This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared the many lessons their children have taught them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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What you are about to read is the hardest post I’ve ever written in the 2 years I’ve been blogging.

My kids have taught me a brutal lesson in reality. It’s something I’ve known for a very long time, but instead of doing something about it I’ve been happily burying my head in something else. What? My blog. Why? Because when I started blogging two years ago I had finally found a hobby worth pursuing. My blog has been a place where I could come and write and say things that actually make a difference in other people’s lives. Where I get immediate feedback for my efforts no less. It has also been my place of solace – where I get away from it all – the place where I get to stretch my brain cells for a little while and socialize with women whom with I have enough in common to create our own crunchy mama commune! But in the two years I’ve been blogging I’ve been letting a lot of things in my personal life slide. Rules about TV time for one, spending more quality one-to-one time with my kids for two. When I have a self-imposed blog deadline or find myself busy with other “blog things” I am low of patience. Everyone suffers when I can’t cope with all the people I’m trying to please. My kids, my husband, my friends, my readers and myself. What I have learned from my kids is that I can’t do it all, and in order to be the kind of mom I want to be I need to reorganize my priorities.

Let’s be honest. Blogging takes up tons of time. As any blogger knows, blogging isn’t just about writing your own post, it’s about reading other people’s posts, socializing on Twitter, Facebook and other forms of social media, replying to comments, and if you do giveaways, advertising your giveaways on other sites everyday. I’m also not one of those people who can whip out a post in 15 minutes and call it a day. I’m not a speed reader either. In the past year or so I have tried to cut back on blogs I read and comment on, but not socializing gives me a guilty conscience. The people who read and comment on my blog feel like friends so when I just can’t acknowledge them or comment on one of their posts I feel like I’m letting them down. Every once in awhile I decide to do more to promote my blog too, so I go around finding new blogs to make an appearance at and the hours tick away.

I don’t make a lot of money from blogging. The money I do receive doesn’t even pay for blog upkeep. So I’m not blogging to make a living. If I was I wouldn’t even be writing this. Jobs take us away from our kids and that’s just the way it is. But my writing is a hobby. So every time I blog, unless I do it while the kids are in bed, it is taking time away from them. I think it is important for a parent to have a hobby, even more than one! But most hobbies don’t take 5-8 hours a day and don’t include sitting in front of a computer. My time at the computer makes it look like so much screen time is okay, and that’s just not something I am okay with. This is not the type of role model I wanted to be. There are numerous many reasons why I think screen time is bad for young children. For a comprehensive list go here.

And yet….

I currently submit my children to approximately five hours of television a day (that includes when they spend time at other people’s houses). This is well beyond the national average and breaks my heart that I have strayed so far from my values. I used to pride myself that when my oldest was 2 1/2 she still didn’t know who Dora The Explorer was. Now they know all the names of the Disney princesses and have watched Snow White and Aladdin more times than I have ever watched anything. Sometimes I don’t even know what they are watching and find out later that they have been exposed to things that I would never let them watch at 3 and 6 years old. This just makes me want to cry.

Guess when I introduced screens as a babysitter? Yep, right around the time I started blogging. It became a convenient way to get posts written. My oldest would watch a video while I nursed my baby at the computer. I knew better, but I excused it away with the fact that three hundred pairs of breastfeeding eyes per day were counting on me to come through for them. A little bit of Backyardigans or Wonder Pets couldn’t hurt my kids too much.

But oh, they have.

My kids would rather stay home and watch Disney re-runs than go to the beach with me. Instead of the fun adventure it used to be, a walk in the forest is now boring and met with tantrums and tears. My kids regularly engage in bad behaviours (i.e., not listening to me, teasing and/or hurting each other) and I think it’s partly because they think they can get away with it because over time they’ve worn me down and now I don’t react as fast as I used to. I usually finish typing my sentence before I come and deal with them. Walking to town is fun for my youngest who literally runs the entire way but my oldest cries the whole way whining that we’re supposed to drive to town because that’s what cars are for. Somewhere along the way, I’ve stopped being able to teach my kids about my values. Or rather, I haven’t stopped talking about them, but I have certainly stopped showing them. There is never enough time in the day because I allow my spare time to be taken up by the computer. Instead of riding bikes or walking to yoga lessons or the library, we drive because I leave things to the last minute. When I did daycare I used to get up early with the kids and have no TV all day. Now that I start work early in the mornings they get up and watch cartoons for two hours before their dad gets up.

Some of you know that I’ve been grappling with what I should do about my blog. I have really loved writing here, but I put so much pressure on myself to try to be a “good blogger,” and I just don’t feel good about doing things in a half-ass fashion. So I’ve decided to use this carnival as my jumping off platform to say farewell. Instead of just cutting back on posts (because that doesn’t work for me) I’ve decided to make a clean break. If I’m really itching to write something I’ll post as a guest somewhere. I plan to follow up this announcement post with one or two more posts to close up shop, but after that I will be done.

Why did I just push myself under the bus? Why did I just share all of my failings as a mother? Because I think it’s important for everyone who reads blogs to know that none of us are perfect, plus if I didn’t write down my shortcomings for the world to see it wouldn’t be out there in black and white reminding me why I have decided to do this in the first place. I chose this blog carnival as my platform because a) it makes me liable for my decision (when I send this to the moderators a week early), b) it gives me a week to digest my new reality, and c) the carnival topic was too perfect to pass up.

It’s a New Year, and I want to spend more time with my kids and get back to living my values. I want to learn to knit and take long walks in the forest. I want to try hot yoga (because I need to lose the 30 pounds that I have gained while blogging – not to say they go hand in hand, but blogging certainly doesn’t give me time to do anything about it) and play board games with my family in the evenings. In the Spring I want to build and plant a garden and in the Fall learn to can vegetables. Right now, blogging doesn’t give me enough time to do these things. And one thing that’s been reinforced by reading and writing so many blog posts is that childhoods fly by and life is short.

I am comforted by the fact that all the breastfeeding posts I’ve written will remain on line. I get 50% of my traffic from Google, which means that approximately 6000 people per month will still be able to benefit from them. I will also stay on Facebook and Twitter because it doesn’t take much much of my time and I am looking forward to sharing old posts with new followers. But for the rest of it, you and they are just going to have to go through the categories or learn to love my search bar. Having helped numerous women and having made some amazing connections along the way I am ready to embrace what I have accomplished here and move forward.

Deep breath. So here I go.

Epilogue:

I wrote this a little over a week ago and finished up my last post (coming in a few days) a couple days later. I just felt like sharing that after two years of writing an average 3-4 posts per week, this “not blogging” thing is hard. At first I seriously didn’t know what to do with myself in my spare time. I would turn on the computer and just stare at the screen, hopping from Facebook to Twitter to my emails and my Reader, wondering what the heck my life would look like without this daily routine.

But the past few days have been wonderful. I took my kids for a walk in the woods by the beach and they went from whining that walks are boring to skipping along the trails yelling back at me what fun they were having. We went to the museum and spent almost three hours there. Not once did I get that anxious feeling that in the past has told me “I have to get back to check my emails and finish editing that blog post!” I haven’t yet turned off the TV completely. After the number of hours they’ve had everyday I am cutting back slowly. But I’ve been able to sit down, monitor, and watch TV with them, cuddled in a blanket on the couch. I have more patience and the kids seem happier too. I will miss telling all of you about my life and my thoughts on breastfeeding, natural parenting, bed sharing, vegetarianism and my homeschooling experiences, but I look forward to this new chapter. Life is good.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 11 with all the carnival links.)

• Affection — Alicia at I Found My Feet has finally become a hugger and kisser, now she has someone sweet and small to snuggle with. (@aliciafagan)
• Learning from Daniel — Amy at Anktangle hopes that she and her husband will always be open to learning from their son. (@anktangle)
• Kids Cultivate Awareness of Universal Truths — From forgiveness to joy, Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness has become aware of deep truths that come naturally to children. (@InnateWholeness)
• What the Apple Teaches the Tree — Becky at Future Legacy has learned about imagination, forgiveness, and strength.
• A Lesson in Slowing Time — Bethy at Bounce Me To the Moon revels in the chance to just be with her baby.
• Learning From My Children: I Am So Honored — WAHM Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey is learning to choose tea parties over work. (@MyMotheringPath)
• P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E — Now that she’s a mother, Danielle at born.in.japan is finally learning about a personality trait she lacked. (@borninjp)
• Top 5 Homeschool Lessons My Children Taught Me — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares what she learned from homeschooling her (now grown) children. (@DebChitwood)
• Learning to Live in the Present By Looking to the Future — Dionna at Code Name: Mama finds the patience to be a gentle parent, because she knows how fleeting childhood really is. (@CodeNameMama)
• The watchful Buddha boy — At Dreaming Aloud, they are learning to cherish their thoughtful, sensitive child in a action-driven, noisy world. (@DreamingAloudNt)
• What My Children Taught Me — Dulce de Leche‘s children have taught her to value herself for the wonderful person and mother she is.
• Lessons from the First Year — Having a child made Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama realize that her decisions affect more than just herself. (@CrunchyishMama)
• Lessons from Loss — Erica at ChildOrganics learned so much from the love — and loss — of her sweet Bella, five years ago. (@ChildOrganics)
• The Socratic Baby — Erin at Multiple Musings has so-called “identical” twins to serve as a daily lesson in nature vs. nurture. (@ErinLittle)
• Learning to be a Mother — Farmer’s Daughter learned the type of patience that enabled her to calmly eat one-handed for months and change clothes seven times a day, before noon. (@FarmDaughter)
• A Few Things Being a Mom Has Taught Me — Heather at Musing Mommy shares the curious, hilarious, and sometimes Murphy’s Law-like tidbits we learn from our children. (@xakana)
• I Feel You — Motherhood has taught Jamey from At the Bee Hive empathy, and it extends beyond just her child. (@JameyBly)
• Lessons From My Child… — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy shares the inspiring ways she’s learned to expect the unexpected — and have a camera ready! (@imaftmummy)
• My child is my mirror — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama has seen herself in her children – and it’s not bad. (@crunchychewy)
• There is enough to go around… — Kellie at Our Mindful Life learned that love doesn’t diminish when it’s shared.
• Learning From Our Children, Every Day — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia, Canada is continually inspired by her children. (@UsborneBooksCB)
• Life Lessons From My Children — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood has learned that every slug is fascinating, doing the dishes is fun, and sharing a banana is a delight. (@crunchymamato2)
• Things I’ve Learned From My Children — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings uses pictures to share what she has learned from her children. (@sunfrog)
• Beyond the questions lies the answer — Lauren at Hobo Mama stopped wondering and started knowing — loving and liking our children comes naturally. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Learning from Children — Lily, aka Witch Mom, finds out just how enchanting balloons can be. (@LilyShahar)
• Lifelong Learning — Lindsay at Living in Harmony has learned that what works for one kid might not work for another. (@AttachedMama)
• Walking alongside my daughter — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude is learning to give the clock less power over her family’s life.
• Things my baby taught me about me — Luschka at Diary of a First Child is proud of how she has grown as a mother. (@lvano)
• From my children, I have learned — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip has a litany of beautiful lessons, from selflessness to sleeplessness.
• The Little Things in Life — In a simple and lovely prose poem, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shows how adults worry about the wrong things and forget the little, important ones: watching ladybugs, jumping in leaves, cherishing each moment as it comes.
• The Virtues of Motherhood — Melissa at The New Mommy Files has had opportunities to learn from children as both a teacher and a mother. (@NewMommyFiles)
• My Kids Have Taught Me That It’s Time To Stop Blogging — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has learned that childhoods fly by too fast to blog. We’ll miss your wonderful online presence, Melodie, and we wish you much peace and happiness. (@bfmom)
• Having Kids Has Taught me a Thing or Two — Michelle at The Parent Vortex learns all day long — from fun facts about hedgehogs to tying a complicated wrap with a screaming child and an audience. (@TheParentVortex)
• We Could All Learn from the Children — Momma Jorje takes time to get on the floor and play so that she can see the world through her child’s eyes.
• Teaching Forgiveness — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog has a daughter who’s taught her unconditional love — even when she feels like she does’t deserve it. (@littlegreenblog)
• Parenting as a joint venture — Olivia at Write About Birth appreciates watching the astonishing way her children learn. (@writeaboutbirth)
• Beginner’s Mind — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns from a child who builds bridges to nowhere, calls letter magnets his numbers, and insists dinnertime is truck time. (@RachaelNevins)
• A baby’s present — RS at A Haircut and a Shave presents a short poem on the differences between a baby’s mindfulness and ours.
• Self-Confidence Was Born With My Daughter — Sara at Halfway Crunchy learned to trust her instincts by responding to her child’s needs — and saw her self-confidence bloom.
• The Importance of Being Less Earnest — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante has one list of earnest and one list of silly things she has learned as a parent. (@seonaid_lee)
• Lessons my children have taught me — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes learned that attachment parenting was the best way to meet the needs of her child and herself. (@Sheryljesin)
• Till the water is clear — Stacy at Mama-Om learns that being present is the best present. (@mama_om)
• I Hold It — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine has learned that the ability to communicate is much more important than the number of words a child knows.
• What My Children Taught Me About Letting Go — Summer at Finding Summer is learning from her kids to laugh in the face of heartache. (@summerminor)
• Finding My Tools — The Artsymama has applied some of what she’s learned as a mama in the classroom, with great results!

Related posts:

1. I Know Blogging Has Taken Over My Life When…
2. When Your Children Cry At Nap Time In Daycare
3. Simple Indoor Activities For Kids

My husband has been supportive of natural parenting, but I do get the sense that if he had married and had kids with someone else he wouldn’t be adamant about it like I am.

Actually, once upon a time my husband was married to someone else and he did have a child with her. Lucky for me, she and I have the breastfeeding thing in common so he got indoctrinated with its importance when my step son was born. In fact, my step son was breastfed until he was two, and as my husband recalls, he probably would have nursed longer if he self-weaned. I don’t think his ex was as crunchy as me, but the fact that she breastfed so long has worked in my favour. I shudder to think what things would have been like if she had bottle fed their son.

My hubby in an alternate universe: “My son had formula and he turned out just fine! Are you insinuating that I harmed him by feeding him formula? You want to breastfeed for how long!?”

Phew, thanks hubby’s ex-wife!

My husband leaves most of the attachment parenting stuff to me. This is not to say he isn’t attached to his children, but as far as Dr. Sears Baby B’s went, that was all me. He was one of those late-attachment forming dads, which is to say, even though he loved them on the spot at birth, once they reached an age when he became a person of interest and not just an intrusion that got between them and my boobs, he became more and more involved in their care. That’s not to say I did it all. He changed their cloth diapers, held them when they cried, and was supportive of my choice to breastfeed and bed share. But I am the one who read the books, talked with the other natural parenting moms, and of course, who has the boobs. When I am in doubt I have places to go to build my strength and confidence. When he’s been in doubt, he’s just in doubt, and it’s hard to be the only one doing the convincing that crying-it-out isn’t okay and that breastfeeding past age three is fine.

Last year he said to our two year old daughter, “You’re not going to be having milkies for much longer you know.” She did know. (That he was wrong!) We used to read a very cute book about weaning that she loved, but I stopped talking to her about weaning because I could see that she wasn’t ready. And “soon” to a two year old is a pretty abstract term. “Soon” tonight? “Soon” next year? (beyond comprehension!) Now, if the subject of weaning is brought up she completely ignores us. She knows she can have it at bedtime and in the morning. That’s good enough for both of us, and daddy now accepts that this is the way it is.

A hot non-gay dad carrying his baby girl.

As far as babywearing goes…sorry…I needed a break to wipe the tears of hilarity from my eyes as I think about it. As I share the following, please be advised that this is my husband’s sense of humour talking here and I think it is funny because I enjoy his sarcasm. My sharing this with you is not meant to offend you.

My husband is NOT a babywearer. I pretty much forced him to carry our first daughter in my ring sling when she was a couple weeks old. I took a picture. It was a pretty special occasion as it hasn’t happened since. We went for a five minute walk and then he was done. A man carrying a baby in a baby carrier, to him, is akin to a man carrying his wife’s purse. Which, by the way, he won’t hold for me even if I have to put mine down in a public place, for like 2 minutes. He’ll put it on a shelf and guard it but he won’t touch it.

“C’mon!” I’d say. “All the cool dads wear their babies. See!” And then I’d shove pictures of cute, crunchy-looking dads carrying babies and toddlers in mei-tais and backpacks from the pages of my Mothering Magazine in his face. “Don’t you want to be a cool dad?”

“They’re all gay!” he’d smirk.

“But this one has big muscles and tattoos and is carrying a chain saw!” I’d lament.

“Gay.”

So no offense to anyone’s non-gay babywearing husband. I think guys who wear their babies are hot. That whole I-want-to-bond-with-my-baby-by-holding-him-close-thing makes me swoon a little. It’s right up there with “Honey, mind if I vacuum for you today? And then clean the bathtub? I really want to.” Oh yes. Here I am. Swooning away. Swoon swoon swoon.

But my husband is only sorta crunchy in a non-committal sort of way when it comes to natural parenting. I think it’s so he has an exit if things get tough, or if our child suddenly doesn’t fit the image of an attachment parented child, which in our house is since the beginning of time. Our kids scream, cling, and whine. Because of this I think he feels like he can say “See! Attachment parenting doesn’t work!” But then I say “Things would only be worse if I wasn’t doing it this way!”

Don’t get me wrong, I feel his frustration too. There have been times I’ve questioned whether attachment or natural parenting was and/or is right for our kids, but I always come back to yes. Following my instincts, choosing to stay close to my babies, either by breastfeeding, baby wearing or bed sharing, and treating them with the same kind of respect that we would want to be treated with as adults, feels right. Luckily, my husband has a hard time arguing with that. And luckily, I enjoy his sense of humour.

Dad With Daughter on Beach Photo Credit: simmbarb

Baby Wearing Photo Credit: Sierraromeo

Related posts:

1. Monday Musings: Becoming An Attachment Parent
2. Parenting Insights Gained From Being In A Wheel Chair
3. Self-Attachment: Smart Babies Want to Breastfeed

I run a licensed family child care and look after children ages 1 to 6. Some days I have up to four children who need naps. Before a recent change in licensing regulations, I contended with napping as many as three one year olds (now only as many as two one year olds) at a time. Putting three one year olds (or even two year olds) down for naps who aren’t yet fully comfortable with being apart from their parents (read: Mommy), or familiar with his or her new care provider, or with being in a daycare setting, or who just needs a number of interventions to get to sleep, can be challenging. When the care provider has her own child to put down for a nap who gets nursed to sleep (that would be me!), the challenge increases substantially.

All children have a different nap routine. I try to figure out what the parents do at home and replicate it as much as I can at the daycare. If they get a story, I read a story; if they get rocked, I rock them; if I have to sit with them for five minutes and rub their back, I do it. The easiest sleeper goes down first and I always put my own child down last. Which isn’t always an easy task, as nap time also depends on each child’s level of fatigue and depending on the day, that varies. In the past, I have had to lie down with another child, rubbing their back and singing quietly while nursing my own very irritable and tired baby until the first one fell asleep and I could put mine into her own bed. Over the years my girls have learned how not to have a nap time routine so the other kids could have theirs.

Nap time is always the hardest part of the day because there are always those children who desperately need to nap but won’t.

More times than I care to remember I have had up to three wailing toddlers at nap time, which has looked something like this: The first one goes down, followed by the second one fifteen minutes later, but the second one doesn’t quite fall asleep and wakes up as I try to put the third one down right afterward, thus waking up the first one and keeping up the third, all who howl and so we start all over again.

Yes, they are all already in separate bedrooms. What is a daycare provider with an attachment parenting philosophy to do? What do Dr. Sears-following mothers of twins and triplets do?

I’ve tried walking two in a double stroller and baby wearing one on my back to get them all to sleep, but that’s not a sustainable, everyday kind of way to do things. I’ve tried rocking one on my lap while cooing to and rubbing another’s back. I’ve tried napping them all in the same room. Eventually the ones who really need sleep fall asleep. But sometimes children cry and nothing I can do stops them. At these times I feel it is important to be with them, and so I am, but it takes its toll. On them, me and the other children sometimes too.  If they aren’t crying because they are sad, then they’re crying because they’re too tired to stay up and play.

Thankfully, I have figured out a way to mostly eliminate days like this from happening, which thereby decreases my stress. I’ve shortened my work week, shortened my work hours, and I screen families for easy sleepers. But that took three years to figure out, and I am lucky in that as I run my own business I can call the shots. Daycare providers who work in group settings don’t get to pick and choose the children they take in, and even though they have help from co-workers, which I do not, I can’t imagine it is much fun to put ten “under two” year olds, to bed at one time.

To investigate this further, right here in the middle of my post, I called my local Child Care Resource and Referral Center and asked “How Do Infant and Toddler Group Daycares do it?” The answer was enlightening and heartening. Under British Columbia Child Care Regulations, an infant and toddler child care center must employ one Early Childcare Educator (ECE) with a specialization in infant care for every four children. Which basically means even if you work in a space with 20 babies, you have four other sets of hands to help you, lend an ear and give you respite when your nerves get  frazzled. And at the end of the day you are only responsible for four children.

Whether you choose a group child care centre or a family daycare, if your child still needs naps I recommend the following: Teach your little one how to fall asleep with minimal interventions. The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley is a great resource. Then your child will be able to take those sleep habits with him to daycare, resulting in less crying. You will feel better knowing your child is sleeping, and your care provider will be able to put the other children to bed much easier resulting in more peace all around. As well, this will give her the refreshed ability to provide your child with the kind of care that your child deserves – the best!

What would you do if you were in my position? How would you handle up to three crying exhausted toddlers?

Related posts:

1. Breastfeeding At My Family Daycare
2. Mindfully Loving My Children
3. Are Breastfed Children Less Likely To Sleep With Dolls?

I hope this won’t be too late in getting to you, but I thought I would try anyway.

So you might be wondering why I am writing to you since a) I’m 36 and b) we’ve had a fortunate year and don’t really need anything right now. I know that people mostly write to you in the name of “this year I want” and “please bring me such and such,” but this letter is a bit different. You see, I am not writing for me, but instead for my oldest daughter.

Physically, she looks like all the other children, but socially she has a difficult time.

For Christmas I would like you to bring my daughter courage. Courage to overcome her shyness and say hello to someone, to reach out and invite someone to play and then more courage to actually play with them. I would like you to bring her a friend. One who will see the fun and loving child she is and grow to know her and love her and give her the confidence she lacks and the friendship she longs for. I also hope you might have a little room in your sack for some patience for me as I strive for the balance between helping her make friends and giving her space to learn how to do it herself.

I am so glad she has her little sister and I am grateful for how much they love each other and play well together, but whereas her sister has the skills and drive to make friends, she herself does not, and it breaks my heart to see her falter in her words in response to a mere “hello” from another child, let alone initiate a “hello.” On second thought please bring me some courage of my own to stay strong for her and for my own self when I am falling apart inside.

I saw a very similar letter that another mother wrote to you that wound up in the Globe and Mail last week, and I thought that maybe you were granting these kinds of wishes this year and perhaps I could request my wish before you ran out of prospects. Since I got my Vita-Mix last month I really don’t need anything else.

The girls will leave you some cookies and some water for you and the reindeer just in case you may have become lactose intolerant over the years but are too polite to say so.

Thank you very much Santa.

Sincerely,

Melodie

photo credit: johnnyberg

No related posts.

On Thursday I sprained my ankle.

I have to admit that a few days of watching movies on the couch with my feet up and having my hubby and step son cook dinner has been nothing short of blissful. I’ve even managed to stay off the computer.

However, this weekend I wanted the family to see the free exhibit at the BC Royal Museum. Since it still hurts to walk, when we arrived we found me a wheelchair. At first it was nice being wheeled around. The kids were enjoying taking turns and it was nice to once again put my feet up.  Except soon I began to get annoyed. Every time I would be in the middle of reading someone’s sad love letter, or looking at an artifact of some type (you should see the art the soldiers did in the trenches during WWI!) one of my daughter’s would wheel me away. Or they would wheel me to an area but not close enough for me to see anything well and then run off. At one point I needed someone’s attention to move me over so another patron could read something, and no one was there.

Suddenly, I understood in a way I couldn’t have before, how a small child feels when we control what they can and can’t do.

• When we come into a room and pick them up before they are ready to leave.
• When we move them away from a toy they are playing with before they are ready to stop playing.
• When we assume they won’t need us for a moment and disappear.

It sucks! Even though I, as an adult, didn’t burst into pitiful tears when I couldn’t reach the Canadian Genealogy brochure, it was annoying to want something and not have the ability to get it without asking for help. Imagine being a preverbal toddler and not having those skills in the first place.

Another thing about being in a wheelchair is how much more strongly one’s environment smells. When we left the museum we went to Costco. Thankfully, I was able to push my own chair there, and getting back that control made all the difference in the world. But the smells were unbearable. Not only did scented products on the shelves right next to my head just about cause me to pass out, I was also just above bum-height. Need I say more? Maybe some of those inexplicable toddler cries are due to not being able to escape the smell of an off gassing carpet or a scented floor cleaner.

When we finished our errands I got out of the wheelchair and hobbled to our car. While I was still in a lot of pain I felt pretty thankful to have the ability to walk, to see above other people’s heads, and have the use of language. And as much as it drove me crazy that the kids tried to run with me down the aisles without considering that there were other people we could have run into, being in the loving care of family who understood me when I said “slow down,” was pretty great. But I do hope my foot heals soon.

Have you ever been wheelchair bound? How was your experience?

Related posts:

1. My Experience of Being Married To a Partner Who Isn’t Always Sure That Attachment Parenting Is Best

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they stay centered and find balance. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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As crazy as my life has been of late, with the move (away from friends), the new job (the first time I’ve worked outside the home since before the kids were born), and the new home learning experience (we were in public school last year), I actually feel like I finally have a sense of balance. This comes as a total surprise to me and I really had to think about how this has been possible.

What am I doing differently?

This is what I came up with: I’m organizing my daily responsibilities and including mindfully spending time with my family. I have a set part time work schedule, we have a set date night, and my daughter is home learning and participating in set weekly classes outside the home.

The biggest change has been that for the first time ever (yes, ever!), I have been able to separate work from mothering.  Before, when I did family child care, work and mothering were essentially the same thing. The lines were as blurred as the traffic lines to the eyes of a drunk driver. In the daycare I parented my kids and I essentially parented other people’s kids. Then the other kids went home and I parented some more. Now that I have a non-parenting type job that takes me out of the house three or four days a week, I can better cope with the trials and tribulations of mothering. It makes a huge difference to the quality of my parenting.

For the first time ever (another truth!), my husband and I go out on set date nights. Two people make this possible each week: our neighbour and my 17 year old step son (two people who weren’t in our everyday lives before we moved here). This is the first time I have ever lived with my step son and it’s the first time, since he was two years old, that my husband has had him full time. It’s a pretty big deal to my hubby to have his son with us for his last year of school, and for all the worrying I did about how it would work, living with him has been such a blessing. He has always been a great kid, he doesn’t get into trouble, he’s respectful, and he’s a good communicator, but on top of all that, now my girls have a real big brother. Not just one they were lucky to see maybe once a month and often get mixed up with the boy we did respite care for every two weeks, but every single day. So once a week we go out for a few hours and big brother feeds, plays with and puts his sisters to bed. And if he is out or has homework then our dear neighbour, who has become like family since we moved here, looks after the kids and puts them to bed for us. For free. It’s her pleasure, she says. We deserve it, she says. We love this woman. In fact, I have to say that since moving here I actually feel like we’re living in a little village because there are more adults here who love and spend time with our kids than we had in our other town. And I can’t even express how good that feels to have that kind of support. I can even comfortably nurse my 3 1/2 year old around them!

When I signed up to homeschool I knew it would be a challenging transition. It has had its moments, but more than anything it has given me the opportunity to be more present with my children and really think about how we are going to spend our time together. And when we spend time together we are actively being together, not just co-existing in the same room like we used to when I did daycare. When I get off work my time is theirs. Unless I’m looking up “How bees make honey,” the laptop is closed. And this helps me balance my blogging too because I need to find a way to fit it in when I’m not at work or schooling my daughter. This has inevitably led to less posts, and admittedly, thoughts of quitting, but it has given all aspects of my life a more balanced share of my time.

If you’d asked me last year how I find balance in my life, I would have said that a weekly get-together with friends was my secret. Now that I live in the city without my mommy friends, I have balance in my life by having a balanced schedule of activities, at work, with my kids, and with my husband. Oh yeah, and I think at the end of this month I’ll start taking pottery lessons again. (Because time by myself is an important part of attaining balance too).

There’s something about being really busy that lends itself to balance. It reminds me of the smart, popular, athletic kids in high school, who were on the local swim team, played trumpet, played basketball, sat on the student council and still managed to get straight A’s. When you’re that busy you need to schedule your time to do everything successfully. I think I understand that now.

How do you find balance in your life?

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated October 12 with all the carnival links.)

Related posts:

1. Do You Fear Change?
2. How Breastfeeding Can Change Our Body Image
3. Hey Facebook! Change Your Policies! Breastfeeding is Not Obscene!

Birthing.

Placenta still attached.

Breastfeeding.

I bought these dolls to commemorate the breastfeeding relationship between me and each of my girls. I hope they will have them for a lifetime and hand them down to their daughters.

To learn more: Mamamor

Related posts:

1. Wordless Wednesday: Breastfeeding at the Computer
2. Wordless Wednesday: Taking Risks
3. Almost Wordless Wednesday