Breastfeeding Moms Unite » Tandem Nursing

What Do You Think About Breastfeeding Older Children?

Melodie — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 06:07:49 +0000

Before I became a mother, I didn’t know how long I would breastfeed. Before the birth of my first daughter I thought that I would return to work immediately following a year long maternity leave, so I guess I pictured breastfeeding until she turned one. But when she turned one I knew that we would not stop that year. Breastfeeding was very important to her, and to me. She breastfed until the eve of her third birthday.

I’m not positive I practiced child-led weaning perfectly, but I do feel good about how we did it. The process of weaning happened gently and feedings tapered off very slowly. We talked about it for the few months leading up to her birthday and she agreed that she would stop when she turned three. I was tandem nursing at the time and suddenly my oldest daughter looked very big against my breast next to her infant sister. I was also starting to feel physiologically uncomfortable nursing her – in highly medical terms I had the “heebeejeebees.” However, even after the official last nursing session, we did have a few more, when situations arose that called for it and when nothing else would do. But the days grew longer in between those “special occasion” times and soon she had forgotten had to do it.

Is she too old to breastfeed?

My second daughter enjoyed nursing as a baby, but not nearly as much as her sister did. When she was a small baby I assumed she would wean herself early – definitely by the age of two. Now as a toddler and almost a pre-schooler, she has proven me wrong. She lurves it. And since she is my last child I am not feeling rushed or “heebeejeebeeish” about needing to wean her so we will likely continue past her third birthday.

I will be a rarity among breastfeeding mothers and breastfeed a three year old. But will I breastfeed a four year old? Hm. Honestly, the thought right now of me breastfeeding a four year old makes me uncomfortable. Why? Well, I think this is as far as I can imagine because it is as far as I have been personally exposed to breastfeeding an older child. I have a couple friends who nursed their children until they turned four so it feels like it is within my realm of “normal.” Older than four I can wrap my head around a little bit, but it’s harder. I support breastfeeding older children, but for me, there is a limit to as far as I can go. I think… At least there is right now…

Is she too old to breastfeed?

While recently reading Breastfeeding Older Children by Ann Sinnott, which I will be posting a review of on March 10th, it sounds as though I am not alone.

“Many, surprised that eight year olds are breastfed will be shocked at [the] more advanced ages; and will no doubt be aghast to hear that in the industrialized world today children ages nine, ten and eleven years (and maybe older) have or are breastfeeding. Other mothers also draw up at older ages. Those breastfeeding four and five year olds look suspiciously at those feeding children aged six and older, and even those breastfeeding six, seven and eight year olds may look askance at the upper ages. It’s not surprising that sustained breastfeeding drops at four years and plummets after five. In part this reflects societal pressure but it also probably reflects under -reporting.”

Although these higher ages are completely different than what we are used to hearing about, how is this scenario much different from the mom who assumes she will breastfeed only until her baby gets teeth, or crawls, or walks or turns one or asks for it by name, and then keeps on going, realizing that her beliefs were nothing more than prejudice or cultural assumptions? Who realizes only upon having a child of her own that breastfeeding can be a mutual rewarding practice? That it isn’t sexually deviant and that she certainly isn’t emotionally unbalanced for doing so (even if other people think she is)?

But what I find most interesting about this topic is, don’t many of us have pre-conceived notions about ages that are too old to breastfeed? Don’t many of us feel uncomfortable hearing about certain ages of children being breastfed? Or maybe not hearing about, but what if we were witness to it? Whether it’s two years old or eight years old, for right or for wrong, don’t we all have a limit? Even while we ourselves are breastfeeding older babies or toddlers?

What do you think?

And don’t forget to stay tuned this week for my review of Breastfeeding Older Children.

Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices?

Mon, 25 May 2009 15:14:12 +0000

Welcome to this month’s Breastfeeding Carnival, “Share a Story.” Since this Carnival falls on the day of my regular Monday Musings, I thought I would combine the two. My contribution is called “Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices?” and within this post are two stories, as told from my then outsiders point of view. After you have read my post, take some time to comment and then make sure you read the other bloggers’ stories that I have linked to below.

I didn’t see a lot of women breastfeed before I became a breastfeeding mother. Breastfeeding women of my childhood breastfed in back rooms away from the disapproving eyes of my Grandma and those of us she might be traumatizing with her lactating breast. If my memory serves me correctly, my earliest decision to breastfeed was spawned more because it was the “natural way” to feed an infant than because a bunch of books I had read said it was superior to formula. The books were just the icing on the cake I had already decided to make. It is interesting to me after I have completed writing this that my earliest public breastfeeding sightings didn’t scare me away from public nursing all together.

The Dairy Queen Nipple

The first breastfeeding woman I can recall seeing was at Dairy Queen. I was in my early 20′s, standing in line to order an ice cream cone when a woman in her 30′s came in with a toddler attached to her breast. Me, being the renegade woman I am, mentally high-fived her for rocking the establishment a little. Then her nursling unlatched himself. But rather than cover her breast up, she left it there with the nipple fully showing in all of it’s milk-giving glory for all the ice-cream goer’s to see. Even I was a little shocked. Men looked away, women physically turned their staring children in the other direction. I waited for someone to ask her to cover up or leave, but no one did. It wasn’t until she got to the front of the line that she nonchalantly covered herself like it was no big deal and made her order. The poor embarrassed kid at the counter! This was the only breastfeeding story I really had to tell for the following few years before I became a mom.

~~~

Even though I was raised to be modest and was pretty shy about my body throughout many of my adult years, I was determined early on to feed my baby whenever she was hungry despite what anyone might think. I guess everything I had read about breastfeeding and had been told to me by my midwives sold me on the benefits to the point that I just knew in my soul it was the best thing and the righ thing to do, no matter where I was. But for the six months or so I didn’t have a lot of mother-to-mother support so my self-assuredness really did come from within. When I breastfed my daughter in public I tried my best to take on an air of confidence so no one would dare to toss a mean remark my way. I have often wondered if I hadn’t seen that women in DQ if I would have even considered breastfeeding in public. Maybe she deserves some credit for my vigilante ways. However, I was always very careful to shield my nipple from view and cover up when I was done!

The Too-Cool Hippy Tandem Nursing Mama

One day, I was at a toddler gym drop-in center. I was pregnant and still breastfeeding my two year old daughter. I had noticed a pretty hip looking woman with two kids when I came in and immediately felt an energetic pull towards her. Maybe it was the scarf wrapped around her dread locked hair or her European accent, but whatever it was I wanted to befriend her. I was sure we would have lots of things in common. While I was trying to figure out how to approach her, I happened to look over and see her sitting on the floor nursing her newborn and her toddler, at the same time, without a cover, just as comfortable as you please. I assumed I would tandem nurse my children too so I thought this was my “in.” I caught her eye and smiled approvingly. She looked back and gave me a surprisingly wan smile. She appeared completely non-phased. “She must think I’m an amateur,” I thought, and suddenly I was too shy to want to try any further. In retrospect, maybe she felt uncomfortable that I had smiled at her. Maybe she took my smile the wrong way. In any case, I never met her, although I think she still lives in my community, and I wish I had said something instead.

~~~

While I did go on to tandem nurse, I don’t think I ever did it out in public, even though I nursed my oldest daughter in public until she was 2 and I started to show, and nursed her little sister. Was it my inbred modesty? Was it my concern over being “too shocking” like the DQ mom? Was it because I was worried that someone might see me as a seemingly snobby self-assured mom of tandem nurslings? I’m not sure. Partly, I think it was realizing that while I might be a renegade woman with alternative ideals and a desire to change the world and help create a breastfeeding culture, I am human. I am sensitive to criticism and the threat of criticism, and rejection too. I have my own personal limits and also never wanted my daughter to hear her mother being criticized for doing something she loved so much. She had already heard it coming from a family member and I was very sensitve to needing to shelter her from more of the same from strangers. In all likelihood it was a combination of things. But I do believe other people’s breastfeeding stories and our experiences of seeing other women breastfeed publicly, can and do shape our own breastfeeding practices, for better or worse. I hope some of my stories and the stories of other breastfeeding bloggers can help shape yours. Hopefully, for the better.

What do you think?

Check out these other great Breastfeeding Carnival posts:

Amber at Strocel. com on The Story of Hannah’s Weaning

Laura of Laura’s Blog on Weaning A Toddler

Reiza of Stepping off the Spaceship on Life, Death and Nourishment

Desiree Fawn at So Fawned on Sticking With it

Judy from Mommy News and Views on How Breastfeeding Changed My Life

Sarah from All That Sazz on Flying Breastmilk

Nicole of Grudge Mom on Breastfeeding Failures and Success

Steph of Baby Carriers Downunder on Kandy

Cristina of Massachusetts Friends of Midwives on The Best Breastfeeding Advice From the Least Likely Source

Crystal of Crystal Gold, No not the porn star on Found Memory

Angela from Breastfeeding 1-2-3 on The I Told You So

Tanya from Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog on They Said the Latch Was Fine

Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: on Breastfeeding is Not Easy But it is Definitely Best For Baby

Sinead at Breastfeeding Mums on Breastfeeding Made Me The Mother I Am

Layla at Zen Mommy on Celebrating my chest in honour of breastfeeding

Lori at The Towells on For women in my situation (about breastfeeding after breast reduction surgery)

Elita at Blacktating on Nursing in Public

The Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding a Toddler

Tue, 05 May 2009 15:13:04 +0000

Nursing my oldest daughter in hammock (while pregnant) at 24 months

Welcome to the Carnival of “This is what a nursing toddler looks like,” organized by @TopHat8855 from The Bee in Your Bonnet. Please see below for more great posts! Here is my contribution entitled “The Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding a Toddler.”

The Pros

I love breastfeeding my toddler because it is a great way for us to connect. Whether it’s upon waking from a nap, after getting hurt, or just because she wants a snuggle, breastfeeding gives me an excuse to slow down and focus my energies on my child, while enjoying this precious time that is all too fleeting. It also continues to increase our bond which I know will have a lasting effect in her years to come.

Breastfeeding a toddler is a great parenting tool. What else can calm a tantruming, sobbing toddler better than breastfeeding? Nothing that I am aware of comes close. Also, after my second daughter was born my first still needed nursing so I tandem nursed for five months. I wasn’t sure how it would be, but I was pleasantly surprised that the oldest liked sharing me with her younger sister and would hold her hand and comment on it when the younger one was nursing. And when she cried, my oldest would say “mommy, feed her milk, she wants milk!” It was a beautiful start to what I hope continues to be a loving sibling relationship.

To top it off, the breast milk I am producing now continues to nourish her while specifically providing antibodies to fight illness and toughening her immune system to ward off future allergies. When a toddler is sick and won’t keep anything down or refuses to eat all together, moms can feel relieved that they at least can get some breast milk into them. This helps ward off dehydration and provides some nutrition. Because even when a toddler vomits breast milk, it is providing some nutrients because breast milk is so rapidly absorbed.

The Cons

Toddlers generally don’t have the best manners. They get what they want by physically using their body in not necessarily the nicest of ways, and they shriek and cry and demand. So breastfeeding a toddler can be a challenge in dealing with inappropriate behaviours. My 24 month old daughter is just starting to learn that she needs to ask to nurse nicely. When she says “please milk” she gets what she wants. When she yanks at the neck of my shirt shrieking “milk mama, milk!” she is learning that I will stand up and walk away. She is still also too young to distinguish between when it is and is not appropriate to ask. Now that she is older I prefer to only nurse her in front of family and good friends, so it can be a bit embarrasing when she’s reaching into my shirt and whining for milkies whilst flashing my bra (or worse!) to a waiting room full of people at a doctor’s office. While on one hand I don’t really care what strangers think, I also don’t like raised-eyebrows arching in my direction.

It can be a bit worrisome to moms when your older nursling still has a very small appetite and prefers nursing over eating. My daugher usually skips breaskfast and then by mid-morning only wants a piece of fruit. At lunch time I am lucky to get a 1/4 slice of bread, a piece of cheese and two slices of cucumbers into her. Dinners are often wasted too. But she’s in the 95th and 97th percentile for weight and height so I know she’s not starving. And my oldest daughter did this too. Now she eats like a horse, so I assume the youngest will come around to larger portions when she’s ready too.

Some background information: I breastfed my oldest daughter until the eve of her third birthday and I continue to breastfeed my 24 month old daughter.

Now it’s your turn. Did I miss anything? What else are some pros and cons of breastfeeding toddler or older child?

Make sure you also check out these posts (to be updated throughout the day):

The Mother’s Lamentations on The joys, humours and struggles of being a mother and lover

My Seaside Retreat on This is what nursing a toddler looks like

Melissa’s Place on Nursing a (and around a) toddler creates cute stories

The Bee in Your Bonnet on Comfort in sick times

The Prudent Woman on I never thought I’d nurse a toddler

PhDinParenting on Nursing a toddler in a ring sling

Musings of Mommy Bee on Nursing an (older) toddler

BabyREADY on My nursing toddler story

Escaping to my Controversial Place on A breastfeeding toddler photo shoot

A Piece of My Mind on Beautiful at every age

Three Girl Pile Up on This is what a nursing toddler looks like

Permission to Mother on This is what toddler nursing looks like

Breastfeeding A Toddler During Pregnancy

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 19:35:54 +0000

My daughter nursed all through my second pregnancy. Some of my friends thought she would wean when my milk dried up, like some of theirs had, but I wasn’t surprised at all when she just kept going, and going, and going.

There was a time I thought my oldest daughter would never wean. I was certain she would still be nursing by the time Kindergarten rolled around, and I was even trying to imagine what it would be like to be the only woman in the world nursing a high school student. It’s an understatement to say my oldest loved to nurse. She would have nursed if my breasts leaked motor oil.

My milk did change when I was pregnant, and I think it dried up near the end, but this didn’t stop her. She went from nursing numerous times per day to about three or four times per day, but always before bed and always when she was hurt or needing some extra attention. I didn’t mind. I knew she was nursing for comfort and that was okay with me. She was 22 months when I got pregnant and she fully stopped breastfeeding five months after her sister was born, the night before her third birthday.

I probably would have let her go longer but the physical sensation of nursing an almost three year old felt strange to me. While I had handled her nursing throughout the pregnancy with practically zero complaints of sore or sensitive nipples, suddenly the physiological sensations of nursing two children of different ages were too overwhelming. I literally got the heebie-jeebies. Luckily she only nursed for short periods of time (1-2 minutes) and she respected my wishes when I asked her to finish up.

As her third birthday got closer and closer I began conversations with her about weaning. We made a plan that the night before her birthday she would have her last nursing session. It came and went quickly without any problems. She asked me to confirm if it was our last session and I said it was. Then she said goodnight and went to sleep. For the next few weeks she got caught up in coming over to me and saying “We’re not nursing anymore right Mommy?” I think it was her way of making sure it was over and coming to terms with it. She had been told that being three equaled being a “big girl” now and she was trying it on for size. For the most part she was pretty happy that she was growing up.

I admit during the first couple months afterwards, I did nurse her a couple times. But I chose not to see them as setbacks. The situations just called for it and I didn’t know what else to do. My baby needed me and I was there for her in the best way I knew how. She seemed to understand that this didn’t mean we were back to our old routine, and I know she was grateful for my allowances.

Many months later when we were playing she asked to nurse again. I knew it was a test. Nonchalantly, I told she could and waited to see what would happen. She looked uncertain but moved towards me to nurse and then at the last minute she drew her head back and laughed and said, “I can’t Mommy! I don’t nurse anymore!” I had passed the test. I made her feel welcome to try it again and in doing so made her feel loved and secure in that knowledge.

Sometimes I think that if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with baby number two she would still be nursing, but I guess I will never know. Now her sister has taken up the ownership of my milk supply and I wonder how long she’ll go. She won’t be stopping anytime soon, that’s for sure, and I am quite content with that. I know that we won’t be having any more children, so her weaning story will be quite different.

If you have questions about breastfeeding during pregnancy a couple of wonderful resource books are Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner and Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond by Hilary Flower. They helped me immensely to feel safe and comfortable with my choice to breastfeed during pregnancy. You can also click here for more information.