This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how kids get involved in cooking and feeding. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

She was doing a home schooling exercise in one of her activity books where she had to choose the healthiest foods from a list to make a healthy dinner for a family. From this exercise she decided she wanted to make her own menu for a pretend restaurant. After deciding on the foods she wanted to serve for breakfast, lunch and dinner, plus beverages, she decided she wanted to pretend that our kitchen was a real restaurant. She wanted to be the server and chef, seat us, take our order, make our meal and serve it to us.

We started around 4:00 PM. She set the table, deciding to put salt, pepper and ketchup on it as well. She wrote “Please wait to be seated” on the chalk board. She greeted us as we “arrived” at the restaurant and showed us to our table. She gave us her menu and told us she was out of pizza (Earlier, I explained the amount of time it would take to make a pizza from scratch so she agreed she wouldn’t try to make this). We told her we’d like water to start, so she wrote it down and came back with three glasses of water on her play cookie tray.

I quietly talked the rest of the family into having the same thing on the menu to make it a little easier on the girl. She has baked with me many times but has never cooked supper with me (she has never wanted to), and she had never made anything on the menu that she wrote down. We chose spaghetti with tomato sauce and ceasar salad and she wrote down our order.

For the salad she washed and tore the lettuce, put it in individual bowls and put the croutons and dressing on. She chose to garnish the plate with a wedge of lemon which I had cut up earlier. This was our appetizer, which she served to us while she finished boiling the pasta. I did have to tell her to check the spaghetti noodles as she didn’t know to read the package to time it. She drained the noodles in a strainer all by herself. (That was probably the hardest thing I let her do on her own). She kept the sauce part easy by just using sauce from a jar, which she tried and tried to open by herself, but it was one of those stuck ones. She was actually quite upset that I had to help her unscrew the jar, as “customers don’t help the cooks in a restaurant!”, but she knew that she needed my help for that one.

After serving us her food she pretended to arrive at the restaurant and join us as herself. Then, her sister realized that the server hadn’t refilled her water glass so my oldest said “I’ll go get her,” and came back to the table as the server, got the water, and then came back to the table as herself again. Everyone loved the food and she was extremely pleased and proud of herself. She even brought us a bill at the end of the meal. She got to practice some math skills after we figured out a fair price for the meal and then we did a pretend debit card transaction and that was the night!

My proud girl

Since blowing us all out of the water she has learned to sew, and now she is trying to knit. She’s also talking about making us dinner again. I can’t wait to see what she’ll make next.

Have your kids ever made you a meal? How old are they? I’d love to hear all about it.

Photo credits: Author

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon November 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Baking & letting go — Cooking with kids can be a mess. Nadia at Red White & GREEN Mom is learning to relax, be patient, and have fun with the process.
• Family feeding in Child of Mine — Lauren at Hobo Mama reviews Ellyn Satter’s suggestions for appropriate feeding and points out where her family has problems following through.
• Children with Knives! (And other Kitchen Tools) — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy teaches her children how to safely use knives.
• “Mommy, Can I Help?” — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how she lets her kiddos help out with cooking, despite her {sometimes} lack of patience!
• Solids the Second Time Around — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts her experiences introducing solids to her second child.
• The Adventure of Toddler Tastebuds — The Accidental Natural Mama shares a few things that helped her daughter develop an adventurous palate.
• A Tradition of Love — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy looks forward to sharing the kitchen traditions passed on from her mom and has already found several ways to involve baby in the kitchen.
• The Very Best Classroom — Alicia C. at McCrenshaw’s Newest Thoughts reveals how her kitchen is more than a place to make food – it’s a classroom!
• Raising Little Chefs — Chef Mike guest posts on Natural Parents Network about how he went from a guy who couldn’t cook to a chef who wanted to teach his boys to know how the food we love is made.
• In the Kitchen with my kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares a delicious soup recipe that her kids love.
• Papa, the Pancake Artist — Papa’s making an incredible breakfast over at Our Mindful Life.
• Kids won’t eat salad? Try this one! — Tat at Mum in Search is sharing her children’s favourite salad recipe.
• Recipe For a Great Relationship — Cooking with kids is about feeding hearts as well as bellies, writes Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• The Ritual of Mealtimes — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins writes about the significance of mealtimes in her family’s daily rhythm.
• Kid, Meet Food. Food, Kid. — Alburnet at What’s Next? panicks about passing on her food “issues” to her offspring.
• Growing Up in the Kitchen — Cassie at There’s a Pickle in My Life shares how her son is growing up in the kitchen.
• Harvesting Corn and History — From Kenna at School Garden Year: The kids in the school garden harvest their corn and learn how much history grows in their food.
• My Guiding Principles for Teaching my Child about Food — Tree at Mom Grooves uses these guiding principles to give her daughter a love of good food and an understanding of nutrition as well as to empower her to make the best choices for her body.
• Kitchen Control — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro writes about her struggles to relinquish control in the kitchen to her children.
• Food — Emma at Your Fonder Heart lets her seven month old teach her how to feed a baby.
• Kitchen Fun? — Adrienne at Mommying My Way questions how much fun she can have in a non-functional kitchen, while trying to remain positive about the blessings of cooking for her family.
• Kitchen Adventures — Erica at ChildOrganics shares fun ways to connect with your kids in the kitchen.
• Kids in the Kitchen: Finding the Right Tools — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares some of her favorite child-sized kitchen gadgets and where to find them.
• The Kitchen Classroom — Laura at Authentic Parenting knows that everything your kids want to learn is at the end of the ladle.
• Kids in the Kitchen — Luschka from Diary of a First Child talks about the role of the kitchen in family communication and shares fun kitchen activities for the under two.
• Our Kitchen is an Unschooling Classroom. — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle explores the many ways her kitchen has become a rich environment for learning.
• Montessori-Inspired Food Preparation for Preschoolers — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares lots of resources for using Montessori food preparation activities for young children in the kitchen.
• My Little Healthy Eater — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares her research on what is the best first food for babies, and includes a healthy and yummy breakfast recipe.
• Two Boys and Papa in the Kitchen: Recipe for Disaster? — MudpieMama shares all about her fears, joys and discoveries when the boys and handsome hubby took over the kitchen.
• Food choices, Food treats — Henrietta at Angel Wings and Herb Tea shares her family’s relationship with food.
• learning to eat — Catherine at learner mummy reflects on little M’s first adventures with food.
• The Night My 7-Year-Old Made Dinner — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares how her 7-year-old daughter surprised everyone by turning what started as an idea to play restaurant into pulling off making supper for her family.
• Cooking With a High-Needs Toddler — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how Montessori-inspired activities and a bit of acceptance have helped her overcome hurdles in cooking while caring for a “high-needs” child.
• Kids in the Kitchen – teaching healthy food choices — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares her belief in the importance of getting kids into the kitchen using her favorite cookbook for kids to develop healthy food choices now and hopefully into the future.
• Make Milk, Not War — Tamara at Tea for Three remembers the daily food fights as she struggled to feed a picky eater.
• teaching baby birds about good food. — Sarah at Small Bird on Fire writes about the ways in which her family chooses to gently teach their son how to make wise food decisions.
• 5 Ways to Enhance Your Baby or Young Toddler’s Relationship with Food — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares simple ways to give your child a healthy beginning to her lifelong relationship with food.
• Toddler at the Table: 10 Creative Solutions — Moorea at Mamalady shares tips for preventing meal-time power struggles.
• How My Child Takes Responsibility During His Mealtime… — Jenny @ I’m a full-time mummy shares how she teaches and encourages her 32 months old son on adopting good manners and responsibilities during his mealtimes…
• megan — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares six tips for overcoming some of the the difficulties of cooking with multiple young sous chefs, and a recipe they all can agree on!
• How BLW has made me a better parent — Zoe at Mummykins shares how baby-led weaning has changed her approach to parenting.
• My Budding Chef — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom is no cook but is happy that her daughter has shown an inclination and manages to whip up yummy goodies for their family.
• Kids in the Kitchen: An Activity for Every Age — Gaby from Tmuffin describes how she keeps her kids busy in the kitchen, whether they are one week old or two years old.
• The Phantastically Mutlipurposed Phyllo — Ana at Pandamoly shares how Phyllo is used to create enticing dishes at home! Anything can be made into a Struedel!
• Kitchen Kids — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen shares her children’s most favorite recipe to make, experience and eat.
• Independence vs. Connection in the Kitchen: won’t you please get yourself your own snack already? — Lisa at Organic Baby Atlanta wishes her daughter would just go make a mess in the kitchen. But her daughter only wants to do it together.
• Grandma Rose’s Kitchen — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter reminisces about her childhood and dreams of filling her kitchen with people, love, noise, and messes.
• Healthy Food Choices for Kids — Jorje offers one way to encourage children to make their own healthy food choices at MommaJorje.com.
• Cooking food to thrive rather than survive — Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales is trying to foster a lifetime of good food habits by teaching her children about the importance of avoiding junk, cooking healthy meals, and learning about the whole food process.
• Evolution of a self-led eater — Sheila at A Gift Universe shares the story of how her son grew from nursing around the clock to eating everything in sight, without her having to push.
• 10 Ways Tiny Helps In The Kitchen — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama explores the ways in which her toddler actively participates in kitchen-related activities.
• The Complexity of Feeding a Child — Feeding children a healthy diet is no straight-forward task, but Lisa at My World Edenwild shares some general guidelines to help your child thrive.
• Lactation Cookies — That Mama Gretchen shares a fun recipe that will benefit both mamas and babies!
• The Best Books and Websites to Inspire Kids in the Kitchen — Need inspiration to get your kids in the kitchen? Dionna at Code Name: Mama rounds up some of the best books and websites that can serve as a source for ideas, recipes, and cooking with littles fun.
• A 4-year-old’s smoothie recipe — Jen at Grow With Graces and her son set out to make a smoothie without the usual ingredients. She let him improvise. See how it turned out.
• Independent Food Preparation (My Toddler Can Do That?) — Megan at Montessori Moments shares simple ways for children to prepare their own healthy snacks.
• Follow Your Gut — Amy at Anktangle shares her philosophy about intuitive eating, and how she’s trying to foster her son’s trust in his own inner wisdom when he feels hungry.
• A TODDLER-STYLE LUNCH + RECIPE — Manic Mrs. Stone photographs how to have messy fun during lunchtime with a helpful toddler.

Related posts:

1. I Thought I Made Them Green, But Really, They Made Me
2. 10 Reasons I’m Happy To Home School This Year
3. Breastmilk for Dinner Again!

This morning when I was having breakfast, I didn’t feel like I had the same motor control over my mouth as usual. It was harder to chew and to swallow and difficult to suck through a straw. The right side of my lips felt numb and flappy, as though I’d just been to the dentist. I went to the mirror and noticed that my face looked funny. I tried to smile. The right corner of my mouth wouldn’t turn upwards like the left side. When I frowned, the right side drooped lifelessly. I ran over to see my next door neighbour, who is a close friend and a nurse. She checked my pupils and tongue, and told me it wasn’t a stroke, but I was still scared. Back at home I went on the internet and googled “signs of a stroke.” The five warning signs of a stroke are:

Weakness Sudden loss of strength or sudden numbness in the face, arm or leg, even if temporary. (check √)

Trouble speaking – Sudden difficulty speaking or understanding or sudden confusion, even if temporary. (In my stress, I found it hard to speak, especially with a numb mouth so I wasn’t sure if this counted or not).

Vision problems – Sudden trouble with vision, even if temporary. (I’ve had blurred vision a few times over the past few days)

Headache – Sudden severe and unusual headache. (I’ve had lots of headaches recently)

Dizziness – Sudden loss of balance, especially with any of the above signs. (check √)

Needless to say, I became blind with panic. I told my husband I was going to call an ambulance, but he insisted he would drive me. I hugged and kissed my kids and told them how much I loved them, and told my friend to take them and meet us at the hospital. Along the way to the hospital my legs went numb and I started panicking even more.

We didn’t take a number and wait to be called when we reached emergency. My husband mouthed to a nurse that I was having a possible stroke and they flew into action. (It is important to assess for and treat a stroke immediately to improve survival and recovery.) I could barely stand at this point and crumpled myself against a post while an orderly fetched me a wheelchair. Then I almost hyperventilated while trying not to cry while telling the triage nurse what had happened. I was in a bed in emergency ahead of what looked like 20 or so people (sorry sick people), and being treated within 10 minutes of our arrival.

The entire time I kept thinking about my kids. (Our friend had brought them in her car to the hospital and then took them to the park while I was being treated). In the car, even though I was busy writing down my email passwords to my husband and the phone numbers of my closest friends should he need them in case something happened to me, I was worrying about all the things I wanted to tell my daughters, and all the things I wanted to tell my husband to tell them for me. But my mind was a blank. I just wanted them in my arms.

The doctor told me I wasn’t having a stroke. If I was, my forehead wouldn’t have moved when he asked me to raise my eyebrows. My pupils did something they were supposed to do too. And I could squeeze the nurses’ fingers and that is positive. Nope, I didn’t have a stroke. But I have Bell’s Palsy, facial paralysis caused by a swelling of the facial nerve. It was most likely caused by the ear infection that I have had for 9 days which caused me to miss my trip to Paris last week. (Yep, lots going on around here with my health!) The doctor I saw back then thought that if I flew I might rupture my ear drum, and if I ruptured my ear drum I wouldn’t be able to fly home and my trip would have been ruined. Two days after I started the anti-biotics and nothing had improved, I was pretty sure I had a viral infection instead of a bacterial infection. Turns out I was right. The doctor thinks I have shingles in my ear! The inflammation caused by the ear infection has put pressure on my facial nerve thus blocking the transmission of neural signals, or possibly damaging it (at this point we don’t know). I am now on prednisone for the inflammation and anti-virals for the shingles. The people reading this who are worried about the prednisone, it’s a large dose but I am only taking it for 5 days.

You can’t really tell anything is wrong if my face is plain, but if I try to smile I look like the above picture. See how my mouth won’t turn up on the right side? My right eye doesn’t close all the way either. I should assume this will last 3-4 weeks and that my ear should begin to feel better soon. If anything worsens over the next two days I have to go in for a CT Scan for them to rule out anything else. Fingers crossed. Good thoughts please.

When I got home I gathered my girls onto the couch with me and we watched The Princess and The Frog and snuggled up with a blanket. Even daddy watched for awhile with us. Afterward the girls dressed up in their princess clothes and I let them wear my lipstick and play outside in their “dry clean only” dresses. I didn’t freak out about the state of their bedroom or give them grief over the fact that they didn’t finish their dinner. Even though my vanity will take a beating over the next few weeks, I’m counting my blessings today and not the number of toys left on the living room floor. I didn’t have a stroke. Hallelujah.

Related posts:

1. Taking A Mental Health Day
2. World Breastfeeding Awareness Week Starts Today
3. We Interrupt This Breastfeeding Post…

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared the many lessons their children have taught them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

What you are about to read is the hardest post I’ve ever written in the 2 years I’ve been blogging.

My kids have taught me a brutal lesson in reality. It’s something I’ve known for a very long time, but instead of doing something about it I’ve been happily burying my head in something else. What? My blog. Why? Because when I started blogging two years ago I had finally found a hobby worth pursuing. My blog has been a place where I could come and write and say things that actually make a difference in other people’s lives. Where I get immediate feedback for my efforts no less. It has also been my place of solace – where I get away from it all – the place where I get to stretch my brain cells for a little while and socialize with women whom with I have enough in common to create our own crunchy mama commune! But in the two years I’ve been blogging I’ve been letting a lot of things in my personal life slide. Rules about TV time for one, spending more quality one-to-one time with my kids for two. When I have a self-imposed blog deadline or find myself busy with other “blog things” I am low of patience. Everyone suffers when I can’t cope with all the people I’m trying to please. My kids, my husband, my friends, my readers and myself. What I have learned from my kids is that I can’t do it all, and in order to be the kind of mom I want to be I need to reorganize my priorities.

Let’s be honest. Blogging takes up tons of time. As any blogger knows, blogging isn’t just about writing your own post, it’s about reading other people’s posts, socializing on Twitter, Facebook and other forms of social media, replying to comments, and if you do giveaways, advertising your giveaways on other sites everyday. I’m also not one of those people who can whip out a post in 15 minutes and call it a day. I’m not a speed reader either. In the past year or so I have tried to cut back on blogs I read and comment on, but not socializing gives me a guilty conscience. The people who read and comment on my blog feel like friends so when I just can’t acknowledge them or comment on one of their posts I feel like I’m letting them down. Every once in awhile I decide to do more to promote my blog too, so I go around finding new blogs to make an appearance at and the hours tick away.

I don’t make a lot of money from blogging. The money I do receive doesn’t even pay for blog upkeep. So I’m not blogging to make a living. If I was I wouldn’t even be writing this. Jobs take us away from our kids and that’s just the way it is. But my writing is a hobby. So every time I blog, unless I do it while the kids are in bed, it is taking time away from them. I think it is important for a parent to have a hobby, even more than one! But most hobbies don’t take 5-8 hours a day and don’t include sitting in front of a computer. My time at the computer makes it look like so much screen time is okay, and that’s just not something I am okay with. This is not the type of role model I wanted to be. There are numerous many reasons why I think screen time is bad for young children. For a comprehensive list go here.

And yet….

I currently submit my children to approximately five hours of television a day (that includes when they spend time at other people’s houses). This is well beyond the national average and breaks my heart that I have strayed so far from my values. I used to pride myself that when my oldest was 2 1/2 she still didn’t know who Dora The Explorer was. Now they know all the names of the Disney princesses and have watched Snow White and Aladdin more times than I have ever watched anything. Sometimes I don’t even know what they are watching and find out later that they have been exposed to things that I would never let them watch at 3 and 6 years old. This just makes me want to cry.

Guess when I introduced screens as a babysitter? Yep, right around the time I started blogging. It became a convenient way to get posts written. My oldest would watch a video while I nursed my baby at the computer. I knew better, but I excused it away with the fact that three hundred pairs of breastfeeding eyes per day were counting on me to come through for them. A little bit of Backyardigans or Wonder Pets couldn’t hurt my kids too much.

But oh, they have.

My kids would rather stay home and watch Disney re-runs than go to the beach with me. Instead of the fun adventure it used to be, a walk in the forest is now boring and met with tantrums and tears. My kids regularly engage in bad behaviours (i.e., not listening to me, teasing and/or hurting each other) and I think it’s partly because they think they can get away with it because over time they’ve worn me down and now I don’t react as fast as I used to. I usually finish typing my sentence before I come and deal with them. Walking to town is fun for my youngest who literally runs the entire way but my oldest cries the whole way whining that we’re supposed to drive to town because that’s what cars are for. Somewhere along the way, I’ve stopped being able to teach my kids about my values. Or rather, I haven’t stopped talking about them, but I have certainly stopped showing them. There is never enough time in the day because I allow my spare time to be taken up by the computer. Instead of riding bikes or walking to yoga lessons or the library, we drive because I leave things to the last minute. When I did daycare I used to get up early with the kids and have no TV all day. Now that I start work early in the mornings they get up and watch cartoons for two hours before their dad gets up.

Some of you know that I’ve been grappling with what I should do about my blog. I have really loved writing here, but I put so much pressure on myself to try to be a “good blogger,” and I just don’t feel good about doing things in a half-ass fashion. So I’ve decided to use this carnival as my jumping off platform to say farewell. Instead of just cutting back on posts (because that doesn’t work for me) I’ve decided to make a clean break. If I’m really itching to write something I’ll post as a guest somewhere. I plan to follow up this announcement post with one or two more posts to close up shop, but after that I will be done.

Why did I just push myself under the bus? Why did I just share all of my failings as a mother? Because I think it’s important for everyone who reads blogs to know that none of us are perfect, plus if I didn’t write down my shortcomings for the world to see it wouldn’t be out there in black and white reminding me why I have decided to do this in the first place. I chose this blog carnival as my platform because a) it makes me liable for my decision (when I send this to the moderators a week early), b) it gives me a week to digest my new reality, and c) the carnival topic was too perfect to pass up.

It’s a New Year, and I want to spend more time with my kids and get back to living my values. I want to learn to knit and take long walks in the forest. I want to try hot yoga (because I need to lose the 30 pounds that I have gained while blogging – not to say they go hand in hand, but blogging certainly doesn’t give me time to do anything about it) and play board games with my family in the evenings. In the Spring I want to build and plant a garden and in the Fall learn to can vegetables. Right now, blogging doesn’t give me enough time to do these things. And one thing that’s been reinforced by reading and writing so many blog posts is that childhoods fly by and life is short.

I am comforted by the fact that all the breastfeeding posts I’ve written will remain on line. I get 50% of my traffic from Google, which means that approximately 6000 people per month will still be able to benefit from them. I will also stay on Facebook and Twitter because it doesn’t take much much of my time and I am looking forward to sharing old posts with new followers. But for the rest of it, you and they are just going to have to go through the categories or learn to love my search bar. Having helped numerous women and having made some amazing connections along the way I am ready to embrace what I have accomplished here and move forward.

Deep breath. So here I go.

Epilogue:

I wrote this a little over a week ago and finished up my last post (coming in a few days) a couple days later. I just felt like sharing that after two years of writing an average 3-4 posts per week, this “not blogging” thing is hard. At first I seriously didn’t know what to do with myself in my spare time. I would turn on the computer and just stare at the screen, hopping from Facebook to Twitter to my emails and my Reader, wondering what the heck my life would look like without this daily routine.

But the past few days have been wonderful. I took my kids for a walk in the woods by the beach and they went from whining that walks are boring to skipping along the trails yelling back at me what fun they were having. We went to the museum and spent almost three hours there. Not once did I get that anxious feeling that in the past has told me “I have to get back to check my emails and finish editing that blog post!” I haven’t yet turned off the TV completely. After the number of hours they’ve had everyday I am cutting back slowly. But I’ve been able to sit down, monitor, and watch TV with them, cuddled in a blanket on the couch. I have more patience and the kids seem happier too. I will miss telling all of you about my life and my thoughts on breastfeeding, natural parenting, bed sharing, vegetarianism and my homeschooling experiences, but I look forward to this new chapter. Life is good.

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 11 with all the carnival links.)

• Affection — Alicia at I Found My Feet has finally become a hugger and kisser, now she has someone sweet and small to snuggle with. (@aliciafagan)
• Learning from Daniel — Amy at Anktangle hopes that she and her husband will always be open to learning from their son. (@anktangle)
• Kids Cultivate Awareness of Universal Truths — From forgiveness to joy, Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness has become aware of deep truths that come naturally to children. (@InnateWholeness)
• What the Apple Teaches the Tree — Becky at Future Legacy has learned about imagination, forgiveness, and strength.
• A Lesson in Slowing Time — Bethy at Bounce Me To the Moon revels in the chance to just be with her baby.
• Learning From My Children: I Am So Honored — WAHM Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey is learning to choose tea parties over work. (@MyMotheringPath)
• P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E — Now that she’s a mother, Danielle at born.in.japan is finally learning about a personality trait she lacked. (@borninjp)
• Top 5 Homeschool Lessons My Children Taught Me — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares what she learned from homeschooling her (now grown) children. (@DebChitwood)
• Learning to Live in the Present By Looking to the Future — Dionna at Code Name: Mama finds the patience to be a gentle parent, because she knows how fleeting childhood really is. (@CodeNameMama)
• The watchful Buddha boy — At Dreaming Aloud, they are learning to cherish their thoughtful, sensitive child in a action-driven, noisy world. (@DreamingAloudNt)
• What My Children Taught Me — Dulce de Leche‘s children have taught her to value herself for the wonderful person and mother she is.
• Lessons from the First Year — Having a child made Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama realize that her decisions affect more than just herself. (@CrunchyishMama)
• Lessons from Loss — Erica at ChildOrganics learned so much from the love — and loss — of her sweet Bella, five years ago. (@ChildOrganics)
• The Socratic Baby — Erin at Multiple Musings has so-called “identical” twins to serve as a daily lesson in nature vs. nurture. (@ErinLittle)
• Learning to be a Mother — Farmer’s Daughter learned the type of patience that enabled her to calmly eat one-handed for months and change clothes seven times a day, before noon. (@FarmDaughter)
• A Few Things Being a Mom Has Taught Me — Heather at Musing Mommy shares the curious, hilarious, and sometimes Murphy’s Law-like tidbits we learn from our children. (@xakana)
• I Feel You — Motherhood has taught Jamey from At the Bee Hive empathy, and it extends beyond just her child. (@JameyBly)
• Lessons From My Child… — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy shares the inspiring ways she’s learned to expect the unexpected — and have a camera ready! (@imaftmummy)
• My child is my mirror — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama has seen herself in her children – and it’s not bad. (@crunchychewy)
• There is enough to go around… — Kellie at Our Mindful Life learned that love doesn’t diminish when it’s shared.
• Learning From Our Children, Every Day — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia, Canada is continually inspired by her children. (@UsborneBooksCB)
• Life Lessons From My Children — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood has learned that every slug is fascinating, doing the dishes is fun, and sharing a banana is a delight. (@crunchymamato2)
• Things I’ve Learned From My Children — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings uses pictures to share what she has learned from her children. (@sunfrog)
• Beyond the questions lies the answer — Lauren at Hobo Mama stopped wondering and started knowing — loving and liking our children comes naturally. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Learning from Children — Lily, aka Witch Mom, finds out just how enchanting balloons can be. (@LilyShahar)
• Lifelong Learning — Lindsay at Living in Harmony has learned that what works for one kid might not work for another. (@AttachedMama)
• Walking alongside my daughter — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude is learning to give the clock less power over her family’s life.
• Things my baby taught me about me — Luschka at Diary of a First Child is proud of how she has grown as a mother. (@lvano)
• From my children, I have learned — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip has a litany of beautiful lessons, from selflessness to sleeplessness.
• The Little Things in Life — In a simple and lovely prose poem, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shows how adults worry about the wrong things and forget the little, important ones: watching ladybugs, jumping in leaves, cherishing each moment as it comes.
• The Virtues of Motherhood — Melissa at The New Mommy Files has had opportunities to learn from children as both a teacher and a mother. (@NewMommyFiles)
• My Kids Have Taught Me That It’s Time To Stop Blogging — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has learned that childhoods fly by too fast to blog. We’ll miss your wonderful online presence, Melodie, and we wish you much peace and happiness. (@bfmom)
• Having Kids Has Taught me a Thing or Two — Michelle at The Parent Vortex learns all day long — from fun facts about hedgehogs to tying a complicated wrap with a screaming child and an audience. (@TheParentVortex)
• We Could All Learn from the Children — Momma Jorje takes time to get on the floor and play so that she can see the world through her child’s eyes.
• Teaching Forgiveness — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog has a daughter who’s taught her unconditional love — even when she feels like she does’t deserve it. (@littlegreenblog)
• Parenting as a joint venture — Olivia at Write About Birth appreciates watching the astonishing way her children learn. (@writeaboutbirth)
• Beginner’s Mind — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns from a child who builds bridges to nowhere, calls letter magnets his numbers, and insists dinnertime is truck time. (@RachaelNevins)
• A baby’s present — RS at A Haircut and a Shave presents a short poem on the differences between a baby’s mindfulness and ours.
• Self-Confidence Was Born With My Daughter — Sara at Halfway Crunchy learned to trust her instincts by responding to her child’s needs — and saw her self-confidence bloom.
• The Importance of Being Less Earnest — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante has one list of earnest and one list of silly things she has learned as a parent. (@seonaid_lee)
• Lessons my children have taught me — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes learned that attachment parenting was the best way to meet the needs of her child and herself. (@Sheryljesin)
• Till the water is clear — Stacy at Mama-Om learns that being present is the best present. (@mama_om)
• I Hold It — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine has learned that the ability to communicate is much more important than the number of words a child knows.
• What My Children Taught Me About Letting Go — Summer at Finding Summer is learning from her kids to laugh in the face of heartache. (@summerminor)
• Finding My Tools — The Artsymama has applied some of what she’s learned as a mama in the classroom, with great results!

Related posts:

1. I Know Blogging Has Taken Over My Life When…
2. When Your Children Cry At Nap Time In Daycare
3. Simple Indoor Activities For Kids

I hope this won’t be too late in getting to you, but I thought I would try anyway.

So you might be wondering why I am writing to you since a) I’m 36 and b) we’ve had a fortunate year and don’t really need anything right now. I know that people mostly write to you in the name of “this year I want” and “please bring me such and such,” but this letter is a bit different. You see, I am not writing for me, but instead for my oldest daughter.

Physically, she looks like all the other children, but socially she has a difficult time.

For Christmas I would like you to bring my daughter courage. Courage to overcome her shyness and say hello to someone, to reach out and invite someone to play and then more courage to actually play with them. I would like you to bring her a friend. One who will see the fun and loving child she is and grow to know her and love her and give her the confidence she lacks and the friendship she longs for. I also hope you might have a little room in your sack for some patience for me as I strive for the balance between helping her make friends and giving her space to learn how to do it herself.

I am so glad she has her little sister and I am grateful for how much they love each other and play well together, but whereas her sister has the skills and drive to make friends, she herself does not, and it breaks my heart to see her falter in her words in response to a mere “hello” from another child, let alone initiate a “hello.” On second thought please bring me some courage of my own to stay strong for her and for my own self when I am falling apart inside.

I saw a very similar letter that another mother wrote to you that wound up in the Globe and Mail last week, and I thought that maybe you were granting these kinds of wishes this year and perhaps I could request my wish before you ran out of prospects. Since I got my Vita-Mix last month I really don’t need anything else.

The girls will leave you some cookies and some water for you and the reindeer just in case you may have become lactose intolerant over the years but are too polite to say so.

Thank you very much Santa.

Sincerely,

Melodie

photo credit: johnnyberg

No related posts.

A few years ago a friend and I attended a community Winter Solstice celebration. It was a beautiful evening, and I waited with anticipation to do it again the following year, but no one organized another one and I have missed it eve since. This year I got word that the same friend has organized a similar event for this year’s Solstice. As I eagerly await this celebration I thought I would share with you what has been organized in case anyone else who is interested in celebrating Solstice wants to plan something in advance.

Everyone is arriving at a local nature park at 4:30 PM . We will set up at a covered picnic area in case of bad weather and bring a potluck dish and a mug for some hot apple cider to share a meal. Some older children will put on a shadow puppet play for the younger children. Afterward, someone may read aloud an Advent story or poem. Then, everyone will walk a spiral that will have been made with tree boughs and afterward we will carry a lantern along a trail and play drums.

This will be a community celebration but you can do this as a family as well. Check the links for ideas.

If you’re wondering about the significance of the spiral, Waldorf families often celebrate Advent with an Garden Advent Spiral. Each child lights a candle and places it within the spiral; the children following placing theirs closer and closer to the center until the last candle is placed. It is a gentle, quiet and beautiful tradition. I’m not sure if we are doing ours this way or not. It is my understanding that this activity is usually restricted to older children for safety reasons, but I guess I will find out on the 21st!

The Advent Spiral also is generally done in early December to set the tone for a peaceful holiday season, but in the long run, I don’t think it matters too much when you do it. It can be enjoyed anytime. To learn more about the Advent Spiral go here.

Did you know that Christian and Pagan traditions have many shared traits? For example, did you know that evergreens are a symbol of immortality? (They don’t turn brown like other trees). Christmas trees themselves connect to the immortality promised by Christ, and Christmas tree ornaments are stand-ins for the apples Northern European pagans tied to trees to remind themselves that the life giving Spring and Summer would return. In the Waldorf Tradition, the candle holders for the candles in the Advent Spiral Walk are made from apples. The pagans also placed candles in the branches of their trees, and light as we know, is a symbol of life. The Solstice provides hope for the rebirth of Spring after the “death” that is Winter–in other words, life, in this world, and Christ provides for a rebirth in the next world. And of course, light is a symbol of peace. [Namaste - The light in me greets the light in you.] Whether you are Christian or Pagan or otherwise, I send you light and wish you a Happy Solstice.

Some of the information provided in this post comes from this site.

Winter tree photo credit: StefMiMa

Advent Spiral photo credit: whitt

Related posts:

1. Solstice Poetry
2. Winter Squash Soup
3. Emerging Family Traditions

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama.

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

Since my kids are quite young I am still figuring out what I want our family traditions to look like. Certainly, I already incorporate a few things that I grew up with and hold dear to my heart, but I want to add on a few things that are uniquely ours. Here is where I am at so far.

Birthday Traditions

Can you see my Happy Birthday banner?

Last year I made a Happy Birthday banner and now every time it’s someone’s birthday we hang it up. You know how some people get sentimental about Christmas ornaments? Well I plan on a big sentimental cry fest over the Happy Birthday banner for many years to come. I may even make another one so when the girls move out they can both have one to take to college with them.

Christmas Traditions

I always start off the Christmas season by going to the Waldorf Christmas Fair. With the opportunity to buy from local artisans and craftspeople, I get a lot of my Christmas shopping done, make a Christmas wreath with my daughters, travel into a sweet-smelling Cookie Cavern for a sugar cookie hanging from the ceiling and walls, and hear a magic and wonder-filled story or two while basking in the spirit of the season. I haven’t missed a fair in five years and I hope I never do. They are soul-filling-ly beautiful.

I grew up with fresh baking. My mom bakes, my step-mom bakes, my grandma bakes, and I bake too. I try not to overdo it too much but I bake at least 5 different kinds of cookies and squares to have on hand for visitors. I start this around mid-December and keep them in the deep freeze. Sometimes I sneak one or two, or three or four…. I have a couple of standby’s, compliments of friends with talent who shared their recipes a few years ago. I also like to try something new.

When we were kids my mom always bought my brother and I advent calendars with the cheap little chocolates inside. I loved them until I was about 20, and then I realized how gross the chocolate is and made sure I didn’t get one again – plus, hello, I was 20! Time to stop the advent calendars mom! My kids got them for a couple years until I put a stop to that. I like the idea of making my own and while we haven’t ventured further than the paper chain advent that you snip off each night up until December 24th, I really want to find a meaningful way to count down to Christmas. Last year we made a couple last minute advent calendars. We tried a giving jar which was awesome, but we found it hard to keep up with doing each good deed each day of the month. Maybe I made some of our goals too difficult to attain, so I’ve shelved that idea until I can’t find something better. One idea I like that I found at Living Peacefully With Children is this Solstice calendar. I just need to start sewing in October to make sure it gets done by December 1st!

Decorating the Christmas tree and our ornaments are a very important part of past, present and future traditions. For one, Christmas music must be playing! Every year growing up my brother and I received a new ornament so I have passed this tradition down to my kids. Of course this means we can never have a designer tree. Instead, it’s filled with stories of Christmases past, old loves, cherished relatives who have passed on, good friends and fun times. In fact, I think the most at home I have felt in our new home came when I opened the box of our ornaments this week and fondly remembered my years of doing daycare and the many, many ornaments and decorations we made when my kids were toddlers.

When I was growing up my brother and I created the tradition of not being able to see the Christmas tree until our parents were awake on Christmas morning. There was something about us all seeing the presents under the tree for the first time that was special for us, and I still do this, even though everyone thinks I’m crazy for wanting to continue with it.

Last year's Santa and reindeer offering.

On Christmas Eve I help the girls write a letter to Santa and leave a plate of Christmas baking and a glass of water for Santa and a bowl of water for the reindeer. (Mommy Claus doesn’t like milk and we tell the girls that Santa is probably tired of milk and would like a glass of water instead). When the kids are asleep I eat the cookies and leave a thank you note. I get around the outright lie about Santa by telling them that he is magical, just like fairies, just like real magic. We don’t know how it works, we don’t ever see the “real” Santa, we just choose to believe in magic, and if grown ups can choose to believe in magic then they can believe in Santa forever.  Do you believe in Santa? I do.

My oldest poses for her requisite stocking-opening photo in her new pajamas.

The kids get to open one present on Christmas Eve and it is always a pair of pajamas. My mom did this for me and I loved knowing I was getting some nice fresh jammies to wear for Christmas photos the next morning. This nicely allows my husband to check something off his list regarding Christmas traditions too. He grew up with French Canadian traditions where they had their big meal on Christmas Eve and opened up presents after Christmas Mass. Yes, as in 1:00 in the morning! I don’t get it. What’s the point of Christmas if it’s over before it starts? One gift, that’s it, is what I say. Lucky for me he isn’t tied to his traditions like I am!

Because it's important to look foolish at the dinner table.

For Christmas dessert I make my famous Vegan Pumpkin Pie. Even though I don’t really eat tofu anymore I will make this again anyway because it is so good and is something I have always done, or at least since I was about 19.

I blame thank my mom for my rigid tradition following ways. Stockings before presents. Family must all be gathered before opening gifts can commence. Silly paper hats must be worn at the dinner table. Tree not to go up before December 10th (no reason by the way). While I am not interested in breaking any of the traditions I already follow I do desperately want to include some more. I know I know. I’m crazy for wanting more work for myself but some of the small things that other people do are so cool. And its the small stuff that interests me.

Some families I know have the most awesome traditions. My friend Victoria hides a pickle in her Christmas tree and the first child to find it gets to open the first Christmas present. I LOVE this game, but unfortunately I don’t have a fake pickle and don’t relish (pun intended) the idea of a real one dripping pickle juice on my fir boughs.

Another friend celebrates Christmas on Winter Solstice so she and her family can have a separate meaningful day together and then enjoy Christmas Day with extended family a few days later. Since I too celebrate Solstice I thought I might adopt this tradition myself but I can’t come around to it since my own traditions are so tightly wound up in December 25th.

I’m dying to read about and hear about your holiday traditions. I may have to steal some of the really good ones. Can you suggest some for me? Tell all in the comments section.

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Every once in awhile I have a week that really sucks.

It’s quite bizarre really. What do I have to feel crappy about? Just this week I booked a flight to Paris, and I am going in March with one of my oldest dearest friends whom I haven’t seen since she was the matron of honour at my wedding five years ago.

We met in Paris when I was 18 and she was 15 so this is coming around full circle now 18 years later. We sat next to each other on a bus for 8 hours and it sealed the deal for a lifelong friendship. I went to her high school graduation, she came out to see me two years later, I went out for her wedding, she came out for the birth of my first child and then my wedding a few months later. She was there for me during another extremely difficult time in my life. She’s one of those people I don’t even have to talk to for a year and then when we do we just pick up where we left off. She’s someone I still write paper letters to because that’s what we did in the 1990′s, and there’s just something about getting a paper letter in the mail makes the whole day better.

So yeah, I’m going to Paris and I should be ecstatic about it, and I am, but I’m too busy wishing I was somewhere else (maybe Paris?) to feel anything. I could write a long list of things and people that have disappointed me this past week, the stress over applying for my Master’s degree (again), the shitty job I think I’m doing of homeschooling my daughter (at least 4/5 days a week), the issues I’m struggling with parenting and the ones with blogging, or the crazy hormone fluctuations that appear to be getting worse by the month, but I don’t think any of those things are at the root of what is going on with me. I’m just plain not happy right now.

And if there is a reason for my unhappiness it I’m too overwhelmed by life to figure out what it is.

A friend of mine asked me how I was today and other than talking about my graduate studies application I was at a loss for words. I still am. I suppose that writing this was not the light bulb moment I was hoping for.

One thing I wish I had right now though are my friends. I used to go out with friends once a week before we moved. Hanging with girlfriends is very therapeutic even if you don’t even feel like you need therapy. And now, other than one friend who I haven’t had more than a half hour coffee date with since I moved here, and a single ex-boyfriend who I really don’t need to adopt as my new bff, I am friendless in this city.

It’s freaking hard to make friends in the city. I miss my small town where everyone knew someone who knew you or one of your friends. Here, people are so…. so…. aloof, and busy, and pre-occupied, and snooty. Either that or everyone I’ve met already has enough friends. I’m a nice person people. You want me to be your friend. Just ask my friends. I can give you references?

I need to go to a La Leche League meeting. It’s where I met all my original mommy friends. The problem with going now though is that my nursling is three and a half years old. What new mom can relate to nursing a pre-schooler? Plus, most moms make friends with other moms who have kids around the same age. Gone are the baby days for me. Honey, can you get a reversal on your surgery so I can make new friends?

Note: To my new readers – I am usually not this neurotic. Please check back another day when I am feeling saner. To my faithful readers, thanks for being there. It’s nice to know someone is listening.

P.S. I will write more about my Paris trip another day.

P.P.S. If you wanted to make me 17% happier you could enter to win this gorgeous Celtic Fire Nursing Necklace by Wild Mother Arts.

Photo credit: Yirsh

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