There’s nothing like thinking you might die to get you thinking about all the things you’ve never said to your kids.
This morning when I was having breakfast, I didn’t feel like I had the same motor control over my mouth as usual. It was harder to chew and to swallow and difficult to suck through a straw. The right side of my lips felt numb and flappy, as though I’d just been to the dentist. I went to the mirror and noticed that my face looked funny. I tried to smile. The right corner of my mouth wouldn’t turn upwards like the left side. When I frowned, the right side drooped lifelessly. I ran over to see my next door neighbour, who is a close friend and a nurse. She checked my pupils and tongue, and told me it wasn’t a stroke, but I was still scared. Back at home I went on the internet and googled “signs of a stroke.” The five warning signs of a stroke are:
Weakness Sudden loss of strength or sudden numbness in the face, arm or leg, even if temporary. (check √)
Trouble speaking – Sudden difficulty speaking or understanding or sudden confusion, even if temporary. (In my stress, I found it hard to speak, especially with a numb mouth so I wasn’t sure if this counted or not).
Vision problems – Sudden trouble with vision, even if temporary. (I’ve had blurred vision a few times over the past few days)
Headache – Sudden severe and unusual headache. (I’ve had lots of headaches recently)
Dizziness – Sudden loss of balance, especially with any of the above signs. (check √)
Needless to say, I became blind with panic. I told my husband I was going to call an ambulance, but he insisted he would drive me. I hugged and kissed my kids and told them how much I loved them, and told my friend to take them and meet us at the hospital. Along the way to the hospital my legs went numb and I started panicking even more.
We didn’t take a number and wait to be called when we reached emergency. My husband mouthed to a nurse that I was having a possible stroke and they flew into action. (It is important to assess for and treat a stroke immediately to improve survival and recovery.) I could barely stand at this point and crumpled myself against a post while an orderly fetched me a wheelchair. Then I almost hyperventilated while trying not to cry while telling the triage nurse what had happened. I was in a bed in emergency ahead of what looked like 20 or so people (sorry sick people), and being treated within 10 minutes of our arrival.
The entire time I kept thinking about my kids. (Our friend had brought them in her car to the hospital and then took them to the park while I was being treated). In the car, even though I was busy writing down my email passwords to my husband and the phone numbers of my closest friends should he need them in case something happened to me, I was worrying about all the things I wanted to tell my daughters, and all the things I wanted to tell my husband to tell them for me. But my mind was a blank. I just wanted them in my arms.
The doctor told me I wasn’t having a stroke. If I was, my forehead wouldn’t have moved when he asked me to raise my eyebrows. My pupils did something they were supposed to do too. And I could squeeze the nurses’ fingers and that is positive. Nope, I didn’t have a stroke. But I have Bell’s Palsy, facial paralysis caused by a swelling of the facial nerve. It was most likely caused by the ear infection that I have had for 9 days which caused me to miss my trip to Paris last week. (Yep, lots going on around here with my health!) The doctor I saw back then thought that if I flew I might rupture my ear drum, and if I ruptured my ear drum I wouldn’t be able to fly home and my trip would have been ruined. Two days after I started the anti-biotics and nothing had improved, I was pretty sure I had a viral infection instead of a bacterial infection. Turns out I was right. The doctor thinks I have shingles in my ear! The inflammation caused by the ear infection has put pressure on my facial nerve thus blocking the transmission of neural signals, or possibly damaging it (at this point we don’t know). I am now on prednisone for the inflammation and anti-virals for the shingles. The people reading this who are worried about the prednisone, it’s a large dose but I am only taking it for 5 days.
You can’t really tell anything is wrong if my face is plain, but if I try to smile I look like the above picture. See how my mouth won’t turn up on the right side? My right eye doesn’t close all the way either. I should assume this will last 3-4 weeks and that my ear should begin to feel better soon. If anything worsens over the next two days I have to go in for a CT Scan for them to rule out anything else. Fingers crossed. Good thoughts please.
When I got home I gathered my girls onto the couch with me and we watched The Princess and The Frog and snuggled up with a blanket. Even daddy watched for awhile with us. Afterward the girls dressed up in their princess clothes and I let them wear my lipstick and play outside in their “dry clean only” dresses. I didn’t freak out about the state of their bedroom or give them grief over the fact that they didn’t finish their dinner. Even though my vanity will take a beating over the next few weeks, I’m counting my blessings today and not the number of toys left on the living room floor. I didn’t have a stroke. Hallelujah.
I just want to say how proud I am to know you and been able to work with you in the past. I commend you for bringing honesty and truth to your very real situation. You have done a beautiful job showing us signs and symptoms of stroke and Bell’s Palsy. It takes a very special person to come out openly and state it like you have. Wishing you a very speedy recovery so you can get back to enjoying your family and life with no worries honey. Standing beside you always, Mel.
Leslie Payne xo ♥
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Thank you dear friend.
Hi, Mel,
Thank you for sharing this harrowing story. I must say, it’s quite shocking and scary to go through a medical crises (having one that goes on and on totally sucks, if I might just add!). I’m relieved that it’s sounds not as serious as it could have been. I will keep you in my healing thoughts/well wishes.
Much love & light to you and your family,
~ lisa <3
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Thanks Lisa. I really appreciate it.
Your story brought tears to my eyes, Mel. I can only imagine the fear…and then the relief! You are an incredibly strong person and an amazingly honest writer. My best thoughts are with you.
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Thanks Elicia. You are so sweet.
Oh no! I’m so glad you didn’t have a stroke but bummer that you are so sick-I hope you get well soon! I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Maman A Droit´s last [type] ..Iz I dum fer Breastfeeding
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Thank you so much. I appreciate all the prayers I can get!
I totally understandhow scary this must have been for you! during my husbands last deployment, while left alone, with 3 kids, 3 states from family or friends. I started suffering from pseudotumor cerebri of course it took all kinds of tests and scans to find out that, my headaches, paralis, dizziness, 1 blind eye, ringing-deaf ears; were caused by increased cranial pressure.
I will keep you in my prayers for a smooth recoverey.
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Oh my gosh that must have been so scary for you. A couple people are pointing to this as the reason I didn’t go to Paris. I would have been there on my own yesterday when this happened as my friend was leaving a few days before me. So I would have had to call 911 and deal with the language barrier (to some extent – I can speak French pretty well but not that fluently) and be stuck in a Paris hospital with no support whatsoever. Not fun.
Oh Melodie! I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You must have been so scared. I’m happy you didn’t have a stroke, but oh mama. I hope this all resolves quickly.
Big hugs.
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Thanks Hillary.
Melodie, I’m so sorry to hear about the ordeal that you have been through. When I first got your blog post in my email, I was thrilled to hear from you – but after reading it I am so sorry for what you have been through. I am glad that you have your family and that you have your blog an outlet when you need it. We are all here for you and will be thinking of you often. Here’s to a speedy recovery! — Judy
Judy @ MommyNewsBlog´s last [type] ..Ask Judy- How Do I Get My Plugged Duct To Go Away
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Thanks Judy. I felt kind of guilty making this my first post back, and I am not even sure if I am coming “back” but I just had to write this out at the end of a pretty emotional day. I think I was also missing the support I have always received here in blog land. I am very grateful for your and everyone’s thoughts and prayers.
Oh my gosh Mel! I’m so glad you are okay! Oddly enough, I know 2 other people who have experienced this…
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 7:59 pm
People have been coming out of the woodwork like crazy with this. In fact, my neighbour’s son’s teacher had this exact thing: shingles in ear that led to Bell’s Palsy. So weird.
So glad you did not have a stroke. As I was reading the first paragraph I immediately thought of Bell’s Palsy and not stroke. Only because I have a friend who just went through a similar thing a few months ago.
Thank you though for showing how similar the 2 illnesses can be in symptoms b/c we often don’t think of stroke right away. Thanks for the reminder.
Praying for a speedy recovery for you.
Melodie Reply:
March 28th, 2011 at 8:07 pm
Yes, people are coming out of the woodwork. It is amazing how many people I am hearing about who have had this. Not something people talk about much, that’s for sure.
Thank goodness you are ok. And thanks for sharing the symptoms to watch for. How scary to go through all that. Will be sending you healing thoughts.
Big hugs!!
Thank you Karen. I felt that sharing the symptoms were pretty important. Even though I have been having those symptoms over the past few days (and still do!) I didn’t have a stroke, but I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t gone to the hospital. So even if someone is unsure if they are having a stroke or if it is “only” Bell’s Palsy, I advise going to the hospital right away. They put possible stroke victims first in line as it is so important to get help immediately. I was so glad to get in right away. And doubly thankful this probably isn’t permanent. Thanks for the well wishes.
my mom also had bell’s palsy and she had to undergo therapy. will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. take care melodie!
Jenny´s last [type] ..What a Busy Weekend!!
my mom also had bell’s palsy and she had to undergo therapy. will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. take care melodie!
Jenny´s last [type] ..What a Busy Weekend!!
I send you the biggest hugs right now. Thank you for the information of your illness, but I hated learning about from a personal experience. I send my healing vibes, and hope they work fast.
I just read your post and feel terrible that you had such a terrifying day. Your story sounds very familiar to me as I have been through many of the same things- shingles, bells palsy (and other issues- headaches, fatigue, joint pain, chronic ENT and upper respiratory issues). I do not know you but feel compelled to comment. It may seem out of left field and I am not a medical professional (just a survivor and a breastfeeding mom), but please ask your doctors about a Lyme Disease test. I went undiagnosed for 4 years, while bouncing around from doctor to doctor, treating a litany of other issues and missing the main cause – Lyme Disease. I was finally diagnosed and successfully
treated. I hope you are able to rest and have a speedy recovery from the Palsy etc. I wish you good luck and good health.
Joanie´s last [type] ..Bring It- Chuck E
So very, very sorry! A friend of mine had Bell’s Palsy and is nearly entirely better now after physical therapy. Best wishes for your recovery.
xox
Rachael´s last [type] ..On My Mind- 032811
Mel baby! I am so glad to hear that everything is ok! When I was initially reading your post, I knew it was most likely Bells Palsy because my sister in law had it after being sick a few years ago. The good thing about Bells is that after a while, with good alternative care like acupuncture and taking vitamin B-1 which supports the nerves you will be all better and back to normal.
I know that feeling though of sheer panic when you think you will not be there for your kids. You aren’t even scared for yourself, but for them. So glad you had a good friend with them and your husband was there with you…also a good thing you did not fly–i know it as a trip you were so looking forward to, but listening to your intuition is so important.
Big love and healing energy coming your way!!!!!! Alex
Alex´s last [type] ..I can see clearly now! Glasses giveaway!
Melodie Reply:
March 29th, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Thanks Alex – I had acupuncture today. Man, has it ever wiped me out! I am taking the week off work and taking extra B vitamins (B12 mostly). Once I am off the prednisone my GP, who is also a Chinese Medicine Doctor (fantastic combo – I am very fortunate) will put me on some herbs too, like St. John’s Wort, and maybe licorice and wild oats. I am doing an anti-inflammatory diet too, which seems simple enough. Not much different from how I am already eating. I just need to be a bit stricter with myself. Anyway, I am happy to be taking it easy. Thanks for your message sweetie.
Melodie- you are the third person I know who has had Bell’s Palsy in the past 3 months. It’s like it’s contagious through the Internet or something.
I hope it goes away quickly and you have control of your face soon! I’m glad it’s not a stroke, as well.
TopHat´s last [type] ..Inquisition Monday- Adoptive Breastfeeding
OHMYGOD Melodie! I’m so sorry that happened to you! That must have been so, so crazy. I hope you heal up as quickly as possible. A friend of mine (a sorta famous musician named Rachael Yamagata) actually had Bell’s Palsy one summer. It went away and she was good as new, but I remember her being super freaked out by it.
I’m so glad it wasn’t a stroke!!!
TheFeministBreeder´s last [type] ..Letter To My Daughter- Advice for a Growing Girl
I’m so sorry this happened, it sounds like it was pretty scary for you. Medical issues are amplified when we have little kids to take care of and think about. I’m glad that it wasn’t serious, and I hope that you’re back to normal soon.
Amber´s last [type] ..Kids Make Noise
Oh my goodness! I too, was so excited to see a post and then so sad to read about today’s events
Mommypotamus´s last [type] ..What The Trees Want To Know
Oh, wow. That’s horrifying for you to have gone through. I’m glad everyone was so able and willing to help you right away — best to be careful where possible strokes are involved! So glad you’re all right and hope you recover quickly.
I was thinking about how you said you didn’t know what messages to pass on to your kids. I honestly don’t know what I would say, either. Maybe I should think of what my Life Mission Statement is or something, not just in case of deathbed pronouncements but to be sure I pass it along regularly so I don’t have to worry about it. Or just say, “I love you,” and leave it at that.
Lauren @ HoboMama´s last [type] ..Hide-and-seek memory game for an activity bag
Oh my gosh, how scary!! I’m so glad it wasn’t a stroke and that it should go away soon!
Amanda´s last [type] ..Letter to my girls at Feminist Breeder!
How scary!
Hallelujah!
It’s kinda good to have to look at the big picture in a really serious way though, isn’t it?
I’m glad you’re okay.
Betsy´s last [type] ..Laughing all the way to the Breastmilk Bank
Mel, your story brought tears to my eyes. Sending you love and warmth, Dominique, Comox
You’ve got me wanting to run home and love on my babies righthisveryminute. I am SO SORRY you had to go through that. I couldn’t imagine the fright and thoughts running through your head. I am nearly in tears just at the thought of it all. Giant hugs coming your way!
Lindsay´s last [type] ..One Day Without Shoes
How terrible! I’m so glad you posted this. My sister had a stroke at 30. She is ok now, but i think more people need to know that it’s just something that happens to old people!
I homeschool too and I really feel it’s the best choice for my children. I think more parents should homeschool, kids are not being taught the common sense part of life that they need to know in public schools.