttachedMama)
- Walking alongside my daughter — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude is learning to give the clock less power over her family’s life.
- Things my baby taught me about me — Luschka at Diary of a First Child is proud of how she has grown as a mother. (@lvano)
- From my children, I have learned — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip has a litany of beautiful lessons, from selflessness to sleeplessness.
- The Little Things in Life — In a simple and lovely prose poem, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shows how adults worry about the wrong things and forget the little, important ones: watching ladybugs, jumping in leaves, cherishing each moment as it comes.
- The Virtues of Motherhood — Melissa at The New Mommy Files has had opportunities to learn from children as both a teacher and a mother. (@NewMommyFiles)
- My Kids Have Taught Me That It’s Time To Stop Blogging — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has learned that childhoods fly by too fast to blog. We’ll miss your wonderful online presence, Melodie, and we wish you much peace and happiness. (@bfmom)
- Having Kids Has Taught me a Thing or Two — Michelle at The Parent Vortex learns all day long — from fun facts about hedgehogs to tying a complicated wrap with a screaming child and an audience. (@TheParentVortex)
- We Could All Learn from the Children — Momma Jorje takes time to get on the floor and play so that she can see the world through her child’s eyes.
- Teaching Forgiveness — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog has a daughter who’s taught her unconditional love — even when she feels like she does’t deserve it. (@littlegreenblog)
- Parenting as a joint venture — Olivia at Write About Birth appreciates watching the astonishing way her children learn. (@writeaboutbirth)
- Beginner’s Mind — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns from a child who builds bridges to nowhere, calls letter magnets his numbers, and insists dinnertime is truck time. (@RachaelNevins)
- A baby’s present — RS at A Haircut and a Shave presents a short poem on the differences between a baby’s mindfulness and ours.
- Self-Confidence Was Born With My Daughter — Sara at Halfway Crunchy learned to trust her instincts by responding to her child’s needs — and saw her self-confidence bloom.
- The Importance of Being Less Earnest — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante has one list of earnest and one list of silly things she has learned as a parent. (@seonaid_lee)
- Lessons my children have taught me — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes learned that attachment parenting was the best way to meet the needs of her child and herself. (@Sheryljesin)
- Till the water is clear — Stacy at Mama-Om learns that being present is the best present. (@mama_om)
- I Hold It — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine has learned that the ability to communicate is much more important than the number of words a child knows.
- What My Children Taught Me About Letting Go — Summer at Finding Summer is learning from her kids to laugh in the face of heartache. (@summerminor)
- Finding My Tools — The Artsymama has applied some of what she’s learned as a mama in the classroom, with great results!
good luck melodie! blogging really takes up much time. i haven’t been commenting much but will definitely miss your blog and insightful posts!
Jenny´s last [type] ..Challenges of Weaning
You will be missed, Melodie. At the same time, I’m so glad you’re following your heart. It sounds like you have a new peace in your life, and that is so wonderful. Best to you and your family!
Amy´s last [type] ..Traveling with Cloth Diapers
I think this is a brave move even though you are one of my favorite blogs! My own blogging has been sporadic at best with my pregnancy complications and I struggle with “blogger guilt.” I think admitting you need balance is a very difficult thing that few people can do and I wish you luck!
Also, NursingFreedom.org is a great place for your type of posts! We’d be happy to have you talk about breastfeeding from time to time!
Paige@Baby Dust Diaries´s last [type] ..Viable
Melodie, you will be sorely missed, but I have to tell you, this was an incredibly fitting post – I have been feeling the same things as time goes on and Kyra grows up. I am not yet ready to give up totally, but I know that changes have to come. And I am ready for them. I do paid work on my computer for a few hours a day, the blog for my ‘hobby’, but all in, it’s a LOT of time on the computer.
You will always be welcome to guest post for me, btw.
Enjoy your children hon. They, and you, deserve it.
Luschka @ Diary of a First Child´s last [type] ..Things My Baby Taught Me About Me
Reader here but felt led to comment this time. I can hear the struggle in your post and think your brave for going through with it. The next few weeks might be hard, probably a bit like withdrawal symptoms but your children are absolutely worth it. Good luck and enjoy yourself!
Michelle´s last [type] ..Time to write
Oh sweet mama, your post was utterly amazing. This must have been such a difficult decision for you and I admire you so much. The number of times I have had the same feelings I cannot say but I’ve not had the courage to make the break as you have. You’re my heroine! And I can see myself asking in the future “What would Melodie say?” Gosh, seriously I’m at a loss for words – total admiration to you and all blessings on your journey … Part of me is envious you know, that you have found your strength to do this…
Mrs Green @ littlegreenblog.com´s last [type] ..Teaching forgiveness
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:48 am
Thank you so much for your kind words. They really touched me. Thank you.
“Envious,” as Mrs Green says, was the same word that came to me when I read this. You know we will miss you and your voice so much — you’ve been such an inspiration to me about what it is to blog with integrity, conviction, and passion. And, yet, I totally understand where you’re at right now — because I’m there at so much of the time, too. Too much screen time so I can blog? Check. Making no money? Check. The idea of having actual free time: Sounds heavenly. So I wish you and your family the best, and that you can continue to find your balance as you go forward. And please come to me anytime you want to guest post!
Lauren @ HoboMama´s last [type] ..January Carnival of Natural Parenting- Beyond the questions lies the answer
I am sad to see you go. You were the very first blog I read. Thank you so much for the posts you’ve shared and the advice you gave when I decided to begin blogging myself. I will continue to hold your wisdom in my heart as I grow as a mother and a blogger. Thank you. Good luck to you and enjoy your family.
Thank you for sharing such an honest & open post! Though you’ll be missed you definitely have to do whats best for your family! Enjoy your time with your kids & try not to beat your self up too much! None of us are perfect parents! It’s a lifelong learning process! Thanks for making me feel better about neglecting my blog.
Best wishes to you!
I wish you much joy and success and am sure you will find it. Congrats on a hard decision that seems to already have brought you much happiness! I’ll miss reading your posts, but am glad your girls are getting the mom you want to be! <3
Heather´s last [type] ..iron craft and martha mondays
Oh, Melodie, I will miss you. But I completely understand: I’m struggling myself to find how much blogging is the right amount, and I am often tempted to let it go altogether. Many blessings to you and your family in your new (screen-free!) adventures!
xox
Rachael´s last [type] ..Beginner’s Mind
Your blog will certainly be missed! I hope you find more time to enjoy life with your kids.
Summer´s last [type] ..What My Children Taught Me About Letting Go
Melodie, I can feel your regret and disappointment through this post. I, for one, will definitely miss you. Any chance you’d like to connect through Facebook? If so, you can find me as Chandelle Greenwood.
I admit that there is much here to which I relate. I try to spend less than 2 hours a day online, but it’s always a struggle to find a balance. I blog because I need to write. It’s an itch for me that’s almost physical, and I know I’ll never make the effort to be professionally published, so this is my outlet. But I do have to set some pretty strict rules for myself to prevent it from becoming a problem. Luckily our computer IS our television, so if I’m blogging my kids don’t have the option of watching Spongebob.
But if not for that I’ve no doubt I’d occasionally be using the television as a babysitter.
Every now and then I realize that my screen time is becoming a serious problem in my life. Like when I go to bed and feel all fuzzy-headed and exhausted even though I haven’t really “done” anything all day. Or when I find myself feeling angry or frustrated all day, thinking about something someone said that was “wrong on the Internet!” (have you seen that comic?). Or when I feel overwhelmed by all the posts in my Reader, or guilty for not commenting. Those are all strong signs that I need to unsubscribe from blogs, pull back on commenting, write shorter posts, take a vacation from Facebook, or, if necessary, completely eliminate the Internet from our home for a while. In that case I write posts in a Word document which I publish from library computers. Posts get written EVER so much faster if you’re not stopping every few minutes to surf the Internet.
I guess what I’m saying here is that I hope you might be able to find a balance in the future, because your voice is important and so is creative expression. It’s a struggle for all of us, I think. But if you decide never to come back, I’m glad I got to connect with you a little bit, at least. Good luck!
Chandelle´s last [type] ..go slowly recipe- simple shrimp stock
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:47 am
Thanks Chandelle. I will go find you on FB right now. I am actually watching a bit more TV myself (before this I was only 1 hr/week, now I’m up to 2!) It’s definitely the kids who need less, and me a bit more time to free my brain. It is always so full of everything, TV is helping to slow me down a little. Yay! Yes, I love writing but I just couldn’t/can’t do the blog part time or casually. I get too caught up in numbers and pleasing people. If no one is expecting to hear from me then I have no expectation on myself to write. I can just write when I want and gift it to another blogger. That’s my plan for now anyway. We’ll see how it goes.
I am in your same situation right now. But I haven’t yet decided to make the break.
You’re right, though. It’s a New Year and there’s no better time to start than now.
Do you mind if I use part of your post and link to this on my blog? Thanks!
Melodie – I thought this was coming… You definitely will be missed – very much. I identify with so much of what you’ve written here (and I’m sure a lot of your readers will too). I’ve made the decision to be a crappy blogger because I learned when I tried to quit how much I need to be able to write, even if it’s only a couple of times a month. Our decisions were different but gosh, our reasons are all the same.
Your plans for the year sound so similar to the things I’ve been trying to do here that I will certainly be sad not to hear how it goes. I’ll keep up with you on FB and don’t hesitate to drop me a line on SD anytime. Best wishes! Alison
BluebirdMama´s last [type] ..Anticipation
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:44 am
I definitely want to get together next time I come up. I will message you when I do so we can make a plan. It is cool to see who saw this coming. Knowing some of my blog friends even know me better than some of my “live” friends. It’s nice that you were one of them. Let’s keep in touch!
Of course I’ll miss you… I’ll say here what I emailed you….
I have worked with many wonderful moms thru my years who were very interested in sharing- helping- teaching & supporting other moms while they were breastfeeding and move on to another avenue once that (their personal breastfeeding relationship) was over. It’s not uncommon at all. You have been a tremendous resource to SO MANY MOMS out there and should feel proud and fulfilled. It’s probably time to place your energy with your growing family and where your new passions lie. I’m proud for you…. and of you! I could never understand how you, Annie and Amber did it anyway with young children etc.. I first started following you 3 when I got started. Amazing right? I am forever grateful for our friendship and I know it will continue.
Thank you Melodie… for all you have given and for all you are!
I heart you! <3
StorkStories´s last [type] ..Promote NORMAL Birth and Breastfeeding & more New Year’s Resolution Ideas for all my Co-Workers… Any Ideas
I have never seen your blog before, but thanks to the Natural Parenting Carnival now I have. I can totally relate to the screen time issue, and it is an issue for me and my kids, and I am not proud of that. BUT I have 3 little kids and am a professional writer, who is playing housewife, and REALLY REALLY is not a natural. So my blog is a hobby, a way of keeping my hand in and churning ideas out until I can give more time and focus to my professional work. I really admire your clarity, honesty to yourself and your readers. Go well x
Lucy @ dreamingaloudnet´s last [type] ..The Watchful Buddha Boy
Lucy @ dreamingaloudnet Reply:
January 11th, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Oh oops, missed the most important bit… it is my way of getting headspace and sanity.
Lucy @ dreamingaloudnet´s last [type] ..The Watchful Buddha Boy
best wishes. i’m proud of you. it takes strength to make hard choices, but hopefully this one will bring you peace. the great thing is that if you decide you want to blog again in a few years (as situations change) you always can.
the grumbles´s last [type] ..if i could turn back time
This. Is. Wonderful. Thanks for the inspiration.
I had an intuition this was coming. All good things have a lifespan, right? I really love your blog as a resource, so I’m very glad you’ll keep it published online and not delete it. Also, FB seems to be a main media for most of my doula clients anyways, so hopefully referring them to you there will help them to find the fantastic resource that you are and have been!
I’m glad to have known your blog, and gotten to know you, in the past year and a bit I’ve been a follower
=)
Travelling mercies. And I’ll def. stay in touch on FB.
xo
Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your take on this. What a huge, hard decision to make! I know all too well a lot of the issues you are struggling with. I am at a point where I keep thinking I’d like to grow my blog more, but I just cannot put in the time it would take because of the reasons you mention. And find myself missing too much, and being to absent from my kids, even as it is.
It is so hard to balance the fun and rewarding parts of blogging and online time in general with parenting, that is for sure. I think figuring this out is one of the major challenges our generation is faced with. I admire your acknowledgment that just cutting back won’t work for you.
And congrats for the progress and fun you are having with this new path already! So glad to hear that! I look forward to seeing guest posts from you in the future!
Kristin @ Intrepid Murmurings´s last [type] ..Things Ive Learned From My Children
Thank you. I have many jumbled thoughts and emotions stirred up by your words. I appreciate your post greatly.
Thank you for being an inspiration in the past and for me today – time to go turn of my computer…
[...] My Kids Have Taught Me That It's Time To Stop Blogging … [...]
Don’t feel bad at all. You have given so many women such wonderful support and information. You can continue to write when you feel like it, posting to NPN or wherever. You can get back to a place where you are putting family first, and writing can be that happy once in awhile outlet that helps you feel good on your own terms – not the terms of what is expected from your online audience. Wishing you peace in your decision, hours upon hours of quality family time, and continued presence with the friends you’ve made online, however you decide to do it.
(And chiming in with everyone else who felt . . . envious? Conflicted? I feel the same way sometimes, as I said in my email to you.)
Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last [type] ..Learning to Be in the Present By Looking to the Future
WOW – I am so shocked and sad that you won’t be blogging anymore. But at the same time, I am so happy for you that you have found your path and that you have the courage to pursue it! Your children will appreciate what you have done and you will be a proud mama!
If you ever have the urge to blog and get something off of your chest – I would love to have to guest post on my blog. I have valued your friendship through this virtual world and I would love to feature you in a few months when you have some time to write something down – or just need an afternoon in front of the computer again.
You will be missed – but I am glad that you will still be on facebook and twitter – I’ll connect with you there!
– Judy
Judy @MommyNews Blog´s last [type] ..How Do I Manage My Oversupply
So sad to see you go, but thrilled you will get more quality time with your family. I completely understand. Thank you for your honesty and all the help you have provided to so many breastfeeding women.
Great big hugs Melodie! Had to comment that I’ll miss your posts but I’ve been moving in the same direction with good results. I wish you only the best. You deserve it!
Oh Melodie! I’m so sad to see you go, but also super happy you are taking actions to own your life and happiness. The best wishes and hope to see you around.
warmly,
Hillary
Oh Melodie – I will miss you. But, boy do I understand. My blog was really taking off, had a ton of followers on Twitter, but I couldn’t keep it up and parent my son the way I wanted. I only regret not writing a Goodbye post. My last post up there is still “Earth Day” last April! I just stopped.
I wish you and your family the best and since I am 17 weeks pregnant with baby #2 I will be using your search bar or emailing you if I have any breastfeeding questions. You rock. Go easy on yourself and thanks for always being so honest and authentic.
Pure Mothers´s last [type] ..Earth Day Exploration
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:42 am
Please do! Keep in touch!
Wow, Melodie. This was a powerful post and I really appreciate your honesty. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for the past year and a half, but I think this is the post that impacted me the most. Your love for your children shines through your words as you describe what lies behind the hard decision to give up something that is so meaningful as your blog. I’m inspired to reevaluate how I spend time at home with my son. You created something important for mothers in Breastfeeding Moms Unite. I am so sad you won’t be blogging anymore, but I truly admire you for this decision.
Christina´s last [type] ..The lactation consultant exam
I’m fortunate to have found your blog. This blog is wonderful piece of work, which will help and inspire so many more women. Good luck with everything.
How interesting to read that so many agree with you. I do to in many ways. I think it’s a bold and brave move to stop blogging. I salute your decision.
Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves´s last [type] ..Mountains of Sugar
It takes a lot of courage to write a post like this. I sometimes feel the exact same way about the time with my kids. I am lucky that they go to bed pretty early in the evening.
I wish you lots of luck on your new adventures and am really glad to see you will still be on twitter (and facebook)!
Brenna´s last [type] ..The power of words…
This. I understand this completely. I want to be a “good” blogger. I wish I could be. I dream of writing posts daily, getting lots of traffic, lots of comments. But the reality is I can’t seem to find the time. It takes a huge amount of time to blog. I have refused to put blogging before my kids and living and my blog shows it. I don’t know how others are able to do it – work, kids, house, blog. There is just never enough time for me to blog when I give so much of myself in the other areas. I haven’t totally stopped blogging but my posts are usually few and far between.
I applaud you for taking a stand. Living your life, participating with your children. Others will blog it, you will be DOING it! I’ll miss your posts, but blogging will be here when your kids are older. Something to look forward to when the kids are not needing so much of you.
Krista´s last [type] ..Remember to Breathe
Melodie,
I have tears in my eyes after reading this. What you are doing is so hard! So hard to feel like your giving up a piece of yourself, a hobby and an outlet that is important to you, but then also realizing that your heart is telling you to stop. I totally respect you for following your heart. (the heart doesn’t lie) I am glad you had this blog and I have enjoyed reading it!! I’ve never even met you, yet you write like your speaking to a dear friend.
Have fun breathing in the flowers and welcoming your new agenda with open arms!!
Cheers.
Congratulations on your new found freedom and really making the time to connect with your kids. It’s a decision I’m sure you won’t regret.
We will miss you and your blog, it was a source of inspiration and encouragement for so many.
Erica @ ChildOrganics´s last [type] ..Lessons Learned from Loss
I had a feeling you were going to say this and I’m not gonna lie: I’m sad. I love your courage and spirit and will miss dropping by here every once in awhile.
BUT everything I’ve learned about you so far tells me that you are a person of integrity. This just confirms it. To give up a passion because you know it is what is right even when it isn’t easy is exactly the kind of thing I would expect you to do. I admire you, Melodie. Although I haven’t had time to read all these comments I’m sure many have offered their blogs for your future inspirations. Please put my name on the list . . . I’d love to have a “Melodie original” on Mommypotamus!
Mommypotamus´s last [type] ..Perfecting the Art of Dirty Dishes and Missed Naps
Melodie, I’ll miss you – you’re one of my favourite bloggers. But I completely understand, and totally support your decision. Your post The Princess and the Chickpea is in my favourites and I’ve sent it to many women; I’m glad you’re going to keep the posts up so that it doesn’t disappear. It’s a very important piece of writing.
Good luck – you will be missed.
This must have been a difficult decision for you to make. But it sounds like it’s the right one for your family.
I hope it has the effect that you’re hoping for. And if you DO feel the urge to write, I would be happy to host a post from you anytime.
Amber´s last [type] ..Don’t Should on Me
“But the past few days have been wonderful. I took my kids for a walk in the woods by the beach and they went from whining that walks are boring to skipping along the trails yelling back at me what fun they were having.”
This post brought tears to my eyes. Lovely. Thank you for your honesty, for your commitment to your family, your courage to share your story with anyone who reads.
Save this for your children – one day they will really appreciate the shift you made for your values.
Love to you and yours…
Amy´s last [type] ..Kids Cultivate Awareness of Universal Truths
Dear Melodie:
I support your decision 100%.
My children are older–much older (23, 19, 16)–and I often feel grateful that blogging and social media were not ubiquitous when I was doing hands-on child rearing.
As it was, I found old media intrusive enough. I was so grateful when I discovered Waldorf education and a group of like-minded parents who believed in giving children the simple joys of nature, imaginative play and comforting daily routines–instead of a continual barrage of electronically mediated entertainment/education/distraction.
So I think you should trust your intuition to avoid television as babysitter. Your kids will quickly move past the whining stage when you limit TV–so long as you feel confident you’re doing the right thing. In our media-mad era, it’s hard to remember that downtime–and even a little boredom-are good and necessary. The lull generally precedes a period of greater creativity and imaginative play.
I am sad, however, that you are giving up something that nurtures you. You absolutely need and deserve this nurturance. I wonder if you have considered other options–like far fewer posts, firm limits on blogging time and/or a few hours of childcare each week?
Should these alternative prove impossible, remember you will be able to return to blogging and it give it your all–later. But you’ll never again have these days with your children, nor will anything replace your be-here-now presence.
Good luck!
I stopped a couple of weeks ago for the same reasons kinda. My last post http://sunvitd.blogspot.com/. I have to admit, the past two weeks without has been nice. I miss putting something out, but I’m spending time with my daughter more.
Great post. I hope lots and lots and lots and lots, (smiling here), read it.
Vera´s last [type] ..Enjoying Life For Awhile
You will definitely be missed, Melodie – but your reasons for stopping blogging at the moment are all the right ones. Family is most important, and it’s wonderful you’re putting your energy into your family first. I think I was lucky there wasn’t blogging when I was raising my children. Now that my children are grown, I’m enjoying spending the time needed for blogging – but it is a lot of time. Wishing you all the best at finding and keeping the perfect balance for you and your family.
Deb Chitwood @ Living Montessori Now´s last [type] ..Top 5 Homeschool Lessons My Children Taught Me
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:40 am
Thanks Deb! I have often read your blog and felt like perhaps writing when my kids are older would be a good thing for me, as well as others who might read me and benefit from all the years I would have already put in like I benefit from your posts. Thank you for your kind words.
Good for you taking the right decision, it must have been really hard. Awe to you.
mamapoekie´s last [type] ..The Paradox Of Individualism
I admire you for the openess and honesty of that post, it can’t have been easy. Many of us get sucked in futher than we intended with online stuff and we make excuses and tell ourselves we won’t spens ad long tomorrow. I think you have made a very good descision which sounds right for you and your family. Enjoy your time with the kids, and all the very best to you.
You’re voice will be missed, but as many other commenters have said, it sounds like you are making the best choice for you and your family. Good luck with all your future endeavors.
Shana´s last [type] ..Badassery in 2011
{{hugs}} I am sure it will be hard for a bit but slowly you will see it is the best decision you ever made. My kids are “big” now – 21, 19, 18, 16, 14, 13, 12, and 5 – and it has all gone by in a blink of an eye. Your voice will be missed, but your children will rejoice!
love to you!!
Christy´s last [type] ..Hearth and Soul Blog Hop vol 30
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:39 am
I had no idea you have 8 kids. Wow! And yes, for me it is about being aware that time goes by fast and wanting to be there to see as much of it as I can. Thank you for everything Christy.
You are awesome!! I will miss being in your world and you sharing your thoughts and ideas! I have very, very much enjoyed your blog!! I do wish you and yours the best in everything. Am so glad you are able to walk away from this and just enjoy your life!! Many hugs and well wishes!!
I have been reading your blog for a while and have enjoyed it very much. I think it takes a very strong person to realize when there is a problem in their life and then take steps to fix it.
Good luck to you. Enjoy your new time with your children.
I know the feeling. I stopped blogging for a few months – no decision I just didn’t one day and then the next and then it was a few months. Now I have picked it up again but I’m on the fence about it and feel like I might just stop again sometime. I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes I want to get something off my chest. I usually limit my “blogging” time to while the big kid is doing school work. I sit with him and help when needed but blog while he doesn’t need me. That is like 2 hours a day (of actual sitting and learning not doing stuff) and while it’s not enough to do all that I want to do it is a good compromise for me at the moment.
I’ll miss your blog though. It is one of the few I read even when I was not blogging myself. But I get it.
Upstatemamma´s last [type] ..Independence Is Not My Goal Right Now
I JUST found your website and now I realize you won’t be blogging anymore. How bittersweet! It sounds like you and your kids have much to gain from this decision, and I look forward to mining your archives. I applaud you for making this tough decision. All the best to you, Melodie!
I will keep this post in mind and can understand…
As I am trying to BUILD my blog following, I find I do spend a lot of time working at it. I need to remember to lead by example, not just write about my opinions. So far, I do alright at walking away from the computer whenever my 1yo tugs on me. That means sometimes it takes me 2-3 hours to get something bloggish done, but so be it.
Best of luck to you! I hope you find peace and happiness – offline.
Momma Jorje´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday- In Our Tiny Apartment
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:36 am
It is ALL about leading by example. Actions not (just) words. That’s the mantra I preach and one I am back to following.
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:37 am
It is ALL about leading by example. Actions not (just) words. That’s the mantra I preach and one I am back to following.
Oh Melodie!
Of course I will miss you online but it makes me happy to think of you being true to your self and your values and your need as a mother to really connect with your kids and live your life.
I’m all for shedding skins that have grown to small.
You make me proud of being such a terrible, once-a-month blogger who does no self-promotion and feels no pressure whatsoever to rise out of obscurity. Yay, obscurity!
Am I saying you are short-shriting half-assedness? Totally. If you miss blogging, re-invent yourself as a half-assed blogger. Blog for yourself, not for anyone else. It’s a beautiful thing, I swear.
But kudos to you for refusing to be a half-assed mama. That’s the good fight, baby!
xox
Betsy
Betsy´s last [type] ..Happy New Years
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:36 am
As usual, your comment has made me smile. You are totally right on. I just wish I could be a better terrible, once-a-month blogger who does no self-promotion and feels no pressure whatsoever to rise out of obscurity. Damn. You so win that contest. Now I will just be a once in awhile half-assed commenter who wishes she could have her cake and eat it too.
Oh Mama! I just met you and I’m saying goodbye! I know how you feel as I struggle to maintain balance. You’ve made the right decision to place your family first. Thank you for all your hard work and dedication to help us out. I wish you well as you embrace your new direction in life!
Melodie, I’m chiming in late, but I read this when you first posted and have been thinking about it since. Blogging, for me, is part of my work as a writer, so I’m easier able to justify the time and attention it takes. And of course my daughter is at school during the day, so I don’t face quite the same issues you do. But I’d still decided that at the start of the new year, I was going to make some changes to more clearly define the boundaries between my work/blogging time and time with my daughter.
Until this week, I’d made some progress in that direction, but only baby steps, really. Reading your post was the push I needed to take it to the next level. So thank you. Thanks for your blogging, your honesty and your inspiration. So glad we’ve gotten to know each other, and I wish you all the best in your next adventure.
Christina @ Spoonfed´s last [type] ..Let’s talk Girl Scout cookies
I’m really sorry to see you go, Melodie – you will be missed!!
I never took the time to comment on your posts, but as you leave, I need to thank you. Without your blog, I might have never pulled through the first four months of my very painful breastfeeding relationship with my son.
Thank you.
Here’s to hoping you find the balance you so strive for.
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:34 am
I am so glad you told me that Marie. That warms my heart and really helps solidify that I did some good along the way. All the best for a wonderful breastfeeding journey.
It takes a lot of courage and will power to make a decision like this. You will be missed, but I and I’m sure a lot of others admire you for it!
St. Louis Smart Mama´s last [type] ..Come Visit Me At Parenting Squad!
Wow Melodie… I’m behind on reading… as usual.
What a brave & soul-searching thing you’re doing.
Wishing you luck.
kelly @kellynaturally´s last [type] ..Nine Parenting Truths
Cheers to you girlie, for recognizing what is most important right now and taking steps toward it! Im sure it isnt easy, and you will be missed. Feel good in the fact that you have helped and been an inspiration to so many. Maybe sometime in the future you can blog again, or blog occasionally without worrying about promoting. Or not. Either way I wish you and your family the all the best and a wonderful New Year!
honeybeecooksjackfruit´s last [type] ..Eggs poached in a spicy tomato sauce – Shakshuka!
[...] many of you now know, I am not going to be blogging anymore. The day before my announcement post went up I was treated to a complimentary night’s stay at [...]
Yay you! Last year I left a volunteer organization that had become a full-time (yet still unpaid) job. You won’t regret the extra time with your kids and you won’t miss that constant state of panic if you aren’t checking your email every second. You’re doing the right thing. The real friends you made along the way will still be there for you.
Jake Aryeh Marcus´s last [type] ..Growing Up with Domestic Violence- Patrick Stewart and Me
Oh. My. Word. There are to many parallels in our lives. As you know, I am also an avid breastfeeding advocate and blogger. I also started 2 years ago. And I have done about everything you mention — to much TV time for my son, working on my blog (and tweeting) way too many hours, not giving my family and friends the attention they deserve.
My blog has become a second business and I am growing it, otherwise I would feel inspired to do the same and give it up. My private life, especially my relationship with my husband, has definitely suffered. It is my goal in 2011 to change that and find more balance.
I will miss your blog so much and want to tell you again how amazing your writing is. Thank you so much for helping breastfeeding moms with all you did. Good luck with everything.
All my best.
Dagmar
Dagmar ~ Dagmar’s momsense´s last [type] ..10-000 Twitter Friends – Announcing My Big Thank-You Giveaway
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:27 am
You have done an amazing job at growing your blog. I recently saw how many followers you have on twitter. Wow! Good for you! Numbers like that are awesome! I am always inspired by mamas who nurse longer than me. And as long as you are still nursing Landon and he is a few months older than my youngest, then you are my benchmark. Take care Dagmar and all the best to you!
Mel Baby, I am going to be stern with you because you need it. YOU are a good momma and that is THAT! Everything in this universe happens for a reason! In your life and in the lives of your children too. Anything that has happened in the dynamic of your family can be worked on an changed, but take it slow and stop beating yourself UP over it! When my girls were tiny I was EXTREMELY ill with Lymes Disease and had to spend literally days on the couch or in bed with debilitating pain. Then I started on a program where I exercised literally 2 hours a day with physical therapy, I was not THERE for my kids as much as I should have been, but you know what? THAT time, which you are going through now made me WANT to be there for them and that made all the difference because I made up for it–not because I felt GUILTY but because I WANTED to. Reposition baby in your head and know that blogging was good for you, and it was good for them because now you can reorganize your life and spend the time with them that you want to, but know this, kids WANT a little down time, and as they grow up they will WANT a little time by themselves and a small amount of the Tube isnt a bad thing. Huge hugs babycakes…I needed to say something because I love you and dont want you to do anything out of guilt, only out of love! Alex
alex@a moderate life´s last [type] ..Thoughts on Friday in the Middle of the Road-1-14-11
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:23 am
Thanks Alex. You are such a solid blog friend. I plan on stalking you a little over at A Moderate Life. I would love to guest post for you sometime too. The next food post that comes up in my head when I have time to carve out to write it is yours. Loves and hugs girlfriend!
alex at a moderate life Reply:
February 25th, 2011 at 10:26 pm
Mel baby, I was missing you so thought i would stop by and I realized you had commented to me! Sending you back HUGE hugs and I do hope you will guest post whenever you feel the urge! You know I love your take on food! Also, why not rename this site healthymomsunite and get back to blogging when the mood hits you right here!
Have a great weekend and I saw your snow pictures! Enjoy it, we had WAY too much this year so glad you got some! 
alex
alex at a moderate life´s last [type] ..Thoughts on Friday in the Middle of the Road-2-25-11
Wow what an amazing post and I also enjoyed reading the comments too. I’ve been feeling totally overwhelmed lately about the ideas that keep churning out of my head but my lack of time to action most of them with the daily needs of my two little ones! It was reassuring for me to read that I’m not the only one going through this and to read about the various decisions others have taken to deal with the dilemma. I’m online every night which I do enjoy but I also want to practice yoga again, read, make crafts, meditate and make love! I’m still not sure what my answer is just yet but reading your post has made it even more of a priority to look into my life and truly assess my direction from here on. Thank-you for your inspiration and honesty – enjoy life to the fullest! Onelove
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:20 am
I hope you find a way to make time for yourself too. I am slowly learning to reinvent my days, and while sometimes I completely blank on what I could be doing (instead of going on the computer) I am enjoying rediscovering my new/other self. Best of luck to you. I am glad I was able to inspire.
I love all of your blogs. You have a real talent for sharing your life in a way that opens up possibilities for so many other parents to love themselves and their self perceived “failings”.
I am glad that you are focusing on what is important to you and I am learning how to do Information Marketing and if I can help you to monetize your blog so that it did make you some pocket change or more then I will happily share what I learn.
I believe mothers are a powerful group of people. We are all doing the best we can with the information we have and when we share our lives with each other it can make the whole world a better place. Thanks for giving up whatever you have given up to share your stories. And thank you for recognizing what your really want in life and going for it.
You are an inspiration!!!
Dar Archibald
Melodie Reply:
January 20th, 2011 at 1:15 am
Thanks Dar. I am not at all ready to even think about blogging again. to make money or otherwise, but I really appreciate your offer and I will keep it in mind.
[...] a business, blogging, and social media are all consuming. Too consuming. And I’m not the only one who thinks that. My daughter watches too much TV and plays too many video games. For months she has been telling me [...]
I’ve been reading your posts for a long time… Well, a short time since I entered motherhood and started nursing my baby (who is turning 2 in less than a month, time does fly!). I’ve been, however, lazy to comment, as English is a second language for me, but I have to say that you were my favourite breastfeeding blogger in the net.
I am glad for you, even though I’m sorry you won’t update your blog anymore, and I sincerely hope you will accomplish all your dreams and plans, and that your kids will continue to grow in a happy environment, specially now that they’ll have more time with you.
Thank you also for giving me food for thought with your words.
Aorijia´s last [type] ..“El chino en 5 culebrones taiwaneses”
[...] Breastfeeding Moms Unite has decided to stop blogging. You can read about her reasons for stopping here, and you can read her generous good-bye to her supporters and readers here. I imagine that the [...]
Thank you so much for being so honest and frank in your post! I have found myself doing the same things as you, now that I see it so clear, it’s like WOW! how could I be such a hypocrite! Telling other mamas not to do the very things I found myself doing. If something, ANYTHING is breaking down our relationships especially those of our children and our spouse we should definitely take a step back and refocus. And either figure out a better balance or wait until the children are older. There will always be mamas out there needing help, but our kiddos need us now, first, we can’t get back that time we’ve lost with them.
wishing you so much fun and connection on your new path! you’ll be missed, but in a good way!
I will miss you, but I understand. I have not really been blogging either. It takes time away, even if I do the odd one every so often in the night.
Too bad we can’t be in touch. Maybe on Twitter, but I don’t go on that much anymore.
What an amazingly honest and heart-wrenching post. Best of luck in everything.
I could completely relate to your post, though I definitely don’t have a blog as influential as yours. My son’s TV time has increased, I spend more time trying to think what my next post would be, than to decide what new age appropriate toy I can buy for my son. I’ve sort of decided to spend less time at my laptop and make the posts brief. Your decision to completely stop blogging intrigued me. It has become so much a part of yr life, as I understand. I will not say I hope you continue blogging because I know you have made your decision, but I do hope that you find a new hobby for yourself that you will enjoy and find solace in so that you do not lose your identity and your interests.
[...] Third, she has integrity. When blogging began to take a toll on her relationship with her kids, she quit, just like that. Kinda gutsy if you ask [...]
[...] then, earlier this year, Melodie decided to stop blogging. It was something that came out of left field for many of us who know and love her, and even [...]
[...] a business, blogging, and social media are all consuming. Too consuming. And I’m not the only one who thinks that. My daughter watches too much TV and plays too many video games. For months she has been telling me [...]
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